Chapter 16

Building By A Beach

"See? They're down there, messing with the radio." Tex said as the Blue watched over them from the building's second level. West then said to her. "Yeah, but what are they trying to do?"

"Maybe they're just listening to the radio." Church said and West said to him. "Church, if they were just listening to the radio, they wouldn't send Donut to distract us."

"The kid's right. I know plotting when I see it. That's plotting." Tex said and Tucker said. "Maybe they're scheming."

"No, scheming looks different. That's definitely plotting. They're going to try something." Tex said and Tucker said. "Why? I already told them Red and Blue are the same, it's all a conspiracy."

"And I told you that's not true. Vic just made it up to confuse us." Church said and West said. "Also you keep saying "Exactly" whenever we ask you about it."

"Exactly." Tucker said and Tex said. "Look, I don't care about Red, or Blue. All I know is that those guys are up to something down there."

"Maybe they're planning to use the radio to beam secret messages to the filling in my teeth." Tucker said and West said. "Alright that's it." West then fired his pistol at the ground below Tucker's feet. As Church and Tex laughed, Caboose appeared and said to West as he enjoyed the show. "Hey West, what are you doing?"

"Shoot Tucker and try to figure out what the Reds are doing." West said before reloading his pistol. Caboose then said. "Oh, I know. They are trying to tune into the distress signal they heard on the radio." West stopped firing and Church said to Caboose. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, I know all the details. They were in their, the Boss Hogg, when Simmin, heard a distress signal, on, the radio, and Gruff and Jacky was in the back seat. With a fire money."

"Hmm, I'm gonna go out of a limb here and assume that some of that is wrong." Tucker said and West said. "What was your first clue, idiot?"

"How do you know all this Caboose?" Church said to Caboose and Caboose said. "Andy told me."

"Andy, who's Andy? Are you, are you Andy?" Church said to West and West said. "No, I am West, you poor excuse of a leader."

"I know, but what's your first name?" Church said to West and West said. "West is my first name."

"Wait, we've been calling you by your first name the whole time we've known you." Church said to West and West said. "Yeah, and before you ask. My last name is Seiun, not Andy."

"Ok. Tucker, what is your first name?" Church said to Tucker and Tucker said. "Lavernius."

"Lavernius, well then who's this Andy g- wait a second… Are you black?" Church said to Tucker and Tucker said. "Me?"

"Yeah."Church said to Tucker and Tucker said. "Does it matter?"

"No. I'm just curious." Church said to Tucker and Tucker said. "Well if it doesn't matter then why are you curious?"

"I don't know, I guess that's just something I should have picked up on after all this time." Church said to Tucker and Tucker said. "You know what else you should have picked up on? My fucking first name!"

While Tucker was complaining about Church not knowing his name, the Reds played back the distress signal, with Grif in the driver set, Simmons in shotgun, Jack in the back, and Sarge and Donut standing nearby. "Distress, distress, help, we don't need any more distress, distress, whoah man, it's a lot of distress." the signal said.

"That's all it says, it doesn't even say where or who." Simmons said to everyone. "We know who it is. It's on the Red Army open channel! That means the Reds have survived into the future. Doncha see what this means?" Sarge asked everyone, causing Grif to sigh. "That we have absolutely no hope of ever getting out of this army." Grif said. "No, it means we must have beaten the Blues! Otherwise there wouldn't be any Reds left. Finally, Victory is ours! Wait a minute, this means I missed the entire war, aw dammit!" Sarge said.

"Yeah, everything must be great. That's why they sent out a distress signal." Grif said to Sarge. "Maybe it's not a distress signal. Maybe it's a "dis"tress signal. Maybe it's an open invitation to some formal ball!" Donut said. "Oh-kay, let's go with Sarge's version." Grif said. "Don't worry sir. Given what we saw of the Reds and Blues, us included, the War is still going. And Donut, your idea is stuid." Jack said to Sarge and Donut.

"Simmons, have you tracked the source?" Sarge asked Simmons. "Well Sir, all I can tell is the direction, I have no idea how far it is." Simmons said. "Why not? I thought you were our Unofficial Science Officer, like West." Sarge asked. "That just means I'm smart. If you want me to multiply two big numbers in my head, that I can do. But I can't measure radio signals with no equipment!" Simmons said.

"What's thirty-two times, fifty-six?" Grif asked Simmons. "Thirty-one thousand, four hundred fifty-two." Simmons said in no time flat. "Is that right?" Sarge asked Simmons. "Yes." Simmons said. "That's pretty impressive." Sarge said. "Eh, you know, it's a gift." Simmons said. "Yeah for an accountant, not a soldier." Jack said to Simmons.

"This is Andy." Caboose said, pointing at the bomb. "Andy this is West, Tex, and Tucker. The nave one is West, the black one is Tex, and the other black one is Tucker."

"Andy's the bomb?" Tucker said and Caboose said. "Uhhh, Andy prefers the term "Explosive American."

"Are you making fun of me?" Tucker said and Caboose said. "He told me all about what the Reds are up tp. Didn't you Andy…" The bomb didn't talk and Caboose said. "Yes. Uh, and then we talked about all our adventures, did you know that he used to know Sheila? Isn't that right Andy?" The bomb still didn't talk. West then said to Caboose. "Ehm, Caboose, are you hearing the bomb talking right now?"

"Say something Andy. You are embarrassing me in front of my friends." Caboose said to the bomb and Tex said to him. "Caboose, I think you're losing it."

"Also I wouldn't really call us "friends", we're more like acquaintances or people who work with other people they hate." Tucker said to Caboose. Above them, Church was talking to Gary. "Gray, I need you to tell me some more about the Alien race that needs Tucker's sword."

"I do not know anything about them." Gray said and Church said. "You don't know anything about the Aliens that programmed you?"

"Correct. Instead. They filled all my memory banks with information about the Great Destroyer and his race." Gray said and Church said. "You mean Humans."

"That is not what they call you but correct." Gray said and Church said. "Why, what do they call us?"

"Shisno." Gray said and Church said. "That's an insult, isn't it."

"Perhaps this can best be explained in the form of a Knock Knock joke." Gray said and Church hated Gary Knock Knock jokes. "Knock knock." Gray said and Church said. "Who's there?"

"You are." Gray said and Church said. "You are who?"

"You are a dirty dirty Shisno. Ha ha ha." Gray said and Church said. "Alright, what does it mean?"

"What is the most foul-smelling animal on your planet?" Gray said and Church said. "Uhm, a skunk. Wait, so Shisno means skunk?"

"Not exactly. Does a skunk defecate?" Gray said and Church said. "Yes…"

"And does the Skunk's defecation in turn produce its own excrement?" Gray said and Church said. "Ew, no!"

"Then there is no equivalent for Shisno in your language." Gray said and Church said. "Gross."

"Like you would not believe." Gray said and Church said. "Hey, does that bomb ever talk to you?"

"The bomb? No. Never." Gray said and Church said. "Yeah, I didn't think so."

"Andy and I are not on speaking terms right now." Gray said and Church said. "Heh heh yeah. Wait, Andy?"

"Correct. He is kind of a jerk." Gray said, before the bomb said in a male voice to him. "I'm not the jerk, you're the jerk, jerk!" As Gary and Andy got into an argument on who was a bigger jerk, the Blue's were surprised to learn they now had a talking bomb.