Chapter 17
Building By A Beach
"Tex, you made the bomb, so do you know how it can talk?" West said and Andy said. "The names Andy you Shisno."
"I used an old robot kit to make it." Tex said and West said ignoring Andy. "You had to include the voice chip."
"Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive device." Church said as they all saw Andy getting mad. Tex then said to Church. "I agree."
"I wasn't talking about you Tex." Church said to Tex and Tex said to him. "Hey, why don't you suck my-"
"Maybe we shouldn't fight in front of the bomb with the short fuse." Tucker said and Andy screamed. "I DON'T HAVE A SHORT FUSE!"
"Caboose, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown." Church said and Caboose said to Andy. "Andy. Everyone here is your friend. And no one wants to hurt you."
"Yeah right." Andy said and Caboose said. "Come on Andy, think of a happy place! Now, what makes you happy?"
"Being in the middle of a huge explosion!" Andy said and Church said. "Less happy place Caboose. Less happy place."
"Ahh uhh. Think calming thoughts uh… Let's count backwards from ten! TEN… NINE… EIGHT!"
"NO!" All the Blue said before Andy could explode.
Back outside Simmons was still in the car trying to figure out where the distress signal came from, while everyone else stood around the Warthog, while Donut was looking around. "Simmons, have you got anything yet?" Jack asked Simmons. "Ok. I'm 95% certain that the distress signal is coming from that way." Simmons said, as he pointed a way out of the building. "Excellent work Simmons. Alright men and Grif, let's get ready to roll!" Sarge said to everyone.
"Only 95% certain?" Grif asked Simmons. "Grif, If there's one thing That I've learned in working with you, it's that there's alway margin for error." Simmons said to Grif. "Excellent comeback Simmons. That's a burn." Sarge said. "Thank you Sir." Simmons said.
"Har har. Look who's so smart. It's pronounced margarine dumbass." Grif said to Simmons. "Seriously, if I ever meet the guy that assigned you to our squad, I'm gonna kill him." Simmons said. "Well if you're 95% certain it's that way, which way's the other five percent?" Grif asked Simmons. "What do you think? All the other directions." Simmons said to Grif. "Then I think that's the way we should go." Grif said to Simmons. "You might be, the dumbest person I have, I ever met." Simmons said to Grif. "And I think you're just covering your ass." Grif said to Simmons.
"Hey Sarge!" Donut said, as he walked up to everyone. "What? I'm not covering my ass, you're the one trying to cover yours!" Simmons said to Grif. "No way." Grif said, "Yes way. After all, we can't go in every direction at once. That a stuid idea, and you just trying to make it seems like Simmons is stupid and not you." Jack said to Grif. "Stop arguing with all of you. Simmons isn't covering his ass, Grif and certainly isn't covering his. No one's ass is being covered. And Jack's right Grif is stupid. Got it." Sarge said to everyone.
"Donut, what do you want?" Sarge asked Donut. "Uhhhh. Is that a trick question?" Donut asked Sarge. "Donut!" Sarge said, frustrated. "Well. I was up on the windmill again, and I think I found a route we can take outta here." Donut said to Sarge. "Great! Jack, Simmons, load up, Donut, you back them up." Sarge said. "Yes sir! Okey Dokey." Donut said. "Grif, you get in the base and distract the Blues while we get ready to leave." Sarge said to Grif.
"You're sending Grif?" Simmons asked Sarge. "Mm-okay! Be right back!" Gri said to Sarge, before walking into the building. "Grif? Don't you remember the last time you sent him to distract command during our surprise inspection? He told them we were all in the base doing last minute cleaning, because we all had Cholera, and we were in quarantine for a month. My ass still hurts from all the shots we got." Simmons said to Sarge.
"Yeah, you could say that again, mine hurts too!" Donut said. "You weren't even there, Donut." Simmons said to Donut. "I wasn't even there either." Jack said. "Oh… I thought we were just sharing stuff." Donut said.
Then Grif poked his head out of the building. "Wait a second! You guys better not be sending me so you can run off once I'm inside!" Grif said to everyone. "Of course not moron! Now hurry up!" Sarge said to Grif. Grif then went back into the building. "Ok, everybody in the jeep." Sarge said to everyone. Inside the base, Grif saw the Blue's trying to calm Andy down with ways to relieve anger. Caboose tried to help Andy imagine a peaceful place. Tex tried breathing exercises. Church tried to get things that would calm him down. West tried some yoga and Tucker did nothing.
As Grif quietly left the Blues, Sarge was telling everyone his plan. "And when we get there, we'll radio Command and say we need a replacement, because we have absolutely no idea what happened to…"
But then Jack interrupted him. "Ah Sarge." Jack then pointed to Grif, who was right behind Sarge. "OH GRIF!" Sarge said with a surprise tune in his voice. "What are you doing back so soon? That was the shortest distraction of all time." Simmons asked Grif. "What's wrong? What were the Blues doing?" Sarge asked Grif. "Ya know? I can honestly say I have no idea what I just saw. Can I quit the army now? Seriously, I think I've seen everything I need to see at this point." Grif said to Sarge.
"If only I could make that happen, dirtbag." Sarge said to Grif. " I mean it. Just tell me where to turn in my gun. I'm done." Grif said to Sarge. "What happened in there?" Jack asked Grif.
Meanwhile at the beach O'Malley was readying a robot army that all looked like Lopez, with energy guns. [Come my robot army. Today is the day of our glorious victory.] Lopez said from an upper ledge, still being a head for some reason. O'Malley laughed. "Careful you fools, I need the device intact." O'Malley said, laughing more. "Now kill all those fools! And those fools over there! And those fools. Leave no fool left un-killed. This army has a no fool discrimination clause." O'Malley said, before laughing again. "I like that we have a no fool dicrimination clause it makes us progressive!" Doc said, poking his voice out. "Shut up you fool." O'Malley said to Doc.