So I've been fairly lazy this week, which doesn't bode well because I'm starting to catch up to my buffer chapters haha! But I promise I'll get back into the swing of things these days and keep writing! It's been a busy week, though this next one should come with a lot more free time.
As always my lovelies, go ahead and enjoy this chapter and don't forget to toss me a little review, to let me know what you think~ ;)
P.S. All Attack on Titan characters belong to Isayama Hajime. I only own my OCs.
36. Zeke
~ 853 ~
"Say, Reiner... did Aunt Karina say to buy any tomatoes?" Gabi inquired, as she perused the stalls that afternoon at the busy market. "Huh... Reiner?"
Looking around when she realized he wasn't next to her, she spotted him standing near the center of the large square seemingly fixated on something. Slithering in between people to reach him, she grabbed his sleeve and tugged on it.
"Hey, Reiner... what are you doing?" she asked, but he seemed to not notice her only staring across the plaza like in a trance.
Following his gaze she, at last, spotted the young woman who had stopped across from them, staring back at him much in the same manner.
"I see... you finally found yourself a girlfriend! Good for you!" she grinned, smacking him on the back and finally snapping him back to reality.
"Gabi..." he gasped as if only then realizing that she was there. "Where did...?"
But when he turned his eyes back to where he had spotted her, she was gone and he had to wonder if he was losing his mind. There was no way that had been Natalie... her hair was a different color, but he would have recognized her face out of a thousand. Her terrified expression and her voice as she begged him to not fight against them still plagued his nightmares sometimes. But that couldn't have been her... it was impossible that she would be there!
"Huh? She's gone?" Gabi commented, making him realize that it hadn't been his imagination. "Wait, don't tell me!"
At that, she lowered her voice with a conspiratorial smile and wiggled her eyebrows.
"Is she a Marleyan? Is that why you can't talk to her in public?"
"What are you going on about, Gabi? There's no way a Marleyan would get involved with someone like me..." he at last spoke up with a sigh at her tangent. "Come on, let's get what we need before the market closes for the night."
To his credit, he managed to not sound as unsettled as he felt on the inside, but as he herded the girl back into the crowd he couldn't help casting one final look over his shoulder where he had seen the young woman standing.
=0=0=
"I told you to stay close!" Lenz scolded her after they had rejoined Eren. "This area is right outside the internment zone; someone who knows you might see you."
"I'm sorry, I just... thought I saw..." she stammered, still reeling from suddenly seeing Reiner again after all those years.
It was such a mixture of emotions that had taken hold of her, but most of all she was relieved that he seemed healthy and unharmed.
"Did you see someone?" Eren inquired as they took to following Lenz into the backstreets.
"I... I don't know... maybe it was nothing." she replied, suddenly unsure whether it was a good thing to let Eren know that Reiner was nearby.
Sure, Eren had calmed down and matured somewhat over those past few years, but sometimes she still feared he would act rashly like he had so many times before. And even though he said nothing more, the suspicious glimmer in his eyes didn't escape her. But then he surprised her even more when he wrapped an arm about her shoulders to switch places with her as they passed through a busy boulevard, using their height difference to shield her from the eyes of the two men in dark blue uniforms coming down the sidewalk.
"Thank you..." she whispered once Lenz had successfully led them into the back alleys again, though Eren's only answer was to squeeze her shoulder and stick close to her like a hawk.
'Did Levi put him up to this?' she pondered, not without a measure of amusement, knowing how overly protective the young Captain could get when it came to her.
She could only imagine just how displeased he was that Erwin hadn't allowed him to join their group, thinking that the fewer people were around her and Eren, the less attention it would draw to them. Of course, that had also been a chance to show that they trusted Kiyomi, by allowing Lenz to escort them safely to the rendezvous point. And so, she smiled but didn't antagonize Eren, instead only reaching up to pat his hand in gratitude. It was about another hour that they walked cautiously, before finally reaching what looked like an industrial area full of rundown warehouses and abandoned materials.
"This was once supposed to be another internment zone, though smaller than the main one." Lenz stated, seeing them both casting curious glances around. "It would have housed any Eldians that fled other countries, who were caught trespassing on Marley territories – at least those who weren't shot on sight at the borders. But then the Paradis mission failed, with two Titans lost, and Marley began to lose authority in front of other nations; this project was abandoned and all their efforts went into the military once the war began."
Exchanging a glance at the information, Natalie and Eren once more took in the desolated area around them before Lenz urged them to follow him inside one of the warehouses. In a secluded corner, behind a few stacks of abandoned rotting wood, Kiyomi was already waiting for them with Erwin and Levi as well as a few of her bodyguards. The woman was seated on a decrepit-looking armchair facing a small barrel from which the fire cast eerie shadows which grew longer and darker in the quickly fading daylight. Even before they had reached the group, Natalie could tell Zeke was sitting in the armchair facing the woman – Levi's disgusted expression said it all.
When Kiyomi raised her gaze to them, Zeke leaned over the side and for a heartbeat, Natalie could swear she saw genuine relief when his eyes found Eren. Then his gaze moved on to her and – to her utter surprise, as well as Eren's – he smiled. By the time they had joined the others in the light of the flames, he was still smiling... still looking at her like he was trying to discern something.
"Can you stop being a creep already?"
Levi's remark made her chest involuntarily spasm with laughter that she, fortunately, managed to hold in. She didn't even need to look at him to know he was addressing Zeke; however, the male shifter didn't seem at all intimidated.
"My apologies, Captain Levi." he replied, without taking his eyes off the redhead. "It's the first time we meet in person, isn't it Natalie?"
"Yes, I heard you were quite eager to see me. And you should be grateful... I don't do this kind of thing for just anyone."
"Oh? That does make me happy to hear. It means I wasn't wrong about you..."
"Well aren't you easy to please?" she huffed, sounding completely unconvinced. "Then, since I made you so happy, why me in particular? Commander Erwin is the one you should want to talk to if you're looking to forge an alliance with us."
"That is why I agreed for him to be present as well. However, he lacks certain... qualities that would make this conversation go smoothly."
Pausing just long enough to assess their reactions to the jab, he then spoke again just when Eren furrowed his brows.
"Don't misunderstand me... I respect him; very much so, actually. It takes a very special man to do what he does and to be able to bear such a burden. However compared to you, he is somewhat lacking in empathy. Am I wrong?"
At the last inquiry, his eyes finally moved to Erwin's impassive face before trailing down to his restored arm.
"You seem to have regained what you had lost, Commander... at the expense of my friend." he went on.
"You knew?" Eren blurted out, confirming Zeke's suspicions.
"Of course! Who else would have been a better choice as the new vessel to hold Bertholdt's power? I hope the fact that you were left to wander in peace, rather than shot on sight, shows my sincerity and how serious I am about this alliance."
Side-eyeing Eren's confused expression, Natalie sighed softly.
"Of course it's a show of faith... and a veiled threat." she retorted, drawing Zeke's gaze back to her. "A two-in-one offer; I didn't think you such a generous man, Zeke Jaeger."
"I always aim to please, I assure you." he replied, smiling when she narrowed her eyes at his deliberately flirty demeanor; oh, it so amused him to get under her skin like that. "But enough playing around... I was told you had some particularly strong feelings about my plan. I would like nothing more than to discuss it directly with all of you and answer any questions you may have."
"Tell me one thing, before we go into that." the redhead nearly cut him off. "What would you have done with me that day, if Levi hadn't stopped you? Would you have killed me?"
The way he nearly visibly shuddered at the memory, shown by how his interlaced fingers tightened together, gave her an almost sadistic sense of elation at the idea that he was still terrified of Levi. Just as well; that would likely be the only thing keeping him in check, should they go along with his plan and bring him back to the island. But she needed to get a better reading on him somehow. Sarcasm was good and all, but she needed to hear his answer to a more serious question, to gauge just how honest he meant to be with them.
"Heavens, no." he replied, trying to sound as calm as always before sighing lightly. "If you must know, I would have brought you back here and handed you over to Marley authorities. If they had concluded you couldn't be trusted to become a member of my Warrior unit, they would have fed you to one of the candidates and passed your power onto someone loyal to them."
At last, he could see the cracks forming in her guarded demeanor; after all, who could remain defensive in the face of sincerity? Just a little further and she would come to trust him... and through her, perhaps he could avoid another clash with Levi and Erwin for the foreseeable future.
"Does that satisfy your curiosity?"
"You should already know which part of your plan I had a problem with." the redhead replied after a lengthy moment of staring him down.
"Yes... and I terribly regret that is the case, however continuing the Eldian royal bloodline is absolutely necessary. If there was a way to spare your Queen from such a fate, I would have sought out another solution."
"And whoever said there wasn't another way?"
"Yes, Lady Kiyomi has told me of your suggestion. Tell me, do you truly believe it would work? What woman on that island would want to bed the enemy of her nation and birth his child?"
"Don't pretend like you don't know how charming you can be when you want to; your jokes earlier told me plenty about you. But here's my new suggestion... if you absolutely want Historia to do this, then you can both do it. Why should we put all our hopes on just one person, when we have two? And because the Queen technically can't produce more than one child at a time, we can have you do that much more easily. You still have some time left, don't you? I'm sure you won't need more than a few weeks to do what needs to be done. And I assure you we could find a few... willing participants."
Just hearing herself saying those things almost made her visibly shudder, but truly she couldn't see any other way out of that predicament. If they would be forced to sacrifice Historia in that manner, then she would be damned if they didn't sacrifice Zeke along with her!
"Are you by chance offering to help with this endeavor, to spare your Queen?"
At long last, he saw his words penetrating her defense in the way her eyes widened, and he completed the play with a taunting smirk.
"That's—!" Eren scowled, sounding outraged.
"And you think you could handle her?" Levi interjected.
"I'm a betting man, Captain. I'm sure both you and Natalie recall how good I am with my hands." Zeke retorted so matter-of-factly that the redhead had to wonder if he had a death wish. "However, think about it from a logical standpoint. Given that you wish it to be me who passes on the royal blood, it would mean Historia would not have inherited my Titan. Then... would Natalie not be a better candidate, given that her healing would prevent her from dying should any complications arise?"
"Don't even try to logic your way through this." Natalie at last replied, yet somehow couldn't bring herself to outright refuse the possibility when Historia's face was at the back of her mind.
"I am simply saying that your body is much better suited for such a task, than the Queen's. And that I cannot see any other more humane solution for it."
The silence that followed his last words could not have been deeper, or more tense. And for all her calm outward demeanor, Natalie had to admit that being propositioned so directly and in such a ruthless way had rattled her deeply.
'Is that what I have to do, to save Historia?' she pondered feeling on the verge of panicking, her mind buzzing with thoughts like a swarm of angry bees. 'No... there's no way I could ever do that to Levi! But still... is that the only way there is?'
"...We'll see about that. After we get you to safety on the island; that is our priority right now."
"As you wish." Zeke replied, knowing from the subtle hesitation in her tone that he had decisively won the first round. "Let me remind you of only one thing, however... I don't have much time left in my term; less than two years to be exact. Delay the choice too long, and you won't have any choice left but to make Historia do it."
'That's it!' she almost visibly gasped, only holding it back by biting into her tongue.
He had rattled her more than she had ever expected he would; any thought relating to the shifter lifespan had completely slipped her mind until that very moment. But there was no way around it... now she had to tell him about the fake curse because she would never be able to agree to his proposal.
"Rest assured, time is the least of our problems right now." she frowned, wanting to say it directly and yet unable to bring herself to not consider all their options. 'Damn you and your logic, you fucking monkey!'
'So it's true... they believe the Curse of Ymir is fake. Is it, though? How would they have even figured that out?' he pondered, his eyes going from Natalie to Erwin to Eren and then back to her. 'They're far too relaxed for this to be a lie. And I certainly wouldn't put it past Marley to make up such a story, to keep Warriors in check. Then... does that mean everyone died without needing to? All those lives severed before they even began... and for what? Mr. Xaver...'
The scientist's face flashed through his mind in the same instant that he realized the man's death had also been unnecessary. All the grief and pain he had bottled up since the day he had learned that he had been chosen to inherit the Beast Titan; all the grief and pain of having to kill the one man who had always seen him as himself, the man he had come to love as a father; all of that had been for nothing! The mere thought turned his stomach and left such a bitter taste in his mouth that he had to clench his jaw. Again he looked to the redhead for confirmation, but nothing he could read in her gaze spoke of any lies; and truthfully she would stand to gain nothing by lying to him about something like that.
For Natalie's part, she was caught off guard by the sudden way his eyes came alive: grief, guilt, sorrow... anger. It was as if everything he had felt throughout their meeting – or perhaps those wounds were far older than she could guess – had broken all at once through the calculated mask he was wearing, in a sudden torrent of emotion. For the first time that evening, he was truly alive, he was feeling... genuinely feeling everything she could see in his gaze. For the first time that evening, he looked more sincere and unguarded than he had probably meant to; for the first time he was vulnerable in front of them and his emotions had at last resonated with her; for the first time she felt that he too was just a man. A man she could empathize and sympathize with, a man she could understand... a man she could maybe even come to trust.
~ oOo ~
"So there you have it... that's everything he said." Eren concluded, unable to hold back from throwing another concerned glance at Natalie who had been sitting silently, staring at the floor in deep thought.
Back at Kiyomi's estate, they had gathered in the spacious living room to tell Hange, Armin, and Mikasa how the meeting had gone. And if the disturbed looks on their faces were anything to go by, he already knew what they thought of Zeke's proposal.
'She's not seriously considering the option... is she?' he pondered, his eyes again trailing over to the redhead.
"Natalie." Erwin at last called out, startling both him and the young woman. "You've been awfully quiet since we got back. I know you have a lot on your mind... I would like you to share it with us."
Involuntarily her gaze flickered over to Levi sitting at her side on the couch, and when she lowered her eyes the Captain seemed to guess her mind.
"Look at me."
His tone sounded like it always did, and yet Eren could see the realization in the way his eyes so subtly widened and the way his fingers pressed into his arm. When she failed to react in any way, he uncrossed his arms and angled himself towards her reaching out to grab her hand.
"Nat... look at me!"
Eren couldn't see her face from the angle he was sitting at when she at last turned to look at Levi, but the Captain's shocked stare said it all.
"You..." he breathed out barely louder than a whisper, leaning back as though he had received a physical blow. "You're really considering it!"
"What?!" Mikasa gasped.
"You can't!" Armin interjected.
While Hange and Erwin hadn't said a word yet, their expressions looked just as disturbed as Eren felt upon hearing Levi's confirmation.
"I don't know..." she at last spoke, answering Levi's statement. "I don't know what I'm considering anymore, but the truth is we barely have any options to choose from. As shitty as Zeke is, his argument was sound; I can't deny that just because I—"
"What would even be the point in sparing Historia, just to sacrifice you in her place?" Armin cut her off, looking deeply unsettled.
"Historia has royal blood and she's the last living member of her family. She's much too important to make her take this risk. And... I don't know if I could live with myself, if the military forced other women to do it. Don't try to say they wouldn't, Armin." she cut him off when he opened his mouth to argue. "You know as well as everyone here, that they wouldn't hesitate to do that. Just like they didn't hesitate in proposing we turn Historia into a Titan; why do you think I argued with Zackley at the meeting that day? Because I knew they would do it... and they would do this as well."
Again she was feeling so disconnected from all of them, the only thing tethering her to that world being Levi's hand tightly wrapped around her own, like a lifeline that kept her from drowning. She couldn't even imagine how monstrous she appeared to him now, saying all those things. But then Erwin spoke up again, startling her back to reality.
"You're right, and I am sincerely impressed that you can analyze his argument objectively."
Turning her attention to him, Natalie was caught unprepared by the look in his eyes. It gave her the odd impression that he both agreed and disagreed with her.
"However..." he went on, gesturing for Levi to wait before the Captain could speak up, his words confirming Natalie's suspicions. "I know you better than you think; better than even I expected. So tell me... could you truly agree to let him use your body like that? Knowing that it would tear down everything you and Levi have built over so many years? Could you sacrifice that for the sake of our people?"
Again she lowered her eyes, turning the Commander's words over in her mind, and for once in his life, Levi was truly and utterly afraid. All those years of encouraging her, of telling her to be selfless, of assuring her that if she had to she would be strong enough to sacrifice him for their people... all of that would now be put to the test. And now, faced with the very real possibility that she would choose the greater good, he was terrified of losing her. The few moments that it took for her to fight with herself over that decision felt like an eternity to him, his only flicker of hope the fact that she was still holding onto his hand.
And then at last she shook her head, and though his expression didn't show it he was more relieved than he had ever been. Her having to make that choice by letting him die for the sake of their people was one thing. But her choosing to give up on him like this would have been a living hell for him, for the rest of his life. Then she finally looked at him again and he could see the shame burning in her eyes and her reddened cheeks, but she stood and left the room before he could say anything.
"I don't care what Zeke says..." Eren spoke up with barely restrained anger as if having waited for the leave. "I won't allow Historia or Natalie to be made into broodmares and bred like livestock! If we have no other way out, then we can choose the women who will do this. We're the only people we can trust to not force them into it. The rest of the military doesn't even need to know. We can choose one for starters, and claim they're a couple... and that will be that. One child will be enough to keep them quiet for a while, and if everything goes well Zeke can always have more children secretly. They won't need to know about any other women."
"What you're suggesting is treason, Eren." Hange shook their head, clearly unhappy with the entire situation. "We could all be killed for withholding such vital information."
"Only if we get caught... or would you prefer that we report all of this, and have them force both Natalie and Historia to go through with it?"
"Of course I don't want that! None of us do! But... man, this is such a shitty situation all around..." the researcher sighed tiredly, rubbing their face with their hands.
"I know the problem won't go away, but..." Mikasa at last interjected again. "Perhaps we could focus on the more urgent matters, and come back to this discussion when we have to address it. For now, maybe we should just put this aside and focus on getting Zeke to the island alive."
"You're right." Erwin agreed. "As it stands, we're just going in circles with this issue. We'll shelve it until after we get Zeke Jaeger back to Paradis. Then, with Queen Historia present, we can return to this debate; if anything, she too should be a part of this conversation given that it concerns her as well. For now let's focus on getting home safely after the International Speech Forum tomorrow, and then planning our next trip here with Miss Kiyomi's help. I have surveyed as much of the city as I could on the way to the warehouse, however, if we are to 'kidnap' Zeke from under the nose of Marley authorities, we need to be better acquainted with the layout of Liberio."
"That will not be a problem, Commander." Kiyomi assured him. "Lenz and my men will be able to guide you and your soldiers through the city, under the pretense of sightseeing, so that you can plan an escape route."
"We are greatly indebted to you, Miss Kiyomi. You have helped us more than we ever expected."
"It is only natural, Commander, as Hizuru has ever stood by the Eldian people as their allies. This is the normal course of things; simply let me know when you wish to return here and I will take care of everything."
In the brief silence that followed, Levi at last stood and left the room as if on cue. Whatever they discussed further, he would learn from Erwin; he needed to talk to Natalie, there was this nagging feeling that wouldn't give him pause since she had left his side.
'I can't believe you ever considered that you idiot!' he mused, trekking the long hallways of the mansion.
It was when he reached the door to their room that he paused just as he was reaching for the doorknob.
'I wonder... who's the real idiot here? Wasn't I the one who pushed her to always consider the greater good over our feelings?'
To learn that she had seriously been thinking of sacrificing everything they had together had been a moment more horrible than anything else in his life. But he had to wonder now if he wasn't the worse monster for pushing her towards that kind of ideal; if he wasn't actually in the wrong; if it really was so sinful to be selfish sometimes; if that was true selflessness or just a twisted version of it. On that thought, he opened the door to find Natalie sitting against the bed's headboard. In her lap was one of the pillows upon which he could still see the wet traces of her tears, her reddened eyes adding further confirmation to what he had already guessed. But for now, she seemed calm enough that he knew he could talk to her, and so he moved to sit on the bed next to her, startling the redhead when he reached to cover her hand with his own.
At first, she said nothing, nor even looked at him, only placing her free hand over his in a gesture that gave him hope he could still somehow avoid losing her.
"Talk to me."
His gentle tone only made her chin tremble and he felt her squeezing his hand, but made no move to stop or encourage her.
"Nat... talk to me."
"I don't know what to say..." she finally whispered, not moving her teary gaze away from their joined hands. "It's such a mess... all of it. I don't know what to say... I don't know what to do... everywhere I turn there's nothing but bad choices, nothing but people trying to manipulate me. The military, Kiyomi, Zeke... everyone just wants to make me into a puppet, to use me until I outlive my purpose. Everyone... everywhere it's just more of the same... everywhere..."
At long last, she looked up at him and the disappointment mixed with fear in her eyes unsettled him deeply.
"And worse than anything... I sympathized with them. Kiyomi was honest in her hatred of Marley, in the pain of losing her child. Zeke was honest at the very end; that pain and guilt I saw in his eyes wasn't a lie. I'd convinced myself that he was a monster, that I could never understand him. It would have been so much easier if he really was a monster, but I was wrong. He's just another man... just another victim of this world, just another poor soul forced to do whatever he can to survive."
Again she lowered her gaze to their hands and sighed a quivering breath.
"I don't know what to do... I don't know what to think. Erwin was wrong; I can't bear this burden, I won't be able to bear it to the end."
Listening to her was torture; having to hear her agonizing like that over everything, having to see her looking so utterly miserable stung him to his core. It was like her words had pointedly dug up every single one of his painful memories, every single one of the people he had lost... as if to remind him of what he would experience if he lost her as well.
"Then don't."
His reply startled her into staring at him dumbfounded, completely caught off guard.
"Don't bear it then." he went on, having steeled his will of doing what was best for her sake; if he lost her, then saving the entire world would be worth nothing anymore. "If you really can't go on, I'll take you away from all of this. We'll go someplace where no one knows us; we'll disappear in some forgotten little town. No one needs to know where we are, or if we're even still alive. This is my fault... I pushed you into a role that no one should have to play. I made you into this twisted notion of a hero, without even considering whether you could carry that weight or not. But if I lose you, I don't care what happens to the rest of the world. I don't want to live in that kind of hell, where I don't have you. You don't have to give me an answer right now; I just wanted you to know all this. If you really can't bear it anymore, if you can live with that decision without regretting it... just say the word and we'll disappear."
Like an echo from a long past dream, he recalled what Sasha's father had told him, that he should let Natalie feed off his strength when hers waned. But doing so, he now realized, only harmed her more than it helped because it kept pushing her onward without giving her any way out. Maybe a way out was what she actually needed, and he wanted her to know that she had such an option if she wanted it; that he was willing to live with the knowledge that he had forsaken everything and everyone for her; that she was worth more than the entire world to him.
'How are you always so impossibly kind?'
Her eyes were brimming with tears even though his words had assuaged the anguish which had been crushing her like a rock. Still, she felt unable to hold back a smile and saw the concern in his gaze easing at her reaction. At last, she released his hand to throw herself into his arms and felt his body tense as he braced himself to catch her. Oh, she would have loved nothing more than to just disappear with him! But she knew they would both be miserable, even if they never said it; that neither of them would be able to live with themselves if they abandoned everyone.
However to know that he was willing to leave everything behind for her sake, that he was willing to sacrifice the entire world for her sake, that he was willing to live with that burden for her sake... she didn't know why or how, but just knowing it served to rekindle the hope that was withering in her, to renew her determination of being able to live with him in a better future.
The smile that she gave him when she leaned away caught him unprepared, so overflowing with love as it was. And he knew just by looking into her eyes that, contrary to what he had expected, somehow she had found the strength to go on. Next he knew her hands warmed his cheeks, just before she pressed forth for a kiss more loving and tender than anything she had offered him before. Then she again wrapped him in her arms, holding onto him so tightly as if to never let him go, her whisper the only thing to break the soothing silence between them.
"Levi... thank you."
Sooo today's replies for my lovely reviewers :D
1. MordredVisor - As always love, thank you so much for taking the time to leave feedback! It's perfectly okay, sometimes we just don't have much to say about a chapter or another, I know that feeling too well. So it's all good! :D
(ch. 36) - Yes, I was so pissed at how Isayama handled the whole Eren/Mikasa thing that I was determined to have them act like normal people. They're adults, the world they live in forces them to mature way faster than they normally would, so I never understood how both of them could be such bumbling idiots in canon. Regarding Kiyomi, her daughter is a character I invented. I always feel like people need a personal reason to go along with any plots/plans that they might have. And Kiyomi wanting revenge on Marley for her daughter dying in the war seemed like the perfect personal motive for her to support Paradis.
So these are my replies for today. Cheers, lovelies~ ( ˘ ³˘)❤