Quick disclaimer: Again, I'm not from the US so I'm entirely sure if everything in this chapter will coincide with NY state law. I just hope everyone can pretend that it does LOL.
Trigger Warnings: Anxiety attacks and Hints of PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder)
Tuesday, October 20, 2020
7:00 am and Harvey is standing in front of his full-length mirror dressed in one of his gray Tom Ford suits. After two days of practice, he eventually learned how to dress. He spent a good hour practicing how to button his dress shirts and suit pants.
It's the day of the arraignment and he feels numb. He didn't even get enough sleep last night which baffles him because he has never once felt this nervous about going to court. He goes over to the kitchen and makes himself his second cup of coffee for the day.
His phone buzzes, he takes it out of his back pocket and checks the screen. It's Mike. The puppy has been calling him for the past two days but Harvey doesn't have it in him to answer his calls. Isn't it about 4:00 am in Seattle right now? What the hell is he doing up that early in the morning? He sends the call to voicemail and doesn't let anything else bother him, today is too crucial to be distracted.
Thirty minutes later, he's sitting in the back of the car he rented out for the day. He asked Ray to take his damaged car to the best mechanic in Manhattan, Ray called him last night telling him that the car would take at most, a month to fix because of all the repairs and replacement parts that need to be pre-ordered, Harvey said it was fine and that he doesn't care how much it would cost, he was willing to spend for it.
Right now, Ray and Harvey are pulling up into Donna's neighborhood. As soon as they turn into her street, they see her standing on the sidewalk wearing a baby pink dress. Ray stops the car right in front of her, she opens the door and gets in.
"Good morning, Ray." She says.
"Good morning, Ms. Paulsen." Ray nods through the rearview mirror.
"Morning." She looks at him then the car starts to move. She places her purse in the space between them.
"Hey." He replies. It's short because Harvey still struggles to communicate with her in a way that doesn't bring up any pent-up anger or resentment. They haven't spoken much since she helped him get settled back into his apartment. She came over yesterday to check up on him and clean his wounds but not much talking was involved.
She checks him out, her eyes dart to his chest. "No tie?" She asks him, raising a brow.
He reaches inside his suit jacket and pulls one out then looks at her. She takes the tie right away, she has to be the one to put one on him, given how it's almost impossible to tie a Windsor knot with only one hand. She gestures at him to scoot a bit closer to her, he does.
She reaches forward and lifts his collar. She wraps the tie around then starts fixing it into a knot. Harvey gulps every time her fingers brush against his skin. As far as he can remember, they haven't touched since they hugged in her office when he forgave her for kissing him, that was about nine months ago now.
"Are you going to be using your arm sling?" She asks, trying to break the ice between them.
"I kinda have to." He mumbles, even though he hates the thought of people seeing sorry for him as soon as they see him in this shape. Decked out in a gorgeous Tom Ford suit but paired with an arm sling and a couple of stitches to the forehead.
Donna notices his discomfort so she tries her best to speed up her process. She finally makes the last loop so she adjusts the tie to make it look centered and presentable. She folds his collar back down and adjusts his suit jacket, patting him lightly on the chest before pulling her hands away. He whispers a quick "Thanks", she replies by smiling at him. She goes back to her spot. She turns her head to face him, she notices something different about his face, his stubble is gone.
"You shaved today."
"Yeah, I even cut myself doing so." He replies while looking out the window.
She can tell he's either nervous or lacks sleep because he rarely cuts himself while shaving. "You look good," she says softly, hoping it's enough to lighten up his mood.
He turns his head to her and his face visibly softens. "You don't look so bad yourself."
"Hey," Donna bites her lip. "Everything's gonna be okay." She whispers. He nods in acknowledgment, but he knows deep down that's not true.
"Ray, we still have time right?" He asks his driver.
"Yes, Mr. Specter."
"Take me to the crash site."
Donna's eyes widened. "Harvey, I don't think that's the best thing to do right now."
He looks at her, "I need to see how much damage I've done."
She doesn't argue with him but she is very much concerned about how this is going to affect him in court today. Ray makes another turn and they drive off. A couple of minutes later, they arrive at the crash site. Harvey's jaw drops slightly as soon as he sees the electrical post and the bakery window completely shattered. The car comes to a stop and Harvey steps out, walking onto the sidewalk.
He scans the area, he sees the visible impact of his car on the post but what really catches his eye is the complete and utter destruction of the bakery. He takes a couple of steps closer, even steps on broken glass while approaching the bakery. He starts to feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. He did this.
Donna sees Harvey slump his shoulders and decides that enough is enough. She opens the door and exits the vehicle. She comes up behind him and says "Harvey, don't beat yourself up about it. You weren't in your right mind that night."
"What if I was?" Harvey asks her, his voice strained.
"You weren't." She reassures him. "Come on, It's time to go."
"You go wait in the car. I need a couple more minutes."
.
They arrive at court about twenty minutes later. Alex, Robert, and Louis are there in the hallway, they cleared out their busy morning schedules to show their support for their colleague. Robert steps forward and shakes Harvey's hand then pats his shoulder.
"How are you, Harvey?"
"I'm fine."
"We got this, alright?"
Harvey presses his lips together then nods. Robert pats him one more time then steps aside. He holds both his hands out in front of him when he sees Donna standing behind Harvey. "Red."
Donna takes his hands and sighs, "Robert."
"It's nice to see you again."
"I couldn't miss this for the world." Donna squeezes his hands then turns her head to look at Harvey who is currently talking to Alex.
Louis claps his hands to get everybody's attention. Donna and Robert's hands part and they give their friend their full attention. Louis rubs his hands together then takes a breath. "This is it, folks. Arraignment starts in five minutes. Time to go inside."
They let Louis lead the way. The doors open and a sudden wave of fear washes over Harvey. The men continue to make their way to the benches but Harvey is frozen where he stands.
"Hey. Remember what I said in the car." Donna's comforting voice appears over his shoulders, she can tell how hard this is for him.
"Yeah." He says breathlessly. They both start walking, Harvey sits beside Alex on the defense side while Donna sits right behind him on the bench.
Alex and Harvey continue whispering about something, most probably Alex just reminding Harvey of what to say and do as if Harvey doesn't already know that. Donna finds herself pinching and pulling at the skin around her thumbs. She's nervous too but she didn't let him know that. She needs to be strong for him.
The judge emerges from his chambers and speaks. "Court is now in session. Call the cases."
Everybody in the room stands, Harvey Clears his throat, Alex has a stern look on his face, he is ready.
"For arraignment, Criminal Case No. 1993 People vs. Harvey Specter for Driving Under the Influence and Destruction of Public and Private Property." The clerk of court says.
"Your honor, Joanne Gomez appearing as a private prosecutor under the supervision of the District Attorney." A middle-aged blonde says.
"Your honor, Alex Williams, appearing as the defense counsel of the accused," Alex says with confidence.
"Thank you, counselors." He looks over to the court interpreter. "Arraign the accused." The judge says.
"Criminal Case No. 1993: People vs. Harvey Specter. Accused commits the crimes of Driving Under the Influence and Destruction of Public and Private Property. That on or about Friday, October 16, 2020, in the island of Manhattan within the jurisdiction of this Honorable Court, the said accused was driving under the influence of alcohol and the stimulant drug Cocaine, this is backed by the toxicology report conducted on the accused at Mount Sinai Hospital. An electrical post was hit which destroyed both public property and the local bakery of John Fitzgerald. Contrary to law." The court interpreter says.
"Mr. Specter, do you understand the charges against you?" The judge raises his brow in curiosity.
"Yes, your honor."
"How do you plead?"
Suddenly, the world goes silent and all he hears is white noise. He can feel his blood pressure rising and his heart pounding in his chest. His mind goes back to that very night, he's reliving it right now in this courtroom.
After seeing the crash site for the first time, Harvey felt an immediate sense of responsibility. He was in his right mind. He had a mission, to follow Donna's voice and find her, that's what made him drive in the first place. This was no accident, and he doesn't know how to live with the guilt of destroying an innocent person's livelihood. He needs to take accountability for his reckless actions.
"Guilty, your honor." Harvey hears himself say, voice firm.
The audience leaps to their feet as audible gasps fill the room. Harvey swallows hard. Donna's thumb starts to bleed, "Harvey," she whispers, hoping to get his attention, he ignores her.
Alex's eyes shot right at him, a look of both horror and confusion. "What the hell are you doing?" He whispers. Harvey doesn't meet his eyes, he just clenches his jaw.
"Let the record show the accused pleaded guilty to the crimes of Driving Under the Influence and Destruction of Public and Private Property." The judge immediately says. "Since this is the defendant's first DUI, I am waiving jail time. Mr. Specter, you are hereby court-ordered to pay a fine of $2,000, pay John Fitzgerald $10,000 in property damages, and attend 30 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings."
Alex lets out a breath he unknowingly held in. Things may not have gone according to plan but at least Harvey won't be serving time in jail. He glares at his client, he had come up with a solid defense, they could've won this if they took this case to trial. Harvey's off the hook, that's what everybody thinks. But of course, they thought too soon.
The judge clears his throat to shut the room up and continues speaking. "Additional punishment includes the suspension of your driver's license until you have completed all 30 meetings and a 6-month suspension of your license to practice law in the state of New York."
The room erupts in gasps and the people start talking to one another. Harvey's heart sinks, he looks behind him at Donna, Robert, and Louis, their faces are unreadable. It's a mixture of shock, horror, and worry. Harvey can feel his chest tightening.
"Your honor, may I speak with you privately?" Alex asks, refusing to accept his decision. The judge ignores him.
"Court is adjourned." The judge bangs his gavel then leaves the room. The prosecutor has a smug grin on her face, this turned out to be easier than she expected. She packs up her files and the smile stays on her face until she leaves the courtroom.
Harvey leans on the defense table as he starts to sweat, he brings his hand up to his neck to loosen his tie. He's having a panic attack. Donna immediately goes to him. "Harvey…" She says. "Harvey, are you alright? Can you hear me?"
Donna looks at her but his vision is blurry. He gently pushes her aside and tries to find the restroom. Donna tries to follow him but Alex grabs her arm. "Let him go." He says. Tears start pooling in her eyes, she feels so helpless right now.
Harvey stumbles into the men's room. He rushes into an empty stall and starts hurling his guts out. Afterward, he sits on the bathroom floor and leans against the stall, trying to catch and stabilize his breathing. What the hell did he just get himself into?
Fifteen minutes later, Donna is pacing in the hallway. A lot of thoughts are running through her head right now but she's more concerned about how Harvey is taking it.
"Donna, you might want to take a seat," Louis says in a comforting tone.
"He's been in there for fifteen minutes, Louis." She says in a low voice.
"He's probably just trying to understand the situation. He'll be fine."
"I can assure you he's not fine."
"Donna, I hate to say this but Harvey's changed a lot in the last 8 months. He's not the same person you once knew." He says, trying to calm her down. The thing is, it doesn't calm her down, instead, this struck a knife in her gut. She's no longer the person who knows him best, and she doesn't know how to process that information.
Harvey comes out of the restroom and everybody rushes to him but he calls Alex's attention first. "Can we appeal?"
Alex puts both his hands in his pockets. "I tried talking the judge out of the suspension but he won't budge."
Harvey starts rubbing his jaw. He sees both Robert and Alex exchange a worried look and gets intrigued. "What is it?" He asks them. Donna bites her lips, she knows this next conversation will be a hard one for him but she still is anxious about how he'll react to what Robert will say.
"I'm sorry, Harvey. But until your license to practice is reinstated by the bar, I'm afraid you have to take an indefinite leave from the firm." Robert says softly.
"What?"
"Harvey…" Donna tries to calm him down, afraid he might cause a scene in the middle of the hallway.
"No, there must be another way." Harvey insists.
"You can come in every once in a while to consult on some cases but that's all I can give you," Robert explains, hands trying to touch his arm.
"Robert, listen to me," Harvey lowers his voice, yanking his hands off his body. "I'm nothing if I'm not a lawyer, please." His voice comes out begging, his knees start to buckle.
"I'm sorry, Harvey." Robert apologizes sincerely.
Harvey feels like his world is crumbling down. No one saw this coming, ever, but this is what has to happen. He pleaded guilty. It was the right thing to do but now he has to face the consequences, no matter how heartbreaking they may be.
Robert and Louis bid Donna goodbye, saying that they have to get back to the firm immediately. They don't even bother letting Harvey know because they know he's a bomb that is one screaming match away from exploding. Alex stays behind, he has the liberty of doing so because he's his attorney. He asks Donna to take a few steps away from Harvey so he can speak to her in private. He tells her all of the details of Harvey's court-ordered attendance to 30 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.
"He won't do it," Donna whispers.
"We both know that which is why you have to get him to. It's either this or rehab, only you can persuade him to do this."
"Alex, his ego and pride are bigger than him, I don't think I can convince him…"
"Donna," Alex interrupts. "If you can't do it, I'm afraid no one can." He pleads.
She still hesitates. Does she still have enough sway over him to get him to do something she knows he will definitely not do? Does he still trust her judgment after all this time? But she eventually nods, hoping it would give Alex a sense of comfort because Harvey isn't just his client, he's his friend too.
She walks behind Harvey, who is just staring at an empty wall. "Hey, you okay?" She asks, afraid if that question could poke the bear.
It doesn't. He's so tired of hearing this question but for the first time in a long time, he finally says the truth. She is the only one to whom he can show his vulnerability. "No."
.
Harvey was silent the entire car ride home, and Donna didn't dare to interrupt him when he's so deep into his thoughts. There were times when Donna just wanted to reach out and grab his hand but it went against her better judgment. Not today, not yet.
Her phone is buzzing in her purse. She reaches into it to check the caller ID, and it turns out it's Rachel. She quickly glances at Harvey to check his mood but he is still as upset as he was when they left the courtroom. She rejects the call and quickly sends her best friend a text that eventually turned into a short conversation.
Donna: Can't answer the phone right now, I'm in the car with Harvey.
Rachel: How did court go today?
Donna: Did your father not tell you?
Rachel: He's not answering my calls either. Is everything alright? Mike and I are worried.
Donna: Harvey pleaded guilty :(
Rachel: HE DID WHAT?!
Donna: Trust me, no one knew he was going to do it.
Rachel: So what did he get?
Donna: Thankfully, no jail time but he did get fines, court-ordered AA meetings, he got his driver's license taken away and he's suspended from practicing.
Rachel: ARE YOU SERIOUS?! For how long?!
Donna: 6 months :(
Rachel: How is he holding up?
Donna: He's not taking it well.
Rachel: I'll tell Mike to give him a call later. Please keep us up-to-date on how he's doing.
Donna: I promise. Thanks, Rachel.
Rachel: I love you, Donna. Be strong for him.
Donna: I love you too. I will.
She locks her phone and sighs. She looks at him again and analyzes his face. He looks numb, no emotion plastered whatsoever. She wants to reach out and hold his hand and tell him everything's going to be alright, but for now she leaves him to his thoughts as he gazes out the car window.
And the silence continued as they rode the elevator up to his place. She looks to her left and analyzes his face. He's pale and sweating. Her eyes trail down to his hands and gulps when she sees him twitching. He's still experiencing withdrawal symptoms until now, and the fact that she can't do anything about it kills her.
The elevator dings, the door opens and Harvey dashes out like he's in a hurry. His strides are longer and Donna has trouble keeping up with his pace, she curses herself for wearing four-inch heels. She eventually gives up trying to chase him down, it's his apartment, it's not like he's going anywhere else.
She enters his place only to be greeted by the sound of glasses clinking together. Curious, she shuts the door behind her and walks over to the kitchen. Harvey took his suit jacket off and is now frantically looking for something.
"Harvey, what are you doing?" Donna asks as she puts her purse down on one of the kitchen stools. Harvey doesn't answer her, he just continues ravaging through all the kitchen cabinets. She eventually figures it out. He's looking for booze.
"Harvey, you're not gonna find anything there." She says as she places both hands on the counter.
Harvey stops then glares at her. "You threw them away?"
"I had to." Donna purses her lips. She threw them out when he was napping the other day. In all honesty, she's surprised it took him two days to figure it out.
"You had no right." He says accusingly. He needs a drink now more than ever. He just lost both his licenses, he's court-mandated to attend fucking AA meetings, and he now he can't even go back to his firm unless they need him to consult on select cases. His life is crumbling down, a drink is the only thing that can help him get through this, and she threw them all away.
"Harvey, you have a problem. I think it's time you have to admit that."
"Jesus Christ, Donna, I'm not a fucking alcoholic!" He yells, slamming the cabinet shut which causes her to jump a little. He is so tired of people assuming things he isn't. He used to have drinks all the time and no one said a word but now that he made one mistake, everybody is suddenly telling him he has a drinking problem?
"You sure about that? Because the judge sure as hell thinks you are." She pauses. "Harvey, I'm trying to help you."
"This isn't helping me, this is torturing me."
"Torturing you?"
"I don't need you looking after me 24/7 like I'm a child."
"You're acting like one right now! Look at yourself." Donna says, taking a few steps closer to him. "I know court today was hard for you, and I can't imagine what you must be going through right now but…"
"You're right, you have no idea," Harvey says.
"Harvey, losing your license to practice is a lot, I understand that, but it's not the end of the world."
"Really? 'Cause to me, it feels like it is."
"Resorting to drugs and alcohol won't solve anything. It's only gonna make things worse for you." She says concern plastered all over her face.
"You think you're saving me? You think you're doing me a favor? You wanna know I think? I think all of this is bullshit. I think your guilt has been eating you up slowly from the inside and this is your way of addressing it. I'm your charity work." His voice drops an octave lower.
"Goddamnit, Harvey, what do you think I have to gain from this?" She yells, definitely pissed off now. "I'm taking time off from my job, I flew across the country to be here for you, and now that I'm actually trying to do something for you, you think I have ulterior motives? What the hell did I ever do to make you think that? To deserve this kind of treatment?"
"You know what you did." He says, tone laced with spite.
She takes a step back, then slumps her shoulders. He's really not making any of this easy for her, and he's definitely not letting go of this issue any time soon. She's hurt but refuses to show him that especially after questioning her intentions. "You know what? It's almost impossible to reason with you." She grabs her purse from the stool and storms out of his apartment without saying another word, leaving Harvey alone in the silence of a place he used to consider home.
.
It's nearing midnight, Harvey comes into his apartment hugging two bottles of scotch he bought from his favorite 24-hour liquor place two blocks down.
Harvey has been leaving Donna voicemails throughout the entire afternoon and evening. She has been ignoring each and every one of them and it's driving him crazy. Has he gone too far this time? Did he push her away again?
He opens his liquor cabinet and places one bottle inside, leaving the other on the kitchen counter. He grabs a scotch glass and opens the bottle of scotch, he swears he just heard a symphony play. He missed this so much, he doesn't know how he was able to survive five whole days without this liquid courage.
He pours himself half a glass and brings it to his nose, inhaling its aroma. At first, he feels comforted, it's like getting a warm hug from a loved one. But the scent is familiar, way too familiar, his stomach starts to churn.
Suddenly he's getting flashbacks from that night. He sees himself driving his car, he sees himself swerving lanes and falling asleep on the road, and finally, he sees himself hitting that electrical post.
Harvey puts the glass down, his hand is shaking and he's experiencing shortness of breath. He steps away from the counter and rubs his face, trying his best to calm himself down. He takes his phone from his back pocket to see if Donna has finally responded but to his dismay, she hasn't.
He takes the glass and dumps the liquid into the sink. Real panic starts settling in him, What if she's not answering his calls because she's currently flying back to LA? He grabs his wallet and a coat and heads out his door. He refuses to believe she would leave the same way she left before. She got away once, he won't let her get away again.
.
The mood in Donna's apartment is different yet in a way, similar. She just got off a 30-minute phone call with her new boss, Stu. She asked if it's possible that she could take an extra week off from work. She explained Harvey's situation in great detail and Stu, knowing her long history and special relationship with Harvey, was kind enough to grant it to her even though they badly need her for damage control on the lawsuit against their firm. Donna is grateful for his empathy but the thing is, she doesn't know how long she'll be staying here in New York. A week doesn't seem nearly long enough for Harvey to get better. But she wipes the thought off her head at the moment, she can worry about work when her time is up.
She opens her fridge but to her dismay, realizes she didn't get to buy a bottle of her favorite wine before coming up to her apartment, and she's too lazy to get one right now. She slams the door shut in frustration and settles for a glass of water instead.
It feels weird, being in her old apartment again. It looks the same, the caretaker she hired is doing a good job maintaining the place, but something about it just doesn't feel like home. Maybe she buried this place, like the rest of New York and everything involved, at the back of her mind. Maybe LA is her new home. Or maybe she never knew what home felt like in the first place.
She has been seeing her phone buzz up whenever a new voicemail from Harvey comes in but she doesn't even bother to listen to them. She's furious at him, he doesn't miss every single opportunity there is to paint her actions in a bad light. Ungrateful bastard. So she either ignores every call or taps on a button to send him to voicemail, there are about 10 of them still unheard. She doesn't plan on listening to them tonight either.
She throws her phone on her nightstand and gets into bed. It takes her a while to fall asleep but she eventually does. But just as she was beginning to dream, she was woken by loud poundings on her door. Frustrated, she takes a robe from her closet and heads out her bedroom door. The pounding continued as she tightened the garment around her body. She opens the door and finds him standing on the other side, panting.
"Harvey, it's past midnight. What are you doing here?" She asks, eyes still a bit droopy.
He lets out a breath he has been holding the entire car ride. She's still here, standing barefoot in a blue satin robe. She didn't leave. "You didn't answer any of my calls." She notes the hint of vulnerability in his voice.
"It's past midnight." She states again. "How did you even get here?"
"I got an uber." He says. "Can I come in?"
"Have you been drinking?"
"No." He answers truthfully.
Donna nods in relief. She nods, stepping aside. "Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea, water?" She asks him, knowing damn well she can't offer him a drink.
"Tea, please."
She starts making her way to her kitchen and he follows suit. She opens her cupboard, reaches for a teacup, and hands it to him. She presses a button on her kettle to heat some water.
"I'm sorry I woke you up."
"I kinda saw it coming." She says as she rips open a tea packet and places the tea bag in his cup.
"How?"
She looks at him and gives him a knowing face like he doesn't already know, She's Donna. Always a step ahead. He just nods slightly.
"I know you haven't heard any of the messages I left you yet so I'll just go ahead and say it."
"Please." She says, her hands gesturing to him to proceed. She leans against one of her counters, giving him her full attention.
Harvey takes a deep breath, here goes nothing. "I'm sorry I lashed out at you. I didn't mean any of the things I said this afternoon. I know you were only trying to help."
Donna nods, waiting for him to say more, but he doesn't. She blinks in disappointment. "That's it? You came all the way here for three sentences?" She teases him.
Harvey rolls his eyes. "Like I said, you weren't answering your phone and I couldn't sleep."
Donna chuckles. Typical Harvey, always saying the bare minimum. "Okay," She breathes. "You're forgiven."
Harvey feels a weight lifted from his shoulders, he sighs in relief and a smile grows on his face, she grins as well. He's trying his best to communicate with her better, he knows he has a lot to learn but this is a good start. He wants to become emotionally available, especially for her, and she can see that.
"I'm glad you didn't drink."
"The last thing I want to do is disappoint you," he says.
The hair at the back of her neck stands. She didn't expect him to still care about what she thinks of him, maybe he hasn't changed that much after all. A ding echoes through the kitchen and interrupts their moment, the hot water is ready. Donna asks for the cup back, he gives it to her. She starts pouring hot water into it.
"So, are you seeing anybody back in LA?" He asks, genuinely curious.
She shakes her head slightly as her smile fades. "Don't do that."
"Don't do what?"
"Ask questions like we're still friends." She says calmly. Once the cup is nearly full, she stops pouring then gives the cup back to him. They're not exactly there yet, they still have a lot of things to sort out and talk about before they can go back to the way their dynamic used to be. She walks over to the dining table, pulls a chair out and takes a seat.
Harvey pouts, his brows furrowed in confusion. He follows her out of the kitchen but doesn't take a seat. "Are we not?" He asks while lifting the teabag.
"I don't know, Harvey. I should be asking you that because I've been receiving nothing but crap from you ever since I came back. As far as I'm concerned, friends don't do that to each other."
Her last sentence triggers something in him. Didn't he just apologize to her? Didn't she just say she forgives him? And now she's bringing shit like this up when he's genuinely trying to rebuild their friendship?
He stops playing with the teabag and places the teacup on the table in front of him. "You want to know what real friends don't do to each other?"
"I'm all ears as long as it doesn't involve you taking my leaving New York against me," She says sarcastically.
He stays silent. She can see him clench his jaw. Donna smirks.
"You can't do it, can you?" She challenges him.
"You abandoned me."
"No, I didn't." She says immediately after. "What happened was that for the first time in thirteen years, I put myself first and you resent me for it." She puts both hands in the air and yields. "You know what? I'm too tired for this. I'm going to bed, you can see yourself out." She stands and tries to walk away from him.
"So you're not too tired to pick a fight but when it starts getting serious, you're suddenly too tired?"
She stops then turns around to answer him. "I'm not picking a fight, I'm stating the obvious. You come in here with an apology but you just couldn't leave it at that."
"You said we didn't have to talk about anything if I didn't want to but I want to talk about this." He leans against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. "Donna, you just picked up and left. You took 13 years and threw it out the window like it was nothing, you didn't even say goodbye. Do you know what that does to a person?"
Donna snorts sarcastically. She shakes her head, he is so caught up in his narcissism he doesn't even realize it was his fault she left. "It's always about you. Always about your feelings. You think it was easy for me to leave? That I wasn't haunted by you or my decision for months? Do you even bother to think about me and how..."
"I think about you all the time!" He yells, "Every goddamn day!"
This shuts Donna right up. A tinge of guilt starts filling her, her mind starts going back to her darkest thoughts, telling her that she is the reason why he became this way. Harvey, on the other hand, is insulted that she thinks all he cares about is himself. She knows him better than anyone, how the hell could she say something like that?
"I gave you the space you asked for, Donna. I gave you time, I," He stutters, "What else did you want from me?"
"I don't know." She whispers. "But it wasn't enough."
Her throat starts to hurt from holding back her tears, she doesn't want to appear weak in front of him. But it's Harvey, she's always weak for him. She turns her back on him again and starts making her way to her bedroom.
Halfway through the hallway, she hears Harvey yell, "I chose you!"
She turns on her heels to face him again, he's standing straighter now, and now out of the kitchen. "You chose me over Scottie, You chose me over Paula, but that's all you ever do. You choose me and you act like it means nothing and so forgive me if I decided I couldn't live like that anymore, Harvey."
He is taken aback, mouth slightly agape. He never saw it that way, he always thought his actions would mean so much more than his words. He chose her, shouldn't that be enough for her to know that he wanted to be with her then?
"I spent years holding every breath, I spent years waiting for you to see what was right in front of your face this whole goddamn time." Her voice quivers in both anger and pain. "But I got tired of trying to read into things, I got tired of all the back and forth, I got tired so I left. And it had to be abrupt and it had to be discreet because I knew if I told you and saw the look on your face, I wouldn't be able to leave."
She allows a couple of tears to escape her ducts. It's finally time he hears her side of the story. It pains him to see her like this, this broken, and this hurt from his stupidity.
"So like I said the other day, you can continue to hate me. And I don't expect you to forgive me because I'm not apologizing for what I did." She says as she quickly wipes tears away from her cheeks.
"I don't hate you." He states.
Donna snorts sarcastically, "Yeah right." She sniffles.
He also hates the way she thinks he hates her. She's Donna, he could never hate her and he can't live with the fact that she probably goes to bed thinking he does. He has to make this right, and it has to be now.
"I missed you." His voice is low and soft. He couldn't say it before but he can now, loud enough for her to hear. He's not big on words but this is an exception. Plus, denial is not a good color on him and it's not doing both of them any good.
His confession takes her by surprise. It's just words, but words she never thought he would say to her. Her cheeks warm up and her eyes turn glassy yet again as a wave of mixed emotions rushes through her veins. Happiness? It can't be, not too long ago they were screaming at each other. Anger? It's not that either.
And then it hit her: it's longing, it's yearning, because as much as she tried to have a fresh start, to forget about him and move on, he will always be the person she can't seem to figure out how to cut out of her.
Without another thought, she finds herself rushing towards him, throwing her arms around his neck, burying her face in his nape. The impact makes him stumble a couple of steps back but he finds his balance and hugs her back. He wraps his arms around her torso as he pulls her closer to him.
He brings his nose to her hair, her strawberry-scented shampoo tickles his senses. His chest suddenly starts feeling tight but in a good way, he closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath. He's savoring this, her in his arms because for the first time in a long time, he feels genuinely happy.
He can hear her faint sobs, he brings his good hand up to the base of her neck and holds her in place. This isn't easy for her; crying in front of him when they're like this but nothing could have prepared her for the sudden turn of events. She couldn't help but give in to her emotions.
He shushes her, she tightens her grip on him, not wanting to let go. "I missed you too." She whispers as she rests her chin on his shoulder. She feels him caressing her back and pulling her even closer but doesn't bother to read into it at the moment. They have a long way to go but for now, this right here is enough.
Hi, besties! How are we all feeling about Harvey pleading guilty? Do you think it was the right thing to do or a complete mistake? What do you think about Harvey's punishment? Too harsh or reasonable? Also, what are your thoughts on Donna's side of the story? Please feel free to comment down below :) See you next week!