Hello, my awesome readers.

It's been 10 years since I've finished this story with a terrible cliffhanger. Also, throughout the years, I've been going through a lot of stress and depression by being excessively busy with work and college to even concentrate on my stories anymore. Not to mention, my sister had settled down 3 years ago and had a baby boy, who I genuinely adore.

When I came back on my account, I've come to notice that some people were leaving behind honest positive and negative reviews on my story A Vampire's Bloodshed, but there are a couple of reviews I wanna address.

Rey Paloma

So... this story is kind of bad. Maybe even terrible. I doubt the author will see this (looks inactive on ffnet) but aspiring authors or rewriters should take note.

I think the most critical problem is how little time we spend inside Moka's head: basically none at all. Based on the premise, the main character arc should be Moka slowly overcoming her guilt and trauma, making friendships, and eventually starting a romantic relationship. That requires the audience to have a clear picture of Moka's thoughts and feelings.

The secondary character arc should be Ichigo and friends overcoming their anti-"vampire" (bount) bias in order to make friends with Moka. However, this should still be told from Moka's point of view, so we can see her fear of rejection. She could also use their anti-vampire feelings as validation for treating herself as a metaphorical monster (holding herself responsible for Tsukune's death.

It's fine for her to project the appearance of comfort and normalcy. She actually struck me as OOC, being overly child-like, but that's actually fantastic (given mental insight). She could have believably regressed as a defense mechanism, the only way she can cope with being responsible for Tsukune's death.

Like the whole eating disorder joke, the joke being that she doesn't really need human food, but the Bleach characters don't know... go ahead and give her a real eating disorder. Maybe she as a mature vampire now requires blood for real nutrition, but she has rejected that side of herself. She's trying to survive on human food only, but there's a small deficit, and she's slowly starving herself. Maybe that's why Inner Moka never comes up: Outer Moka is ignoring or repressing all her more vampiric parts and nature.

The characters just need something, anything, to not come across as cardboard cutouts.

It's not helped by the writing. It's not quite so bad as "X did Y. X said Y. X saw Y," but it's not much better either. Along with missing internal voices, there's missing cause and effect. "Because Z, X did Y. X said Y. Unfortunately, W understood X's words as Q. Expletive." That kind of texture would go a long way toward improving the story, even without fixing the plot or characters.

Oh yeah, the characters. They're OOC, and that's bad. It's not bad for their character to get to that point during the story, but it's bad to start out pretending that these are the same characters as in the source material when they're really not. Again, since Moka is the POV character, it's fine for her to be OOC, but only if the audience has some insight why.

If the change isn't too extreme, it can be taken care of in a short flashback, but chances are that wouldn't be satisfying. I would instead start the story with a brief flash forward to the intended characterization, and then run straight through the rest of the story.

As a character, Moka makes this especially easy. Just use Inner Moka for commentary, as she reminisces about who Outer Moka used to be, and ponders what went wrong. Maybe Inner starts out confined to consciousness when Outer is asleep, maybe even manifesting as Outer's nightmares (even unintentionally) since Inner doesn't want to bury the past.

Point being, there's a huge amount of space to b creative, but there should still be a goal in sight. I don't believe that the original author had much of a plan for this story, since there is a huge amount of meandering fluff that even undercuts the obvious character arc. It doesn't have to be fluff - we could get character insight through thoughts and Inner Moka - but it is fluff, and I'm personally not a fan.

Shiiiiit, you ain't lying. Honesty, I strongly agree that its terrible LMAO. Not bad, not terrible, but disgusting. Honestly, after returning to my account and reading some of the chapters of this story, I could not stop myself for cringing at how they were written. The whole story made little sense, lacked substance, had bad editing and had a filler arc that everybody hated in the Bleach series. The Bount Arc. Outer Moka was completely useless. Yeah, she still possessed superhuman strength, but she was still useless than Orihime. I'm for real embarrassed reading this story from beginning to last because after I finished reading it, I was like "what the hell did I just write" LMAO.

theaceoffire

uh...

The rape vibes were strong in this chapter.

o.o Like 'Ichigo dragged a girl into his room, told her 12 times she was beautiful and then kissed her' rape.

Damn. It is a LOT out of character for him, unless Moka absorbed some of that Sucubuses power.

Making Ichigo catch some feelings for Moka like some hormonal teenager was a shitty idea too. Yeah, and I also agree that Ichigo had some rapey tendencies and what's worst, my dumbass accidentally mistook him for Inuyasha. The relationship between Ichigo and Moka happened WAY too fast because in the Bleach series, I didn't acknowledge that Ichigo wouldn't have time to chase after girls, he would be too focused on school and becoming stronger to protect those he cares about. Inner Moka and Ichigo didn't have development together to even be a couple.

DespairKitty

ooF kokoa is ooc asf in this. her tsundere nature is why she's best girl

You're certainly not wrong about that. I completely ignored the Rosario + Vampire manga and focused WAY to much on the anime instead while writing this story. I've taken the time to read the manga to Rosario + Vampire and it's entirely better than the anime itself. Too bad we won't be seeing a remake of its anime from the creator of Rosario + Vampire. I was 16 and struggling with dyslexia when I wrote this story, so I had some issues with making grammatical errors, misuse of commas and such.

I thank you all for reading and supporting my story, especially when it's terrible LMAO. I wish you all the best ;)