The women had been driving for quite some time that evening and had fallen into a mostly comfortable silence as Natasha focused on driving and Yelena mentally celebrated the fact that Natasha actually liked her vest that she was so proud of.
However, they both were extremely exhausted by now, and they had started looking for places to stop and stay.
After several minutes of searching, Natasha finally pulled in and stopped at a small, rundown inn that looked like one of the sleaziest spots in town.
"It's not the Ritz Carlton, but it'll do," Natasha muttered under her breath as she unbuckled her seat belt, and Yelena glanced at her with some confusion, trying not to let too much of the emotion invade her features. The last thing that she wanted to do was look uneducated or unknowing in front of Natasha.
"I've slept in worse places," Yelena finally settled for wryly admitting, and Natasha just looked at her with something that resembled guilt. However, it was gone as soon as it appeared, and they both got out of the car, heading for the front of the little inn.
Yelena just lingered near Natasha as the redhead asked for a room for the both of them, and she took a moment to analyze anyone she saw and the general area. She needed to make sure that the both of them would not be compromised or caught.
In the midst of her pre-planning, she had not realized that Natasha had finished getting a room.
"Hey, did you hear me?" Natasha called, and Yelena looked quickly at Natasha, silently questioning what she needed.
"What?"
"Can you go get our bag?" Natasha questioned, and Yelena somewhat begrudgingly nodded in agreeance, not really sure if she liked being the bag-fetcher, but she complied as Natasha chucked the keys in her direction. Yelena caught them easily.
"We're in room 19. It's only got one bed, but we'll figure something out," Natasha told her with all the calmness in the world. Yelena, however, was still stuck on the fact that she and the older woman were going to be sharing a bed.
It was something that she longed for throughout her many years in the Red Room, wishing they could be like they were as kids when they would crawl in bed together and wrap their arms around each other. She really needed that comfort through the horrors and tragedies she had to endure. Now that she was actually going to get her wish, she was feeling more anxious about it than anything. Things were not the same with her and Natasha, and she could not get a good read on the redhead.
Nevertheless, she decided to just go and get the bag and worry about the bed arrangements later.
Once she headed up to the room with the bag slung over her arm, she quickly noticed that Natasha had already peeled the bedcovers back and was about to sit on the edge of the bed and remove her shoes. It was then that Yelena truly considered something that she should have thought of beforehand. Yelena just stood stock still, her eyes shifting about as she scanned the room. Natasha seemed to realize her tenseness and spoke.
"What?"
"We need to check for cameras," Yelena spoke quietly, worrying they could be heard.
"I already did," Natasha immediately assured her, and Yelena found herself surprised that the redhead had bothered with it. She would have assumed that Natasha was long over even remotely thinking of that sort of thing.
She guessed some habits just never die.
"Well, aren't you ever the golden child?" Yelena muttered under her breath, a tiny bit of bitterness easing into her tone but mostly finding herself filled with some strange sense of being cared for.
Yelena shook those thoughts from her head, remembering the reality of their situation. Yelena uncomfortably stood near her side of the bed, already feeling her stomach twist with the fact that she was going to have to share a bed with someone that she so desperately wanted to get close to and that seemed to not really want her all that close.
Once she kicked her shoes off, she looked back up in Natasha's direction, just watching her as she tiredly removed her own shoes. Her eyes swiftly locked onto the bit of skin on her back that was exposed as she bent over slightly. Yelena felt her heart ache as she was intensely reminded of the bruises covering Natasha's back in giant, hideous splotches.
It made her hurt, and now that the image was back in her head, she could not quite get it out. It was bothering her relentlessly, and she quickly considered the possibilities and how she could at least get a better look at the marks.
It was then that she thought of the perfect excuse. Yelena cleared her throat a bit.
"Hey, um… Since you bandaged my arm earlier… I was wondering if you wanted me to take a look at your back? You know, returning the favor and all," Yelena offered, forcing a sense of casualness and nonchalance in her voice when she was really feeling something much more overwhelming. It constricted in her chest, squeezing her heart as she made the tender offer to someone that she somehow adored despite the fact that she had not seen her in years and years.
She could see Natasha stiffen a bit from her position sitting on the edge of the opposite side of the bed. Yelena just watched her carefully, feeling sure that the redhead was going to turn her down.
Honestly, she was beginning to regret asking her at all. She knew that it probably sounded weird, and it honestly made her feel a little weird to say anything at all. However, all she knew was that every time she looked at Natasha's jacket-covered back, all she could think about was the ugly bruises that she had caught sight of when they were at the safehouse. Even now, Natasha's thin, black shirt did little to take the image from Yelena's mind.
She was about to add onto her last statement and try to write it off as a joke or something until Natasha suddenly replied.
"If you want," Natasha consented, her head turning to the side as she glanced in the blonde's direction. Yelena awkwardly shuffled over, easing onto the bed behind the redheaded woman. She paused for just a moment before touching the older woman's shirt, trying to gather her nerve.
It had been so long since she had been so close with Natasha. Granted, they had their close-combat fight from earlier, but she was completely and terribly out of practice as far as peaceful, intimate contact with this person that was somehow so important to her.
Some part of her was weirded out by the whole thing, but another, somehow louder part of her was screaming how right it felt and how much she just wanted to hug the person in front of her, regardless of the anger, hurt, and many other mixed emotions that had been running through her rampantly.
Yelena gently looped her fingers around the hem of Natasha's shirt and pulled up. She kept going until the shirt hung itself around Natasha's shoulders, exposing the ugly marring that had been concealed beneath the fabric. It was then that she realized that Natasha's back was not just bruised but there was also some raw skin there that was just starting to heal a little.
Almost before she could think better of it or control herself, Yelena reached her free hand out to Natasha's back, gently touching the ugly purple-red splotches with the most feather-light contact she could muster.
Her astute observational skills did not miss how the muscles of Natasha's back tensed up with the contact. However, other than that, the redhead showed no resistance to her. Yelena trailed her fingers down the older woman's back, feeling the skin, muscle, scar, bruising and raw flesh that was there.
To her surprise, there was an ugly scar on the lower part of Natasha's back, and Yelena ran her thumb over it gently, noticing how the skin on it was peeling up some. It was no doubt reopened somewhat from her activity throughout the day and the amount of falling and scrapes they had. Natasha never moved out from under her touch, and she actually hardly moved at all outside of the controlled breaths she was taking.
The sight of these things made her stomach flip and her chest hurt. And she could not help but feel extremely guilty for her own actions earlier. She knew she could not have made these wounds any better by slamming Natasha into every wall she could find. The guilt was almost stifling, and it made her irrational.
So irrational that Yelena felt a tug in her to just hug the redhead from behind. But she pushed away that urge as quickly as it came, negating it and shoving it in some locked part of herself. However, much to her frustration, it still lingered a bit within her despite her best efforts.
"You've got a lot of booboos," Yelena muttered under her breath, trying to bring at least a hint of levity to the situation since she was so uncomfortable with her own feelings. Natasha huffed a bit, her muscles in her back moving just a bit with the contraction of her chest.
"Booboos seem to be the thing that I have most of," Natasha replied softly, her voice some mix of bitterness and a poor attempt at a reciprocation of Yelena's humor. However, it came out much more tense than it should have, and Yelena found herself at a loss as to what to say.
Things quickly grew quiet again, falling back into that awkward silence between them. Yelena knew logically that there was nothing that she could do for the bruises and raw places on Natasha's back, but she still felt her heart aching as if she needed to do something.
"There's some antibiotic ointment in the bag over there," Natasha pointed out suddenly, almost as if she sensed Yelena's difficulty and hesitance to leave Natasha in her current state without some sort of attention.
"I bought it earlier," Natasha explained simply, her voice quiet as she explained its presence. Yelena hesitated for a moment more before heading over to the bag and searching through it, pulling out the ointment and then heading back to Natasha.
She knew the redhead was doing this mostly for Yelena's benefit since the antibiotic ointment was not going to do much for the places on Natasha's back. However, she desperately hoped that Natasha did not see through her motives and realize that she just wanted to be close with her. It was hard enough for Yelena to admit to herself, and she could not imagine the humiliation if Natasha found out about it.
Yelena sat just behind Natasha, her legs folded together as she opened the container and placed it between her legs. She then reached a hand up to help keep the shirt in place where it was bunched up around Natasha's shoulders.
Yelena dipped her free hand in the ointment, making sure her fingers were coated with the sticky stuff. She then hesitated for just a moment, hovering over Natasha's shoulder blade. She waited for a long moment, trying to gather the nerve, and once she finally managed to get just enough courage, she made contact with Natasha's skin.
Natasha let out a breath that was not quite a hiss, but it was definitely a sigh of discomfort and slight pain. Yelena knew that the stuff was not made to burn, but she also knew that sometimes medication burned anyway despite what it said on the container. She did not reply with an apology, knowing it would do no good. Plus, she could not exactly trust her voice to work at this moment.
Yelena worked at the place gently with her fingers, rubbing the ointment into Natasha's skin and trying to get the stuff to actually sink in some so it could help her sister. Natasha loosened gradually as Yelena almost massaged her back.
The blonde ran her palm over the wound, trying to spread the ointment across her back. There were very few raw places on Natasha's back but when she hit one, Natasha's muscles would tense slightly before relaxing considerably.
Yelena then moved across Natasha's back to the other shoulder, rubbing a small bit across the relatively small abrasion there. Natasha did not react to that one, and she assumed it was mostly just bruising.
When Yelena moved down to the lower parts of her back, however, Natasha stiffened quite a bit, the quietest of noises escaping her. If Yelena had not been trained to listen for things as she had, she would have definitely missed it.
Yelena ached to do or say something that might ease the pain, but she had no idea what. She just settled for rubbing the stuff more gently and speeding up her work over the area. She then dabbed a bit of the ointment on her index finger before rubbing it on Natasha's scar. She knew that there was not much reason to do it there, but she somehow wanted to let Natasha know that she was paying attention and that she cared.
Natasha had been extremely hardened to her throughout their time together so far, but she had caught small glimpses of Natasha just looking at her with something that was infuriatingly real. Something that was completely opposite of the words that Natasha kept repeating and seemed to have taken up as her mantra.
You weren't really my sister.
That stung more than anything that Yelena had heard in years. It had come from someone so close to her, someone that she absolutely loved so much that it hurt. The only thing that had eased the pain was the way that Natasha kept gazing at her with that tender, loving, soft look in her eyes. Of course, every time she looked in Natasha's direction in an attempt to get a better look at the expression, Natasha returned to her calculating, quietly brooding countenance.
She never said anything to acknowledge it, but she would stare at Natasha for a long moment to silently inform Natasha that she was indeed paying attention and knew that she secretly cared still.
Her returning stares must have done something, because when Natasha bandaged her arm that evening, Natasha had that love and care in her eyes that she had been trying so desperately to hide. It was not as strong as it could have been, but it was still plenty enough to make Yelena's heart hurt with the need to be close with the person that she considered to be her sister.
"How bad is it back there?" Natasha questioned, and it was then that Yelena realized how long she had been focusing on Natasha's back. Yelena pulled her hand away quickly as if she had been burned and used her clean hand to pull down Natasha's shirt over the wounds carefully.
"You look like someone tied you to the back of a truck and drug you behind them on the road," Yelena informed her simply, trying to keep the small note of worry out of her voice and finding that she was failing miserably.
"That's reassuring," Natasha replied, her voice completely deadpan, and Yelena smirked a tiny bit as she headed for the bathroom to wash her hands.
"That's what I'm here for," Yelena responded with just as much sarcasm in her tone as Natasha had used. Once she had cleaned her hands, she headed back into the room, feeling her muscles growing a little tired from the events of the day. Natasha had already moved into the bed, laying on her side comfortably as she faced the wall. Yelena moved onto her side, sliding underneath the blankets and positioning herself.
However, Yelena bristled just a little as she realized that there were too many ways for people with ill intentions to easily get in. There was a window near Natasha on her side of the bed, and Yelena's side of the bed was not far from the door. It made her terribly uncomfortable as soon as she actually considered the arrangement.
"I'll take the first watch if you want," Natasha offered quietly, and Yelena felt something in her chest melt. Natasha somehow knew that Yelena was uncomfortable and nervous, and it made Yelena feel strangely vulnerable and naked for the woman to be so well aware of it.
"No, I can. You've had a longer day than me," Yelena expressed.
"We literally did the exact same things today," Natasha informed her, and Yelena could hear the slightest hints of a smile in her voice.
"Yeah, but I wasn't the one that fell and hit literally everything on the way down," Yelena acknowledged, rolling over on her side to face Natasha. To her surprise, the redhead was already laying on her back and looking in her direction. Yelena's mind was quickly overtaken with the almost completely undisguised affection in Natasha's eyes.
This time was sort of like earlier that night, but it was so much stronger.
"I also was the one that landed on my feet when I hit the ground," Natasha teasingly spoke, her voice soft, and Yelena was shaken from her stupor. She rolled her eyes, huffing slightly as she shrugged in response to the redhead.
"Fine, you take the first watch. Just make sure to wake me up so you can get some sleep, too," Yelena informed her, turning her back to the redhead so she could face the door as they slept. Natasha did not move for a long moment, and Yelena could practically feel her gaze. The last thing the blonde was aware of was when the mattress shifted a bit as the older woman sat up in the bed to keep watch.
To her pure surprise, when Natasha woke her up for her turn to watch, Yelena realized that she had rested more well than she had in years and years. She could not remember a time that she slept so soundly without some sort of sedative.
As Natasha laid down in her place and started to try to sleep, Yelena could not help but marvel at the woman resting there quietly.
Somehow, although they had been separated for years now and things were somewhat awkward between them, Natasha still managed to make her feel safer than she ever had.
And that made some of her leftover anger and bitterness dissipate.