Chapter 5
Frozen Wasteland
O'Malley stood on a ledge above the Reds and Blues, laughing and then said to the Reds and Blues. "You fools! Have fallen into my hands! Only now, do you realise the folly of your follies! Prepare for an oblivion for which there is no preparation!"
"Will you shut up?" West as everyone pointed their guns at O'Malley. "O'Malley! The Reds and Blues are working together now. You can't hope to beat us!" Simmons said to O'Malley. "You fool! My metallic friend is the only ally I need." O'Malley said, as Lopez walked into view. "Lopez, activate weather control routines." O'Malley said to Lopez.
[Okay.] Lopez said as weird symbols appeared around him. "Are those runic symbols a sigh of some ancient technology?" Simmons asked O'Malley and Doc said to them. "No, I used to draw them on my binder during study hall. I always wanted to sue them for something. Aren't they cool?" Doc asked. "Shut up!" O'Malley said to Doc.
"Oh, Sampson's back hair. They found our secret weapon." Sarge said and West said to him. "What weapon?"
"I developed a weather control device, but I was missing one critical piece of technology to make it work." Sarge said and O'Malley said before laughing. "Hahaha, yes. And now that I've located those "D" batteries, the Universe will be mine!"
"Are you serious? You couldn't find D batteries." Tucker asked Sarge. "You do know you can find them in gas stations." West said to Sarge. "But they're just so darn expensive there!" Sarge said to West.
That's when Grif and Church walked up to everyone. "What's going on?" Church asked. "You want the long version or the short? Basically you've got a fifty megaton in your gut-" Sarge said. "Ten sir." Simmons said. "-And Lopez is about to kill us all." Sarge said to Church. "That didn't make any sense, what's the long version?" Church asked.
"That was the long version." West said and Tucker said. "Yeah. The short version is "we're boned."."
"Hey Grif, are you okay?" Simmons asked Grif. "I've done hard time, Simmons. I'm not the man you used to know." Grif said to Simmons. "Hard time? We were only separated for five hours." Simmons said to Grif. "Time moves slower on the inside, Simmons, It seemed like seven or eight hours to me." Grif said to Simmons.
"Uh guys? Did we forget something?" Jack said as O'Malley fired a rocket launcher at them. Jack then said to them. "Oh, right."
"Take cover!" West yelled as they all took cover. O'Malley "You foolish fools will never defeat me. You're far too busy being foolish. HAH, OBLIVION IS AT HAND!" O'Malley yelled as he fired rockets willy nilly all over the place.
"Sarge, I have an idea, but I need you to distract him." Simmons said to Sarge. "Will do." Sarge said to Simmons. Sarge then turned to Grif, Jack and Infernape who were hiding with him, behdin a large rock. "Grif… I've never believed in you. Not even for a moment! But, now… is your chance to prove yourself. To me." Sarge said to Grif. "What can I do, Sarge?" Grif asked Sarge.
"I need you to run right at O'Malley." Sarge said. "And shank him with my shiv?" Grif asked, pulling out a piece of wood that was supposed to be his shiv. "No. when he blows you up with the rocket. Try to see if you can get your dismembered limbs and guts to clog the barrels of his rocket launcher." Sarge said to Grif. "You're kidding…" Grif said. "It's a remote chance, I know. But it's worth a shot." Sarge said to Grif. "Just run at him with your shiv, and hope for the best." Jack said to Grif.
"OOOOOBLIVION IS AT HAND." O'Malley said as he came around the rock and amined the rocket launcher at them, all the while laughing. "Cover your ears guys. This thing is really loud." Doc said to them. "This is it!" Grif said
"Not so fast, O'malley." Simmons said, as they all turned to Simmons. "Maybe we can't stop you, but I know who can!" Simmons said as he pulled out a remote and a teleporter door opened. "All right, new level." A person said. Then all the Reds and Blues from the X-box Cannon appeared.
"Hey guys, you want your flag? He's the one that has it." Simmons said to the reds and blues, while pointing to O'Malley. "The Crusade has begun! Our Hour of Glory is now at hand! Let all who would stand against us be washed in our diving light!" A red said before they started to fight O'Malley, shooting him and tackling him. "Get away from me! Ouch! Ow stop it! Stop Ow!" O'Malley said as he ran.
"Simmons what did you do?" West said as he met up with Simmons. Simmons then said to him. "I found this remote in that room."
"You what?" West said before looking at the remote. He then said to Simmons. "You idiot, that not a remote its-"
"Will you two stop talking and help us with Church bomb?" Jack said to Sarge. "Right!" Sarge said as they all turned to Church. But then Church got struck by a bolt of lightning.
"Hold still, son. This'll just take a second." Sarge said as everyone gathered in front of Church. Sarge then kneeled down. "Don't you ever install anything above the waist?" Church asked. "Oh on! That last lighting bolt fused the detonator! There's no way to turn this thing off!" Sarge said. "Can you do it manually?" Simmons asked. "Impossible. I specifically designed it's that I wouldn't be able to defuse it." Sarge said. "Why?" Grif asked. "In case I fell into the wrong hands, and was brainwashed to help the blues!" Sarge said.
"I doubt you'd ever work for the blues freely or under brainwash sir." Jack said to Sarge. "Yeah, nice thinking, sir." Simmons to Sarge. "You had to get just one last ass-kiis in before we died, didn't you?" Girf said to them, as the Reds and the Blues from the Xbox Cannon took turns sitting on O'Malley face. "On, nt-! That's disgusting! What are you doing? I'm being violated!" O'Malley said to everyone
"Will all of you shut up, let me try." West said as he took a look. Tucker then said to him. "Can you disarm it West."
"No. Sarge put a bunch of useless parts inside, like this Lego piece. If I had more time, I could disarm it, but not with the time we have left." West said as Tucker got an idea and left. He then came back with O'Malley's rocket launcher and said. "Church, there's only one thing I can do."
"Hey, what the hell?" Church said and the West said. "Tucker, that won't work, it will help the bomb."
"But if I blow him up before the bomb goes off, there's at least a small chance the rest of us will live! Tucker said and Church said. "But the bomb would kill me."
"You're going to die, anyway when the bomb goes off!" Grif said and Church said. "What can I tell you, pal? Misery loves company."
"I don't think Misery loves you Church." West said and Church said. "Oh, fuck you West."
"What the hell?" Tucker said, as the rocket launcher got shot in his hands. "Sorry, Private Tucker, but I always get my man! Say goodbye, mate." Wyoming said to Tucker. "Uhm guys? I hate to interrupt, but zero seconds." Simmons said, as the timer finished beeping. "What? oh, son of a-." The Church said before he exploded.
Unknown
When everyone opened their eyes they found themselves in a black and white spinning around with clocks floating around them. "The bomb must've gone off." Sarge said "Where are we?" Grif asked. "Are we dead?" Simmons asked. "No idea." West said to Simmons. "I don't want to be dead! I want to be alive! Or a cowboy!" Caboose said. "Dead? Aw, man! Tomorrow was All-You-Can-Eat day at the chow hall. And I wanted to eat all that I could!" Donut said. "Well it was nice knowing you all." Jack said. "We're not dead, idiots! We're stuck in some kind of temporal- Oh no! Heads up boys! Prepare for impact!" Sarge said to everyone, before they got spit out at the unknown.
Chard Ruins
After sometime Tucker woke up. "What happened?" Tucker asked, groaning. "Hey! He's awake!" Donut said, letting Tucker see his new armor. "I still wanna know why I didn't get a laser gun." Grif asked. "Shut up, dumbass." Simmons said to Grif. "Yeah, what will you do with a laser gun? Eat it?" Jack asked Grif.
"Guys Tucker's awake!" Donut said, making everyone move into Tucker's sight, letting Tucker see Jack, Grif, and Simmons' new armor, pulse Infernape. "Well, look who's back from the dead." Jack said. "Hey hey hey, take it easy, Tucker. You've been out a while." Simmons said to Tucker as Tucker started to stand. "And I thought I was Lazy." Grif said to Tucker.
"What's going on? Who are you people?" Tucker asked everyone. "He has amnesia! Tucker! Don't worry! You are safe! We're the Reds! We are your mortal enemies!" Wait... That didn't sound right." Donut said to Tucker. "No that's right." Jack said to Donut.
"Tucker! Tucker! I am so glad you are alive!" Caboose said as he walked up to him. "Looks like I can't sell your armor just yet." West said on top of a hill with Empoleon with him. Tucker then said to them. "Caboose!? West!? What happened?"
"We're in the future. Things are very shiny here!" Caboose said and Tucker said in disbelief. "The future? Oh, I can't fucking wait to hear this one."
"Obviously Lopez's weather matrix combined with the power of bomb 21 to create an explosion so large it caused a temporal rift in time that cascaded throughout the-" Sarge said to Tucker, as he walked up to everyone. "That's not what happened." West said to Sarge.
"Woah, wait a second, wait a second, I don't understand." Tucker said. "Sarge! Can we do that skit, now?" Donut asked Sarge. "Yeah!" Caboose said. "Yes." Simmons said. "I don't care." Jack said. "Don't waste our time on a useless skit." West said. "Agree. Besides, I don't wanna do that dumb skit." Grif said. "Fine! But only because I want to see Grif be miserable. I miss the old days!" Sarge said to Donut.
"Great! Places everyone!" Donut said to everyone, as they all started to move. "The Red vs Blue Players present a Franklin Donut Play. written and directed by Franklin Donut. In association with Light-Red Danish Productions-" Donut said. "Can we start?" Sarge interrupted him.
"And action." Douny said as the play started. With Donut standing in the middle, Sarge, Grif, and Simmons to his right, Caboose on his left, and Tucker, Jack, and West, watching this. 'Hello, weary traveller. We represent the timeline." Simmons said. "I am the past! Where things cost less, and people knew the value of a hard day's work. But they only lived to be 28 years old!" Sarge said. "And I am the future, where people have no morals and no emotions, but we have a bunch of kick-ass gadgets!" Simmons said. "And I'm the present, which sucks. We have nothing cool, and also no morals." Grif said. "And I am the helpful narrator, a faceless voice used by poor writers." Donut said.
"You have a face I think." Tucker said. "Shut up, audience! You're ruining my play!" Donut said to Tucker. "Everything was fine with the timeline until one day, in the present…" Donut said. "Why does bad stuff always happen in the present?" Grif asked. "Because that's when people do stuff!" Donut said to Grif. "Ah, quit your bitchin'. I have atrocities and a crap-load of wars that seemed very important at the time, but now seems trivial and stupid." Sarge said to Grif. "Yeah, I've got apocalypse. That's way worse than anything you two dipshits have." Simmons said to Sarge and Grif. Sarge then turned to Simmons. "Sorry, sir. That "dipshit" was in character." Simmnos said to Sarge. "Oh. Well, bravo, Simmons!" Sarge said to Simmons.
"One day, in the present: a terrible thing happened!" Donut said as Caboose entered stage left. "Enter stage left. Hello, I am Stupid Private West, I am going to set off a big bomb now, and totally mess things up for everyone! Because I am stupid! Turn around. Hello, Present! I am going to set off a bomb in you!"
"Don't do that, Stupid Private West! That might kill me!" Girf said and Caboose said. "Think about this for a moment."
"Caboose! Stop reading your stage directions." Donut said to Caboose. "You told me I was supposed to read anything with my name in front of it!" Caboose said to Donut. "Just the lines, not the blocking. You're my big debut!" Donut said to Caboose. "I do not think we are meshing artistically. I think you should talk to my agent?" Caboose said. "Boo you all suck. This is terrible." Jack said as he threw tomatoes at Donut and Caboose, from a bucket of tomatoes he had. "Where did you get that buck?" Tucker asked Jack. "No idea." Jack said, as he kept throwing tomatoes
"Alright that's it!" West said before he got onto stage and threw Donut off it. West then said and said. "Now let me tell you what really happened to us. Simmons grabbed a Teleporter Pad from that strange room. And when Church was hit with the weather machine it caused the bomb to have a static charge, so when he exploded, it triggered the Pad and sent us somewhere in the universe, not into the future.
"You're telling me a bomb sent us flying across the universe?" Tucker asked West. "That makes no sense." Sarge said and West said. "You know what? If you idiots want to believe we got sent across time and not space, go for it. But I'm right and do you know why? Because I am the Smartest person in the Canyon."
"But we're not in a Canyon." Jack said and West just screamed inside his helmet and then left them. They decided to ignore him and Tucker asked. "Wait, what happened to Church?"
"Hm. Never really thought about him!" Sarge said. "Yeah, weird. I guess he's dead." Simmons said. "Sounds good to me! Let's go with that!" Sarge said. "He could be hurt!" Tucker said. "No he's dead. After all, the bomb was in him. If he's alive it will be in pieces." Jack said to Tucker.
Unknown Location
But Church was in one piece in an unknown location. "What the hell? Where the hell am I?" Church asked as he looked around.