Nothing Left to Lose: Chapter 4 – Stop the Pain, Close the Hole
(A warning is required for this, as there is details of a breakdown and self-harm which may be triggering to readers. I will put in a warning before and something after it, so that it can be avoided)
Eventually, Marinette pulls away and wipes away the tears, sniffling once before releasing a harsh breath of air, and smiling.
"I'm sorry about that, Chat, I don't know what happened. But I'm fine, seriously!" She's trying to be strong, and she was never really that good of a lair or an actor.
"Marinette, stop lying to me." I say softly, but with a firm edge to it. "I'm just worried about, Marinette. Something just feels really off, and I want to help you. I'm your friend." I reach out and touch her arm, and I offer her a small smile, to show I care.
"Right." She whispers.
Marinette is only proving the point that I made as Adrien: the person that they think she is, just isn't the real Marinette. And they should know that! I would have thought that they did and would believe her no matter what. Alya, at the very least. She is not the person that Lila has made her, she's still, at heart, our everyday ladybug.
"What's going on Marinette? Let me help you."
"But you can't help me with this, Chat! This isn't like an akuma, you can't help me. Besides, there's no point in trying to help me anymore. I'm not worth the help." She mumbles, and I look at her with a deep sorrow.
"Marinette…Don't-don't say that, ok? You are so worth helping! Why would you even say such a thing!?"
"Just leave, Chat. Please." She pleads, and I can see the fresh tears as they glisten in the light of her room. As much as I don't want to leave, I know I'm better off doing as she says. Somewhat.
"Ok, Purrincess. I'll be back tomorrow night." I mutter dejectedly and leave through the window. I hide just out of sight as she closes the window, as she had said nothing about watching over her, just that I had to leave. Loopholes!
MARINETTE
!warning! self-harm and breakdown!
Now that they've started, all of the tears and emotions just come pouring out, and I clutch at my chest, trying to keep it all in, my chest throbbing in pain, forming a deep, black hole. I pull at my shirt, trying to stop my chest from gaping open, trying to stop everything from hurting. Tikki is nowhere to be found, because I sent her off to Master Fu to collect some more magic macaroons, and to warn him of all that's been happening to me, with the danger that I could become akumatised. In fact, I'm surprised I haven't been already.
"Make it stop." I gasp out, and fall to the floor, doubling over in pain, hugging my arms around my chest. I'm glad that Chat wasn't here to witness it, in fact no one is. There's no one left in the house but me; alone and free to break down and be consumed by everything, ripped so completely open by the guilt and the widening hole in my chest.
I look up, my vision so blurry I am almost rendered completely blind, and search desperately for anything, absolutely anything – to stop the pain, and to keep the whole from getting even larger. I see scissors, I grab for them, immediately flipping them open.
Self-harm isn't something I've ever done, but from everything I've heard, it's supposed to help, and I hope and pray that it proves to be true for me.
I rip the blade across my wrist, and revel in the physical pain it brings me, taking away from the pain in my chest as the hole stops growing. I watch as the blood bubbles up to the surface, and I feel nothing but calm as I watch it drip onto the floor. I slice it against my skin again, the fragile, porcelain, unmarked skin tearing open.
I'm vaguely aware of my window smashing open as I make two more long, deep cuts, and I scream out in fear as the scissors are taken away, terrified of the hole ripping open again after I've just started closing it again.
!self-harm and breakdown over, but caution is still advised!
"Stop! I need to stop the pain!" I yell out, and I reach around me blindly, only to have my hands laced with another's', one covered in cool leather.
"Chat? Make it stop, please. It'll tear me apart." I whisper, curling into his lap as he pulls me into a hug.
"You're ok, Princess. I'm right here, I've got you."
My apologies that this chapter is shorter than my other ones, but I did give you a double update, so…
And I'm also very sorry a more triggering chapter.