You guys bless me so much! I'm glad that you're enjoying my little story.
Christmas Eve
"It's ok if it's late, they won't care," Rey whines. She's at the mall of all places on Christmas Eve. It's packed full of harried looking men searching for presents for their wives, girlfriends and moms. "I'm too pregnant for this."
"But I really have no idea what to get Leia. That's why I need your help. And we forgot to get Rose something-" Han looks around. She has to chuckle at the look on his face; matches the rest of the men in here.
"Fine, come on. But first you're buying me a milkshake." She waddles through the crowd. Everyone else was out running errands today but somehow it was her and Han left at the house. So when he confessed that he hadn't finished his shopping yet, she thought this would be a simple trip to some little stores on Main Street. Then he insisted on going to the mall.
But before they get to the milkshake stand, she has an idea. "Why don't I run- well waddle to the bookstore. There's some cookbooks Rose has been wanting. Then you go to that jewelry store." She points to a store across from them. "And find something pretty for Leia. Something to celebrate how much you love her or even the linebacker I seem to be giving birth to."
"You are definitely dropping," Han remarks with a smile.
"I am? I'm not even sure what that means," she laughs. "Unless that's code for I have to go to the bathroom all the time."
"Are you sure you're feeling alright?" Han asks as worry makes his eyes crinkle.
"Yeah, I'm ready for my long winter's nap. I think I could sleep twenty hours a day if someone would let me."
"I remember when Leia was like that with- Ben?" Han looks across the mall and she looks to see if she can…
She looks in the same direction he's staring. "I don't see anyone," she whispers. Something cold and dreaded curls around her heart.
Han looks around them. His normally kind eyes and easy smile is gone in its place is a hardness she's seen before, but never from Han Solo. "This was a mistake, Rey. Let's just go-"
"No, no. That's silly. We're here. And I don't want disappointed people tomorrow morning." She meets his eyes even as she's trying not to give in to her instinct to run as far as she can. "How about if we go together instead of splitting up?"
She meet's her baby boy's Papa's eyes. Where he was hard and calculating a moment ago, he softens as he takes her in. "You know, that does sound like a good idea. Bookstore first?"
He holds out his elbow like an old-fashioned hero in the regency historical romances she likes to read. She links her hand in his elbow and lets him lead her. "Hey, can we get some books for the baby?"
"Of course. Have you decided on a name yet?"
"I think so. I want to wait and tell you and Leia together, though-" she continues talking and is so focused on not tripping because this last trimester of pregnancy has made her very clumsy. And that she doesn't notice how the retired-FBI agent is watching every little thing around them….
Brbrbrbrbr
He's not sure where he's going. He just knows that he's got to get the hell out of this small-town mall.
The first exit leads him with its red light and he follows it, not caring where he ends up. A long hallway with another welcome red sign doing its part to save him.
He busts through the double metal doors like the very hounds of hell are hot on his heels. And they might be. After all, he's not a nice guy anymore.
But never in a million years did he think that Snoke was actually right about his little scavenger. His contacts are a new prescription, so he knows that his eyes aren't playing a trick on him.
Rey Kenobi is pregnant.
His Rey, his sunshine is pregnant.
Bitterness rises in him, washing over him like fire lighting every nerve ending in him. Who did she go to when she left New York? Was she already pregnant when she left? When he finds out who the father of the baby is he was actually going to break the vow he promised to himself when he went to go undercover- not to kill anyone.
He's going to enjoy breaking every bone in his body, after all, there's no better teacher than the knights.
Once he's broken every bone, well there's other ways to torture a man before he dies. It's time that he learns how to do all those party tricks.
On the way to his rental, he sees a patch of trees on the other side of the mall parking lot. Pure rage still flows unfiltered through his veins like that hit of coke that Bazine slipped him last week at the so-called Christmas party. He doesn't remember crossing the asphalt, but he does hear the hoarse cry. It's not until he sees the downed pine saplings and his bloody hands that he realizes…
Blue lights flicker through the trees that he didn't tear out of the ground. Not caring where he might end up, he starts to run. The trees lead him to a subdivision. But instead of going forward, he loops back through the trees. Which leads him to the other side of the parking lot.
It's packed full, it's Christmas Eve after all. He's still not sure why he's here. All he knows is that his parents are here in this wanna be small town and something called to him to be here too.
His mind conjoiners up his Rey. The same Rey who he just saw. Belly round with his baby- but that baby isn't his. It's someone else's. Snoke tried to show him the evidence he kept on demanding that he look at. But he just wanted to protect his memories of her, of them.
Has he been a fool all this time?
Did she cheat on him? Is that why it was so easy for her to kick him out?
He tries to think back. Was she acting different? Was she working later? Did she kiss him as much as she did before?
His mind is churning through his God-awful memories of Snoke and the lies and the alcohol and the blood of the past several months that he bumps into a SUV. It's not until he shakes his head to clear it from the images that runs through it like a bad video on loop; that he realizes the Jeep he's touching is hers.
Without thinking, he tries the driver's side door handle. Somethings never change and that includes Rey and her bad habit of not locking doors.
It's like his heart leads him instead of his head as he slips into her seat. It's further back than her normal, and his heart breaks as he realizes that it's to make room for her baby bump.
He's surrounded by something that's hers, it feels like her, smells like her, even still looks like her as he spots the concert lanyards they wore when they went to that one festival last summer.
Last summer when everything was still perfect.
He was still good.
He was still hers.
She was still his.
They had everything they ever needed.
Each other.
Hot tears stream down his face as he inhales. Wildflowers and jasmine and that underlying scent that's just her. It still lingers in their apartment in Brooklyn, but as he sits here, even he has to admit that it's fading.
He wants to curl up and finally rest because only God knows how he's only surviving on four hours of sleep a night.
He knows he should leave, but something deep inside… he looks in the back seat. He's not sure why, but he grins through his tears. His girl doesn't change. For there in the middle of the backseat, is the throw she bought them last Christmas.
Huge and fluffy, he loved it because they could both fit under it, even his too-tall-six-foot-three frame. He feels guilty as he hugs it tight.
The small still voice inside tells him to put it back. But he ignores that voice. He also tries not to think about how easy that's gotten over the past several months. He opens the door, and gently closes it.
"Damn," he chuckles. The bad mood of just minutes ago gone, just from being in her space again. That's when he looks and sees the BMW X5 he rented right beside the Jeep.
Before he can think about how the universe, or God, or someone out there did this, he hears the sound that he's been missing all this time, her laughter. It comes to him from the main entrance of the mall, and she's laughing at something his Dad of all people said.
He pulls his key fob out of his pocket and clicks the unlock button. Not sure what he's doing, he jumps in the back seat. He slams the door and locks himself in. he knows he should leave, but he can't. He needs to see her, be near her, even though he can't touch her, just one more time.
Rey and his dad walk closer. Panic makes him climb through the X5 until he reaches the back gate. He would rather wrap the throw in plastic so he can pull it out like a drug addict getting a hit of their drug of choice whenever he needs to smell her, to feel her again…
Instead, he pulls it over him.
Then, she appears. Like the angel out of every Christmas story, bright and shining in the light, she's there. He can hear her words, which is like the sweetest music he's ever heard. He has to squint to see through the tinted windows, but he can see the pregnancy glow so many talk about.
But then she stops talking. Dad looks worried, and rushes back over to her side. She grabs Dad's hand and places it on her swollen belly. A soft gasp, laughter from them and Han laughs along with her.
But he cries, hiding from everything he ever wanted.
They get in her Jeep and pull out. He's frozen in place but only for a moment. With his key fob, he opens the hatch and jumps out. A weird mix of anger and longing clouds his vision again and all he can see is red.
She's told his parents that the baby is his. That's why Tobias said they were in Asheville.
That little bitch. How dare she lie to his parents. Yeah, they aren't perfect, but they're his. And no one hurts what's his.
It's easy to find them in the busy holiday traffic. He doesn't even turn on the radio as he follows them out of town. When she goes from a four-lane road to a two-lane, he slows down. He knows she won't notice him but Dad might.
Especially if he thinks that baby is his grandbaby.
She turns onto a gravel drive, he slows until he can't see her headlights but when he stops in so he can look down the drive, he does see light. Lots of lights.
Which is odd considering the house looks like it's at least half a mile from the main road.
He turns off his headlights and pulls in but stops before he gets to close. Her familiar Jeep stops in front of the old farmhouse that looks like Santa's reindeers puked Christmas all of it. At least she feels like celebrating. His inner voice sounds bitter even to himself. The apartment they once called home is bare, it looks like the person who lives there doesn't believe in Christmas.
He supposed after this past year, it's going to take a lot for him to feel like celebrating anything. But the day when he's finally free of Snoke, then he'll celebrate.
Brbrbrbrbrbr
"Thank you for taking me to the mall. I know it was a pain on Christmas eve and all." Han offers.
"It's ok, I know Rose wanted those cookbooks. And I'm glad that I found that shirt Poe was wanting." Rey answers. Better than sitting at home missing him. I wonder what he's doing tonight. Probably at Snoke's Christmas party again. Her heart breaks some more. She supposes she shouldn't tell anyone that his Christmas present is set out on her dresser.
She wanted to go see the daisies blooming in upstate Connecticut that one of her students drew pictures of on Monday. He grumbled the entire two-hour drive north. But once they got there, to acres and acres of wildflowers, he was returning her grin.
Especially when she downed him about a mile from the interstate in the middle of the field. That's where she kissed him all over, and he returned the favor.
Then after dusting the pollen off each other, they walk back to the fruit stand. She picks out fresh strawberries and blueberries, while he looks at the collection of antique toys lined up on shelves.
She had to smile when he kept on playing with the diesel engine that he swore his grandpa was the conductor of back in the day.
Once they were back in her Jeep, ready to drive back to the city, with an excuse for one more trip to the ladies room. She bought him that train with the intent to give it to him for Christmas…
But now, as she rubs her baby boy who presently is kicking her bladder, she knows that one day she'll give it to him. Maybe even put it in his nursery when she takes Han and Leia up on their offer of a house.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she chuckles. "Blame it on the pregnancy brain," she says.
"I was asking about food," he chuckles. "I'm hungry, I know you are too."
"Finn has a surprise for you," she answers with a wink. Her roommate has been cooking all day in preparation for tonight and tomorrow.
"Well I won't beg for you to stop at Wendy's then."
She pulls into their driveway and has to smile. "Didn't they do a good job?"
Rose especially knows how much she loves Christmas. And they all know how hard the past several months have been for her. She got the rest of the people who live with them to put a Christmas light on every surface of the house. Then when they got that done, Poe climbed on top of the roof to install Santa and his reindeer that one of Hux's other patients had given to him.
Then a little more at a time, she would bring home a new inflatable, then Rose would find something in thrift store. Hux would bring something that he found that someone was giving away. Then Finn built a little barn. They haven't found the Holy Family yet, but they know one day they will come.
"Or I can always give birth out there," Rey would tease.
"You can at least have the bed I never sleep in," Poe would reply. Rey would smile and change the subject. And not for the first time, she wonders if her people know that the only reason she did any of the decorating was purely for them.
If she'd stayed in New York she wouldn't have even put up a tree.
She turns off the Jeep and opens the door. This winter's evening is leaving her sad. More sad that she's been letting herself feel.
Brbrbrbrbr
He's not sure how long he's going to sit here. His dad follows her into the farmhouse that looks like they are trying to land planes instead of welcoming old St. Nick. He rolls down the window slightly to let himself more into her reality.
That's when the most delicious smell reaches him. Someone is slow cooking- either pork of beef- but that's one of the best smells he's ever smelled. His stomach rumbles to remind him that he hasn't eaten since he left New York that morning.
She's home for the night, he may as well go- but before he can start the SUV, the screen door slams. He looks up, and it looks like it might be her- he pulls out his phone and with a couple of swipes, has his camera app open.
Once he zooms in on the figure on the porch, his heart stops. Is it his Rey, but what pulverizes his broken heart is that even from here, about a football field's distance away, he can tell that she's crying.
When she walks down the couple of steps and into the frosty yard, he almost meets her in the shadows.
Almost.
She walks over to the inflatable snow family and just stops. She's closer than she was before but now he can't see her face. Until- she turns towards the road behind him and that's when another car pulls in. Her face shines in the headlights, and he quickly snaps some pictures, he holds his breath.
But the person driving must not be paying attention because they don't stop until they pull in behind Rey's Jeep.
A flash of worry and anger washes over him and he physically wants to hurt the red-headed man who's walking over to his girl- well ex-girlfriend. "Who is he to be parking behind her like that? What is something's wrong with the baby and she needs to go to the hospital in the middle of the night?
His breath catches in his throat.
And not for the first time, his tears are bitter as the run down his cheeks. And not for the first time he's cussing Tobias Becket and Luke Skywalker. If it wasn't for those two sons of bitches, he could be asking her to be his and to share their forevers.
But no.
He sits there and watches them go back into the farmhouse. The lights go out, the inflatables sink onto the icy ground, and that's when he looks around. It's not until he pushes the button of the ignition and the heat takes a minute to warm the SUV that he realizes just how cold he is.
With his lights still off, he backs up until his tires reach the blacktop. Then with a flick of his wrist, and a dead soul inside, Ben or Kylo Ren drives back to his hotel.
Brbrbrbrbrr
She isn't sure why she keeps looking out, even after asking her for the fifth time, even Rose stops asking.
Han and Leia are spending the night and sleeping upstairs- which she's glad. Tonight, she wants to be alone but then she doesn't. So instead, she sits at the kitchen table while Finn flits through the space getting ready for their Christmas feast tomorrow.
"Are you alright, Peanut?" He asks.
"Yeah, I think so?" She leans back and rubs the boy under her bump. "It's hard to believe that he'll be here next Christmas."
"It will be his first one. Oh! Did you tell Leia and Han?" He asks.
"No, I'm going to tell them tomorrow." she smiles. "You know, kind of let it be part of their Christmas present."
They both look over to the rest of their people in the living room. Rose, Hux, Poe, Han and Leia are gathered around the coffee table. "What are they doing over there?" Finn whispers.
"I have no idea." Rey says before her yawn takes over. She glances over at the clock. "It's already eleven! I don't remember the last time I stayed up this late."
"Why don't you go on to bed then?" Finn suggests as he takes a pan of cookies out of the oven. "But first, why don't you put out cookies for Santa?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Just do it," he encourages. "Little man can't do it yet, so you need to."
"Fine," she swears as she stands. "What cookies?"
"Well, first you need this-" he hands her a red and green plate.
She looks down and reads, "I've been good, I promise! Love Jonathan Benjamin," her gasp is soft. "You got his name on it? Oh Finn!"
"Who is Jonathan Benjamin?" Leia asks over Rey's shoulder. "Is that-"
"I wasn't going to tell you until tomorrow, but yes," she says as she rubs the spot he's been kicking for the past hour. "His name is Jonathan Benjamin-"
"Solo?" Leia whispers. "Are you going to put Ben on the birth certificate?
"I'm not sure yet?" Rey whispers. She can see the pain in Leia's eyes and the two women hug. "I need to talk to someone about what all that entails if I do list him."
"I know it's a hard decision." Leia clears her throat and Rey doesn't miss the way Han looks at her. "But I do know that it's something we can come back to after," Rey has to smile through her tears as Leia coos through Rey's stomach. "Jonathan Benjamin. I can't wait to meet you, Lala's little sweetheart."
Rey grabs Leia's hand and puts it on that same spot. "He's strong," Rey says.
"He is. I can't wait to meet you, little man," leia coos.
Brbrbrbrbr
For once, Rey wakes up to silence.
At first the panic of something happened rushes through her head, but then she hears movement in the kitchen just beyond the door reaches her.
But Jonathan Benjamin has other ideas for his Mama this Christmas morning.
She stumbles out of the bed and rushes to the bathroom. And not for the first time since moving in, she's grateful that she has her own.
Then she's reached the part of pregnancy where it's more comfortable to wear a bra than to go without. Plus, she's always hot, even during this cold snap she's just glad that she's due in February instead of August. And since it's just the beginning of her third trimester, she's just miserable.
When she's dressed and halfway dressed, she opens her door. "There she is!" greets Leia.
"Merry Christmas," Rey answers.
"Merry Christmas, kid," Han says as he walks over to give her a hug.
"Is she up?" Rose asks from the living room.
"I am," Rey answers as she walks around the corner. "What-"
"Santa left these for a sweet little boy named Jonathan Benjamin." Poe grins. Around the tree is a huge mound of wrapped presents that wasn't there last night. But what makes her burst into tears is the crib she pointed out to Rose last week that she liked. Plus, the changing table and a chest of drawers that all match. Poe wraps her in a hug, then Finn, then Rose and then Hux. And they all surround her in a giant hug.
"And to think, I was worried about them," Han quips behind them.
"Rey and Jonathan Benjamin are loved more than they know," Someone says from the hug.
"I love you," Rey says. "I can't believe you all did this."
"We all love you. Now open the presents!" Rose gushes with a giggle. She grabs Rey's hand and leads her to the couch.
"You'll have to help me up."
"Always," Finn answers.
The other teachers at school had thrown her a little shower, the presents there were mostly clothes and diapers. She was saving everything she could to buy the big stuff. But now, she can use that little nest egg for other things.
"But first," Rose says before she starts on the pile of presents Hux and Poe continues to set at her feet. "Open this one."
It's a relatively short box, but big. It's wrapped in bright Christmas paper. She tears the paper and when she sees the mailing label from somewhere in Africa. "When did Mom send this?"
"A couple of weeks ago." Rose volunteers. "I think you'll like it."
Rey opens the box and after moving the tissue paper aside, she sees one of the most beautiful quilts she's ever seen. Yellow and oranges and red put together in a traditional African pattern. "That's amazing," Rey whispers.
"Your mom always had good taste," Leia offers.
"Of course, she does, she picked this out, didn't she?" Han asks with a grin.
"If your mom and Leia and Han all know each other, why didn't you and Ben meet before?" Hux asks. He's the newcomer to the circle of friends and is still trying to place everyone.
"We were mostly based in the city, while Rey and Amilyn lived in Virginia. It wasn't until Ben and Rey met that we realized the connection. We were both so busy that our communication over the years dwindled down to Christmas cards and Happy Birthday's on social media." Leia smiles warmly at Rey and no one in the room misses the wistfulness in her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder-" she trails off but Han nudges her bringing her back.
The room is quiet for a moment. Rose bumps shoulders with Rey. "You know what? We're here and I know I learned a long time ago that the what-if's will kill you." Rey lays her head on her friend's shoulder. "Besides, your OB is right there. And we have to keep your blood pressure down-"
"Your blood pressure is high? Why didn't you tell us?" Leia squeaks.
"We are doing stress tests and weekly ultrasounds. Trust me, she's best friends with some of the best people I've ever met, I'm keeping a close eye on this little man," Hux says.
"Oh, Hux," Rey whispers. "You're my favorite doc."
"Alright you guys!" Poe laughs. "This is Christmas! We're supposed to be celebrating and all that good stuff. Besides we haven't even told Rey the good news yet."
"What-"
"-you want to tell her now?" Han interrupts.
"Yeah, let's go ahead and let the pregnant woman get all of her crying out of the way. She's got to help Finn cook." Poe grins. He waits for Leia and Han to join him. "As you know, we have thirty acres here on the farm." He waits for Rey to nod and Rose grabs her hand. "Leia and Han got in touch with us about a month ago."
"We were looking at homes on Zillow for you-" Leia says.
"-but couldn't find anything. We know you want to stay out here, next to them," Han smiles and nods towards the rest of her friends. "We made a deal with Poe. He's going to let us build-"
"Build?" Rey whispers.
"Build you a house," he pauses and waves towards the other side of the property where the acreage is. "Somewhere over there. He's going to give you the acre but you have to agree to never sell it and to work for him and Finn forever at the brewery."
"I didn't say that you have to work for us forever. Just until the little man is grown so we can spoil him silly."
"But why are you doing this?" Even as she asks, a quiet falls over the room.
"Because he would want us to," Leia murmurs.
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He told himself that he wasn't going to drive by her house again, but the sun trying to shine through the clouds finds him in the same spot he was in last night. No one's come out of the house yet.
Just when he's ready to give up and ride back to the hotel, his phone rings and the screen door slams. This time he brought binoculars instead of having to rely on his cell. But then he looks down and he swears under his breath when he sees Snoke on the caller ID.
"Ren," he answers.
"My boy! Bazine and I decided to fly in to surprise you for Christmas and to go see this ski lodge. They won't give me your room number."
He swallows hard. Even here in Western North Carolina he can't have a moments peace from him. And ben also knows that if Snoke is close then the knights are even closer. He pushes the start button and eases back out onto the blacktop.
"I'm humbled that you chose me to spend the holiday with. I went for a ride about town to see what restaurants are open. I'll be there shortly. Do you want to meet me in the lobby or in your room?"
Snoke takes the bait and doesn't mention Ben's room again. Instead, they agree to meet in the side room at the hotel. He quickly hangs up. But then- he sits there. Wishing that here, in this modern world that there was such a thing as soul mates or force bonds. A way to be able to talk to her even if it's just for one more time.
Then he could tell her how sorry he is forever thinking that either one of them would ever be alright again.
I had different ideas for this story, but several talked me out of it lol…