Corrupted Memory Chapter 4: Cherophobia, an invader zim fanfic

Corrupted Memory

By: 99Alien-Freak99 & Xmimi89eR

Rate: T

Story will contain: blood/ violence/ anorexic/ depression/ strong language.

(ZaDr!)

Disclaimer: We do not own invader Zim, but we own the story and idea.

English is our second language, my apologies if there are any mistakes.

Our stories do not contain lemon.

-XXX-

"ThERe iS noWhEre tO rUN, AnD no PlaCE tO HIdE~"

"Why do you keep trying?"

"SOMEONE LIKE YOU SHOULD SELF-DESTRUCT HIMSELF AFTER EVERYTHING HE HAD DONE!"

"There are countless of issues with you."

"StOP laYiNg tO yOUrsELf~"

"YOU ARE A NOBODY BUT A DEFECT!"

"The tallest are dead because of you."

"WhY dONt yOU coMe CLosEr~?"

"YOU RUINED MY CHANCE!"

"Poor, poor, little sad bastard, isn't it funny that an Irken don't cry?"

"EveRyOnE wiLL leAvE aT tHe eND~"

"YOU HURT EVERYONE! THEY WILL ALL DIE BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"So broken, nobody likes you, and they all lie to you because you're so blind. And guess what, you ended up all alone, nowhere, with no one to save you."

Sweaty balms held tightly at his head, he was having a panic attack and his body was shaking horribly, lips twitching with every word that was thrown at him, all the voices kept talking, having no sympathy nor mercy at him. They even enjoy it, it seems.

Arching his back, he hit his head harshly on the wall, then back at the ground, he got up on his feet and hit all his body against the wall, clenching his teeth, his hands shifted from his head to his still-bleeding neck, and did what came to his mind first, he scratched it with all his force, which thankfully wasn't so strong, while hissing and crying, still banging his head on the floor over and over again.

"Stop..." he whispered, staring blankly at the metallic floor.

"Hm, and who are you to tell us what to do? Admit it already. Admit that you deserve to be dead!"

The short Irken span around, his claws aimed at where the voice was coming from, it scratched the wall, a three angry claws moved to the other side, hitting nothing but air this time, it made him trip on his own wires and fall with a scream.

His anger was fast replaced with pain, he frowned deeply and tried again to get his arm out of the wires, but with no hope, it didn't earn him anything but more pain.

"OoOooh, oH oh mY~"

"HA! WHAT WAS THAT? SOME SMEET PLAY?!"

"Do you really think you can see yourself better than us and ATTACK us? You'll pay for it, you just wait."

All he could do was shook his head slowly, panic and fear sneaking at him again, leaving him overly tired, he panted, feeling the sweat while the cold air hit his skin, blood slowly drying.

"You c- can't do that...!"

"Oh? ReALy~?"

The Irken swallowed, something crept to his 'spooch it was a feeling that something so bad was going to happen.

They all stopped talking, all went quiet, the ship became unnervingly quiet. He looked around carefully, his hands held tightly to his uniform, anxiously waiting.

Then, as if all this wait was for them to take a deep breath. They all screamed.

All the monsters gathered around him as a black circle, their mouth open to show the shadow of sharp teeth. All screaming bloody murder at him, as loud as they could, they had no lungs so their screaming never stopped, it continued with no sign of stopping. Their voices were strangely deep, harsh, almost like a ghost. Almost echoing.

His eyes shot open before it closed tightly, he got up immediately on his legs, trying to back away but realized he was surrounded by them, all of them, they looked countless.

"STOP! PLEASE, STOP!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. His hands squeezed his antennae hardly, wanting to shove them off. Everything began to spin, and their screams only got closer once sleep began to invade his sight.

"No! NO NO NO!" He begged, too terrified to look at them, "I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP, NOT YET!" His voice sounded like a whisper among theirs, his head hurt, body already giving up, he saw black dots cover his eyes when he tried to open them, his head was spinning, he wanted to vomit, run, hide and even kill himself just for them to stop.

Sleep seemed like an exit, but he knew it will only be another pain for him.

"STOP!" He screamed again, his legs got twitched and he fell forward, face at the wall, his cheek hit it hard, earning a yelp from him, he again backed away from the walls, legs-like noodle made it hard to stand again, the wires wrapped around his ankle, pain shot in his back as he fell. The red, blue, and green wires got pulled away, his eyes turned from ruby to dark brown, almost black for a few seconds before he fully fell down, it felt as if his PAK decided to stop working for a second. Crying out loud, it hurt every part of his small body, as if he just broke his spine.

An electric shock ran through his back down to his toes, he struggled for what felt like hours, not knowing anything at all at the moment but pain, horrible pain that didn't seem to have an ending. The screaming monsters got close, they were all staring at him, their faces inches away from his, glaring with bloody eyes and hungry mouths, their screams were louder, it made him almost deaf, he couldn't hear himself think at all.

They kept getting closer, and closer.

Their sharp claws almost touching his skin. Then it all went black.

He knew he'd be dead soon.

-XXX-

Another weak with no reply...

Was the ship just getting further away therefore their messages took longer to reach the other? But this can't be right, he gave the right location to Earth, he should be almost a month away.

Is he okay?

Dib didn't know, all he knew was that bugging paranoia that kept poking at him, not sure if it was just his curiosity for answers or that he actually cared for an alien he never even saw before.

"Well stupid, those times you needed someone, now that fucked up alien need you!"

His sister's words echoed in his head. Reminding him of his 8th grade, he shivered at the thought, those days were dark, he suffered enough, and those nightmares, that was of course real, did make him do... stuff. Bad stuff.

He was ashamed just by looking at his arms, he was a sane kid back then, he didn't do them on purpose, it was his visions that fooled him. But it didn't matter. His father didn't see them thankfully, he was too busy with 'real' science to see anything.

At less now he's stronger, still feeling awkward when people stare at his deep scars, even though half of them were from his paranormal investigation trips, they still think they're all self-harm. So he stayed with his trench coat. It's better than to explain it to that weird peace guy why he had those scars.

Back then he had a whole world around him to escape, it was torture, but he had his sister, he had something- someone. But that IZ alien is stuck in a small ship, with whatever hallucinations he has, and if he understood right, then those monsters can only attack him when he's asleep.

That means IZ will try to stay awake. Dib didn't know how long those Irkens can stay awake or how long they need of sleep, all he knew was that IZ right now is fighting sleep, or he is now already asleep.

This made Dib realize something.

Maybe the Irken was really asleep right now, therefore unable to reply, if that's so then, he's probably running away from his monsters.

Is there food in the place? Do Irkens even need to eat? Maybe his lack of energy made him sleep for more time. But though, everyone needs a source of energy nonetheless...

Sighing heavily, the young adult found that he can't do anything at the moment but wait, if it took too long, then maybe he'll try calling him again.

-XXX-

Fearful eyes glanced back, at the two giggling leaders, they whispered, laughed then smirked evilly.

"That's right, open it." Said the purple-eyed one.

"Ooooh this going to be fun!" The other said, excited.

His PAK was open. He trusted his leaders, but right now, at this moment, he felt uneasy, something kept bugging him, something deep within his 'spooch, it kept saying he should run.

"Ew." One said, the other just frowned in disgust. "Is that how defectives looks?"

His eyes widened, at this time, in his nightmare, that word seemed familiar and bad but he couldn't place what it meant, though, his -what he thought was himself- did seem to know exactly what it meant, and shifted in his legs, "I don't know what you're talking about, my tallest..."

"You want a mission right?" The red-eyed tall figure snapped.

The Irken nodded.

"We have a-... secret mission for you." He smirked, narrowing his eyes.

His nightmare self seemed excited, forgetting the bugging feeling in his 'spooch. "Yes!"

They both laughed.

"W- well, 'great invader!' We have a perfect mission for you! And it's a secret!" One cheered, his hand was behind him, the small Irken heard something metallic but ignored it.

He nodded again, a nervous smile on his face. His eyes looked at the crowded place where other invaders were supposed to be prized with planets to conquer. His ship was already being fixed since the planet's ships shot at him for some reason.

A skinny finger brushed inside of his PAK, a shiver ran down his body and he almost backed away from the two tall people behind him.

"Hold still." They hissed. Their smile melted like if they were under Irk's sun.

Then, something snapped.

His head looked back at them, one had an odd-shaped device coming from his back and attached to the small Irken's PAK, the device was a weapon it seemed. Their eyes met, red and purple emotionless eyes locked with fearful ruby ones. His legs were cold he couldn't move from the shock.

Both smiled, showing their shining teeth. His face paled, eyes widened more, mouth hanged open, terrified to move an inch. That didn't matter anyway.

He felt the weapon grab something inside of his PAK. His eyes pleaded wordlessly for them not to do what they were about to do, this only seemed to amuse them more.

Whatever that device had grabbed, it held it painfully then-

SNAP-!

The red-eyed leader snatched it out, it was holding a bunch of wires on its sharp end. The Irken fell on the floor, confused, afraid, and in pain. He screamed at the top of his lungs, his head began to spin, eyes glitching from ruby to black, he looked at them, seeing the weapon in their hand, his PAK wires were all over the ground and in their grip, they pulled, making him fall back again, eyes watering as he heard people laugh and cheer up.

"This day can't be any better-" one said.

The Irken eyes shot open. He screamed in terror, heart-pounding inside of his chest, everything was cold and his body felt heavy, too heavy he could barely lift his head.

His saliva mixed with blood was next to his head where he laid on the floor, he couldn't think straight at the moment, but was still relieved that the monsters were calm. As if they were satisfied.

He couldn't breathe properly, it itched and hurt badly, like if he drank acid.

Not only days this time... weeks... almost two weeks had passed with him sleeping.

What happened to the other that wanted to help him? He hoped from whatever heart he had that the other didn't give up on him for not responding.

The Irken tried to move up, it was painful, his muscles were sore and his back felt like it was broken, he wished he had enough energy to use his PAK legs. Whimpering when he moved his neck to look around, it was half-healed by now but still itch and whenever he moves it, the closed wounds reopen.

He dragged himself to the pilot seat, head hanging down, too heavy to be picked up. If he didn't receive any messages then-... he didn't know, lose hope? Just open that damn windshield? Maybe just scratch his neck some more, though, he'll do that anyway.

He felt sick, his hands were shaking as he typed his command. It felt like he had been in a blender, his heart was now beating slowly, too slow it made him want to gasp for air.

Tired, glassy eyes looked up lazily at the hologram screen, he narrowed them to focus.

A new message.

He was happy but-... he couldn't have any faith in believing that he'll end up being save again, his expressions stayed blank, somewhere deep inside was cheering up, but it was too small to be acknowledged. And he couldn't help but ignore it.

(I'm Dib, and I'm pretty sure you're just hallucinating, nobody is there to harm you. You'll get here and we'll find a way to help you, it's going to be okay. How did you end up in your situation anyway?)

Dib, huh... the name stuck in his head.

Then he realized what 'Dib' was telling him. Not real? No, they ARE real, they hurt him, they're here, right behind him, just waiting for him to be exhausted again to catch him!

Are they really just hallucinations?

Is he really going to be okay?

Will the Dib help?

He said he'll help, he said that multiple times, he sent him multiple messages, he didn't disappear or gave up on him, he was there, saying that everything will be okay. He even cared enough to ask what happened! The Irken didn't want to know if Dib asked out of curiosity or actual care, but that was out of the window, he wanted to stick into this little hope he had, no matter how he seemed to want to let go, deep down he didn't want to die, deep down he wanted to live, to see daylight, to escape the monsters!

(I'm sorry...)

He didn't know why he apologized, but it just felt right, if this Dib-thing actually cared then he wanted to apologize for taking too long to respond, he really didn't want to piss him off, Dib was his only chance, and if he met him in this Earth planet, then he'll thank him, he'll do anything he wants. It just felt right.

(I'm sorry. I don't remember anything, I just woke up here, I...)

Should he say this?

He wasn't sure.

But Dib said he'll listen, Dib said it was okay.

(I'm sorry. I don't remember anything, I just woke up here, I can't remember my name too. I don't know what to do, the ship has no supplies and the temperature is getting lower. I think I have ten days more before I make contact with your planet.)

He pitied himself, but somehow, he didn't think the other will judge, Dib didn't give up on him and this is all that mattered.

The Irken added the last part, making his message feel all that pathetic.

With no real energy to hesitate, he pressed enter. Then threw his body back at the seat, eyes half-closed, mouth open, feeling like he'd die at any moment.

His body froze, not able to move it anymore, death was much peaceful than sleep.

-XXX-

Dib had this tiny voice that said he should forget about it all.

But he won't, he won't give up. He'd been laying on his bed like this every night, headphones plugged, ready to hear any sound.

College was about to end, he has a few more exams to attend to before he'll be free for the summer vacation, and free to hunt the paranormal. The exams and busy people around him kept his mind away from the alien for a while, he focused on his college and tried to tell himself that IZ is not dead.

Hopefully.

Ting!

Dib looked from his studies to the computer. Flinching at the familiar, yet not so familiar sound. He left everything he was doing and brushed the books aside, leaning to open the odd messenger, finally having a message back, after all his waiting.

Dib was... confused. Why did IZ apologize? What did he mean he can't remember anything? The ship had no food and the temperature was getting worse. He didn't even know his own name? Was it this bad?

He couldn't imagine the terror IZ felt when he realized this...

Should he even call him IZ?

"Nice to meet you btw..." Dib read the last part aloud, feeling a sad smile creep to his lips. He wanted to chat more, know more, but everything is on time, it won't be long till IZ gets to Earth, then he can talk to him, help him, somehow...

He did not know how. But that was something he'll worry about later. Now he had to make sure this alien stays alive.

(It's nice to meet you too! No supplies you say? How long can you survive without eating? Can't you make the ship gets here faster?)

Enter.

-XXX-

His eyes hadn't been blinking much, looking at nothing, anyone who may see him will think he's dead. Antenna twitching.

"Awww, aRE yOu goInG tO dIeEeeEeee?~"

"YOU DESERVE IT!"

"Pathetic excuse of an Irken."

"WhAT? nO loNGeR enJoYiNg yOuR sTaY?~"

"MAKE IT FASTER AND SELF-DESTRUCT!"

"He's too weak to do such a thing, it's not like he had much time anyway."

"We wiLL alWaYs bE hErE fOR yOu~"

"JUST DO IT ALREADY!"

"He is dying."

Deep inside, he knew they were right, his mind was blank, no longer able to think, almost fainting every few minutes, his body got colder, heavier.

He didn't know what to do. He can't do anything anyway...

Ting!

"Huh..." his eyes opened slightly again, glancing at the screen. It's only been less than a day, how did he got a reply this fast? His mind didn't give him space to think, it was already shutting down. So without fully reading the message, he replied, typing ever so slowly on the glowing keys. His body fell halfway on the floor when he leaned closer to the console, giving up.

(I'm dying, help.)

A shaky claw pressed enter. Then everything became blurry, all he could see was his hands in front of his face, not having any control over them; he couldn't move them at all, as if they didn't belong to him.

He wanted to give up.

-XXX-

The sibling were in the kitchen, their robot made some food for them, Gaz's game was paused and Dib's laptop open on the side of the table, they were about to eat when they heard someone park their car near the house.

"It's Dad." Gaz said, lowering her fork, then walked to the door.

Dib frowned slightly, he wasn't ready for a lecture about real science, and he hated to lie to his father about what he usually does.

The door opened with the professor, seeming exhausted yet cheerful, "Hello kids!"

"We're adults Dad..." Dib murmured, the professor ignored him. They all hugged for a minute then let go, going back to the kitchen for their dinner.

"So how was college?" He asked his son cheerfully, looking at the laptop on the table. Dib wanted to tell him about what he found, but he saw his sister in the corner of his eye, she glared at him, making her point clear not to tell. He sighed.

"It's good, Dad," he cracked a smile, though it was melted. Membrane didn't seem to notice.

"I'm proud! Have you been doing real science lately?" He asked, taking a seat next to them.

Time for a lie...

"I don't have time right now, it's my final exams."

"Oh! Right, right. Be good and have excellent grades so you'll graduate faster and work with me in the lab!" He laughed, taking a fork and stabbing his meat.

"Sure."

"How about you Gazlene?" He looked at his daughter.

"Alive." Gaz replied flatly.

Membrane laughed again at his kids' humor, "I'm glad!"

They ate in silence.

It was bedtime by then, the professor, who rarely was home, decided to leave in the morning. Gaz got to her room, changed into her pajamas then turned off the lights. She already finished her year in high school so she stays late to play her game-slave or watch TV.

The raven-haired boy did the same, he glanced at the glowing blue stars he had all over his room, a map of the universe on his closet doors. His solar system planets hanging from the ceiling, posters of his favorite shows, and books on the walls. It looked childish but he won't give up on it.

Both he and Gaz found it much better to live together like always than getting new apartments away, they weren't the ones to get along that much, but they both know they only had each other. If they separated then not only their Dad would be away, but he will visit less. Their Dad will also see this as a sign that they wanted privacy and didn't want him, which was wrong.

So instead of making a mess, they thought their rooms and old house so much better than a dirty apartment. Even though they had all the money they would dream of, no house was better than theirs.

Opening a pack of cigarettes, he got one and light it up, then opened his window and leaned on the edge, breathing the toxic smoke of it.

He wasn't addicted, of course not, but he still liked it.

It was already late and he had an exam tomorrow, so he decided to finish his cigarette then get to bed. That of course, if he didn't hear the same tone-

Ting!

Dib head snapped back to his computer, that was a fast reply. He got up from his bed and sat on the chair, he put the cigarette in his mouth as he moved both hands to type, then the message showed up.

His cigarette almost fell.

(I'm dying, help.)

Wha-?

Wait, this can't be right, he was fine just before, well, not exactly fine but not dying! What should he do?! His brain was working hard in getting the message. He can't be dying, not now, he just had a few days, he needs to hang on!

(Hang in there, hang just for more few days and it will be alright, I'll help when you land, just stay strong!)

Enter.

But that won't be enough.

But it's not like Dib had anything in hand now. All he needs to do is wait, panicking won't do good, it will only make him do something stupid, and he truly didn't want that. Just stay calm, breathe, the alien will be okay, the alien that you never saw will be okay.

Why did he care? Why all of the sudden did this matter to him, as if he knew that Irken, though he never knew any aliens, let alone Irkens. So it doesn't matter, it shouldn't matter.

But it does.

And he knew he won't sleep tonight.

"Screw this!" He yelled to himself and turned off the cigarette. He then got up and gathered his equipments and put them in his pack. He wasn't just gonna sit and wait, it got to his nerves and he may jump off a building if he kept sitting like that. So he decided to try and call again, no matter how odd the last time was, he needs to see for himself, he needs to see if this Irken was still alive; and if not, then... he didn't know, and didn't want to know. At this moment, all he wanted to do is being helpful.

He climbed from his room window to the roof and settled his stuff, after connecting everything and turned on his devices, he was ready. The hacking wasn't hard since he already did it last time, he broke into all the firewalls and got his laptop to be in the 'important' lest.

Now loading.

His connection wasn't any better than last time, it was black then glitching and at the end, the ship got into view. Before doing anything further, he tried putting his devices into their highest power, an attempt to keep the transmission longer than last time.

The pilot seat was empty.

That was the first thing Dib noticed. Though this time something was different, in the ground, walls and seat were covered in strange pink liquid, and the pilot seat had scratches here and there; three-clawed scratches.

Is that blood...?

It was hard to tell, the ship was dark and the pink liquid somehow glowed slightly. It looked worst than before, as if someone fought with the alien in there, but IZ said no one was there; just his imagination.

"C- Can you hear me?..." Dib asked, raising the volume of his headphones, he was greeted by the ship's noises and nothing else, there weren't even noises of movement.

"IZ? Hello??" He yelled in the microphone, already knowing that his voice was being heard. "Please answer me!"

Nothing.

Shit...

"Hello?!" Dib screamed, frowning, his heart was pounding.

"Why are you screaming?!" Gaz's voice came from the edge of the roof. Dib jumped and snapped his head at his pissed sister, though, she didn't look that angry.

"Sorry..." he murmured, looking back at the screen. "I was trying to see if he's still alive, he send me a message saying that he's dying," he ran his hand in his hair, looking back at his sister.

Gaz, who had her overheating game with her, rose an eyebrow. "Dying? Of what?" She asked, placing her game on the floor as she sat next to Dib, letting the game cool with the night's air.

"I dunno, but he said before that the ship had no supplies, like no food and all." Dib stared at the red game of his sister, lost in thought.

"Can't he eat his leg?"

"Gaz!"

"For surviving!" Gaz defended herself with an evil smirk, though, she kinda meant it-

Dib sighed and closed his eyes. "He's not answering me,"

"Is that him?" Gaz cut him off, pointing at the screen.

"Wha-" Dib's eyes widen as he looked back at the laptop screen, he scanned the area and actually heard some noises this time; harsh breathing.

The screen had a grayish, almost black color to it, everything was glitchy and fuzzy; it almost looked like an old movie of some sort.

The boy's eyes landed on something moving right under the chair, some shivering, crying, and coughing was heard. The alien's hands showed up, holding the pilot seat's edge, he was trying to stand up.

Dib could see his hands, then arms, some weird sticks on his head: Antennae-looking but Dib couldn't tell, the alien apparently had no hair, his thin arms wrapped around the seat, a weird-looking device on his back.

"Can he hear you?" Gaz asked, looking coldly at the screen.

"I dunno..." Dib murmured.

He stared at the Irken who stopped moving, "U- um... Hello?" He asked, trying to gain the other's attention.

He can't believe it, he was looking at an alien?! As glitchy as the video feed is, it was still worth it, it gave him hope and determination, excitement and curiosity.

The Irken gasped.

The alien whispered something and held tighter to the seat, then, so very slowly, he turned around. Big magenta eyes stared at the screen. Dib didn't know if he can see them at all, but those eyes send shivers down his spine, the almost red eyes glowed in the dark, it reminded him of the monsters stories he used to read.

"He's bleeding." Gaz spoke again, pointing this time at his head. Dib followed her finger, and she was right, in the alien's head was a deep wound bleeding the same pink liquid.

So that was blood...

This realization made him paler. Not only blood but also bruises all over the other's thin body.

"D- De si vian...?" Came the Irken's shaky voice.

"Holy shit- he just talked!-" Dib informed his sister since she wasn't wearing the headphones. "But it was-"

He was cut off when the small Irken start looking around and yelling something, not exactly yelling but-... begging. His body was shaking and the odd-looking antennae curled, his PAK lights turned red and he fell back at the floor. Unconscious it seemed.

"Shit-!" Dib cursed, "What the hell happened?"

"Hey moron, I think your computer is smoking." His sister said, she picked her game and walked away.

"What do you mea-- shit!-" he cursed again, his equipment was smoking indeed. Dib snatched the wires and turned them off, leaving only his laptop working, which after a second, made the feed cut off. He stared yet again at the black screen, not realizing that his sister was gone by now. The devices were overheated and his laptop smelled like burned wires.

He just saw the alien, heard the alien, and then saw him fall to the floor out of the camera angle.

Maybe it's a 'she' since the Irken's clothes were pink, or was it pink? It was hard to tell; nonetheless, it still looked like a dress. Maybe that just aliens fashion, but his voice sounded like a male... well, who knows. Dib won't think too much about this, all he had in mind was:

Did he just die?

-XXX-

Muffled noises caught his antennae, it drove him out of his state and made him start crawling back to his seat, the floor was so cold, he didn't want to be cold. It was painful just trying to stand, much more painful than before, he also noted that his head hurt, maybe because he kept banging his head on the walls.

Another noise. He gasped.

Just now realizing the hologram screen was on, the place was spinning and he didn't want to look back. "Irk..." he whimpered at the pain.

But he had to look, so very slowly, he turned around, eyes meeting with the screen. He couldn't see anything, it was too dark, blurry, and fuzzy, only two shapes of colors faced him. At first, he thought they were one of the monsters, but then remembered that these had colors.

"W- who are you...?" He couldn't help but ask, some little tiny hope came to him, but his mind brushed it off immediately, hope wasn't with him and will never be; hope just likes to mock him then leave, that's what he learned in his time there.

The others on the screen talked, their voices were muffled, they sounded surprised at some point.

"WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!"

The Irken flinched and looked around, he tried spotting where the voice was coming and saw it. One of his monsters that liked to scream- "No No! STAY AWAY! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" He pleaded.

"He thinks he can get out alive..."

"IF THAT'S SO THEN GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE NOT!"

It hit him like a rock, his mind just realized something, something he didn't want to admit. The voices were right. He'll stay here forever, there's no one to help him, that SOS signal was fake, that alien named 'Dib' wasn't real, it was all fake, his mind was just playing tricks on him so he won't lose hope; this must be it, this is the only explanation for what is happening.

His legs gave up and he fell to the floor beside the seat, half-conscious. His eyes start to tear at the stupid, painful realization.

Happiness is a curse.

Nothing good comes with happiness.

Every time he gets happy, have hope, something bad happens, it made all his dreams of being free and out of this ship impossible, just a dream- nothing that may come true. Happiness felt like a sin now, something forbidden, he's not supposed to feel it, not even think about it. If only he pushed it away, far in the back of his mind, maybe he'll see the real world then. This happiness was just a pink bright cloud to cover the hard truth that he, whoever he was, is going to die.

The small, hopeless Irken hadn't realized how long had he been laying on the floor without moving, his tears covered half of his face and his arms twitched, unable to be moved.

Slowly, he lifted his head slightly to look behind him at the hologram screen.

There was nothing.

As he thought. There wasn't anyone calling him, there was nothing at the hologram screen, in fact, the screen itself was turned off. It was all just a trick, this pink sugary cloud tricked him so he'd have false-hope, to ignore his fate, to think that somehow, someone cared.

He couldn't move his body.

It felt too heavy to move, his last line of hope, the line that kept him on the bright side, pushed him away; as if his gray world had completely turned to black, there was no more sneaking in lights, just complete darkness. It held on his legs and started to drown him in, choking whatever life was inside the small Irken.

He completely gave up. Not for sleep this time, but much better.

Sleep had his monsters, sleep wasn't peaceful. But something else was; it wasn't like he had a choice anyway, it was just dragging him deeper, drowning his last breathes as his eyes slid close, away from the already dark ship.

Nothing mattered, he didn't matter. It was just his fate, he'd been trying to stay here- alive, but it was useless, it's all useless, and will always stay like this. He didn't think he'll stay around to see. His pale body will rot on this ship, he and his monsters, and even that Dib will rot with him, since, of course, he was just another imaginary person, something his mind created beside the monsters; as if mocking him, amused at how pathetic his hopes were.

His body had gone too heavy.

His limps froze. Mind no longer able to form thoughts.

It didn't matter.

Happiness was a sin. He can't and shouldn't feel happy, it will only make it worse, he'd sell all his happiness if he could, maybe sell all his feelings.

Antenna no longer twitching. It laid limply on the floor.

No.

It did not matter.

END OF CHAPTER FOUR!

Mary: okay so, here in the end Zim loses all his hope and becomes afraid of happiness, which is called Cherophobia. It's a phobia I have personally, it's when you feel that being happy will cause something bad to happen. So here I'll write most of Zim's scenes, it's cool to write from experience. We'll see if Dib can break Zim's phobia!

AF: don't worry people, Zim is still alive, well, barely- *evil laughter* poor little thing-

I hope you enjoyed! Reviews are highly appreciated!

This was Alien Freak, signing off.