Camp Wawanawkwa. The sun was shining, the birds were gently calling, and the rare freshwater, man-eating sharks were circling the lake.
On the very top of the tallest cliff on the hilly island, Owen and Trent were standing, waiting for their turn to jump off into the shark-free safe zone.
"Let's do this!", yelled Trent, once Noah had jumped off. He high-fived Owen, oblivious to the latter's nervous condition, and ran off the edge of the cliff, presumably landing in the safe zone one thousand miles down. "Yeah! Woo!", he yelled all the way to the bottom.
Chris McLean pulled out his trusty megaphone, and turned to the campers down below on the shoreline. "OK, campers, there's only one person left. You guys need this jump for the win."
He turned and gave a falsely comforting smile to the big guy. "No pressure, dude." Owen gave him a grateful smile, followed by Chris saying, "OK, there's pressure!"
Down below, the Screaming Gophers who had made the jump began cheering him on, while the Killer Bass booed and hissed.
Owen slipped on some water wings, despite being sixteen years of age, and walked to the back of the cliff.
Confessional (Owen): Oh, I was pretty darn nervous. See, the thing is... I'm not that strong a swimmer.
(Geoff): I'm looking at this guy, and thinking there's no way he's going to make it.
(Gwen): I actually thought, "If he jumps this, he's going to die.
"Take a good run at it, buddy. You can do this!", said Chris, as Owen repeated, "I'm going to die now.", under his breath.
"C'mon, big guy.", said Leshawna, down below.
Owen closes his eyes, clenches his fist, then begins running towards the edge. The camera goes slow-motion, and the Chariots of Fire theme starts playing. Owen runs past a genuinely surprised Chris, as he gets closer and closer to the edge.
Closer... Closer...
Suddenly, Owen slides to a halt before the edge, gets on his hands and knees, and yells to the sky, "I can't do it!"
The Gophers all groan loudly, as the Bass cheer. Chris walks up, and puts a chicken hat on Owen's head. He then pulls out a clipboard, and begins muttering to himself. "With Owen chickening out, that means that there are two chickens for each team. That means, that no one gets the carts."
Now, the air was filled with the groaning of both teams.
"Sayonara, Lard-o.", said Heather, harshly, to a confused Lindsay.
As the day went by, it became clear that the Killer Bass had the advantage in the competition. Despite it being no picnic to drag crates of material through the rough sand and scorching, summertime sun, the Bass simply had the more athletic campers.
Courtney, who was pushing a crate by herself, suddenly yelped. "I think I got a splinter!"
Eva, who was carrying her crate by herself, marched up. "Shut up, and pick up your crate, chicken."
"Oh, give her a break, dudette.", said Geoff, casually. "The other team is way behind us."
"That doesn't mean we'll win this, yet.", growled Eva.
"Of course we will, eh?", said Ezekiel, simply. "They're the team with about six..."
Eva raised her unibrow at Zeke, before Harold interrupted them. "I know what will lift our spirits. How about a rousing song of '99 Bottles of Pop'..."
"Sing one syllable, and you're dead meat, dweeb.", said Duncan, getting up in Harold's face.
Meanwhile, the Gophers had each paired up to push each crate. Heather was with Lindsay, Leshawna with Beth, Gwen with Trent, Noah with Cody, and Izzy with Justin.
Heather stopped to put lipstick on her lips, and wipe the sweat off her brow. Comically, Lindsay was unable to push her crate so much as an inch without Heather.
Leshawna soon caught sight of Heather's break. "Hey, popular girl. Why'd you stop pushing your crate? All of us are pulling our own weight."
"Oh, please. Isn't it already obvious we're going to lose. We all know who's going to be leaving the island tonight, and it sure as heck isn't going to be me." Heather looked at Owen, who was behind the main group of Gophers, and making a minimal effort to push his one crate. He looked very depressed.
Trent was the only Gopher who looked at Owen with some semblance of pity. "Hey, do you mind? I'm going to see how the big guy is doing.", he said to Gwen.
Gwen, who sure wasn't happy about pushing a crate in the hot sun by herself, muttered, "Fine. Whatever."
Trent walked to Owen, saying, "Hey, how you holding up, big guy?"
Owen gave a weak smile to his teammate. "Oh, swell." A second later, the smile was gone, replaced by depression. "Actually, quite terrible. I feel I really let the team down, and it's only the first challenge. Heather's right, I deserve to be voted off first." Trent had no response.
As the mid-afternoon turned to late, the Bass finally made it to camp.
"Awesome, we're here.", said Bridgette, high-fiving a nearby DJ.
Suddenly, Chris McLean drove up on his ATV. "Welcome, Killer Bass. You're the first ones to arrive." Confusion spreads on McLean's face. "Hey, where are the Wonder Twins?"
"Um, they're getting a drink?", said Courtney, as the bug bite on her eye twitched. Chris reacted in disgust at Courtney's wound, saying, "Oh, my boxers, that's bad! Harold and Ezekiel, go find Katie and Sadie. Every team member needs to be present."
Duncan set down his crate, took out his pocket knife, and began trying to cut the crate open.
"Um, actually, Duncan, I've come up with a more hilarious way to open your crates.", said Chris. "You will all need to only use your teeth to open your crates."
"You're... joking, right.", said Courtney.
Eva, meanwhile, set her crate down, gripped the side with her jaws, and pulled. It broke apart immediately, causing the Bass to cheer, and another crate to be placed in front of Eva.
It was near suppertime when the Gophers finally rolled into camp. There, they saw the Bass trying to build their hot tub, emphasis on 'trying'.
Duncan and Tyler were fighting for a hammer, Geoff was duct-taping the lining together, and Ezekiel was off to one side picking his nose.
"Great, they're doing an awful job.", said Heather, gleefully, as Owen walked up. "We may actually win this..."
"And time's up!", said Chris, walking up. "Time to judge your hot tubs."
"No!", screeched Heather.
The camera cut to Chris examining the Bass' hot tub. He poked the side, immediately followed by water being spouted in his face. "Well, I'm not going to lie... this is a pretty sucky hot tub. But, considering that the Gophers didn't even build one, I'd say the winners are the Killer Bass!"
The Bass all cheered.
"And, as a reward, you get to keep your hot tub for the rest of the summer, and have a rocking party tonight." The Bass cheered, followed by their hot tub falling to pieces before them, splashing water all over the lawn.
"Gophers, I'll see your furry butts at the campfire ceremony tonight." The Gophers all looked uneasily at one another, before glaring at Owen, who had plopped down on the ground in despair.
At dinner that night, as the Bass talked amiably with one another, the Gophers were privy to something never seen before: Owen picking at his food, then getting up to leave without finishing.
"I'm going to take a nap.", he said, miserably, walking out of the mess hall.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Heather said, "OK, so we're all in agreement to vote out tubby, tonight?"
The other Gophers nodded in agreement, before Trent said, "C'mon, guys, can't we give the big guy a break? He feels really bad about what happened."
"So, who would you vote out?", said Noah, not looking up from his book.
"Well, how about her?", said Trent, pointing at Beth, who had the decency to look guilty. "She didn't jump either."
"Fine, you can vote for her all you want.", said Heather. "Meanwhile, the rest of us, will be voting off the guy who lost us the challenge."
Most of the team looked like they reluctantly agreed, as Trent sighed.
Cut to the campfire ceremony that night, as Chris walked up to his podium to observe the assembled Gophers.
"Screaming Gophers.", said Chris, holding up a plate of marshmallows. "At camp, marshmallows represent a tasty treat you roast by the fire. At this camp, they represent life. You've all cast your votes and made your decision. There are only ten marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight, must immediately return to the Dock of Shame to catch the Boat of Losers. That means you're out of the contest, and you can't come back... ever."
The Gophers all looked suitably scared, except for Owen, who still looked utterly miserable.
"The first marshmallow goes to... Justin."
Justin smiled confidently, and walked up to Chris, who poked the marshmallow on his stick.
"Cody."
"Woo-hoo!", said Cody, running up and putting the marshmallow on his stick.
"Izzy... Lindsay... Heather... Leshawna... Trent."
"Gwen."
"Campers, this is the final marshmallow of the evening." [1]
The camera pans over a nervous Beth and a depressed Owen.
"The final marshmallow goes to...
...
...
...
...Beth."
Beth squealed in delight, before running up to claim her prize. Owen got up off his stump, and gave a weak smile to his former teammates. "Well, it's been fun guys, but we've all got to leave sometime."
Despite only knowing him for a day, all the Gophers were present at Owen boarding the Boat of Losers. "Goodbye, guys. I'll never forget you."
"Take care, man.", said Trent, giving twin thumbs up to the big guy.
Soon, Owen was off, and the Gophers headed back to their cabin, carefully avoiding eye contact with any of the celebrating Bass.
Teams
Screaming Gophers: Gwen, Heather, Leshawna, Izzy, Lindsay, Trent, Beth, Cody, Justin, and Noah
Killer Bass: Duncan, Geoff, DJ, Bridgette, Eva, Harold, Courtney, Sadie, Tyler, Katie, and Ezekiel
Eliminated: Owen
Votes: Owen (9); Beth (2)
[1]: I decided to not include Noah in the ceremony, referencing Eva not getting her name called in the original canon.