Things You Are Not Allowed to Do at the SCP Foundation

DISCLAIMER: I do not earn any profit by writing this. Its just for fun. I don't own anything.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one is rather specific to fans of the Tales From the SCP Foundation. I'd been thinking about this for a while, and after watching a couple of similarly themed videos on YouTube, I decided to go ahead with it. Let me know if I should keep it up. R&R.

The 05 Council is aware that the working for the SCP Foundation can be a dangerous and extremely stressful. However, rules and regulations are in place for a reason. All too often, they prevent painful, ugly death on a massive scale. Certain incidents have come to light that are cause for concern. Many minor breaches of regulation and professionalism were clearly the results of stress; a desire to lighten the mood and improve morale. While this is understandable and even appreciated, the 05 Council feels the need to lay some ground rules.

1. SCP stands for Secure, Contain, Protect. Variations may be amusing to a degree, but are not to be used on official documents. No one wants to receive reports from the;

A. Society for Creative Procrastination

B. Society for Creative Procreation

C. Scatological [Redacted] (Grow up people.)

2. Do NOT taunt SCP-682. It never ends well.

3. Casual Friday is not observed by MTF units, especially while they are on missions, even if it helps them to blend in. The pictures taken of Beta-7 wearing bright Hawaiian shirts over their standard combat gear have proven very popular, with the UIU, the GOC, the Serpent's Hand, and the Chaos Insurgency.

4. When we ask for suggestions for permanently disposing of SCP-682, please try to take the matter seriously.

A. We are not going to release 682 into the wild to observe its behavior.

B. Stop suggesting that we throw 682 into the sun. We tried that. He came back. On fire.

C. The person who suggested taming 682 with a rolled-up newspaper, tummy rubs, and regular walkies has the 05 Council's permission to try, provided the results are filmed for training purposes.

5. SCP-313 is not to be installed in the restrooms at bases of various groups of interest. 'They had it coming,' is not a valid excuse. Nor is 'It was really funny.'

6. Do not use SCP-410 to correct or improve your mission reports and research proposals. I don't care if they're better at it than MS Word.

7. SCP-978 is not to be used for blackmail. We locked it up to prevent that sort of thing. The picture of senator [redacted] in a cocktail dress was just disturbing.

8. SCP-1471 is not to be transmitted to people you don't like, especially if they are part of a group of interest.

9. SCP-423 is not to be given pornography, no matter how nicely it asks. That experiment did not have scientific value.

10. SCP-909 is not to conduct the orientation for new personnel. That was not funny, people. We're still trying to find some of them.

11. SCP-38 is not to be used to produce any of the following: money, jewels, recreational drugs, or condoms. Anything this SCP is used to produce must be approved by a responsible administrator.

A. Dr. Bright is NOT a responsible administrator.

B. Nor is Dr. Cleff.

12. Do not submit SCP-1981 to America's Funniest Home Videos. Again.

A. Or any episode of SCP-993. WTF people?! Any further attempts to do this will lead to severe disciplinary action.

13. Products produced by Dr. Wondertainment are no longer to be kept at the same facility, or even in the same country, as SCP-914. Site [redacted] is still being rebuilt.

14. Making spider shaped shadow puppets around anyone who has had a close call with SCP-538 is just cruel.

15. SCP-504 is not to be brought to improv night. Again.

A. Nor is SCP-424.

B. Nor is SCP-408.

C. Improv night is cancelled till further notice.