Chapter 14

Blue Base

After everything that happened, Church stayed hidden until Donut, Tex, and Tucker left, because he knew that teleporter was safe to use. Once everyone left, he ran up to Sheila, from the top of the base. "Church! I thought you left with Grif! Back already?" Sheila asked Church. "I hate to tell you this Sheila, but none of us are comin' back. Is there any way I can take you with me? Maybe transfer your program into a disk or something like that?" Church asked Sheila.

"Sorry! But I'm hardwired into this equipment! That's what happens when you're built by the lowest bidder!" Sheila said. "Yeah, tell me about it. There's just one more thing you can do for me before I say goodbye. It's the last thing I can do to hopefully set this stuff right." Church said. "What is it?" Sheila asked. "Here's what I need you to do." Church said before whispering stuff to Sheila. "You got it!" Sheila said to Church.

"Thanks Sheila. And uh. Sorry that I blamed you for killing me all this time." Church said. "That's okay. I'm sorry I enjoyed blowing you up so much." Sheila said. "Yeah, I don't think it was necessary to tell me that. Anyway, I guess this is goodbye Sheila." Church said to Sheila, before jumping into the teleporter. "Maybe I should shut down now, and save a little power." Sheila said, as she powered down. And for the first time ever the canyon was quiet, not a single sound could be heard.

Sidewinder

In Sidewinder, Church figured Grif couldn't defuse the bomb and secretly let them out of the cell, and went to find Tex.

And where was Tex, she was tied to a tree by O'Malley and Wyoming. "Sorry about this Allison, just following Omega's orders." Wyoming said to Tex. "Wyoming! I need you to get in position! Don't forget that Vic fellow is giving us a bonus if we kill Tucker! Would really help fuse the whole conspiracy theory he made up." O'Malley said to Wyoming. "Righto mate!" Wyoming said.

"As the one person who really does work for Red and Blue, I think what we're doing is despicable! O'Malley. Can't you look in your heart and see that maybe if we do this right, that Red and Blue can work together?! Maybe we can end this crazy war! Wouldn't that be great! Come on guys, let's live the dream!" Doc said, poking his voice out. "I like the way wars end now! When one side is completely dead, and the other side wasting away in nuceleur winter!" O'Malley said. "It's pronounced "nuclear"." Doc said. "Oh shut up. Crying at the folly of their own hubris!" O'Malley said. "Wars also end in treaties." Doc said. "Ahhh, shut up already." O'Malley said.

Meanwhile Church was overlooking all the Reds and Blue, who were getting ready for battle. "Come in Tex. I need you to meet me in the middle of the canyon right now. This is Church. Uhhh, I have money." Church said over the radio, but got no response. "Oh man, where is she!?" Church asked.

Then a second Church showed up and got Church's attention. "What? Who are you?" Church asked. "Huh? Oh, I'm you! I'm just a different version of you! Yeah see I keep trying to fix the bomb, just like you're doing, except, I don't do it right and get blasted back through time! Then I come back, and try to fix everything all over again. I just want to let you know, when you get back, meet us at the top of the ramp!" Church #2 said to Church, as the Reds and Blues started to fight O'Malley. "Us? Who's "us"? Back from where?! What's going on?!" Church said, as the bomb went off.

Unknown Location

"See you in a few hundred years." Gray said, as Church was teleported away. But then Church appeared again, but without the beard.

"Computer! You gotta send me back!" Church said. "To Blood Gulch? You just left." Gery said to Church. "Nonono, not to Blood Gulch! To Sidewinder! Man, I totally screwed everything up!" Church said. "How?" Gery asked and Church said. "Well, I didn't keep the bomb from going off, so I just got blasted back here!"

"Yeah, me too." Another Church said as he appeared. As the room was filling up with Church the second Church said. "Yeah, lemme just put it this way pal: Your next plan? Goes about as well as the first one does." Soon the whole room was full of Church. "Uh-oh." Gary said as he transported all of them to Sidewinder.

Sidewinder

As the first Church ran up the ramp, he saw all of the Churches talking to one another. Church then said to them. "What the hell is all of this?"

"Oh, here he is Late again." Church #2 said to Church and Church said to them. "Who are you guys?"

"We're you, DUMBASS! We just keep screwing up and getting blown back to the computer terminal. Then we teleport here to try again." Church #2 said to Church and Church#4 said to Church #2. "I know that man you told me last time!"

"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the NEW you." Church #2 said to Church#4 and Church#4 said. "Oh right. Sorry about that, I'm still getting used to all of this."

"How did all you guys screw up?" Church said and Churches told them what happened. One of them tried to explain the situation to everybody, but they all asked too many questions and the bomb went off. Another shot Wyoming before he shot Tucker, but Tucker shot him and the bomb went off. And another one lost his mind and decided to kill everybody he could see, but that didn't really stop the bomb and the bomb went off. "What did you do?" Church said to a yellow Church.

"Cude. Don't ask. Trust me, it-it didn't work." Yellow Church said and Church#72 said to Church. "So now we all come back here beforehand to discuss what we did, and see if we can collectively figure out a better plan beforehand."

"You said beforehand twice." Church#2 said to Church #72. Church then said to the other Church's. "Oh! Well in that case, what I thinking of doing-"

"That won't work." All of the Churches said. Church then had an idea. "Hey I got it! Who's the last Church?" Church asked, confusing the Churches. "Which one of you is the latest version of me?" Church asked. "Um, I guess that would be me." A Church said, as everyone turned to a Church on the side. "Uh I've already tried all the stuff that all these other guys have done. Even him. So, I guess that makes me the latest version." The last Church said to Church.

"Well that must mean you're the one who gets it right then!" Church said. "What do you mean?" The last Church asked. "Well, you're the last Church, so you must be the one who fixes everything! Otherwise, there'd be a thousand other Churches here, trying to get it right!" Church said. "I see."The last Church said. "Wait, why am I explaining this to you? If you're the latest Church, then you've been me, explaining this to you already!" Church said.

"Uh yeah, I know. I just didn't wanna steal my own thunder. I thought it was a pretty good idea." The last Church said. "Thanks." All the Churches said. "Ok, I'm gonna do whatever it is that fixes all of this. Wish me luck guys." The last Church said. "What are you going to do?" Church asked the last Church. "Y'know what? I'm going to just free Tex, and wing it. Because every time I've made a plan, it's fallen apart. I figure, "why not just improvise?"." The last Church said, before leaving.

"So what DID you do?" Church #2 asked Yellow Church. "Oh man, It seemed like such a good idea at the time." Yellow Church said.

Back outside, Church found Tex tied to a tree. "Church! O'Malley and Wyoming tied me up! Get me outta here!" Text said to Church. "You got it. Wait a second, could this be a good thing, or a bad thing?" Church asked himself. "How is setting me free a bad thing?" Tex annoyingly asked Church. "I'm not sure. If I set you free, will you promise not to get close to me?" Church asked. "I'm already close to you." Tex said.

"No no not me, me. The other me, me. The one with the bomb." Church said. "What?" Tex asked. "Oh right I forgot. I already set Tex free one of the other times. Oh sweet! Then that means I'm the guy that interrupts me and confuses Tex!" Church N said as he appeared, behind Church. "I'm totally confused." Tex said. "Oh don't worry Tex. I'm supposed to tell him that it's ok to set Tex free." Church N said to Tex. "It is?" Church asked. "Well, that's what I said to me when I was you! And it seemed to work ok." Church N said to Church.

"Seriously, this is really confusing." Tex said, as Church untied her. "Ok, you're free Tex. Now to execute the second part of my plan. I'm gonna posses Lopez and use his lightning machine to defuse the bomb. See ya!" Church said, before leaving. "Good luck!" Church N said to Church. "Yeah, that's totally not gonna work. Tex, I recommend you get down there, and try to defuse the bomb that's in Church's stomach. I think that you're the only one here that can do it." Church N said to Tex.

"And Tex, the one thing I didn't realize before was this: Maybe I'm not the last Church because I fixed everything, but because I died and there's no way I can come back. If that happens, I just want to let you know that I'm sorry. Sorry I got you mixed up in all this stuid stuff. Sorry I wasn't a better than I should've been. I'm sorry for- for- for a lot of stuff." Church N said to Tex, having a moment.

"But if we DO survive this, then it's TOTALLY because of me, and you should build a fucking state in my honor." Church N said running the moment, and causing Tex to leave. "I'M SERIOUS! SOMETHIN' COOL! LIKE ME ON A HORSE! NONONO WAIT- A MOTORCYCLE!" Church N yelled to Tex.

Then while the event's of the bomb blowing up, Church stuck behind everyone, only for Caboose to notice "CHURCH!" Caboose said in shock and confusion. "What can I say dipshit? For better or for worse, I'm back." Church said to Caboose, as the bomb exploded.

Building By A Beach

"WE"RE ALL GONNA DIE! STARTING WITH GRIF! EVERYONE, GET READY TO KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE! Simmons, Jack, you two have the honor of kissing mine." Sarge said before Church appeared and said to them. "Hey everybody, what's up."

"While Caboose is about to kill us, Tucker can't stop showing off his sword, the Red's are still Red's. So nothing new. By the way, if you don't want to be blown to smithereens you might want to run." West said, as Caboose was very happy to see Church. Church then said to West. "That won't be necessary West. Hey Gary, how are you doing?"

"Not bad. Although my static ion-matrix is a little itchy." Gary said

"The computer can talk?!" Simmons asked. "The computer's name is Gary?!" Grif asked. "That's what's weirding you out?!" Jack asked Grif

"How have you been, Church?" Gary said to Church and Church said to Gary. "Good, thanks for asking. Listen, could you do me a favor? Could you shut off the bomb please?"

"No problem." Gary said as he turned off the bomb with one second left.

"GARY YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU COULD'VE TURNED OFF THE BOMB THIS WHOLE TIME?! AND YOU DIDN'T SAY SO?! AND DON'T SAY I DIDN'T-" Sarge yelled at Gary, but Gary quickly interrupted him. "You didn't ask." Gary said, making Sarge mad.

"Man, it is really great to see you guys." Church said as his team met up with him. "You seem like you're in a good mood." Tucker said and Church said to his team. "I learned a very valuable lesson in my travels."

"And what would that be?" West said to Church. Church then said to them. "No matter how bad things might seem-"

"They could be worse." Caboose said and Church said. "Nope. No matter how bad things might seem, they can't get any better, and they get any worse. Because that's the way things are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitchin."

"WHERE have you been?" Caboose said and Church said. "You guys want the long version, or the short version?"

"We'll take the long version." West said and Tucker then said. "But can you tell me in three parts?" Church then explains what had just happened to him in the last three chapters.