Chapter 11

Unknown Location

Church was talking to himself as he looked around. "Okay, think Church. The bomb went off, you got knocked out, you woke up, and you were here. Question is, where is here?"

Then a computer near him turned on. "Hello. You are early." The computer said to Church. "Me?" Church asked. "You are not supposed to be here for another 1,856 years." The computer said. "What is this place?" Church asked. "This is the housing facility for the Great Weapon. I am the keeper of the great weapon. You are the Great Destroyer. You will demolish this facility, kill me, steal the Great Weapon. And bring about the Great Doom for billions of people. Welcome! How may I be of assistance?" The computer said to Church.

"What are you talking about?" Church asked. "Your coming has been foretold by the Great Prophecy." The computer said. "Did your society have any other adjectives besides Great?" Church asked. "The Great Prophecy warns the Great Destroyer will be a blue being." The computer said. "And you think that's me?" Church asked. "The blue being will be known as the stupidest life form in the universe." The computer said. "Wait a second. This Destroyer guy? He dresses like me, but he's dumber than anyone else in existence?" Church asked. "Correct." The computer said. "Oh, crap." Church said realising who the computer was talking about

Building By A Beach

"Mister Sergent, Mister Sergeant. Come quick." Caboose said as he grabbed West, who was looking for O'Malley, and was trying to get the Red's to follow him.

"He better have a damn good reason for interrupting our search. Can't he see this is an extremely organised and highly motivated operation." Sarge said, forgetting about two minutes before Caboose showed up. "Yeah I'm bored. I want to stop doing whatever it is I'm pretending to be doing." Grif said to Sarge and Jack. "You're supposed to be helping us look for Lopez Meatsack. You said you saw him up here." Sarge said to Grif. "We saw his head." Grif said. "Just the head?" Sarge asked. "Yeah it was operating the right turret." Grif said. "How was he pulling the trigger?" Sarge asked.

"He's very determined." Simmons said to Sarge. "Determined or not, you can't fire a gun without fingers. I may believe you can beat someone to death with their own skull…" Jack said but was interrupted. "CAN'T!" West yelled from inside the building. "Okay who keeps saying that?" Jack asked, not knowing it was West. "Back on topic. You're sure it was Lopez?" Sarge asked everyone.

"Well, I heard screaming in Spanish and bullets flying through the air. So either that was Lopez, or this is Mexican New Year." Grif said to Sarge. "That was rude." Jack said to Grif. "Well where's his head now?" Sarge asked. "Uh, I don't know. Tex shot it." Simmons said to Sarge. "Then ask her." Jack said to Simmons. "Okay." Simmons said to Jack. "Hey Tex!" Simmons said, getting Tex's attention. "What?" Tex asked, as she moved into view.

"When you shot Lopez's head, where did it go?" Simmons asked Tex. "How do I know?" Tex said. "Are you sure you hit it?" Simmons asked. Tex said nothing. "I mean, is it possible that you missed?" Simmons asked. Again Tex said nothing. "I mean, just this one time. It doesn't say anything about your overall skill level." Simmons said to Tex. Then Tex just left. "Yeah, she says she doesn't know." Simmons said to everyone. "Really cause it sounded more like "You insulted my skills, so forget you"." Jack said to Simmons.

Meanwhile Tucker and Donut were talking about the energy sword Tucker found. "Wow, that's sweet! I like the glowing part. Ooh, does it make cool when you swing it?" Donut asked Tucker. "I don't think so. No wait. Is "whoosh" a noise? Because if it is, then yes. It goes: Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh-Whoosh." Tucker said to Donut, as he made whooshing sounds, as he moved his energy sword around. "See?" Tucker asked Donut.

"And you found that in a hole?" Donut asked. "Yeah dude, I was just walking along, following Tex and West, not really paying attention, you know. I fell in some hole. And uhhh… Tex and West didn't help me out, they figured they were better off without me, and that's where I found this!" Tucker said to Donut. "You know, most people would tell that story in a way that makes them sound a little better." Donut said.

"Yeah, but, you know, that's not really my style." Tucker said. "Man, I've never found something that cool in a hole. And I've explored just about every hole you can think of!" Donut said. "Hey dude, do me a favour and don't talk like that when I'm playing with my thing." Tucker said to Donut.

"Caboose, what're you yammering about? Did you find Lopez?" Sarge asked Caboose. "Someone meaner!" Caboose said. "O'Malley?!" Sarge asked. "Meaner!" Caboose said. "You found someone meaner than the guy trying to destroy the universe?" Grif asked. "Yes." Caboose said. "Caboose is that you? Can you hear me?" Church asked over the computer. "See It's Church. And he's meaner than ever!" Caboose said to everyone. "He sounds the same to me." West said to Caboose.

"Caboose is that you? Can you hear me? Church asked over the computer. "Church. I can hear you. Can you hear me?" Caboose asked. "Caboose is that you? Can you hear me? Church asked over the computer. "Church! I can hear you. How are you?" Caboose asked. "Caboose is that you? Can you hear me? Church asked over the computer.

"I think it might be a recording." Simmons said to everyone. "Quiet. I wanna see how long this lasts!" Grif said and West said. "If we don't stop him, about five days."

"Church. I can hear you. Do you miss me?" Caboose asked. "Move over brainiac. Let me see if I can get the rest of this thing to play." Sarge said as he moved Caboose out of the way and pulled out a panel under the computer.

"I carried the bomb and found Church. I… am a very important person." Caboose said to everyone. "Yes, we're very impressed." Grif said to Caboose. "Hmm, I think I can reroute power from the main coupling to the memory storage compartment. Grif, we may have to use some of your circuitry form your armour's life support system

"You know Sarge, if you look at things above the wasted, you see that the message is on a loop and you just need him to play." West said as he touched the play button. Sarge got up and was mad that he was outsmarted by a Blue.

Then Church's message then played for all of them. "Caboose I know you're there. I'm leaving this message from 2000 years in the past."

"Great, he thinks that he is in the past too." West said. "Whatever you do, don't touch anything. Apparently you're this culture's version of the apocalypse. You're going to destroy this building, and somehow bring about doom for their entire race." Church said over the video.

"I can see that. Wait! Caboose, where's the bomb you were holding?" West said as he and the others realized that Caboose wasn't holding onto the bomb anymore. "I put it on the X, like I was supposed to." Caboose said to West. "Uh oh." Simmons said. "I think we'd better get out of here." Grif said to everyone.

"Whatever you do, don't touch the glowing weapon thing they have stored there." Church said. "Uh oh." Simmons said. "And if you do, definitely don't bring it into the main building." Church said as Tucker did that exact thing. "Otherwise the whole place is going to lock down and you're going to be trapped." Church said, as the building did exactly that. "Would you stop saying bad things that come true! Or… say then ten seconds earlier." Caboose said to Church messages.

"Tex, this is Sarge. Do not detonate the bomb." Sarge said to Tex, over the radio. Tex was outside and out of harm's way. "I don't have a detonator. It's on a timer." Tex said, over the radio. "A countdown timer?" Grif asked over the radio. "No. A count up timer. It goes from 1 to explode. Of course a countdown timer you idiot!" Tex said to Grif over the radio.

"Why would you make it a timer? I thought it was made to kill O'Malley. A timer seems like something that gives O'Malley the chance to escape and live." Jack said to Tex. "I think we might be in trouble." Sarge said to everyone. "YOU THINK!" West yelled at Sarge.

Unknown Location

Church was finishing his message. "Just don't touch anything, don't look at anything, don't breath on anything."

"Message recorded. Do you think it will work?" The computer asked. "No. Like you said man, that guy's dumb as a rock. But at least he as some slightly less stupid people around him that can kind of help him form time to time." Church said to the computer.

Building By A Beach

Back with the others, they were all panicking. "Just 3 minutes left on the bomb!" Sarge said. "Aghhh! We're all going to explode and die!" Donut said. "And it's all your fault." West said as he strangled Tucker. "Simmons, come over here! Help me chew on this wall. We can eat our way out!" Grif said to Simmons. "No! We'll use your head to make a hole." Jack said as he grabbed Grif's head and started to beat it on a wall.

Unknown Location

Church then remembered who was with Caboose. "Yeah, on second thought I better get back there and handle this personally. Now if I can only get back to our old bases… Maybe I can change some key events and keep them from getting there. Hey, you have any way to teleport me to Blood Gulch?" Church asked the computer. "No. But working at full capacity. I could create a teleporter in approximately 1,000 years." The computer said to Church. "A thousand years huh? Kind of a long wait. You know any jokes?" Church asked. "Did you hear the one about the positronic brain?" The computer asked.

"Oh yeah, that's the one with the active matrix and the…" Church said, before going quiet. "Yes, that's it. I just love that one. Hahaha." the computer said. "Yeah, it's funny, it's old, but it's funny." Church said. "How about the one with the Jewish Simm chip and the Irish expansion slot?" The computer asked. "Hey come on dude. Let's try to keep it clean." Church said. "Hey. Pull my dongle. Come on you big baby, just one pull. It won't kill you." The computer said and for the next 1000 years Church would be stuck with a computer that loved jokes.