The Misfits

by StarKnight2.0

The adventures of Rick and Steven continue in this sequel to "The Runaways." Rick, Steven and their friends will have to brave all manner of dangers as they continue to battle Homeworld. Secrets will be uncovered, relationships formed and broken and adventures will be had across time and space.

(a/n: Hello everyone and welcome to the sequel to the Runaways! I hope you enjoy this. Leave a review and all that. Big thanks to Lucius Walker for all his help!)

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Ch.1: Interdimensional Streaming

Steven awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon. The half-gem's eyes blinked open. Looking around, Steven was a little disoriented, but he slowly remembered where he was. He was currently lying beside the couch in Titus's house. The evening before, Gary, Steven, Ed and Liz arrived in Wake Town to spend a few days of their summer vacation with friends. Although Steven recalled a pleasant day of beach fun, the half-gem couldn't help but shake this dreadful feeling in the pit of his stomach. It felt as if something terrible had happened. Only, Steven had no recollection of anything bad happening. Just a day of fun in the sun.

"Mo*urp*rnin' Steve-O," Rick belched, poking his head out of the kitchen. Steam and the sounds of crackling bacon wafted out into the living room.

"Morning, Rick," the half-gem yawned and rubbed his tired eyes. "W-When did you get here?"

"Last night."

"I don't remember that."

"No, you wouldn't," Rick said, almost smugly. "But hey, we had a hell of a night last night."

On the couch beside Steven, a mound of blankets and pillows stirred and were forced aside, revealing a tired looking Gary. The blond teen looked disheveled. His hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot. Sitting up, Gary stretched and yawned loudly. Looking around, he appeared to be disoriented.

"W-What happened?" Gary asked slowly.

"Don't you remember?" Rick asked, looking serious.

"Remember what?" the blond grew concerned.

"You were killing it last night! Loaded with booze, a girl in each arm and a lot of hormones flying. I had to step in or otherwise we'd be talking about a shotgun wedding with Kofi."

Gary blinked in surprise. A worried look crossed his features as he considered the mad scientist's words. A few moments later, the blond scowled at Rick.

"Bullshit."

"Ha! Had you going, didn't I?"

"Something's burning," Ed yawned, shambling into the living room wearing only a pair of pink boxers.

"Shit!" Rick retreated into the kitchen.

Slowly, Connie and the rest of the teens of Beach City, save for Ronaldo, were awake and gathering in the living room. Everyone looked exhausted, as though they had endured a rough night of terror and hardship, not a night of revelry. Steven noted that everyone looked disoriented and confused. However, this confusion quickly vanished as Rick emerged from the kitchen carrying a tray loaded with food. Plates of steaming hot pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon, all cooked to perfection. The mad scientist set the tray down on the coffee table, which held a stack of plates and some utensils.

"Eat up," the mad scientist commanded.

"Hell yeah!" Ed said, grabbing a plate and began shoveling food onto it.

As Steven and the other teens began to dig in, Gary remained hesitant.

"What's the occasion?" Gary asked, eyeing Rick curiously.

Rick shrugged. "No occasion. It's summer and I-I thought I'd try something different, y'know?"

Gary didn't look convinced, though his hunger outweighed his curiosity, and he quickly joined in before the food ran out.

"These are delicious!" Connie exclaimed.

"Well, I don't like to brag," Rick said with a grin, "but I did spend a week at one of the finest culinary schools in the multiverse...before I burnt it down."

"Why'd you burn it down?" Steven muffled through a mouthful of half chewed pancakes and bacon.

"Well, the Head Chef accused me of trying to steal his recipes-"

"Were you?" Gary asked.

"Yeah, but that was after he made a rather...derogatory remark about someone dear to me. One thing led to another, and, well, the whole thing burnt down."

The teens gave Rick an odd look, though none of them bothered to call him out on his story. As they ate, Titus lifted his head and glanced toward the front door. Steven followed his gaze. He could hear the soft, distant sounds of fire truck sirens. The sounds grew closer and, in a brief moment, a trio of red fire engines raced by on the main road and vanished from sight.

"Must be pretty bad," Titus said, scooping up a forkful of scrambled egg. "They don't usually have that many out unless it's serious."

"I'm sure it's nothing," Rick said with a shrug as he filled up a plate of his own.

"Turn on the news," Liz said.

Titus groped around and found the TV remote wedged between the couch cushions and switched on the large flatscreen. On the screen was the local news, broadcasting from the largest town in the county, Edison. The teens sat and watched the news as they ate. So far, it was in the middle of a news story about some person claiming to have spotted a little green alien, who hijacked his truck and ranted about "pebbles" and "clods."

"Nobody knows for certain if there are little green men out there," the anchor concluded, finishing the story, "but all we do know is that a lot has been happening in Oceanside County. In fact, just last night a devastating fire had claimed the historic Blackthorn Manor."

Steven felt the hair on his neck stand at attention. He remembered the discussion that Ed and the others had about the mansion. Apparently, it was the most haunted building in the state, if not the entire country. There was a story that he vaguely recalled that may have had something to do with his mother, but Steven was having trouble remembering it.

The half-gem and the other teens watched the TV with interest as shaky footage of a decrepit old mansion blazed in the night. Thick black smoke rose above the trees around it, mingling with the dissipating storm clouds above.

"At around one o'clock in the morning, the caretaker arrived to see the haunted building burning. He had arrived to inspect the property following a heavy rainstorm. Local fire crews and volunteers rushed to the scene and worked all through the early hours to rescue this monument to the supernatural. Unfortunately, the blaze had spread to the entirety of the house and had grown beyond their control, forcing them to call upon every member of the local fire department and even crews from Wilmington to help. At this point, however, it seems that the damage is done and efforts are now concentrated on containing the flames."

The footage cut to a reporter standing outside the property, beside some iron gates. Behind him were almost a dozen fire trucks and numerous volunteers hosing down the smoldering heap of charred wood, stone, and ash.

Ed groaned. "Damn. I was really hoping we'd get to check it out today."

"Eh, you're not really missing much," Rick said bluntly as he bit down on a forkful of syrupy pancakes. "Nothing but dusty old furniture and plaques marking where some people died. Boring as hell."

"Still," Gary said with a frown. "It's a shame that a historically significant building burnt down."

"Whatever."

There wasn't much else to the story. The reporter on the scene stated that it was probably a bolt of lightning or something to do with the old wiring in the house. Either way, the haunted house was gone and would be missed by tourists, locals, those with a fascination for the occult, and Titus's father. Although the group of youths were disappointed in not being able to visit the haunted house, none of them knew that they already did. In fact, the reason for the historic home's destruction sat nearby finishing off his pancakes. Rick belched and set aside his empty plate. He scanned the youths populating the living room, watching to see if any of them were showing any hint of remembering last night. It was best that Steven and the others forget. By the time they beat the demon, everyone was cold, wet and traumatized. In order to spare him a summer's worth of awkward silence and therapy, Rick decided to relieve everyone of their memories of that horrific night.

Once everyone got a memory wipe, save for the Gems and himself, Rick used his portal gun to send everyone to where they wanted to go. Gabe and the rest of the Exorcism Dream Team were sent home, carefully lugging Doug's body along. Tessa was placed in her bed at her place in Beach City. With the others, Rick decided that they should get a do-over and allow them to enjoy their summer. Something in the back of his mind nagged at him, telling him that something big was coming and that they deserved a bit of fun and levity.

"See what else is on," Lars grumbled, already bored by the news report.

Titus clicked to a different channel, which had a soap opera of some kind.

"Seen it," Ed grunted. "Lame as hell. Sarah's stepsister was the one who framed her. She ran off with the pool boy to Alaska, but ended up getting mauled by bears. No confrontation or revenge."

"Shut up!" Lars snapped. "Not everyone's caught up yet!"

"Oh...oops. Spoilers."

Titus cycled through a few more channels, each featuring nothing but commercials, reruns and morning talk shows.

"Ugh, isn't there anything good on!" Jenny complained "I mean, it's summer right? There's usually a lot of good shows on."

"Not until the afternoon," Liz muffled through her pancakes.

"I suppose I could do something about it," Rick sighed, exaggeratedly. "I could hook up-"

KNOCK! KNOCK!

The mad scientist stopped and everyone looked toward the front door. He frowned in confusion for a moment, but soon smiled. He went over to the door and opened it, revealing a disheveled and nearly naked Ronaldo. The blogger was dressed in only his underwear, socks, and sandals. His glasses bent and taped together, the lenses were cracked and dirty.

"I...I have returned…!" Ronaldo announced, breathing heavily.

"Whoa, what happened to you?" Liz said, sounding surprised.

"I-I don't know, but-but I believe that I was abducted by extraterrestrials last night!"

"Why would any self respecting alien want to abduct you?" Rick asked. "Then again, I do know a few who probably would just for shits and giggles. N-Never mind."

The mad scientist stepped aside and allowed the blogger to stagger in. Leaves and twigs poked out of his hair and parts of his body were smeared in blood and grime. Sadie and Gary helped the disheveled blogger fix himself a plate of breakfast. As they did so, Ronaldo regaled them with his harrowing, and mostly likely heavily embellished, tale. Beyond the obviously exaggerated details about his encounter with a "glowing entity" and "battling animal headed warriors", the gist of Ronaldo's tale was that he woke up on a beach half a mile up the road from the house.

"...once I got my bearings, I made the journey home," Ronaldo finished his tale solemnly, as if he had finished recounting a gripping epic.

"Wow, Ronaldo!" Sadie said, her eyes widening with surprise. "That was so brave of you!"

"I know, but such is the life of a paranormal investigator like myself."

"They didn't do any butt stuff to you, did they?" Rick asked, trying his best not to grin.

Ronaldo's face grew pale. "N-Nope! They did nothing, no such thing. They certainly did not try to stuff a giant metal instrument up my rectum."

Gary frowned while Lars and the others grimaced at the blogger's words. Desperate to change the subject, Ronaldo nodded toward the door.

"I also spied a parcel on the doorstep. It looks...suspicious."

"Ooh, I bet," Rick teased as he opened the front door again. Just as Ronaldo said, sitting by the front door was a large cardboard box with a black logo on one side.

Rick tilted his head as he scooped up the package and brought it inside.

"I didn't order anything," Titus said aloud.

"Unless you have access to the Galactic HoloNet, I highly doubt you ordered this," Rick said as he set the package down on the coffee table.

"What is it?" Steven asked, eyeing the package curiously.

"A bomb?" Gary suggested.

"Get real" Rick snorted "Who'd send a bomb through the mail? To this house? In the middle of buttfuck nowhere? Unless somebody here picked a fight with an alien copycat of the Unabomber, then I do*urp*ubt it's a bomb. Besides, sending a bomb through the mail? How cliche."

Pulling out a switchblade, Rick sliced through the packing tape and opened the package. The youths watched as the mad scientist pulled out a smaller, identical box. He opened it and found another, smaller identical box. He continued to find identical, but smaller boxes as he opened them. This nesting doll of boxes went on for a few more boxes before Rick pulled out a blue package that was roughly the size of a breath mints tin. The package was glossy, covered in bright yellow alien script and displayed a picture of a small black rectangular device.

"Huh," Rick said, sounding surprised as he inspected the package. "Wasn't expecting that."

"What is it?" Connie asked.

"A multidimensional streaming device."

"A what?" Lars said incredulously.

"You deaf?" Ed said, looking at Lars like he was an idiot. "He said it's a multidimensional streaming device, fool." The ginger gangster then looked at Rick, confusion filling his face. "What's a multidimensional streaming device?"

"What the name implies. It's a device that can allow the user to reach across dimensional and universal barriers to access the most popular streaming service in the multiverse, Infinity Plus."

"That doesn't sound real," Liz remarked.

"I know. 'Infinity Plus'. Genius work of marketing and corporate think tanks. Despite the dumb name, I've heard nothing but good things about it."

"Is it like Brisby Plus?" Sadie asked.

"Yeah, except a billion times better and is not some hastily assembled cash grab in a desperate attempt to catch up to Netflix. It's got shows from every conceivable reality. It's sort of like Interdimensional Cable, except it's cheaper and has fewer commercials. It even updates daily too, so you'll never run out of shows or movies."

"That's badass," Ed breathed, his eyes wide with amazement.

"But what's it doing here?" Titus asked, frowning.

"Probably a free trial," Rick answered as he opened the glossy blue package. "Some of these companies send out these devices to let people give it a test drive. Kind of smart really, let randos in other universes get a taste for an infinite library of entertainment. Meanwhile, they get to test the waters for new markets."

"Who's they?" Steven asked.

"Oh nobody, just a super big and scary corporation that spans countless universes. Think of them as the end result of a messed up drunken orgy between the Umbrella Corporation, Amazon, and Microsoft while Disney sat in the corner of the hotel room and watched."

"The Teth Conglomerate," Gary said slowly, realizing who Rick was referring to.

"Bingo! I have to admit, t-they know how to rope people in. One minute you're trying out the new hover speeder or a super serum and before you know it, you and your entire species are working in one of their 'Wellness Center' sweatshops."

Rick produced a slim black device, no bigger than a thumbdrive, and inspected it. He reached behind Titus's flatscreen and plugged it into the TV. Lars jumped to his feet.

"Wait! I-If these guys are as dangerous as you say, wouldn't it be better if we didn't install the streaming device?" he asked.

"Yeah, but don't sweat it," Rick said as he swiped the TV remote from Titus and switched it over to a blank, blue screen. "I know how to jailbreak these things. Free shows and no shifty spyware or data collecting."

The teens watched with interest as Rick cycled through a series of menus, adjusting what they assumed were settings. The dull blue screen changed, turning black and gold. A golden infinity symbol flashed across the screen, and the words Infinity Plus appeared beneath it. A moment later, two bars appeared and prompted the user to input their username and password. Beneath the prompt was a line of text that read: "Not a member? Sign up now for endless entertainment!"

Rick pulled out a handheld device and aimed it at the screen. He punched in some numbers and letters. Dots filled the two fields and the black and gold sign-in screen faded. In its place came a screen, featuring numerous packed rows of colorful tiles representing individual television shows and films. At the top were different tabs, marked "My List", "Favorites", "Genre", "A-Z" and "Settings" There were queues that displayed nothing but action films, others horror and comedy.

"W-Welcome to Infinity Plus," Rick belched, tossing the TV remote to Titus. "Infinite entertainment, for free. You're welcome."

Titus blinked in surprise. He looked at the TV with interest and soon began to sit forward. Steven perked up. He drank in the dizzying amount of titles, the flashy movie posters and tiles representing TV shows from other universes and dimensions. The other teens were just as enthralled by the sheer amount of possibilities they were suddenly granted.

Even Lars was drawn in by the extensive library that was now at their fingertips.

"W-Where do we even begin?" Titus asked.

"Whatever you feel like?" Rick shrugged, returning to his half-eaten breakfast. "You like action? You got it! Mystery? Oh yeah. Comedy...well, maybe you want to avoid that. Lots of stuff generally needs explaining and context."

Titus nodded and looked at Lars and the others.

After a few long moments of silent contemplation and hesitation, Rick sighed. "Check the trailers if you're not sure what to watch."

Titus spotted a tab titled "Trailers" and clicked on it, which took them to an identical looking screen, only the titles of the queues were different. Ranging from "Coming Attractions" and "Popular New Series", Titus settled on "New to Infinity Plus" and began moving through the long list of trailers.

"How about that one?" Steven suggested, pointing to a flashy poster. The poster displayed a gun toting Sasquatch riding a monster truck, with explosions all around them and a villainous figure looming large in the distance behind them. In jagged red letters was the title: Big Foot & Bigfoot.

Titus clicked on the tile and the trailer began to play. Funky disco music began to play as the trailer opened in a lush forest, through which Bigfoot was walking.

"In 1985, the government captured Bigfoot!" a gruff voice narrated. Bigfoot turned to the camera, a surprised look on his face. The scene changed, showing Bigfoot in a cage, shaking the bars and trying to escape. "With his unparalleled strength, there was only one option: train Bigfoot to become a highly skilled weapon in the crime fighting arsenal of the San Francisco Police Department." The scene shifted again, showing a montage of Bigfoot running through an obstacle course, firing a gun at a gun range and practicing martial arts with an instructor. A uniformed instructor nodded at his progress and scribbled something down on his clipboard.

"But what does a powerful monster like Bigfoot drive? A powerful monster truck, named Big Foot!"

The scene displayed an exterior scene of a police precinct where an enormous blue monster truck rumbled into view, mowing down and crushing a dozen other cars in the process.

"Outfitted with artificial intelligence, the monster truck named Big Foot and the other Bigfoot became the unstoppable team of: Bigfoot & Big Foot! Featuring Hulk Hogan as the voice of Big Foot, the monster truck."

"What the hell is this?" Lars exclaimed in disbelief.

"A kick ass trailer, that's what!" Ed chuckled.

"Kick ass? This looks like plain ass! I mean, come on."

"It's not that bad," Rick said with a shrug. "It's actually a lot more faithful to the original series than the last one."

Lars blinked. "Last one? Original series?"

"Yeah, this is like the second time they made a film version of this old TV show. Last one bombed because it promised to involve the original leads and characters, but they just ended up killing them off for shock value."

Lars stared at the mad scientist, dumbfounded, before turning his attention back to the TV. The trailer showed Bigfoot and his monster truck in a garage with their police captain.

"Alright, Bigfeet," the grizzled captain said, chewing on a cigar. "For your new assignment, you two are going undercover."

"Sounds cool!" the monster truck said, the red and blue police lights on its hood flashed along to the truck's deep, masculine voice. "Wheelie cool, brother."

The Sasquatch beside the truck growled, causing the captain to grin.

"Now don't go counting your chickens just yet, because we're putting you in with the drug cartel known as El Diablo's Taint."

"This summer, Bigfoot and Big Foot are faced with their toughest case yet," the narrator said as the scene cut to the interior of a dirty warehouse. A dozen rough looking men armed with machine guns and covered with tattoos. Their cold eyes scanned the warehouse, searching for any interlopers. Nearby, a few of the men were unloading clear plastic packets full of white powder from a large crate.

"Ayo, listen up!" a man shouted, causing all the men to focus on a man in a red silk shirt and shoulder holsters. "A little birdy has just told me that one of you is a cop!"

The criminals looked at each other with suspicion, not really noticing or caring about the nine foot tall hairy cryptid wearing sunglasses, a sombrero, and a hideous neon green shirt that read "Drugs are Cool" on the front.

"Surrounded by enemies and unsure who to trust, Bigfoot and Big Foot will have to use all their skills to survive," the narrator said in a low voice.

"Uh, boss." one of the thugs said, raising a hand.

The man in the red silk shirt looked at him. The thug pointed to the obvious undercover Sasquatch. "I don't know if he's a cop, but I'm pretty sure this guy's Bigfoot."

The boss walked over and removed Bigfoot's sunglasses and sombrero. He did a double take.

"Holy Shit! He's Bigfoot!"

With his cover blown, the Sasquatch pulled out his firearm and his badge.

"Holy Shit! He's Bigfoot and a cop!"

A bloody brawl ensued. Frightened and surprised gangsters tried to shoot the Sasquatch in their midst, only to have their arms torn from their sockets and sent flying with a powerful swipe of his arm. In a matter of seconds, half of the criminals were lying dead with their limbs and organs scattered about. With victory near, a dozen other gangsters arrived, all armed to the teeth. They cornered Bigfoot and were ready to kill him. However, his partner arrived. Triumphant music blared as the large blue monster truck crashed through a nearby wall and mowed down the criminals, reducing them to a mess of mangled bodies and blood.

"Sorry I'm late, brother!" the monster truck quipped.

The Sasquatch jumped into the driver's seat and roared.

"A 'thank you' would be nice, you know!"

"This summer…"

With that, the monster truck took off. Hip hop music blared as the trailer displayed a montage of action sequences involving gun battles and fist fights, all culminating with a high speed chase involving the two odd cops and a well groomed man in a silver lamborghini. While the silver lamborghini weaved its way through traffic with near surgical precision, the monster truck plowed right on through, crushing everything in its path. The two went over a hill with the monster truck sailing majestically through the air in slow motion.

"The hills are alive with the sound of justice, brother!" the monster truck declared as it landed on the car it was pursuing.

"Bigfoot & Big Foot! Available in theaters everywhere and on Infinity Plus."

Silence filled the living room. The youths were uncertain of what to make of the movie trailer they just witnessed. After a few moments, Ed smiled.

"Shit looks tight! Let's watch it!"

"H-How about we keep looking?" Sadie suggested. "Maybe there's something even cooler?"

Ed thought about what she said and nodded. "Good idea, doughnut girl."

"Doughnut girl?"

Titus clicked on the remote and began scrolling through the numerous titles. As the titles and tiles drifted past, Steven read each of the descriptions carefully. Most of the titles were intriguing, though some looked very bizarre or downright terrifying.

"How about that one?" Jenny suggested, pointing to a colorful tile featuring a slice of delicious looking cake.

"Cake Wars," Titus read aloud. "This seven part documentary presents the firsthand accounts of the Cake Wars from nearly seventy witnesses, including those who fought in it and those who were caught up in the midst of the conflict."

Everyone blinked at that and watched as a small clip began to play. The clip showed a tired looking man with greying hair and a short beard. The man took a puff of a cigarette and sighed. "I can still hear them, y'know? The screams. They never stop. No matter how much you try, you can never silence them for good."

"Private Bartholomew 'Buddy' Pines was part of the 103rd Infantry that was deployed to the European Theater," a narrator with a soft, silky voice explained "along with nearly two hundred thousand Allied troops. Under the command of General Julius Steel, this massive invasion was dubbed 'Operation Cookie Cutter,' after it's speed and strength, which many had hoped would cut through the enemy's stranglehold over the continent. Unfortunately, for Private Pines and the rest of the brave souls that took part in the operation, victory wouldn't be so...sweet, nor would it be won so easily."

The perplexed and astonished youths watched a series of clips from various sources appear on the screen, displaying a massive amphibious and airborne invasion. Thousands of men and women stormed the shores of a calm beach on a cloudy day and hundreds more descended via parachutes and helicopters. They watched as the footage showed the soldiers traversing the countryside. Heroic music played before slowly growing softer and more intense.

"We all thought that we had this thing in the bag," the man from earlier narrated. "Go over there, stomp some pastry and be home before lunch and be hailed as heroes. Stupid…"

"One of the earliest engagements of Operation Cookie Cutter came at a sleepy little town in Belgium called Amnitz, a few miles from Bruges, where the first Cheesecake Factory was situated," the first narrator reported "It was here that Allied resolve and courage were put to the test."

"Now, don't let the name fool you," the bearded man said as the video cut back to him. The man had a serious look on his face. "But Angel's Food Cake is anything but. Just one of those little fu*beep*kers took out an entire squad of Marines...and that's not even close to what Devil's Food Cake can do. But those two pale in comparison to Red Velvets, or as the boys call them, 'Red Death.'"

The footage cut to helmet camera footage of a horrific and chaotic battle between a group of soldiers and a horde of screaming, snarling...cakes. Steven and the teens watched in horror as the sentient and very hostile pastries descended upon the soldiers like a swarm of angry bees. The soldiers shouted orders and expletives, firing off rounds and ducking to avoid what looked like cupcakes as they flew through the air toward them.

"Change it! Change it!" Lars cried as the video showed a man being chewed to pieces by an enormous, four tiered red velvet cake.

Titus clicked the remote, ending the clip.

"Might have to check that out later," Rick murmured to himself as the youths resumed browsing the interdimensional streaming service's library.

A little further up the list, the teens found something titled "Standing Small" and at first everyone thought it was a heartwarming story about someone standing up for themselves. However, they were horrified to see that it was a documentary that displayed the history of bigotry and animosity between midgets and tall people.

"The only thing stronger than my pride of being a midget is my hatred for tall people," a short man said the interviewer harshly, "or as we like to call them: 'biggers.'"

"What the fuck?" Rick shouted in surprise just as the midget put on a white, pointed hood and shouted, "Small Power!"

"Next!" Lars said, and Titus quickly complied, but as he clicked on another title, an advertisement started up for a breakfast restaurant chain called Luftwaffle, featuring stern men and women in military uniforms serving waffles in the shape of aircraft to frightened and confused customers.

"How about that one?" Liz suggested, pointing toward a colorful poster featuring a band of superheroes. "Looks interesting, Vindicators 3: Checkmate."

"Pass," Rick belched.

"Why?"

"Because they're ass. Plus, it's part of a stupid 'cinematic universe' where you have to watch the first three trillion movies to understand their lame ass references. Besides, all their movies are the same. They fight a little bit, they quip a billion times, and they always win through the power of teamwork and marketing."

"How about that one?" Sour Cream said, pointing toward a tile that had a pair of college aged boys with flashlights, looking scared.

Titus clicked on it. He selected the most recent episode and played the trailer.

"This week on Douchebag Paranormal." an enthusiastic voice said as a series of spooky images flashed across the screen. "Kyle, Lyle, and the rest of the team pack up and head off to Western Pennsylvania to investigate the infamous Crowell Institute for the Criminally Insane."

"Yo, so today, we're here at the CICI," a blond, young man in a polo shirt said, flashing a smarmy, shit eating grin to the camera, "where local rumors say that the ghosts of a thousand insane criminals haunt these very halls." The camera turned and showed the institute in question. Steven and the others felt a chill. The institute was a sprawling heap of bricks that was covered in rusty iron bars and overgrown with weeds and other plant life. It looked as though it had been abandoned in a hurry.

"Yo bro, tell the folks at home what we're planning to do here," the blond young man said, directing the camera to a similarly dressed young man with black hair, though he was wearing a pair of shutter shades.

The raven-haired young man grinned and adjusted his shutter shades. "Aight, so we're here to conduct what the eggheads say is a 'seance' where we use this board thing here-" he held up a ouija board "to call up some ghosts so we can boogie down and prove that there's such thing as an afterlife and shit, know what I'm saying?"

"These guys look like douchebags," Liz said with a frown.

"A gaggle of douchebags wandering into a very haunted mental asylum and using a ouija board," Rick said with a grin. "Shit, I'm down."

Titus allowed the rest of the trailer to play. The footage showed the two identically dressed young men lead a camera crew and a dozen other young adults, mostly scantily clad females, into the rundown asylum. There were clips showing doors slamming shut, people jumping in surprise and a timelapse of the sun descending beyond the trees of the forest surrounding the asylum.

"And now, the seance," the blond intoned, standing in the middle of what looked like a cafeteria, surrounded by hundreds of candles.

The two young men and their female companions gathered around the ouija board and began the seance.

"Are there any spirits here with us?" the blond asked aloud, his voice echoing through the dark, empty cafeteria.

A few moments passed and the planchette drifted toward "Yes" on the board. This elicited a smattering of frightened and excited whispers. The raven haired young man quieted everyone and asked his question.

"Are you a demon or a ghost?"

The planchette began to move again.

"Holy shit, holy shit!" the blond laughed nervously.

"Are you doing this?" one of the scantily clad girls whispered.

"It's not me, it's not me!" the raven haired young man laughed. "It's got to be Kyle."

"I swear to God, it's not me, Lyle," the blond promised.

"Look!" one of the others hissed, nodding to the board.

Everyone went silent as the planchette began to spell out a word.

"G...O...S...T"

Everyone frowned in confusion, including Steven and the others.

The blond, Kyle, scowled with confusion. "Gost? The fu*beep*k is a gost?"

"Maybe he's trying to spell 'Ghost'?" Lyle suggested. The group of paranormal investigators shared confused and amused looks.

"Were you trying to spell ghost?" Kyle asked.

The planchette drifted over to "Yes."

Silence filled the cafeteria for a moment, before Kyle began snickering.

"Hol up, so what you're saying is that you just spelled 'ghost' 'gost'." the blond said.

Silence again and the two polo shirt wearing leads burst out laughing.

"What kind of illiterate, bitch-ass ghost is this?" Lyle hooted.

"Could you-could you use 'gost' in a sentence?" asked one of the group members, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Up yours you stupid 'gost'!" hollered one of the scantily clad women.

By now the entire team was in stitches, howling with laughter and mocking the ghost's spelling abilities.

"He's probably dyslexic too!" Kyle chortled, rolling on the ground "He-he probably spells 'boo' O-O-B!"

By then the ghost seemed to have had enough as the ouija board flew from the table and was slammed against a nearby wall. The laughter died immediately as the self-proclaimed paranormal investigators looked at the ouija board as it lay on the filthy floor several feet away. A brief snippet of tense music played, trying to convey a mood of fear and unease. Lyle adjusted his shutter shades and looked at the camera, grinning.

"Somebody's sensitive," he remarked.

"And stupid," Kyle chimed and the laughter resumed with earnest.

"Click on the 'Spoiler' button, right there" Rick told Titus, pointing to a little golden button blinking in the corner of the screen. The button was marked "Spoiler."

"What does that do?" Titus asked.

"It skips the boring bits and gets to the good parts. It kind of spoils things, but for reality shows and boring shit, it gets right to the chase and shows what happens."

Titus clicked on the button and the scene changed, this time showing Kyle running through the woods, carrying the camera. The blond's face was drenched in sweat, his eyes wide with terror. Blood and dirt was smeared all over his torn polo shirt. He raced through the pitch black forest, breathing heavily. After a few minutes of running, the blond came to a stop. He leaned against a tree and looked around himself.

"Everyone's...everyone's dead. They totally wasted Lyle and I don't know where they dragged the babes off to. Don't really give a shit about the eggheads or the camera dudes though. Went through my stash and shit. I might be the only survivor. Man, those ghosts were pissed."

Steven and the others felt a little pity for the blond young man. Although they made fun of the ghosts, it didn't mean they deserved to be killed off horrifically.

"I'm so scared!" the blond whimpered as a copious amount of snot oozed and dribbled down his face in a torrent.

"Ew!" Liz grimaced as the snot began to coat the camera.

"W-What was that?!" the blond exclaimed, turning the camera elsewhere. All that could be seen was a dark and eerily still forest. When the camera turned toward the blond again, there was a large, hulking figure wearing a tattered grey jumpsuit and had a bloody gash down it's ashen face.

"The ghost!" Connie exclaimed with fright.

The blond let out a heavy sigh and went rigid when he saw his own breath. He glanced over his shoulder and let out a frightened scream. The ghost seized the frightened young man with a big, beefy hand and the camera tumbled to the ground. From the ground, the camera gave a sideways view to what happened.

The ghost lifted the blond young man off the ground with one hand, and, with the other, pulled down his pants, exposing him to the cold evening air.

The ghost dropped the young man and pointed at the blond.

"Somebody call FedEx, because somebody's got a small package!"

The dark forest erupted with laughter as hundreds of ghosts, all sporting gruesome injuries and wearing tattered uniforms, appeared. They pointed and laughed at the shivering, frightened young man on the ground. A slender and well groomed ghost stepped forward from among the crowd and smiled.

"Let that be a lesson to you, young man, about trespassing in places where you don't belong."

"Yeah, and making fun of other people when they don't spell so good!" a ghost yelled from among the crowd.

"That too," the well groomed ghost said with a nod.

"Tune in next time as Kyle goes to therapy and the network battles all sorts of costly lawsuits!" the enthusiastic narrator declared as the clip ended with an electric guitar riff.

"Well that was...disturbing," Sadie said with a frown.

"That's life," Rick said with a shrug.

"Is there anything, you know, normal on this thing?" Lars asked.

"What do you mean by 'normal'? To us, this stuff is weird bu*urp*ut to people in other universes, this stuff is completely natural."

"Even the cake one?" Ed asked, horrified.

"Especially the cake one," Rick nodded solemnly.

The youths took a minute to absorb that concept, still reeling at the fact that there are alternate realities out there and that they were browsing an interdimensional streaming service. After a few moments, the search continued on. They tried searching for something closer to their reality. Rick switched on some search filters, which narrowed their options significantly, but there was still a staggering amount of film and television remaining.

One potential film that caught their eye was a film about Charles Lindbergh called "Solo: The Charles Lindbergh Story." The premise sounded interesting, a historical drama and semi-autobiographical film about a historical figure. However, as they watched the trailer, they quickly realized that this film was far from accurate.

"I shall call my invention, the aeroplane!" Lindbergh declared in his workshop. "And I owe it all to my family and RC Cola."

"Didn't know Vin Diesel did historical biopics," Gary said, raising an eyebrow at the actor chosen to play the main character and real-life historical figure.

"The multiverse is full of surprises," Rick snorted. "I'm surprised that they didn't put a wig on him or something."

"And I'm pretty sure that Charles Lindbergh didn't wear tank tops or live in downtown L.A."

"Or invented the airplane or was sponsored by a modern soda brand," Connie added, dumbfounded.

At this point in the trailer, Charles Lindbergh's wife, played by Marion Cotillard, burst into the garage in which Charles was working, looking distraught.

"Charles!" the woman cried. "Our baby's been kidnapped!"

Charles's eyes narrowed. He took his wife in his arms and assured her in a deep, serious voice. "I'll handle this." He then cracked open a can of RC Cola and began to drink it.

"This is totally inaccurate!" Connie exclaimed as the trailer showed a montage where Charles prepares himself to hunt down the ones who kidnapped his child. "None of this happened, and I'm pretty sure that type of shotgun wasn't even invented yet!"

"Shh!" Rick soothed. "Just let the magic of Hollywood put you at ease."

Connie quieted down, but she continued to roll her eyes at the blatant inaccuracies and in-your-face product placements scattered throughout the trailer. It all culminated in a scene where the film shows where the main character's child is being held: a grand mansion belonging to the head of a drug smuggling cartel located in Miami.

The scene was set in a spacious and lavishly furnished office, where the villain of the piece, a mustachioed man in an Armani suit, is seen cradling an infant in his arms. Flanking him were a pair of guards, armed with AK-47s. Behind them was a massive fish tank filled with sharks, swimming about and looking hungry.

"Hey boss," one of the crime boss's guards spoke up. "Aren't you worried that Lindbergh will come for his baby?"

"Not at all," the crime lord said with a smirk. "After all, he's only just one man."

The moment those words left his mouth, the wall to his study exploded as Charles Lindbergh's plane, The Spirit of St. Louis came crashing in. The room filled with dust and everyone saw a large silhouette emerge from the plane. The dust cleared, revealing Charles Lindbergh, who was dressed in a kevlar vest and other articles of modern combat gear.

"One pilot," the lead of the film growled, holding up his fists. "Two fight attendants." He kissed his knuckles and assumed a fighting stance.

"Kill him!" the crime boss shrieked.

The guards recovered from their shock and attacked. One pulled out a machete and began swinging wildly, before being sent flying by a roundhouse kick from Charles. The guard was sent crashing through the shark tank, causing gallons of water to spill into the study and with it, a horde of blood-thirsty sharks. Before the other guard could fire off a shot, Charles grabbed a nearby shark by the tail and swung it like a club. The shark knocked the second guard off balance, sending him stumbling toward a stuffed elephant head on a nearby wall. Charles tossed the shark aside and kicked the off balanced thug into the tusk of the elephant, impaling him.

The crime lord reached under his desk and pressed a hidden button, which alerted the rest of his guards stationed throughout the mansion. A few seconds later, the doors flew open and a dozen more heavily armed guards rushed into the study.

Charles spotted this and whistled loudly. The door to the Spirit of St. Louis opened and an orangutan hopped out of the plane. The primate was wearing a RC Cola brand T-shirt, chomping on a Cuban cigar and was carrying a minigun. The guards turned their weapons on the primate,but the orangutan was quicker. Squeezing the trigger, the minigun's barrels spun and unleashed a hail of bullets upon the thugs.

The bullets tore the criminals to shreds as hip hop blared in the background.

At this point, Connie and anyone else who knew their history or expected logic or sense in this movie were left flabbergasted.

The crime lord placed the baby on his desk and tried to fight Charles to a fist fight, but was badly outmatched. In a matter of seconds, the crime lord was bruised, bloody, and dizzy. The man in the Armani suit swayed, trying to remain upright. The hero of the film gave the man one last look before delivering a roundhouse kick to his foe, knocking him out the window. The crime lord fell from the third floor of his mansion and landed on top of a golden statue of himself, shattering his spine.

Peering out the window, Charles smirked. "You got a bad altitude."

The orangutan appeared at Charles's side, carrying the baby in his arms. He offered the baby to his companion, who gratefully accepted.

"Thanks Gus. But next time, you fly."

The orangutan snorted and facepalmed as "Fly" by Sugar Ray blared in the background.

"That was...something," Gary said slowly.

"That was horrible," Connie breathed.

"That was kickass," Rick said with a smile. "Let's watch it!"

"Maybe another time," Titus said, already searching for another title. "Besides, they kind of already ruined the whole movie with the trailer."

"You guys have no taste!"

After a little while, the group found themselves venturing from the trailers and began looking through the other tabs on the streaming service. Aside from films and TV shows, Infinity Plus offered live television broadcasts and even a section dedicated to old commercials.

"Why commercials?" Buck asked, confused.

"Nostalgia, mostly," Rick answered with a shrug. "But also because some commercials are rather catchy and fun."

As if on cue, it began to play a cereal commercial featuring a short man in a green suit, who had rabbit ears poking out of his top hat.

"Oh I love me some Strawberry Smiggles!" the little man in green as he poured himself a bowl of cereal with colorful marshmallows. He poured some milk and began to munch his tasty looking breakfast.

"Finally, something normal," Lars said with a sigh.

Rick grinned and watched the teen's expression gradually change as the commercial proceeded. After the bunny-eared leprechaun finished his bowl and declared his undying love for Strawberry Smiggles, a gang of children emerged from the bushes around him.

"What are they doing?" Sadie asked as the hungry children began pulling out rolls of duct tape and knives.

"Oh no…" Ed said, realizing what was going to happen.

"Oh yes~" Rick said with a wide smile.

The teens watched in horror as the children seized the bunny-eared leprechaun. They tied him down with duct tape, tore open his shirt, and began slicing open his stomach.

"Oh! Oh Jesus! Oh God!" the cereal mascot screamed in anguish. The children began rooting around in his exposed organs, blood gushing everywhere as they desperately began groping around for the cereal.

"Why would you want to eat these?!" the leprechaun sobbed. "They're covered in my blood and stomach acid!"

The leprechaun's cries of pain went unnoticed as the children pulled his intestines out to harvest his freshly eaten cereal bits, popping them into their mouths like candy from a pinata.

"Ugh!" Jenny exclaimed in disgust.

"Change it! Change it!" Lars cried.

Rick chuckled and obliged as the commercial reached its conclusion. The camera cut away, showing a close up of a Strawberry Smiggles cereal box. In the distance behind the cereal box, the children continued to root around the leprechaun's exposed guts as he continued to scream.

"Strawberry Smiggles!" a cheerful voice declared. "They're tragically delicious!"

"Oh God, just end me already!" the rabbit-eared leprechaun screamed as Rick decided to switch over to the live TV broadcast section of Infinity Plus.

Gone was the gory cereal commercial and in its place was a black and white image of an idyllic American suburbs from the nineteen-fifties. The camera brought the viewers deeper into the neighborhood, showing kids riding bikes, playing hopscotch and jumping rope, until it settled on a house. Soft, emotional music played as a dark-haired woman in an apron poked her head out of the kitchen window and called out, "Supper's ready!"

Nearby, a young boy in suspenders turned his head toward the house and smiled.

"Coming, mom!" the boy shouted.

The cheerful youth and his companion, a small white dog, ran toward the house. Inside, the boy washed up and excitedly told his mom about his day.

"Patches and I were playing down by the creek earlier," the boy explained "and we saw a real life bullfrog!"

"How wonderful!" the mom said with a smile.

As the two went into the dining room, the mom paused and looked at the windowsill in bewilderment.

"Golly!" she exclaimed.

"What is it?" the boy asked.

"The blueberry pie! I placed it right there to cool off and now it's missing."

"Don't worry!" the boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a deerstalker cap and a magnifying glass. "I'll use my trusty detective kit to find it!"

"This looks surprisingly wholesome," Connie observed.

"What's the catch, though?" Gary wondered aloud.

Thus far, every show, commercial and trailer that looked normal ended up having a disturbing twist to it. Everyone looked at Rick, who shrugged.

"I don't know, I've never seen this before."

"Really?" Liz said, doubtful.

"Really. Come on, I have a life you know."

After the little boy found some clues near the windowsill, he raced out the backdoor with his dog in tow. His mom followed him out and called after him.

"Be careful, Adolf. You're a special boy!"

The show's theme song, a cheerful melody, played as the boy skipped along with his trusty magnifying glass. "Little Hitler, always having fun! Little Hitler, he's such a scamp!~"

Gary's eyes widened. "Oh...so that's it."

"What?" Steven asked, looking at Gary.

"The kid is Hitler!"

"Whose Hitler?"

"Whose Hitler?" Gary echoed in disbelief. At first he was uncertain if the half-gem was joking. However, as the blond teen looked around at the other teens and noted their confused expressions, it would appear that none of them knew who Hitler was.

"Seriously?" Rick asked, who was just as surprised as Gary was. "None of you guys know who Adolf Hitler was?"

"Nope," Liz said.

"Sorry," Connie apologized.

"Wasn't he a violinist?" Sour Cream asked.

"I thought he was some Prime Minister," Jenny suggested.

"Wow," Rick murmured, "this is just...wow. This Earth is weird."

While Rick and Gary were weirded out by the idea of a sitcom starring a young Adolf Hitler, the others wanted to see how it played out. Considering how tame and generic the plot seemed, Rick allowed it. The episode was brief, following the young boy journeying around his small hometown, following the trail of the mysterious pie thief and helping other townsfolk along the way. Eventually, the boy discovered the thief: a scraggly, stereotypical looking homeless man in ratty clothes and carrying a bindle. The homeless man meekly confessed to the crime, saying that he was hungry. His hairy face was smeared with blueberries and pie crust, having eaten most of the pie. The young boy was mildly upset but he understood the vagrant's plight.

When the vagabond offered the remaining pieces of the pie back to the boy, the boy accepted one piece and gave the rest back to the homeless man. The vagabond was stunned, especially when the boy said that he was giving the first piece of pie back to his mother.

"But don't you want a piece for yourself?" the homeless man asked the boy.

"I'm alright. Besides, my mom works hard and you look like you need that piece more than I do."

Touched by the child's generosity, the homeless man expressed his thanks and asked for the little boy's name.

The boy smiled as triumphant music swelled. "Adolf Hitler, sir!"

"My god," the homeless man breathed, tears in his eyes. "That's a beautiful name."

"Holy shit," Gary murmured, feeling uncomfortable by the wholesome scene.

After a few more good deeds, including helping a girl find her lost doll by "going door to door and rounding up all the other children" in order to find it, the young boy wound up at city hall. There, the young sleuth was greeted by friends, family and townspeople. The mayor presented him with a key to the city for his kindness, diligence and hard work. The townspeople cheered and as everyone began to celebrate the young boy's accomplishment, a rough looking kid in ripped jeans and a leather jacket waved to the young boy. The young protagonist left his celebrating loved ones and followed the rough looking boy out into the hall.

"Hi Billy! What is it?" the cheerful hometown hero asked.

The rough looking boy produced what looked like a blunt from his leather jacket "Wanna smoke some grass?"

The music turned somber and eerie. The younger boy frowned and began to look worried.

"I don't know...I heard it's awful stuff and it messes you up."

The older boy lit it and took a puff. He blew smoke in the younger boy's face. "Come on daddy-o. All the other kids our age are doing it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Well, I guess if everyone's doing it... I'll try it just this once, just to see what all the fuss is about."

"What kind of faulty reasoning is that?" Connie asked aloud.

"Shh!" Ed shushed her.

"Well...okay." the young boy accepted the blunt and inhaled. The music became shrill as the boy coughed, with the world around him suddenly growing hazy. The boy scowled as flames appeared around him, a man's voice began shouting angrily in German as the loud, rhythmic sound of soldiers marching began. A swastika and a fearsome eagle symbol appeared beside the boy's head as steam leaked from his nose.

"I. Hate. Jeeeewwwws!" the boy shouted as a chorus of voices began to cry out. "Heil! Heil! Heil!"

The camera cut away to a man in a suit, standing nearby, watching the whole thing. He turned to face the camera.

"Not a pretty thing, ain't it? Just moments ago, a young boy, the apple of his mother's eye, became a hateful and angry person. Pretty soon he'll be getting into politics and kickstarting a devastating world war and wearing an aluminum jockstrap. It may seem sudden, but that's how it goes. It just takes one puff, before a wholesome and upstanding citizen becomes a violent and hateful thug. As the National Health and Safety Council, it is up to you to be wary of the allure of the latest drug sweeping the nation and its associated disease, Reefer Madness."

A phone number appeared on the bottom of the screen, accompanied by a narration.

"If you or a loved one has shown signs of Reefer Madness, call this number toll free."

"A anti-drug PSA?" Ed snorted. "Lame! Way to ruin the plot. Also, Reefer Madness? Totally bogus."

"So...you guys liked that one?" Gary asked, slowly.

"It was alright," Lars said.

Jenny, Buck, and the others nodded.

"Bunch of neo-Nazis," Rick murmured as he switched channels.

The screen displayed what looked like a news report in a fantasy world. The journalist on the scene was a female elf with platinum hair and golden eyes. Behind the enchanting elf was a large, imposing building that looked like a cauldron. The walls were high and curved and at the center was a tall tower. Thin ribbons of smoke leaked from the tower, which sported extensive damage.

"...the Wardens have yet to comment on how many prisoners have escaped the Conformatorium," the elf reported, "but an inside source has estimated at least up to forty inmates have escaped. Among them is the notorious public nuisance, Eda Clawthorne, otherwise known as the Owl Lady."

A wanted poster appeared on the screen, showing a familiar looking witch carrying a stave.

"Hey!" Connie said, straightening up. "We know her!"

"Oh yeah," Rick said, squinting at the TV. "Wasn't she the one who's looking after your boyfriend?"

"H-He's not my boyfriend, but yeah."

"Sounds like she's had a run in with the law," Gary noted.

"The Owl Lady had incited a riot among the prisoners, which had claimed the lives of at least three guards and Warden Wrath, and was seen fleeing the scene with her accomplices."

A rough sketch of Eda and three other figures appeared on screen. The first figure Connie, Steven, Rick, and Gary recognized as Matthias, the former apprentice wizard they journeyed with. The second was a tiny dog looking creature with a skull on its head, and the final figure was a girl. She was thin, tall, had short hair, and was a few years older than Connie. The sketch showed the four runaways in retreat as a horde of robed guards pursued them, hurling bolts of energy. Upon closer inspection, Connie noticed that Matthias was holding the girl's hand and pulling her along as the group fled.

"Oh damn, looks like Matthias has a type," Rick grunted.

"Type?" Connie asked, sounding worried.

"Yeah. Likes 'em exotic."

"He does?"

"No he doesn't," Gary said, trying to ease Connie's fears.

"Come on! I know when someone has a type and he has a type."

"I wouldn't worry about Matthias," Gary told Connie, ignoring Rick. "It's probably nothing. Besides, a prison riot is the last place for any kind of romance."

"How much do you wanna bet?" Rick asked.

Connie tuned the rest out as her attention returned to the screen. The sketch disappeared as the platinum haired elf was now standing inside the Conformatorium, beside a cell containing a familiar looking sorceress.

"I told them!" Arabella sobbed, dabbing her sapphire eyes with a hankie. "I told them that Eda was a bad influence! 'Lock her away!' I said. But now she's leading my poor baby boy astray! Breaking into Imperial prisons and cavorting with humans!"

"I see, and you said that she brought a human with her?"

"Oh yes. The rotten little witch has no regard for what is propper! She used the little creature to brainwash my baby and all the inmates. She was the one who instigated the riot! We're all loyal citizens of the Empire. We were all well on our way toward rehabilitation before they showed up and spouted off a load of nonsense about 'being ourselves' and whatnot."

"But weren't you apprehended for attempting to overthrow the Emperor and have gone on a very public rant about how he should be deposed?"

The horned sorceress paused, her 'grieving mother' personna slipped a little as her eyes darted about nervously. "Uh well uh…"

"Yeah, that was her," another familiar voice spoke. The camera panned over to the cell next to Arabella's and showed the disheveled face of her husband, Avestus, otherwise known as Marvin. The former wizard wore a tattered black and white jumpsuit and a pair of old reading glasses. The former mage was reading from an old paperback book by the front door of his cell.

"Got up in court and spouted off all sorts of anti-Imperial propaganda and everything," the former wizard said, flipping a page in his book "she even threatened to devour the judge and his children...before she realized that her powers had been taken away. Which was why she's been kissing the parole board's asses."

"Shut up, Marvin!" the sorceress snarled, before she calmed herself and put on a glum expression. "Can't you see that I'm grieving for our wayward baby?"

"And by 'grieving for our wayward baby', do you mean that you are 'grieving for Matthias's disobedience and for the fact his human friend saw through your bullshit' or do you mean that you 'grieve for the absence of Chet Wonderstone's thick, meaty-"

CRACK!

The horned dragon sorceress hurled her shoe at her estranged husband, which struck him in the face and broke his glasses. The wizard screamed a series of obscenities which were bleeped out. He reached through the bars of his cell and grabbed his wife's hair and pulled hard, causing her head to slam against the bars of her cell. As the two former renegade mages bickered, a dozen guards in white cloaks rushed forward with clubs and forced them to separate.

The elf reported that the whereabouts of Eda and her "gang" were currently unknown, though Rick noticed that Connie looked distracted. Feeling a little guilty, the mad scientist changed the channel.

The channel displayed a bombastic and colorful title card.

"Last time on the League of Heroes!" a booming voice announced before cutting to the interior of a spacious meeting hall. Sitting on thrones on a raised dais were six colorfully dressed men and women. Before them was a handsome, muscular raven haired man in a blue costume and a golden cape. The raven haired man was surrounded by a blue forcefield, which prevented him from moving.

"The League confronted an old friend about his ill deeds and treachery."

"Whoa, superheroes!" Steven breathed in awe. "Does that mean there's a world where superheroes are real?"

"Yeee*urp*p" Rick belched. "Quite a few actually. A lot of them are dicks though, so don't get too excited."

"You're in direct violation of Code Two-Four-Six-Oh-One," declared one of the heroes on one of the thrones. The hero looked like the textbook definition of a superhero. He was a large man with blond hair and a strong jaw. He wore a white bodysuit with a golden sun emblazoned on his chest. "Gambling on your own battles!"

"What?!" exclaimed the man in the forcefield in disbelief "How long has that been illegal?"

"Since forever!" declared a fierce looking woman in medieval armor "For as long as thieving, sexual assault and murder have been illegal."

"Those are illegal too!? Wow, I guess I am a terrible superhero. Please, just give me another chance!"

"No!" a large man in a Viking costume thundered, his eyes glowed and electricity crackled around his meaty fist. "You've been given far too many chances, more than you deserve."

"Shouldn't we take this up with the rest of the League?" the condemned man asked.

"We already have," a gentle looking woman in a bug costume said solemnly "And it was unanimous...you're out."

"Your accounts have been frozen, your assets seized and your office has been cleared out!" growled a sinister looking hero in all black.

A white cardboard box filled to the brim with photographs and assorted knicknacks ordinarily found around an office appeared on the ground beside the judged hero. The blue forcefield faded away.

"Now relinquish your membership card!" growled the dark hero.

"But-but I just had one more purchase left for that free breakfast at the Luftwaffle!"

"Either do it willingly or we'll do this the fun way," the electrical viking sneered, cracking his knuckles.

The outcast hero sighed and surrendered a colorful laminated card. Quickly, sadness and dejection turned into outrage.

"You can't do this to me!" the outcast cried. "I started the League of Heroes and I can just as easily end it!"

"Do you honestly think you can take on all of us?" the first hero asked in a serious tone as his eyes glowed orange.

"Are you threatening me?"

"As a matter of fact we are!" the hero in black growled. "We'll see you at the flagpole behind the parking lot after the three o'clock bell!"

"Bring it, girlfriend!" the outcast superhero growled scooping up his box of junk. The opposing heroes stared at each other for several long moments before the recently banished man ran off sobbing shrilly and hysterically.

"With Captain Hero gone, the League was in dire need of a new member" the announcer explained. "Fortunately, a new hero steps up to fill the power vacuum left behind by the former founder."

"Alright guys, I would like you all to meet our newest member," the bug heroine said with a warm smile, gesturing to a doorway that slowly opened.

"Across the sea, across the air…!" a bombastic voice declared.

The door opened all the way, smoke poured forth and a figure emerged. The smoke slowly began to dissipate revealing the newcomer.

"...and a cross on your lawn! It's Klanman!"

The bombastic and heroic music died off instantly as the newcomer was revealed to be a figure dressed in all white with a pointed hood. Compared to the other heroes, the newcomer looked very...dull.

An uncomfortable silence filled the hall as all the heroes stared at the hooded figure standing there, waiting to be welcomed. The camera slowly panned over to a trio of dark skinned heroes glaring at the hooded man.

"Hell no…" one of them said bluntly.

"Are you...sure about this?" another asked the bug heroine. "He doesn't seem like...League material."

"Relax Midnight, he's been thoroughly vetted," she assured her comrades.

"By whom?" asked the first.

Before an answer could be given, an alarm blared and a clownish superhero rushed into the hall.

"An 8.0 earthquake has just struck San Francisco!" the clown yelled frantically.

"Looks like it's all hands on deck!" the blond superhero from earlier declared. "Alright Leagure's, you know the drill! Form up into your designated squads and carry out your assignments! Let's move people!"

"Uh, I don't have a squad!" the man in the white hood said, raising a hand.

"Don't worry, we'll assign you to Midnight's squad," the bug heroine answered cheerfully.

The camera panned over to the hero known as Midnight and showed that his squad comprised superheroes of African descent, who all looked at the bug themed superhero in disbelief.

"Seriously?" one of the heroes in the squad said, annoyed. "What, you think we're gonna start super looting or something?"

"Of course not!" the bug woman said in surprise.

"I didn't expect this from you," the hero known as Midnight said. "I mean, I expected something like this from Liberty Belle, she's old as hell and was around since the Civil War, but not you."

"Eh, what's that?" An incredibly old, star spangled woman clad mumbled, stirring from her slumber at the mention of her name.

"Yeah, I don't think I feel comfortable working with this guy," one of the other heroes, a thin man in a trench coat, spoke up, nodding to Klanman. "I mean, it's hard enough working with Norseman."

All the superheroes looked toward the large, Viking superhero, who looked around perplexed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" the Viking asked with a scowl.

"Come on man, the raping and pillaging and not to mention performing a Blood Eagle on Oblitirix. We're supposed to be locking these guys away, not going apeshit on them."

"Oh, so we're going there? Right, okay. Firstly, It's part of my culture, you bigot. I'm a warrior god and this is what I do. Secondly, Oblitirix was a mass murdering scoundrel of the lowest sort who deserved the worst punishment available, otherwise he would have nuked that preschool after escaping prison...for the fifth time that month. Thirdly, you want to lecture everyone on 'feeling comfortable', well I don't feel comfortable about you and Sunshine hanging around elementary schools and playgrounds."

Everyone looked at the blond hero with the sun emblazoned on his chest, who's eyes darted about nervously.

"W-What?" the blond hero, Sunshine, sputtered and laughed nervously. "Come on, we get invited to elementary schools to-to give safety lectures and junk. Kids love us, we're among the Top Five most popular heroes in the league!"

"Riiight…" the large Viking said, unconvinced. "I suppose heroes just visit those places and talk to kids...on their off hours."

"Now hold on-" the trenchcoated hero protested, but another hero cut in.

"You guys are always stealing my sandwiches!" wheezed an obese hero in barely fitting purple tights, the word "Beefcake" scribbled across his chest. "How can I fight crime if I don't have the energy?"

"Your shit always takes up all the space in the fridge!" one hero growled "Besides, a lot of that stuff just sits there and rots. I swear that stuff's been sitting in there for years. I think there was a sentient lump of mold in there!"

"And, to be fair, you could always stand to lose a little weight," a clownish looking hero remarked.

The obese hero looked at his comrades, flabbergasted. "Are you saying that I'm fat!?"

"What kind of name is Night Dick anyway?" asked the insect heroine, glaring at the trenchcoated hero.

"I work in the dark and Dick is a nickname for 'detective'! It's slang! Look it up!" the trenchcoated man exclaimed, frustrated. "Better than 'Ladybug'! How basic can you get?"

"You know all the good bug themed names are taken!"

"Maybe that's why nobody cares about you!"

"Okay, I think we've seen enough," Rick said, growing bored of the superheroes arguing. In a matter of moments, the entire hall of heroes erupted into a superpowered brawl. Heroes began taking swings at one another, others bickered and shouted obscenities and slurs at their former friends. Some were even pulling each other's hair. As the League's headquarters began to catch fire and crumble around the quarreling heroes, Klanman stood at the edge of everything, watching in confusion.

"Okay, I'm just...I'm just gonna go now…" the hooded man said slowly, inching his way out of the hall. "You guys got my number and call me when you sort this mess out."

Rick switched to another channel and began cycling through the channels until landing on one starring what appeared to be a vampire, a bard, and a female adventurer sitting by the campfire. The said vampire looked asleep (which was weird, considering how it was nighttime), while the other two were awake.

"Ooh, I wonder if this takes place in a fantasy-themed world!" Connie said excitedly, before quickly being reminded of their first multiverse trip. "I just hope things are better there than the one we went to."

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it, Nabe?" the handsome bard asked her.

"...Yes, it is," the raven-haired woman eventually said, her stern, stoic expression softening a little as they stared at the night sky.

The man looked at her face, then let out a sigh.

"Nabe, I can tell that you're not exactly living in the moment," the man said bluntly. This caused the woman to turn to him with a slight glare.

"Excuse me, but I don't recall asking you to tell me how to live my life," she almost snarled back. The man just raised his hands in surrender.

"You're right, you're right, I'm sorry," the man sighed. "It's just that...well, I'm sure that Momon would appreciate your company more if you smiled just a bit more, you know?"

The woman looked like she wanted to punch him, but seemed to seriously consider his words.

"...Look, how about I lighten up the mood?" the man offered, and before she could protest, he pulled out a ukelele from under his cloak.

"Hey, I think you'd get along with him," Connie smiled at Steven, causing him to chuckle sheepishly.

The man cleared his throat, before he opened his mouth to sing.

"Isn't this such a beautiful night?

Whoah, we're underneath a thousand shining stars

Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different?

Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?"

Unbeknownst to everyone else in the room, Steven's eyes were beginning to widen a little.

"Look at this place, look at your faces

I've never seen you look like this before.

Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different?

Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?"

Without saying a word, Steven quickly left the coach, much to everyone's surprise. He quickly began searching for something in his bag. Meanwhile, the peaceful, yet jolly song continued to fill the room.

"Look at this place, look at your faces

They're shining like a thousand shining stars.

Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different?

Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?

Why don't you let yourself just be somewhere different?

Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be whoever you are?"

Connie and a few others clapped at the beautiful song as Steven reentered the scene.

"Oh hey, Steven. Did you have to get something?"

Steven just nodded as he took out a notebook. Quickly flipping to the desired chapter, he showed them its contents.

"...Huh. Looks like this show owes you some money for ripping off your song," Connie frowned.

"It's like I said," Rick belched. "Different universe. Either he wrote it in that 'verse, or maybe it was an old song passed down from the ages or some crap. Don't think about it too much."

Rick changed the channel and ended up on a reality dating show featuring a big hairy beast in an ill-fitting tuxedo. Romantic stringed music played as an announcer spoke.

"We took a cursed monster and put him in a pimped out castle-"

The screen showed a luxurious and recently renovated European castle, sporting hundreds of lavishly furnished chambers and halls.

"-with twenty beauties"

A montage of twenty gorgeous women in expensive clothes that showed off their bodies.

"Unless he can find true love before the last rose petal drops-"

A glowing red rose appeared on the screen, floating within a sealed glass container.

"-the Beast will die!"

"Ooh, how sad," Sadie remarked. "I hope it all goes well for him."

"Probably won't," Rick said "These things are usually dumpster fires."

"This is Beast and the Beauties!" the announcer declared as the title of the show flashed across the screen.

The screen displayed the titular Beast, still dressed in his ill-fitting tuxedo, along with the twenty female contestants gathered in the castle's spacious entrance hall.

"Beauties," the Beast spoke in a deep, velvety voice. "Welcome to my castle."

The women all smiled and each thanked the Beast for his hospitality.

The hairy creature tugged at the collar of his shirt. "I, uh, also want to let you know that I've had all my shots and everything. You've all signed your release forms so you can't sue us in case of an accident or anything? You have? Good! Good, good. So, uh, let's have a good time!"

The show cut to the inside of a small room where one of the women, named Fantasia, sat.

"Oh. My. God! I bet he's a real beast in bed!" the woman said with a wide grin. "You know that I like my men hairy, mmm hmmm. I used to be a groupie for ZZ Top."

"Ew," Jenny grimaced.

The show cut to another woman, who sat in the same small room Fantasia sat in a moment ago.

"I think I can fall in love with the Beast," the second woman, named Atlantis, said. "He sort of reminds me of my cat, Twinkles. He had a very rough tongue. He died."

The show cut to a third woman, named Glycerine, who looked unenthused about being there.

"Look, I don't care about the Beast, okay? I don't care about anyone, I came on this show to show America and the rest of the world that I can sing. Check it, Oooooh bay-be I wanna touch your body!~"

Everyone winced at the contestant's off key and out of tune singing, which went on for a full three minutes before the camera cut away to another woman to interview.

Gary snorted. "Looking like some real winners right here."

"You think this is bad? You should've seen last season where they had to romance that serial killer who skinned his victims alive. It was…" Rick shivered at the memory.

The show cut to the Beast, who looked nervous but happy.

"When I first saw the beauties, I was like 'Wow!' because my last relationship was with a horse." There was an awkward silence and the Beast shifted uncomfortably. "It's...it's been a very lonely life, living under a curse. You gotta make do with what you can find, otherwise you'll go crazy."

The show proceeded as normal, much in the same way a reality dating show would. Everyone got settled in and had a pleasant meal and turned in for the night. After a day of interactions with the various contestants, the Beast and one of the women, Fantasia, went on the first date. They spent some time at a restaurant and took a stroll through the dilapidated medieval looking town that sat in the shadow of the Beast's castle. The camera followed them at a short distance.

"So, Atlantis, tell me a little bit about yourself?" the Beast asked as they walked through the town.

"Well, I love cats!" the woman said, reaching up and scratching the Beast behind the ear.

The large hairy creature's eyes widened. "Oh! Oh yeah, that feels good!"

"Your coat is so soft and shiny," Fantasia smiled as she began scratching Beast all over.

The Beast purred and began rolling on the ground like a dog. Once she finished scratching him, the Beast got up and dusted himself off.

Taking Fantasia's hand, the Beast stared into her eyes and she stared back into his.

"I can see us having a real connection," the woman said softly. As they leaned in to kiss she spotted something. "What's that?"

The Beast turned, following her gaze. "Oh? That's an angry mob. We should-we should probably go."

The two turned and ran as the camera panned over and showed a mob of angry peasants in dirty old clothes charging up the street, carrying torches and pitchforks. The two ran and the camera watched as the horde raced by.

One man at the back of the mob trailed behind them, chanting, "Kill the beast! Kill the beast! Yeah!"

He paused and looked right at the camera. He frowned in confusion. "Wait a sec...am I on TV?" The mob member smoothed out his ratty hair and flashed his crooked, rotting teeth at the camera as the show cut away to follow the Beast and his date.

As the show continued, Rick noticed that Connie was looking glum. The mad scientist had an inkling as to what it was she was down about and was inclined to let her sort it out. However, feeling an unnatural twinge of compassion, Rick decided to act on it.

"Yo Connie, you think you can help me get some snacks from the kitchen?" Rick asked, rising from his seat.

"Sure," the girl said.

"Oh! Could you get me a soda while you're there?" Ronaldo asked.

"Get it yourself, lazy ass," Rick grunted.

In the kitchen, Rick put some popcorn in the microwave and Connie retrieved some sodas from the fridge. As they waited for the popcorn to pop, the mad scientist spoke.

"I don't normally do this, but...you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Connie said with a frown.

"I don't know, you seemed pretty low after you saw that your boyfriend is running around with another girl and this poorly conceived reality TV show might be reminding you of it."

"What? I'm not not feeling low."

"Kid, don't lie to me. I've seen that look before on my dumb granddaughter's face whenever she get's jealous of some other girl or get's heartbroken by some jackass."

Connie stared at Rick for a moment before letting out a long sigh.

"Yeah I guess I am feeling a little down. Matthias promised that we'd keep in contact and that he'd call me. I'd call him but I don't know anything about communication spells. I just feel like...he's forgotten me."

"Maybe," Rick said with a shrug, leaning against the counter beside him. The cynic in him said that was the likely answer, but, after noticing Connie's expression turning very gloomy very quickly, Rick continued. "But...maybe not. I mean, the kid's probably busy with all the legal shit involving his parents."

"Yeah…"

"Look, I wouldn't worry about him. He'll call eventually. Just give it time."

"But it's been a week already!"

"Give it just a little more time, maybe one more week. If he doesn't call, then move on. That's how life is, especially with these summer romances. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't go anywhere."

"What if he doesn't call? W-what if he doesn't like me."

"If that's the case, we can portal over there and kick his ass. I'll even loan you my gauntlet. That'll really ring his bells."

Connie smiled.

The popcorn finished. Rick pulled it out of the microwave and as he poured it into a large bowl, the lights in the kitchen flickered. The digital clock on the microwave blinked furiously before returning to normal.

"...Connie?" a familiar voice spoke.

Rick frowned and glanced around the kitchen.

"Connie?" the voice spoke again.

"Matthias?" Connie said in surprise. "Where are you?"

"Over here!""

Connie looked and saw the raven haired boy's pasty face on the window facing outside to the sea. It was difficult to see him, but Matthias's face was there on the glass, looking tired and worried but alive.

"Sorry about all this," the boy apologized. "I didn't know whether or not you had a magic mirror on hand or a touchstone, so I had to make do with ordinary glass to reach you. Took some tries, but I did it!"

"That's...that's okay" Connie said, brightening up and looking relieved. "I was worried about you. I saw you on the news and you said you'd call and it's been a week-"

"I know. I'm sorry. I should've called sooner, but things have been very chaotic here. First I was being questioned by the Wardens, then my mother had her little...outburst in court. Wait, you saw that? How?"

"Rick showed us, it's a long story."

"Wow, that's so cool!"

"I'll just...leave you two alone and let you catch up. But remember, no dirty talk or dick pics!"

"Okay!" Connie said, blushing.

Rick gathered the popcorn and soda and slowly backed out of the kitchen, watching the two youths reconnect via magic. The mad scientist felt his heart grow warm. Though these people and their relationships meant very little to him, a part of Rick was glad to see things work out for the better.

The mad scientist returned to the living room in time to see the sneak peak of the finale of Beast and the Beauties, where it showed Glycerine being dragged off by security and the number of contestants reduced to two. The preview showed the two women fighting over the final rose, pulling at each other's hair and punching until they accidentally knocked over the glass case containing the Beast's magic rose. The container shattered and caused the petals to scatter all over the floor. The Beast's eyes widened in horror. He clutched his chest, a pained expression on his face, and collapsed.

Rick chuckled, though his amusement was overshadowed by a creeping feeling of dread. He recalled the previous night, of Mammon and everything that had occurred. Something in the back of his mind warned him that it was only the beginning. The mad scientist always knew that despite winning nearly every battle, there is always more to come. However, this time, Rick had a feeling that the worst is yet to come.

A few moments later, Rick shrugged and decided to worry about it later. For now, he'll just sit back and watch some TV.

---

- End of Chapter 1 -

---

"H-Hey Pearl?" Rick burped.

"Yes, Rick?" the gem replied. She was doing the dishes, humming an unknown song when the mad scientist, who was on the couch sipping beer, had just called for her.

"B-By any weird chance, do you know anything about, oh, I dunno, World War 2?"

"World War 2? No," Pearl frowned. "Goodness me, we definitely would've remembered something quite horrible like that. A world war? Goodness, as if the Gem War wasn't enough... Why do you ask?"

"Oh, well, on most of the dimensions and timelines, there's usually a dude named Adolf Hitler who essentially triggered it. H-He got salty for failing art school and decided to become the dictator of Germany or something like that."

"Hmm…" Pearl paused in her chores as she thought about the name. "Oh, that man! Yes, I am actually familiar with him."

"You are?" Rick raised his unibrow as he reached for his gun.

"Oh yes. I took a trip to Germania with Rose at a certain point, and I happened to stumble across a man who seemed to be having a really bad day. Apparently he was rejected from this art school he desperately wanted to attend. Seeing how downcast he was from his rejection, I bought all of his paintings to try to cheer him up."

She quickly dried her hands as she pulled out some paintings from her gem.

"He became quite the artist, as you can see. The ones on the left are his earliest works, and the ones to the right were his more recent works."

Rick noticed how some of the paintings were about the Gems, or more specifically, about Pearl.

"As you can see, he became quite smittened by me, which was something I didn't know at the time. He was apparently too shy to directly tell me, so it wasn't until Garnet pointed it out that I finally realized what he felt."

Awkward, Rick thought. He just shrugged, before downing his beer.

---

(a/n: What do you think? I know, kind of long but I thought it'd be fun to incorporate different ideas and jokes from shows that feel like they'd be something people would find in a interdimensional streaming service/cable thing. Future chapters of this story may include little "after credits" scenes, like Rick and Morty. One of the "shows" from this chapter is snippet from a story I'm doing for Overlord, though it hasn't happened yet. The lyrics to the song used in that section is "Be Wherever you are" from Steven Universe. I hope you enjoyed this and I'll see you around for the next chapter!)