The First Time He Left
Author's Note: Just something I wanted to explore. I picture this sometime in late season 6/early season 7 but have not pinpointed the ep where I think it fits (maybe it's not in an ep?). Let me know what you think.
WWWWWWW
Liz heard him quietly pulling on his dress pants next to her bed and was deciding if she should open her eyes and acknowledge the situation they were in, or pretend she was still asleep. She opened one eye and saw him leaning over, looking around on the floor for something, possibly his tie or his shirt. She closed her eye and tried to even out her breathing because every time she thought of what happened late last night her heart started to race, and her breath was caught in her throat.
It was in moments like this that she wished they could continue to do what they did last night and not talk about it. At all. For someone who was trained in discussing people's feelings, she never wanted to discuss her own. It was too complicated. She had a dead husband, a child she had just got back, and he was her partner. Her best friend. Literally, her lifeline. And she probably loved him. Probably? She knew she did. But those feelings didn't translate into her ability to maintain any sort of romantic relationship with him AND still work together AND still be best friends. No, it was best to pretend to sleep.
"Shit," he swore under his breath and her one eye popped open as she watched him limping around the bottom corner of her bed.
He got down on his knees and looked under her bed for something he had lost.
She hoped he didn't judge the dust bunnies, old magazines, and chocolate bar wrappers that were living under her bed. She hoped he didn't judge her for sleeping through his very clumsy exit. There was more shuffling, she felt a blanket lift on the corner of the bed, exposing her feet to some cool air, and then she heard him walk out of her bedroom.
Liz was surprised he wasn't a kiss her on the forehead guy on his way out, but maybe he was trying not to wake her? Maybe he didn't want to acknowledge what had gone down between them either? Maybe it was for the best? They could continue on as friends who forgot that they knew what the other person tasted like. She would forget what his face looked like in that moment when it was just them. He would forget about the dimples on her ass he thought were adorable. They would forget how great it felt to finally give in to that thing that had always existed between them.
Liz heard him walking back in the room and closed her eye. It was incredibly quiet, and she wasn't sure if she could chance another glance at him, so she kept her eyes shut. She heard something being lifted and the soft slide sound that meant a piece of furniture was very carefully being moved. He moved some things on the night table next to her head and she could hear him feeling around on the floor or the wall….honestly, what was the man looking for?
"Liz," he whispered, and she stirred and carefully opened her eyes as if being pulled from a deep sleep and looked at him.
"Ressler?" She asked, her voice also a whisper.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you, but I need your help," he apologized as he stood over her in the dark.
"With what?" She whispered back.
"You threw my phone, and I can't find it in the dark," he said with a satisfied smirk.
She furrowed her brow. She had, in her exuberance to undress him, located his phone in his pant pocket, removed it, and threw it across her bedroom.
"Shit," she said as she sat up in bed and reached for her t-shirt to pull over her head.
"I need to turn on the light," Ressler said as he reached for the switch.
The overhead light in her bedroom flicked on and the messiness of their sexual activity was clearly apparent. Her bra was hanging from the lampshade, her peach underwear was thrown on her dresser, the sheets were all twisted on the bed, and her comforter was haphazardly crooked and hanging off the edge of her bed.
"Wow," he said as he looked around.
"We were enthusiastic," Liz chuckled quietly as she patted down her bed for any hard phone cases.
"That's one word for it," he said under his breath before he stepped around the other side of her bed and looked all over the ground.
"Seriously, where did you throw it?" He asked when he rose off the ground and looked at her.
"Uh…" Liz got up off the bed, her t-shirt was barely covering her ass, but he had seen every inch of her already.
She stood at the bottom corner of her bed and pretended to pull out a phone from an invisible person in front of her and throw it over her shoulder.
"The closet!" She hissed as she pointed at the open door to her closet.
Ressler pulled open the door a little more and there was his phone, laying on the floor, just inside her closet.
"Thank Christ," Ressler sighed as he pocketed the phone.
"I helped, not him," Liz chuckled as she sat down on her bed and tucked one leg underneath her.
"And you also threw it," he smiled down at her.
The air in the room suddenly got thick. No longer was she sleeping, or he looking for his phone, or they looking for his phone. They were now just Liz and Ressler standing in her room. The room where they had crossed the invisible line they had carefully constructed for years. The room where she learned the noises that he made, where he learned where on her body she was sensitive, the room where they had said things to each other that neither of them could take back. That room.
"I, uh, thought I should go before Agnes woke up," Ressler said almost apologetically. "And I didn't have the heart to wake you…until I had to."
They both chuckled quietly at his joke.
"No, I get it," Liz nodded. "Thanks for thinking about her and how strange it would be."
He nodded and stepped closer to her and leaned down kissing her softly on the lips.
She felt her lips following him as he started to pull back, but eventually they had to part.
He took a couple of steps toward her bedroom door and Liz felt compelled to say something.
"Ressler!" She called, slightly too loud and they both froze and listened for Agnes stirring. When she didn't, Liz continued. "Last night was…amazing."
He smiled and nodded.
She swallowed hard and steeled up all of her courage.
"I'd like that to happen again, if you want it to," Liz said as she shifted in her bed.
He nodded. "I'd like that too, Liz."
"Okay then," Liz nodded and immediately she wanted to crawl under the closest rock. She sounded like she was making notes about the minutes of a meeting.
Liz got up on her knees on her bed, and pulled him against her, his waist and upper half of his body pressed against hers.
"You're making me not want to leave," Ressler teased as he ran his hand along her back.
"I hope I'm making you want to come back," Liz said, honestly as she nodded for him to come closer so she could kiss him slowly and passionately.
When they parted, she could feel her heart pounding and her body tingling. Had he not let go of her right away she would have pulled him back with her into bed.
"See you at the Post Office," he said low and playfully with a wink before he turned and quietly walked out of her bedroom.
Liz sat back on her heels and heard him put on his suit jacket, gather his keys and wallet, then open and close her front door quietly. It was the first time he'd left her, and she was hoping it would not be the last.
The end.