Chapter 8

Building By A Beach

O'Malley and Lopez, where fixing the defences of the building. "Yeeees, this place is coming along nicely. Excellent work repairing the turrets, Lopez." O'Malley said to Lopez. [Thanks. I find manual labor very stimulating.] Lopez said to O'Malley. "I still say a flower box would have been a bit more neighborly." Doc said. "Oh shut up you fool!" O'Malley said to Doc. "Hey, we should start a neighborhood association. It's just like a government, but run by housewives and old people. So it's a lot more efficient at controlling your lives." Doc said.

"Get out of my head!" O'Malley said to Doc. "Technically it's my head. But I don't mind sharing. Don't you remember that talk we had about sharing?" Doc asked O'Malley. "Shut up!" O'Malley said.

Then a Red from the X-Box Cannon came walking up. "At last! My pilgrimage is over! I have reached the promised land!" The Red said, getting everyone's attention. "Who is that?" O'Malley asked as they moved to see the red. "Oh no. Not this buffoon! How did he get here?" O'Malley asked. [He probably was blown nearby by the bomb.] Lopez said to O'Malley.

"Hellooooo. What do you want?" O'Malley asked the Red. "The disembodied voice of god! I hear you, Holy One! I have made it to the temple and await your command!" The Red said as he dropped to his knees, and slammed his face into the ground. "Up here- Helloooo. Red Moreon. Eyes up, chop-chop!" O'Malley said to the red. "Oh, Greetings! Are you the gatekeeper of the temple?" The Red asked O'Malley, as he looked up.

"Us? No, we just move in. Can you help us move a couch? And do you know any good restaurants nearby?" Doc said to the red. "Just a second." O'Malley said to the red. "Listen you fool, let me handle this." O'Malley said to Doc. "I don't know, you haven't been the best choice when it comes to making friends. Maybe I should try." Doc said to O'Malley. "Nonsense! With the proper handling, this fellow will make an excellent stooge. And I'm the one here with the most experience training Stooges. Isn't that right Lopez…" O'Malley said to Doc and asked Lopez. [Nyuk, Nyuk.] Lopez said.

"You see." O'Malley said to Doc. "Okay, you can handle this, but I get to hand my motivational poster in the living room. Hang in there, kitty!" Doc said to O'Malley. "Fine. But I'm telling you, that cat will never make it to Friday." O'Malley said to Doc.

"Yes, I am the guardian of the temple. What do you want?" O'Malley asked the red. "I have travelled great distances, in search of enlightenment!" the red said to O'Malley. "Really, that's perfect. We have tons of that in here, but listen. We just can't let anyone in who wants to get in, so goodbye." O'Malley said to the red. "Wait! I will do anything. Just tell me what I need to do to gain entrance." the red asked O'Malley.

"Ask him what he knows about gardening." Doc asked. [Ask him if we can have his shoulders.] Lopez asked. "Maybe he knows how to use that computer we found." Doc asked. O'Malley then opened the front gate.

"Alright then, come on in. We'll think of something." O'Malley said to the red, as he wickely laughed. The red walked in, while O'Malley kept laughing. [Tone it down. You're going to blow it.] Lopez said to O'Malley, as O'Malley kept laughing. But O'Malley just kept laughing. [OK, now that's just too much.] Lopez said to O'Malley.

Then O'Malley stopped laughing when he noticed someone spying on him from the outer wall. "What was that? Hmm…" O'Malley as he looked away. He then suddenly looked back to see if anyone was there, but there wasn't anyone there.. He did this a couple of times before he started to walk away. "Minding my own business, slowly walking away and haa, I got you!" O'Malley said before turning around again, and saw nothing. "Oh forget it." O'Malley said as he left.

Chard Ruins

Back with the Reds and Blue, the reds were patrolling the area, while the blues, mostly West, were looking for supplies. After some time has passed, Jack, Simmons, and Grif meet up with Sarge. "Jack, Grif, Simmons, where've you three been?" Sarge asked them. "Our patrol didn't go exactly as planned, Sarge." Simmons said to Sarge. "Did you find something? Wait a minute, where is the jeep?" Sarge asked them.

"Yeah, it's like this…" Grif said to Sarge. "Grif… I just built that jeep. I don't want to hear that it's been destroyed." Sarge said to Grif. "Oh, well then maybe I should stop talking. Or you can stop listening." Grif said to Sarge. "Grif!" Sarge said to Grif. "Nonono, it's not destroyed Sarge, the engine just quit." Simmon said to Sarge. "And what exactly were you doing when the engine died?" Sarge asked Simmons. "Dud, getting the jeep outta the ditch." Grif said to Sarge.

"What was the jeep doing in a ditch?" Sarge asked Grif. "Well I can tell you what it wasn't doing, that was teach Jack how cool Dukes of Hazzard is, by reenacting the coolest sense from it ever." Grif said, making Sarge groan in annoyance. Simmons was driving." Grif said. "No I wasn't, I was holding the arrows and the dynamite!" Simmons said.

A few minutes later they made it to the jeep, which was parked in a shaded part of the ditch. Sarge then examined the jeep's engine. "Wait a second, this thing busted, it's just outta gas." Sarge said after finishing his examination. "It runs on gas?" Grif asked Sarge. "Of course not, moron. Where are we gonna get gasoline? West and I modified the fuel cells to utilize a form of cold fission, powered by solar energy." Sarge said to Grif. "So then why is it dead, sir?" Simmons asked Sarge.

"You would have had to park it in the shade for at least two hours. What were you doing parked in the shade for two hours?" Sarge asked. "Well I can tell you what we weren't doing, giving Jack an education on Dukes of Hazzard." Grif said to Sarge. "I still say it sounds stupid." Jack said to Grif. "Ah, forget it. Come on, help me push this thing in the sunlight." Sarge said to everyone, as they got around the jeep. With Sarge on the right, Grif on the left, and Simmon, Jack and Infernap in the back.

"One… Two… Three…" Sarge said to everyone, as they started to push the jeep, everyone but Grif, who just made a grunt noise. "Hurr. Man this thing weighs a ton. Holy crap. Wowzers." Grif said. "Dumbass." Simmons said to Grif. "Just get to work." Jack said to Grif. "Oh right." Grif said, as he started to push.

After a bit of work, they were able to push the jeep into the sunlight. "Grif, what happened to this fender?" Sarge asked Grif, as he noticed the missing piece on the left front of the car. "It was like that when we took it out!" Grif said. "And where's the hubcap?" Sarge asked, noticing the missing hubcap. "Man, this neighborhood's really going to crap." Grif said. "I gotta buy those in sets of four numbnuts." Sarge said.

"The jeep's getting power." Simmons said as a song played on the radio. "Turn that crap off." Sarge said to Simmons. Simmons did and they got another signale this one from Tex. "Come in, does anyone read me? Over." Tex said. "What the- who's that?" Sarge asked. "This is freelancer Tex, looking for anyone from the Blood Gulch Outpost, do you read. Over." Tex said.

Then the red talked over Tex. "It's that mean chick from the blue team." Grif said. "Hand up on her." Simmons said to Sarge. "And then block her." Jack said to Sarge. "Good idea." Sarge said to Jack and Simmons. "I have found O'Malley's base. I repeat, I have found O'Malley's base." Tex said.

"O'Malley? Son of a-." Sarge said, before stopping. "Where is she?" Simmons asked. "They seem to be holed up in some kind of a fortress." Tex said. "Maybe we could use the radio to triangulate her position." Grif said to everyone. "How? We only have one radio. We would need a third point to triangulate." Simmons said to Grif. "Okay, well just pick a point between her and us." Grif said to Simmons.

"What? That's not a triangle you idiot, that's a line!" Simmons said to Grif. "Right, a line that we'll follow strength to Tex! It's the perfect mathematical plan!" Grif said to Simmons. "No it isn't." Jack said to Grif. "Hey Grif, why don't you just stick to crotocozong other people's ideas, instead of coming up with your own?" Simmons asked Grif. "It does seem to be my talent." Grif said to Simmons. "I thought sleeping was your talent." Jack said to Grif.

"I could simulate a third radio by using some of this sand, and the heat from the jeep's tailpipe to make an enormous refractory lens. And then-." Sarge said, but Grif interrupted him. "Or we could just listen to the coordinates that she's sending." Grif said. "My coordinates are two two niner delta, by one point three seven gamma." Tex said. "Uh yeah, we could do that too… What's wrong Sarge?" Simmons asked Sarge.

"Nothing." Sarge said. "You really wanted to make the lens, didn't you?" Simmons asked Sarge. "You're damn right!" Sarge said. "Well we can make it later, when we have more time." Simmons said to Sarge. "Awwww, don't patronize me." Sarge said to Simmons.