Chapter 12

Before we start. Know that in the next few chapters to save us some time, we will mainly focus on Church and parts that we haven't done in the story yet. - Terraspace81

Building By A Beach

At the building the bomb had 2 minutes left on the timer. "Oh… just two minutes left." Grif said to everyone. "We don't need you to count down the timer." West said to Grif. "Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic, but I'm absolutely certain we're all gonna die!" Sarge said to everyone. "I think that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, sir." Simmons said to Sarge.

"What if we just beat on these window shutters together? We can get them open!" Tucker said and then West said. "Or we could have Infernape and Empoleon break through the wall. It would be easy."

"No! That would be the coward's way out! Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!" Sarge said to them. "But I can see daylight!" Tucker said as he and West moved towards an open window. "It's true. Only a miracle can save us now." Sarge said. "Or we could jump out this window." West said to Sarge. "Nope, we need a miracle." Sarge said to West.

Unknown Location

At the unknown location the computer finished the teleporter. "Teleporter complete. Slightly behind schedule." The computer said to Church with a super long white beard. "You know, it might have gone a little faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes." Church said to the computer. "Knock knock." The computer said. "Enough. Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Gulch or not?" Church asked. "Yes. Do you have a plan yet?" The computer asked. "I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousands years. I've had time." Church said.

"And?" The computer asked. "Well, the main thing I need to do is keep myself from dying." Church said. "That's a given." The computer said. "And since all our problems stem from O'Malley jumping from tex to Caboose, all I need to do is prevent her from dying, too." Church said. "Because you secretly love her." The computer said. "Oh, don't start that again. All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the grenade on her." Church said. "Sounds easy." The computer said. "Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand, so as long as I don't interfere too much or get spotted, should be a freakin' breeze." Church said.

"Ready to transport." The computer said. "Okay, let's do it. Goodbye… computer. Compu- you know what? You'd think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousands years." Church said. "It's Gery. But thanks for asking. See you in a few hundred years." The computer name Gray said, as Church was teleported away. But then Church appeared again, but without the beard.

"Computer! You gotta send me back!" Church said. "To Blood Gulch? You just left." Gery said to Church. "Nonono, not to Blood Gulch! To Sidewinder! Man, I totally screwed everything up!" Church said. "How?" Gery asked.

Red Base

At Red Base Sarge was working on Lopez's legs, when Grif yelled from inside the base. "Hey, Sarge!" Grif said. "What now?" Sarge asked Grif. "Command's on the phone. They want to talk to you about some kind of upcoming delivery." Grif said to Sarge. "Dagnabbit! I'm never gonna finish this mechanized robot at this rate!" Sarge said as he stood up. "I'll be right there." Sarge said to Grif. "And don't you go anywhere, Lopez. Hehehehe." Sarge said before we went into the base.

It was at this moment Church showed up. "Ahhhh, it's good to be back here. It's been a long t-. Ah, who am I kidding? Even a thousand years doesn't make this dirthole any more appealing." Church said as he looked around, and noticed Red Base and Lopez's legs. "Oh, what the hell? Wha- he stuck me at Red Base! It must be way before Tex or even West shows up. The robot isn't even done yet. Hurry up and get finished, buddy. I'll need that body pretty soon." Church said as he noticed a switch by his feet. It was the switch that broke his legs when he was in Lopez.

Church then kicks some dirt all over the switch. "You just got an upgrade, pal." Church said to Lopez, before he left. That's about when Sarge came outside, and just missed Church. Sarge then noticed the dirt on the switch. "Oh no! How did all this dirt get in Lopez's switch? I'd better not short out when I use it. Could take out both the leg motors." Sarge said, proving that what broke Church robot legs wasn't Caboose, but himself. "I wonder just how early I am." Church said as he headed for Blue Base.

Blue Base

At Blue base, Past Church and Tucker, who was wearing the same armor as Caboose, were playing with the teleporter. "Did they come out? Tucker!" Past Church said to Tucker. "What?" Tucker asked. "Did it come out the other side?" Past Church asked. "Yeah, but they're all black and smoking! Maybe you've got it turned up too high!" Tucker said, as he looked at charged black rocks. "What are you talking about? I don't see a knob or anything on this thing." Past Church said, as he looked at the teleporter.

"Hey, do you think I can throw a grenade through here?" Past Church asked Tucker. "What? That would never work!" Tucker said to Past Church. Then a guy in the same armor Tucker had, walked outside of the base. "Hey, men? Sorry to interrupt. Do you mind huddling up, fellas?" The man asked Past Church, and Tucker. "Be right there, Captain Flowers." Tucker said to the man, as the two of them moved to the man.

"How are you adjusting to the climate here on Blood Gulch, Private Church?" Captain Flowers asked Church. "Fine. It's a little warm, but... okay." Past Church said to Flowers. "That's great. If you have any problems at all, you let me know." Flowers said to Past Church. "Um… Okay." Past Church said, weird out a little. "What's up sir?" Tucker asked Flowers. "Sir? Tucker, I told you to call me Captain or Cappy or… I don't want silly things like rank interfering with our team dynamic." Flower said to Tucker.

"You got it, Cappy!" Tucker said. "I think I'm commanding the finest army in all of Blood Gulch." Flowers said. "Isn't there only one other army? Those red guys?" Tucker asked. "Yeah, you know, the enemy?" Past Church asked. "I'll tell you who your enemy is, gentlemen. Apathy. Passivity. Indifference. And yes, uh, also those red guys." Flowers said. "Yeah, I've been thinking about our orders from Command… uh, Cappy. And I gotta tell ya, I don't think three guys is enough to stage such an elaborate offensive." Past Church said.

"I think we should listen to this guy, captain. He seems to know plenty about being offensive." Tucker said to Flowers. "Can it shitbird." Past Church said to Tucker. "See?" Tucker said. "Men, your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step and a bounce in my britches. If I weren't your commanding officer, I'd pick you both up, give you a giant bear hug and make you call me "daddy"." Flower said to everyone.

"Um… Thank God for the chain of command?" Past Church said. "Now, I know you're worried about our mission, but I can tell you this- There's nothing more important to me than the safety and well-being of my men. Or my name isn't Captain Butch Flowers." Flowers said. "Does that mean we all get sniper rifles?" Tucker asked. "I'm going to put in an order for yours tomorrow, Private Tucker. But I need to get some shut-eye first." Flowers said to Tucker.

"Awesome!... But it's, like, 3:15 in the afternoon." Tucker asked. "You're forgetting about the time change, Tucker." Past Church said to Tucker. "Oh yeah, it's. Like, 3:18. Why the hell is daylight saving time here only three minutes?" Tucker asked everyone. "Good question, Private Tucker. It'll have to wait for another day. Some of us need our beauty sleep. Not everyone has your striking merosexual good looks." Flowers said to Tucker. "That's true." Tucker said.

Meanwhile Church found his way to Blue Base, and noticed Flowers. "Holy crap, Captain Flowers is still alive. Oh man, I might be able to fix everything at once!" Church said, as he followed Church into the base.

"And now to go to sleep standing up with my eyes open, as is my custom." Flowers said as he got ready to sleep in the middle of the base. "Captain Flowers!" Church said, as he entered the room. "God! Ugh, don't sneak up on me like that. Can't you see I'm sleeping?" Flowers asked. "Sorry, sir. Look, like I know you probably don't remember me that well." Church said. "Of course I remember you, Church. I just saw you two minutes ago." Flowers said to Church.

"Oh, right. Yeah, it's uh, it's been longer for me. Anyway, there's no nice way to put this, but you're gonna die of a massive heart attack tonight." Church said to Flowers. "That doesn't sound like me. I'm a team player." Flowers said. "And I can't tell you how I know this, but I need you to take this injection. So that you can live and together we can beat the reds. That way, a lot of really weird and totally inexplicable stuff won't happen." Church said to Flowers, as he pulled out a shot.

"I don't understand anything you just said and I've only known you for a short time, But go ahead and inject me, Private Church." Flowers said to Church. Church then injected the shot into Captain Flowers. "Thank you, son. Feeling much bett- better… Ah!" Flowers said, before gasping for air. "What? What's the matter?" Church asked. "That medication, it- it didn't have- AH! Aspirin in it, did it? I'm allergic to… aspirin." Flowers asked. "Um…" Church said, meaning yes. Then Flowers fell to the floor.

"Can't feel haunches… spleen failing… glutes… glutenizing… Church… Before I die, I have to tell you something incredibly important. It may hold the key to our victory here." Flowers said to Church. "What? What is it!?" Church asked Flowers. But then Flowers died. "Oh, crap." Church said.

That's when Past Church and Tucker walked into the base, arguing about the Sniper Rifle. This made Church bail. Then Past Church and Tucker found Flowers dead. Past Church then thought a heart attack killed him and Tucker called dibs on his armor, neither one being really sad about Flowers death.

Back outside Church was looking at the base. "Well that didn't work so well. I'd better keep low before I do some more damage." Church said before he went into the caves.

A few weeks later. "Man, this sucks. It's still weeks until Tex shows up, and I still haven't seen any sign of that pink guy yet. But it can't be much longer, I mean West showed up." Church said to himself, as Donut walked up to Church in his old red armor.

"Hi!" Donut said to Church. "Uh… hello." Church said, wondering what to do. "Do you have any elbow grease?" Donut asked. What are you talking about?" Church asked. "How about headlight fluid? This is the store, right?" Donut asked. "What? Look, man there's only two places in this goddamn canyon." Church said to Donut. "Look, I just came from Red Base." Donut said. "Well then, the only other place you can go is that way." Church said, as he pointed to the direction of Blue Base. "Okay. Thanks, mister!" Donut said before leaving.

"Hey, wait a second. Is that pink guy over at Red Base yet?" Church asked Donut. "Pink guy? I don't know any pink guys. There's a maroon guy, a scarlett guy, and an orange guy, but no pink guys. See you later." Donut said as he exited the cave.

"Yeah, thanks. What an idiot." Church said. "Wait a minute." Church said, realizing that it was the red soldier that took the flag. Church then went after Donut to try and stop him. But it didn't work. All that happened was the events of Donut stealing the flag happened just like the first time.

Church then slapped his hand into his face, and noticed Sheila. "There's Sheila. Sheila!" Church said, as she ran to Sheila. "Sheila! Hey! Wake up! Wake up! Hey! Sheila! Come on! Turn on! Ug, ignition!" Church said to Sheila banging on her, as Past Church went after Donut and the flag. "Oh, crap, crap. Come on! Come on! Activate!" Church said, as he got behind Sheila.

"Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me F.I.L.S.S." Sheila said. "Hey, She- wait, F. .S? Why not Sheila?" Church asked. "Name overridden. You may now call me Sheila." Sheila said. "Whatever. Quickly, I need you to run through all your weapons systems programs." Church asked. "Affirmative. Auto Lock is enabled. Barrel recoil dampers are enabled." Sheila said, listing off her features.

"Yeah, yeah, come on, come on. Hurry." Church said, not really paying attention. "Extra ammo management is disabled. The friendly fire protocol is enabled." Sheila said. "Friendly fire." Church saud, realizing that's probably the one he was looking for. "That's the one that kills teammates, right?" Church asked Sheila. "Affirmative." Sheila said. "Alright. Disable the friendly fire protocol." Church said

"Friendly fire protocol is now disabled. Friendly forces may now be targeted by auto-lock." Sheila said. "Yes!" Church said, thinking he did it. "Wait, No!" Church said, realising what he actually did. "That doesn't sound right. I want the other thing." Church said, as Caboose got into Sheila and started her up.

Then the event's of Caboose meeting Sheila happened exactly like the first time, and Church realised what was about to happen. Church then ran after Sheila and said no as he ran. Then the scene of him getting shot with the tank happened again, but this time he realizes that he was the team-killer fucktard. "Caboose, wait!" Tucker said he and West ran after Caboose. As they left, Church ran up to where his own dead body was and picked up the Sniper Rifle. He then said out loud. "Ah, here we go. Now at least I can pick off that pink guy without getting too close to anybody."

Then some explosions from the Air Bomers happened. Church went up to see Sheila exploded and past Church appeared in ghost form and said. "What happened? I can see my body. I see two of my bodies. Am I dead?"

"Uh, uh-oh. Um… let's just put it this way- you were killed because someone very close to you is an idiot." Church said shifting the blame to Caboose rather than himself. Past Ghost Church said. "So I AM dead? Oh, that blows, man. Wait, I see a light. Should I go into it?"

"What light? I don't see a light." Church said as he looked around, but didn't see anything. He then said to his past self. "You must be shaken up from the explosion. You should probably rest."

"Farewell, my body. I shake loose these earthly bonds for a better existence... " Ghost Church said as he disappeared. Church then realized that not only had he killed himself, but he was also a honking dork. So he wasn't having a very good day.

"One second, Caboose. I wanna get Church's sniper rifle." Tucker said as he and West went up to Church's dead body. Church took cover behind a rock and Tucker didn't see Church or the sniper rifle. Tucker then said. "Oh crap, it's gone. Man, I'm so fucking unlucky."

"Tucker, Church is the unlucky one. Now are you going to help me with Church?" West said and Tucker said. "Fuck that. Has he ever helped us?"

"Then go back to base and call Blue Command. Caboose you help Tucker remove whatever that is off his armor." West said as Tucker and Caboose left West. Church knew what West was going to do and tried to stop him. But West pulled on the chest plate too hard and it flew right into Church's face. Church fell off the cliff and screamed. West heard him, but thought it was something wrong with his radio. So as Church got up, West finched up and took Church armor.

Church then got up, groaning, and went to spy on the Reds looking for Donut, not knowing that he was staring right at him through the rifle's scope. But then the event's of Tex getting the flag back played out like it did before, Church worried about Tex, and sneaked into the base after her, dropping his Sniper Rifle. But then while in the base, the Blue's team rescue of Tex happened, and Church realised that Caboose was going to kill him, with the Sniper Rifle he left behind. He got outside, only to see Caboose kill him again.

Some time passed and Church got the Sniper Rifle back, and was trying to kill Donut, but he kept failing. Then came the part when Tex was attacking the Red Base. Church tried to shoot Donut, but he missed every shot and screamed swear words with every shot. Not that anyone, red or blue, noticed, over the sound of Sheila's cannon. Then Donut tossed the grange and while Church tried to shoot it out of the air, only to miss with every shot again.

"Alright, that's it. I quit. I'm going to live in a cave." Church said, finally giving up on killing Donut. But what Church didn't know was that Caboose saw him, and made Caboose call him over the radio. And this is what allowed O'Malley to leave Tex and enter Caboose.