Chapter 7
Chard Ruins
As the other Reds and Blues were talking, West and Sarge were fixing the car and were currently under it. "Donut we need some more light, down here." West said and Donut said got under the car with a pocket mirror. "I'm on it."
"Donut! Hold the light right there. No, not on me!" Sarge said and then West. "Not on me either. On that! Why would we need light on our face?"
"Hey, Sarge! What's that metal thing that looks like a bunny? Ooh! Ooh! And what's that other metal thing that looks like a soup can!?"
"Don't touch anything, Donut!" Sarge said and then West said. "Ok that should do it, now whoever is driving this thing, start it up." Nothing happened. West then got out from under the car and said. "What's the matter guy's? Are you deaf?"
"No, I don't think getting new rims for the jeep's a good idea." Simmons said to Grif. "Oh, come on! If we all kick in, we can get some spinners, some kickass subs, Hydraulics!" Grif said in the driver seat. "I'm in." Tucker said. "Why?" Simmons asked. "Uh, for style?" Grif said. "For chicks!" Tucker said. "What chicks? There's no one for miles! We don't even know if anyone's still alive!" Simmons asked Tucker.
"What, suddenly you're a pessimist?" Grif asked Simmons. "Yeah, but if we do find some women, we will literally be the last man on earth for them." Tucker said. "He's right." Grif said. "All my life, I've had girls tell me. "Not if you were the last man on earth!" Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on earth with a sweet-ass, pimped-out ride, bitch!" Tucker said. "Somehow I think being the last man alive and a cool car will not help your chances with the ladies." Jack said to Tucker
"Sarge, can you talk to them?" West said as Sarge got out from under the car. He then said to them, "If you ladies are through gossipping, we could use some help fixing our vehicle!"
"Oh, yeah, right! Here, let me try." Grif said and then West noticed that Donut was touching the part that looked like a bunny. "Wait!" West yelled, but it was too late. Donut screamed and Grif stopped the car. Sarge then said to Donut. "Donut! Are you okay?"
"I was just petting the bunny… And then it went into the soup can… And part of my hand went with it." Donut said crying the whole time. West then pulled Donut out of there and said. "You'll be fine. Sarge, see what else he touched." As Sarge got under the car, Tucker said. "Bunny and hand soup. Just like Mom used to make."
"Gross." Jack said to Tucker and Sarge said to Donut. "Donut! I told you not to touch anything! You touch everything! That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!"
"Hey, what're you doing?" Grif asked Simmons, as Simmons got into the car. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting in the jeep." Simmons said. "What are we, on a date? Get in the back." Grif said to Simmons. "Oh, you're so insecure!" Simmons said to Grif, as he got out of the car.
"Will you two shut up? We need to get this thing fixed." Sarge said to Grif and Simmons. "Yeah, and your guy isn't helping." West said as he put Donut on a rock. "I feel dizzy, Sarge!" Donut said to Sarge. "Aw, that's just blood loss. You'll make new blood! You just need some orange juice." Sarge said to Donut. West then said pulling out a string, a needle and a can of orange juice. "Here drink this while I fix your hand."
"What's the rush on getting this thing fixed, anyway?" Tucker asked. "Listen, dirtbag. I know on Blue Team you like to lollygag a bit-" Sarge said to Tucker, but Tucker interrupted him. "There is no Blue team! It's all a lie! Red and Blue are the same!"
"Aw, don't start that crap again." Grif said to Tucker. "You sound like a conspiracy hut when you talk about that stuff. The government put a chip in my brain!" Simmons said jokingly. "The President can hear my thoughts!" Grif said jokingly. "The government is replacing people with clones!" Jack said jokingly. "We never landed on the sun!" Donut said jokingly. "They put fluoride in my water!" Grif said jokingly. "Actually, that one's true." Simmnos said to Grif. "It is? No wonder I listen to so much pop music." Grif said to Simmons.
"Will you all knock it off. The only reason Tucker is saying that is to get women." West said to everyone, as he was done fixing Donut hand. "No I'm not." Tucker said to West. "All you ever do is just try and get women. Everything you've ever tells me about you is how one of your schemes failed to get you a woman to sleep with." West said to Tucker.
"Back on topic. We're fixing the jeep because we need to be prepared! Just as our enemies are no doubt preparing to attack us at this very moment!" Sarge said. "But you guys think I'm your enemy and I'm not preparin' to do anything! 'Cept get L-A-I-D!" Tucker said, getting everyone to look at him. "Laid." Tucker said, thinking they didn't get what he was saying.
"Yeah, we can spell. We just think that was fucking weak." Grif said to Tucker. "And the reason why, probably all, women say to you. "Not if you were the last man on earth"." Jack said to Tucker.
Building By A Beach
Meanwhile O'Malley and Lopez's head was looking around the building seeing that it had a large windmill in it. "Yes! This place will do nicely for an evil lair. It's diabolically designed!" O'Malley said. "As a student of Feng Shui, I can tell you this house is 88% good luck. Also, very breezy! I like the floorplan." Doc said. "Quiet you fool!" O'Malley said to Doc.
[I just want my own room. I hate sharing with the vacuum.] Lopez said to O'Malley. "Hello? Is anyone home!? Don't be alarmed, we're only here to kill you and take all your possessions!" O'Malley said into the building. But no one responded to him. "Excellent! No doubt our very presence has sacred everyone away!" O'Malley said laughing. " Why don't we just see if this place is listed by a licensed real estate agent?" Doc said. "Oh shut up!" O'Malley said. "But we don't even know if it's been inspected recently! It could need foundation work." Doc asked.
[It could have mold.] Lopez said to O'Malley. "Both of you shut up! We're moving in and that's final! It has machine gun turrets, two living quarters with ample closet space, and a short commute to my secret laboratory! It's perfect!" O'Malley said to everyone. "Yeah, but what about the school district?" Doc asked. [We have no children.] Lopez said to Doc. "It's important to think about resale value, Lopez." Doc said to Lopez.
"Resale value? Our plan is to rule the world! Not make prudent investments!" O'Malley said. [It's important to have a fallback plan.] Lopez said to O'Malley. "Oh, shut up. We're moving in and that's final." O'Malley said before he started to walk away.
That's when O'Malley found a small computer. "Hey look! A computer! Now I can finally update my blog." Doc said. [You have a blog?] Lopez asked Doc. "Yeah, it's great! It's just like being a real journalist, but without all the hassles like liability and accuracy." Doc said to Lopez. "NO! I need that computer for compiling evil formulas! And to rebuild the weather machine! Aslo, to download music." O'Malley said before they started to play with the computer. Only to find that they had no idea on how to use it.