Hi everybody! Thanks again for all the love on this fic so far, you have no idea how much your kind words mean to me. I will be introducing a new character in this chapter and he will be a very vital person in Harvey's life moving forward. This has to be my longest chapter to date. Hope you guys enjoy it!
Also, my twitter handle is _casuallycruel. Let's be mutuals! :)
Trigger/Content warnings: Mentions of Drug and Alcohol abuse.
Friday, October 23, 2020
It's only the middle of fall but it's already colder than it usually is. Harvey finds himself waking up after an 11-hour sleep which felt like 30 minutes. He still feels tired, like half a day of sleep didn't suffice.
He takes a deep breath in, hoping it'll help him calm his nerves down. He doesn't know exactly why he's so nervous, it's an AA meeting for crying out loud. He has been to more intense meetings with some of the country's biggest business tycoons but something this is the one that's been giving him anxiety. Maybe it's because this meeting is his first one. Maybe it's because he's going in blindfolded, not knowing what to expect. Maybe he just needs to hear her voice.
He grabs his phone from his nightstand and taps on her name. It's around 9 in the morning, she should probably be up right now right? He waits in silence for a couple of minutes then the dial tone finally comes.
In Donna's apartment, she's sitting on her couch with her knees to her chest. A blanket draped around her as she lightly sips her cup of coffee. She's staring blankly out her window, the smart choice would be to crawl back into her bed and fall back asleep but something about that idea just doesn't feel right to her.
Her phone vibrates on the coffee table in front of her. She bends over to reach for it and answers the call.
"Hey." He says softly and her day is instantly better.
"Hey." She says back, smiling.
He sucks on his upper teeth as he pretends to sound miserable. "I'm going to that stupid meeting today."
"Don't call it stupid." Donna answers while rolling her eyes. "Try again." She adds.
A grin forms on his face. "Alright, I'm going to that meeting today."
"Good for you. Want me to tag along?" She asks.
"It's supposed to be anonymous, Donna." He says as he sits up and leans against his headboard.
She scoffs. "I meant see you off, silly, not sit in the room with you."
"See me off? What am I? In kindergarten?" He loves teasing her. He actually wouldn't mind her accompanying him but this is still something he's embarrassed of.
"Hmm, you are the biggest manchild I've ever met." She says as she takes another sip of her now warm cup of coffee.
"Ha ha, you think you're so funny." He mockingly says.
"I don't think so, I know I am." She then snorts at her comment. She takes a deep breath then asks him the question she has been dying to ask him since the call started. "Are you nervous?"
"Nah, how bad could it be?" He lies, trying his best to seem cool about it. He definitely is nervous even though he sees no reason to be.
She nods, buying it. "Call me as soon as you get home, okay? Good luck, Harvey."
"Thanks, Donna." They stay on the phone for another minute even though they aren't speaking. This has become a recurring thing for them, they just stay on the phone and listen to each other breathing. They've been apart for so long that they grasp at every single opportunity there is to see or talk to each other.
"Alright, I'm gonna hang up now." Harvey says, breaking the ice.
"Okay." Donna whispers back. She actually doesn't want the call to end yet but she knows he has to get ready and the pile of work on her dining table is already calling her name. She sighs then tosses her blanket aside and starts off her day.
Harvey tosses his phone to the empty side of his bed and closes his eyes, trying to get himself to focus. Donna already helped him calm down but he also has to learn how to handle his emotions by himself. He gets up and makes his way to the bathroom, hoping a hot shower would help clear his mind.
.
Ray drops Harvey off to a smaller commercial building at the upper west side. He checks the note Donna gave him two days ago to check if they've got the right address, they do. He waves Ray off then walks into the building as a security guard holds the door open for him. He sees a young man at the reception area so he takes a couple of strides towards him.
"Hi. I'm here for the 11:00 o'clock poker game." Harvey says under his breath, afraid that the young man might judge him for saying that. The man looks at him then smiles, "Fourth floor, second door to your left."
"Thank you." Harvey says. He makes his way to the elevator and presses button number 4. The building is quite old but not exactly outdated, maybe most of the buildings in the upper west side are like this, he isn't particularly familiar with this side of town.
The elevator dings, indicating he had just arrived at his designated floor. The doors open and he steps out slowly, looking to both his left and right for people he might know. He sees a bodyguard standing outside one of the doors, he takes that as the cue that this might be the room. He walks over slowly but the guard puts his hand out to stop him.
"What are you here for?" The guard asks in a deep voice.
"The poker game." Harvey answers. The guard nods then opens the door for him. The first thing he notices is about 20 people, mostly men. Donna was right, it is a more intimate gathering. Another thing she got right is that this is no ordinary AA meeting, they're all high-profile business personalities in their million dollar suits and some old men look like retired board members dressed in casual clothing.
Harvey is 10 minutes early so everybody is still chatting and catching up with other people in the meeting. He looks to his left and sees a table full of bite-sized sandwiches, some pastries, and even a coffee dispenser. He walks over to the table and helps himself to a bagel. He uses a knife to cut it in half and spread cream cheese over it until a man in his mid-60s approaches him.
"Your first day?" The mysterious man asks in his southern accent.
Furrowing his brows, Harvey asks, "Yeah. How'd you know?"
"You're the only one I don't recognize here. Voluntary or court-ordered?"
"Court ordered."
"Oof. What did they get you for?"
"A DUI." Harvey answers. It's not the entire truth but it's part of it and that's all that matters. He doesn't feel comfortable pouring his heart out to a complete stranger.
"I got myself a couple of those under my belt." The man says while nodding. "I'm Jason." He extends his right hand.
"Harvey." Harvey takes his hand and shakes it.
"What happened to your arm?" Jason asks while pointing to Harvey's arm sling.
Harvey chuckles. "Like I said, I had a DUI."
Harvey finishes preparing his bagel then takes a hefty bite out of it. He misses the bagels being sold in front of the firm, the one he's having now just doesn't have that umph. Jason takes two cups then pours coffee into both of them. He hands one to Harvey who accepts it with a smile.
"It's good to build friendships here. Us alcoholics have to help each other." Jason says as he leads both of them to two empty seats in the back row.
"I'm not an alcoholic." Harvey says as he rolls his eyes. How many times does he have to say this to not only people he knows but also to a stranger he just met five minutes ago?
"That's what we all say on our first day."
"I mean it, I'm not."
Jason takes a sip from his cup then sits down, he gestures to Harvey to sit next to him. "Do you drink until you pass out? Maybe even pair drugs with it?" He asks sincerely.
Harvey cocks his head to the side then narrows his eyes, "Well…"
"Can you resist your urges to drink?"
"Are you going to let me finish... " an annoyed Harvey says, only to be interrupted again.
Jason chuckles loudly. "My guy, you're an alcoholic." He shakes his head then takes another sip of his coffee. "The first step of AA is admitting you're powerless over alcohol."
Harvey furrows his brows then takes a sip from his coffee. "You know what I'm really powerless over? This terrible cup of coffee."
This comment elicits a loud laugh from his new found friend. Harvey finds it strange how Jason seems so amused by him, he doesn't think of himself as a funny guy. "How many of these meetings do you have to attend?"
"About 30." Harvey answers as he bites off another piece of his bagel.
Jason nods. "You'll fit right in here, Son. We're your people now." He says as he pats his back gently.
This sends Harvey into a trance. He looks around the room slowly and studies the faces of everybody in attendance. He may be in denial of this self-diagnosed disease but he is sure of one thing: these aren't his people. A woman who he can only assume is the secretary asks everybody to stand and hold hands as she leads the serenity prayer.
Jason stands and nods at Harvey, he stands immediately then looks around him, confusion plastered all over his face. Jason extends his hand, waiting for Harvey to take it, he eventually does. Everyone starts to close their eyes, some even bow their heads as they all pray in unison "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
They all take their seats, Harvey is still dumbfounded by how odd the meeting is, and it only just started. He spent the last hour rolling his eyes at everybody who shared at the meeting. How could anyone ever think that their alcoholism saved them? He also doesn't understand how some people said they're 'grateful' to have this disease. He thinks everything that was said in the meeting was a load of crap.
The secretary officially adjourned the meeting and Harvey is not impressed at all. What a waste of time this was, he thinks to himself, and the court expects him to do 29 more of these? Please. He'd rather do community service. He stands up and makes his way out the door but Jason's voice stops him.
"Hey Harvey. How'd you like your first meeting?"
Harvey sighs then slowly turns around to face him. He chuckles in amusement. "Like I said, I'm not an alcoholic. I didn't relate to these people or their stories." He says as his eyes scan the room.
"It'll take a while for you to adjust." Jason says calmly. "Hey, how about I take you out to lunch?" He asks, a sense of hope in his voice.
"That's very nice of you but…"
"No, I insist." He interrupts. "It's tradition around here to coddle the newbies. We don't take 'No' as an answer."
Great, they have traditions too, no way this whole thing isn't a cult, he thinks. He sees the look on the old man's face and feels bad. He can't say no, and besides, one meal couldn't hurt right? It's not like he has plans or work for the rest of the day either.
"Alright."
"That's the spirit!" Jason cheers in excitement. "There's a great diner around the block. That's where I go after every meeting." He says as he places a hand on Harvey's back and leads him out the door and into the hallway.
"A diner?"
"I promise you they serve great food."
.
Donna is seated at her dining table which she has now converted into a temporary work table. Her back is starting to hurt from how uncomfortable her chair is, regret of not buying an office chair is starting to get to her.
She straightens her back then places both her palms on her lower back, groaning when she starts to stretch her now strained back muscles. She lets out a long sigh then gets back to typing. It's funny how she's been away from LA for a week but she still works like she never left.
The sad thing is, if this was PSL, the workload wouldn't have been an issue because her love for the job made up for the exhaustion.
She hears her phone start to ring but the ring tone is muffled. She lifts piles of paper, looking for it only to realize it's not on the table. She gets up and follows the ring, turns out, she left it on her couch from her phone call Harvey earlier today. She lifts one of the throw pillows and grabs her phone.
"Hey, Stu." She says.
"Hi, Donna. I was just checking in to see how you were."
"I'm doing great."
"That's nice to hear. How's Harvey doing?"
"He's recovering nicely, thanks for asking." A small smile grows on her face. Stu has always been a nice guy, he's a great boss too.
"You tell him I send my regards okay?"
"I will definitely be passing on that message." She says, getting ready to end the call, but he has more to say.
"Does this mean I can finally get my Director back in LA?" he asks her, voice laced with hope and excitement.
Her world stops spinning, she totally forgot that she only asked for a week off. Her mouth drops slightly open as she tries to find the right words to say. "Stu, about that… I can't leave yet." Her voice comes out softly.
She knows he's probably scratching his head right now. "Donna, I understand Harvey's situation is hard for you but we're a mess over here. This lawsuit is eating us up." He explains.
"I know that and I promise you I..."
"You asked for a week and I fought the board to give it to you." Stu says calmly but at the same time assertive.
"And I'm grateful for that... but I can't just leave him when he's like this. Stu, you know me, you know him, I..." She sighs. She sits on her chair in front of all the paperwork she's been working on for the past week.
There is a long pause before she hears his voice go through the phone again. This time, his tone is different, he sounds apologetic. "Donna, If you can't be back here by Monday, I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go."
Taken aback, Donna immediately says "Stu…"
"We can't brave this storm by ourselves. We need you here." His voice comes out begging.
A breath hitches in her throat and her fingers start to tremble. This is it, another ultimatum that puts her in a position where she has to choose between Harvey and something. Years ago, it was Harvey or Mark, this time it's Harvey or her job.
She doesn't love her job or her life in LA, she has made that perfectly clear to herself for months now, but that doesn't mean it wasn't her saving grace at one of the lowest points in her life. When she needed something to distract her from the ghosts of the life she left behind, she had this job to cling onto.
But on the other hand, why should hold onto something that doesn't bring her joy or peace? All she ever got from this job was stress and misery. Why do the stars always happen to misalign for her and her alone? Everybody else in her life seems to have their lives together, while she can't even have the luxury of enjoying one thing without having another thing taken from her. For some people, the blessings keep coming. For Donna, it's always one thing or the other, and she is sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Without another thought, she hears herself whisper "Harvey needs me more."
She's grateful for the opportunity to grow as a professional and a person, but she knows her value, she has to let this go. Not just because of Harvey, she's just saying this to her now former boss to ease him off of the guilt of losing a vital employee due to dissatisfaction, but because choosing her happiness over anything else is something that she has to do. No more settling for less than what she deserves.
"Then I'm sorry, Donna." Stu says, his voice obviously full of sorrow.
"I'm sorry too." She says as she unconsciously wipes away a tear that has rolled down her cheek.
"You take care." He says. She can't take it anymore, she ends the call without saying another word. She places the phone down on the table and stares at the blank wall in front of her for a couple of minutes, allowing the gravity of what just happened to sink into her. Once she finally starts feeling a sense of loss, she swipes all the paperwork from her table and onto the floor in frustration.
She places both her elbows on the table and buries her head in her hands, fingers slowly raking through her hair. This wasn't just about Harvey, this was about herself. She made the right decision, she convinces herself that so she can calm down, but it still stings, and she fears the stinging won't stop for a while.
Donna can make the right decisions all she wants, but it doesn't mean she can't feel sad about it too.
It's like leaving New York all over again, only this time, she's probably staying.
.
Walking down the streets of the upper west side is still something relatively new to Harvey. Jason notices how silent Harvey has been ever since they walked out of the building and onto the street.
"Hey, I didn't catch your last name. What did you say it was?" Jason asks out of curiosity and in order to break the awkward silence.
"Specter." Harvey answers calmly.
They both turn a corner and the diner Jason was raving about earlier is finally in sight. "Ah. So what do you do, Harvey Specter?"
"I'm a name partner at Zane Specter Litt." he says, but his tone is a bit darker, like it physically hurts him to say that. Is he still a name partner even though he's on an indefinite leave? Is he still allowed to call himself that?
"Huh, we got a couple of those in those meetings."
"I know, I recognized some of them." Harvey smiles.
They arrive at the diner and it's much nicer than Harvey expected it to be. Actually, he didn't know what to expect but it looks clean and reputable. A waitress leads them to an empty booth and hands out two menus, one for each of them. Both men thank the lady, take their seats, and start looking at the selection of food to choose from. Jason asks the waitress for a cup of coffee, she immediately pours him a cup full. She offers to fill Harvey's cup as well but he politely declines.
"Didn't you just have two or three cups of coffee back at the meeting?"
"Yup. What about it"
"You drink an awful lot of coffee, and that's coming from a heavy coffee drinker." Harvey says, his brows furrowed, genuinely worried about how this man gets to sleep at night with all that junk in his system.
Jason lets out a loud laugh. "Caffeine is the only drug left out here that I can abuse."
Harvey snorts then takes a break from the menu and looks over at Jason whose nose is still buried in his. "Alright." He says as he thinks of something to ask. He clicks his tongue for a couple of seconds, then it finally hits him. "How about you, Jason? What do you do?" He asks.
"I used to be the CEO of a tech company."
"What company?"
"Lasso Tech."
Harvey raises his eyebrows in surprise, he definitely remembers how huge that tech startup was in the mid 80s to early 2000s. "Wait a minute, you're the Jason Lasso?"
"The one and only, son." The old man smiles.
"I don't understand, what happened to you guys?" Harvey asks and he immediately regrets it. He has read several articles and heard numerous radio news about how Lasso Tech rose to the top only for it to tumble down. It's an invasive question.
But to Harvey's surprise, it didn't seem to bother Jason one bit. He places the menu down on the table and looks Harvey in the eye. "The 2008 financial crisis happened. Sold too many shares, got bought out of my own company."
Harvey shakes his head, he feels so bad for asking. He has no idea what it must feel like to be bought out of a company you built from the ground up. "I'm so sorry." He whispers.
"And I went into a downward spiral after that. Alcohol, Heroin, Coke, you name it." Jason
"When did you decide to get clean?"
"Thank you, harvey. I thought you'd never ask." He answers sarcastically then clears his throat. He leans forward, both arms now on the table. The look on his face is more serious now. "2010, I missed my daughter's college graduation because I was too wasted to get out of bed. She came home that night and found me in the living room snorting another line of coke up my nose. She packed her things and moved to LA without saying another word." He says softly, water collecting in his ducts. "My wife threatened to leave me that night too. All of that happening in just a day really woke me up, knowing that your kid and your wife have given up on you after witnessing the mess I became. I went to a therapist the next day and started going to meetings. I've been clean ever since."
"I'm glad to hear that, Jason. How is your relationship with your daughter now?"
"She didn't start speaking to me until five years ago when she graduated medical school. It took her a long time to forgive me but the important thing is she did. I just had my 10th sober birthday a couple months ago and my family threw me this huge party to celebrate."
Harvey gives him a comforting smile while nodding. It's a hard story to get through but it symbolizes hope. Things don't always have to stay the same, there will always be room for change if you welcome it. He just has to find a way to welcome it into his life. "Did you ever get your company back?" He asks.
"No. But in 2012, I got a call from the new CEO of Lasso Tech and they offered me a job as one of the board of directors."
"That's nice of them to do."
"Yeah, they couldn't give me my old job back so they settled for the next best thing." He says sarcastically while chuckling. "I mean I only come in at least once a month but I still get to have a say on how the company operates. It's actually perfect for a man my age." Gone is the sorrow on his face as a proud smile replaces it. "I know this is hard for you right now because it even took me two whole years to realize that I was an addict. But you can't wait for the worst to happen before you start asking for help. The program works, Harvey. You just have to give it some time." He says, patting Harvey's hand gently.
"Thanks, Jason." Harvey says softly. Jason brings his attention back to the diner's menu, leaving Harvey to sit and think deeply about the life lessons he just absorbed from Jason's story.
The waitress comes back with a small notepad and pen in hand. "Hi, I'm Cali and I'll be your server today. Are you ready to order?"
Jason closes his menu and hands it to her. "Hey Cali, just get me a burger with a side of onion rings and fries. I'll take a basket of beef nachos as well."
"Terrific!" She says as she jots down his order. "And you, sir?" She turns to Harvey.
"I'm getting what he's getting."
"Alright then. I'll be back in about 15 minutes. Thank you."
"Thanks." Jason says to her, she nods then walks away.
Harvey's phone starts buzzing. He reaches into his pocket and pulls it out, it's Donna. He wants to take it but decides not to. As soon as he rejects the call, he sends her a quick text saying he's having lunch with a new found friend. Donna immediately replies saying she's glad he made a friend and that she thought it would take him at least five meetings to do so. He lets out a small laugh when he reads it, he then locks his phone and places it face down on the table.
Jason sees the smile on his face and raises a brow. "Ah, wife?" He asks in curiosity.
Harvey presses his lips together. "Friend." He says, the word tastes weird but what else can he say? That's all they are anyway.
"No wife?" The old man asks, wondering why he would smile that way if it were indeed someone other than a significant other.
"No." He says before taking a sip of his water.
"Tell me, why would a relatively young man as attractive and successful as you be single?"
"Marriage isn't for everybody, Jason."
"I know that, I respect that. But have you at least thought about it?"
Harvey sighs, he has, several times throughout his life. But even just the mere thought of it scares him. The childhood trauma that he has brought with him until the present day is still the most pressing reason behind his fear of committing to a person, he can't help but feel like he's eventually going to screw it up.
"I have." He whispers.
"Any special lady in your life?" Jason asks with a cheesy smile on his face. He sees the discomfort on Harvey's face and starts panicking. "Unless you're into men, either way…"
Harvey laughs. "There is a special lady in my life."
Jason slams the table in excitement, this startles Harvey as well as half the diner. "Now we're talking! Tell me about her."
"It's complicated." Harvey says, hoping it would steer them away from the conversation.
"All the best relationships are complicated. Now, tell me her name, son."
Harvey clenches his jaw. He analyzes the man's face and sees how sincere he is. He genuinely wants to help Harvey recover and be a friend, someone he could run to for advice. He seems to be very interested in his personal life as well.
Fuck it, Harvey thinks.
"Her name is Donna."
.
Numb. That's all Donna is feeling at the moment. It's past lunchtime now but she doesn't bother to make herself a meal or even order in. She ignores the rumbling in her tummy that has been going on for the past hour, she can't bring herself to stand or to move.
But she eventually does because of an incoming phone call, but it isn't from Harvey.
She reaches for her phone and it's Rachel. Shit, she thinks. She completely forgot that she and Mike were arriving today. She didn't get to warm Harvey up to the idea of them visiting. She closes her eyes and cringes at herself, she screwed up big time.
She answers the call and switches her actress mode on. "Hey, Rach."
"Hi, Donna. I totally forgot to text you but we're in Chicago right now because our plane had to refuel. We're about to take off for New York so we'll see you in a couple of hours."
"Can't wait! I hope you guys have a great flight."
"Thanks, Donna. Where do we meet you guys?"
Donna takes a second to think of a plan. Harvey's probably still at that diner with the man he just met from that AA meeting. "How about we meet at Harvey's?"
"Wait, you mean that?" Rachel sounds surprised, they expected to meet their friends in a restaurant downtown.
"Yeah. I can cook us dinner, it'll be great."
Under the assumption that Donna already told Harvey about their visit, Rachel immediately agrees to the idea, thinking it's a great one. "That would be lovely. I'll text you as soon as we land and get in a cab."
Donna bids her best friend a goodbye and hangs up. She brings her hands to mouth, wondering how she is going to pull not just one but two surprises off in one evening. First, she has to make sure Harvey doesn't come home yet, she can't afford to risk him finding out they're having guests over without his knowledge. She sends him a quick text.
Hey Harvey. I decided to hire a couple cleaners for your apartment, I noticed dust was collecting under your couches. It'll take a couple of hours so take your time :)
She heads to her bathroom and takes a quick shower. Thirty minutes later, she's already in dark blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and black chelsea boots. Her hair is tied up in a bun and she's got a minimal amount of makeup on her face, just enough to make her look more presentable. She books an uber to shop for ingredients she would need to make the dinner she promised Rachel.
An hour later, she's unlocking Harvey's door using the key he gave back to her just yesterday. Donna just got home from his place and noticed a different set of keys in her purse. She texted Harvey asking him if he might have forgotten to take them back or if he put them there by mistake, he casually replied saying he thought it would be better for both of them if she had a key of her own so she could stop calling him every time she was at his doorstep. But what he really meant to say was that the key has always been hers, it was about time she got it back.
She walks into his apartment and places the bag of groceries on a counter. She checks the time on her watch and sees it's a quarter past 4 in the afternoon. Mike and Rachel are probably arriving in about two hours, more or less.
She takes all of the items out of the bag and starts preparing the pots and pans. Before actually starting the cooking process, she takes a minute to compose herself, letting out a long breath to calm herself down from the amount of anxiety she's been feeling since this morning.
She needs to get through this one. Just this one. She can think about the rest of her problems later.
.
Lunch with Jason extended into an afternoon stroll thanks to Donna's impromptu plan to turn his apartment upside down. He hates the idea of having to spend the afternoon with a man he barely knows but he doesn appreciate her initiative to make things at home easier for him, he knows she's just watching out for him, she always has.
Jason decided to give Harvey a tour of their building so they hopped in a cab and headed downtown. Turns out, their headquarters isn't that far from the firm, just a couple blocks ahead.
Jason introduced Harvey to pretty much everybody, from the security guard and their receptionists to other members of the board who so happened to be there. Jason just kept talking to Harvey, showing him their offices, overseeing operations, and discussing business developments. Harvey was like a child, he didn't say much but only because he was impressed by how different the company turned out to be.
He expected a hostile work environment and interns running around the place but this is the exact opposite of that. This is how a business should run.
Harvey eventually told Jason that it was time for him to go and that he had plans for dinner.
"Ah, dinner with that redhead?"
"Yeah."
"You promise I'll keep seeing you at meetings?" Jason asks.
"I promise." Harvey replies. "Thanks for today, I had a great time."
"No, thank you, son. You just brought out the fire in me that I thought was put out a long time ago." Jason extended his hand and Harvey shook it firmly. He gives him a little wave and makes his way to the elevators, texting Ray the current address so he can pick him up.
The car ride back to his place was silent. Harvey stayed silent as so many thoughts were running through his mind. The car stops and he gets out of the car, greeting Charlie, the security guard, before entering the building.
It's already dark out, he didn't expect to be out the entire day, it's actually the first time he has spent this much time away from his apartment in a week. He takes the keys from his pocket and uses it to unlock the door but to his surprise, it already is. It's either the cleaners aren't finished yet or Donna is in there.
"Donna?" He calls out as soon as he opens his door.
"Kitchen!" He hears her answer, he smiles to himself. Hearing her voice always lightens up his mood.
"Hey." He says, placing his coat on the counter. She's wearing a black apron, he loves seeing her like this. He's so used to seeing her all dressed up back when they used to work together, it's nice to see her in casual clothing. "Smells good." He says.
"Thanks, I'm making lasagna, it'll be ready in a minute. How was your meeting?" She asks as she washes her hands.
"Depressing." He sighs.
"Really? That bad?" Her brows furrow.
"What's sadder is I have to sit through 29 more of those." He rolls his eyes.
She scoffs, he really is the biggest manchild she has ever met in her life. "It's for your own good, Harvey." She reiterates. "So, I get you didn't share?"
Harvey shakes his head. "I've got nothing to share."
"Right…" She says slowly, not believing that statement for a second. It's Harvey, he always has something to share, he just simply refuses to. "But hey, at least you got a friend out of it." She says, looking on the bright side.
"I guess so. Jason's a nice guy."
"How was your afternoon with him?"
"We had lunch and he took me to see their headquarters. I gotta say, I was impressed."
"That's something. It takes a lot to impress you." She says as she dries her hands with his kitchen towel.
"Not when it comes to you." He says it so casually but this makes her head snap in his direction. He gives her a small smile, seeing how her face instantly lit up, she returns the smile then bites her lip. She shakes her head slowly, trying to mask the fact that the butterflies in her tummy are going ballistic.
Harvey isn't big on words but when he does find the confidence to say what he means, it's incomparable.
Donna doesn't know how to follow that moment up so she doesn't say anything, allowing silence to fill up the room. She bows her head, feeling his stare lingering.
"Hey, I was thinking…" He clears his throat and places both his hands in his front pockets. "I got some time off, why don't I come with you when you go back to LA?"
She lifts her head and her eyes widen. "Why?" She immediately asks.
He shrugs. "I wanna see you in your element."
She licks her lips, thinking of something to say. How does she tell him she doesn't have a job to go back to anymore? "Yeah. G-great idea. We'll set it up." She lies, flashing him a fake smile.
"Unless there's somebody there you don't want me to meet." He says.
She chuckles sarcastically. "Here we go again."
"You dodged my question the last time I asked."
She sighs, her shoulders slumping. "I'm not seeing anybody in LA, or anywhere, Harvey."
A weight is suddenly lifted from his chest, his face visibly softens. "Good." He whispers. She raises a brow and he panics. "I didn't mean that… I mean, good to know." He stumbles through his words. "Not good to know, I'm just… I'm glad you told me." Donna just laughs it off, he couldn't be any more obvious. He can wear opponents down or make ladies swoon in seconds but when it comes to Donna, he's like an amateur.
The timer goes off, indicating that the lasagna is ready. Donna breaks their gaze and grabs a pair of oven mitts. She puts them on, pulls the oven door down and carefully takes the pot out.
"Isn't that a little much for just the two of us?" He asks.
"I, uh… I thought you might be hungry. If not, you could always store this in the fridge and heat it up." Donna says, hoping it's enough to convince him.
"Donna, are you alright? You've been acting a little off."
"I'm fine, Harvey." She lies.
"Are you sure? Because…" Several knocks on the door interrupted him. He looks at the door suspiciously. "Are you expecting anybody?" He asks her.
"I invited a couple people over, I hope you don't mind." She says as she unties the apron and takes it off.
"A little heads up would have been nice." He replies. "Is this why you've been acting weird?" He starts walking towards the door. Donna stretches her hand out in front of him to stop him.
"I can get it, why don't you set the table?"
"I wanna see who it is."
"And you will but…" Another set of knocks stops her. Harvey knows something is going on, and it's probably not good, because if it was she wouldn't be acting this way. He gently pushes her hand away from him and places his hand on the knob.
Donna covers her mouth with her hand, saying a silent prayer that he doesn't lose his shit over who is behind that door. She watches as he turns the knob and opens the door, she swears she just felt her heart stop beating.
"Hey!" Mike and Rachel exclaim in excitement. They have a pie and a bottle of cider in hand. But the look on their faces immediately turns into a frown when they see that Harvey isn't returning their smiles.
Harvey looks at Donna and clenches his jaw. So this is the reason why she kept him out of his apartment and why she was acting differently. Harvey hates surprises, and this is the worst one yet.
"D-did we come at a bad time?" Rachel asks, her voice low, she senses the tension between the two.
"No, it's just that I had no idea you were coming over." Harvey answers without moving a muscle, he's still glaring at Donna.
"I'm sorry, we just assumed that Donna…"
"She didn't." Harvey cuts her off.
Mike and Rachel look at each other, they know they aren't welcome right now. Mike swallows and presses his lips together. "I'm sorry, Rachel and I can leave."
"That won't be necessary, Mike." Donna says, tearing her eyes from Harvey.
"That's a great idea." Harvey says around the same time."
"Harvey." Donna says, lightly hitting his good arm.
"It's alright, Donna. We understand." Mike smiles sadly at her. He places his hand on Rachel's back and starts walking towards the elevator. Donna opens her mouth to say something but Harvey slams the door right away, the sound echoes through his apartment.
"Harvey!" She yells, he walks past her in anger. She can't believe he just shut the door on them, she turns around with shock plastered all over her face. "I can't believe you just did that to our friends!"
"They're your friends." He states.
"They flew all the way here to visit you."
"Don't do that, don't guilt-trip me into…"
"I'm not, I'm merely stating a fact. When are you gonna stop pushing people away?"
"That's it. I've put up with you forcing me to go to meetings, barging into my apartment acting like you own the place, and all the other shit that you make me do but I draw the line at my personal life." He says in annoyance.
"Harvey, I'm…"
"No, don't say you're trying to help me. You don't get to decide when I forgive people. When I forgive someone, I want to do it on my terms. Is that understood?"
Donna swallows a lump in her throat. He's right. She may have overstepped the boundaries this time. "Understood." Her voice comes out in a whisper, "I'm sorry."
Harvey's head feels like it's about to explode but at the same time, he hates seeing her like this. It's the first time she isn't pushing back and answering him, she just threw her towel in and yielded. Something is definitely not right.
She lets out a deep breath, takes her purse off his counter and walks out his apartment without saying another word. He wanted to call out her name and ask her not to leave but he knows better than to try to have another conversation with her when he hasn't cooled off yet.
Outside, Donna is leaning against the door. Not only did she possibly break Harvey's trust again, she swears she just ruined Mike and Rachel's visit. She never should've allowed them to come here, Harvey's wounds have obviously not healed yet and it's probably still too soon to try mending fences. She pulls her phone out and sends Rachel a text.
Donna: I'm so sorry.
Rachel: It's alright, Donna. We understand where Harvey's coming from. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Donna: Can I at least come over and bring you guys a bottle of wine?
Rachel: Why don't we go out instead?
Donna: Sounds perfect. Text me the address and I'll be there in fifteen minutes.
She puts her phone back in her purse and calls an elevator.
Inside, Harvey is pacing back and forth, rubbing his face every once in a while. He knows he shouldn't have blown them off like that but it doesn't help that Donna blindsided him by inviting them over without his knowledge.
Only now do waves of guilt come crashing over him, he's starting to regret what he just did. Yes, he believes Mike betrayed him but he didn't deserve that kind of treatment, no one does. And he did the same thing to Donna when she came back, sometimes he wonders if he's the problem and not them.
.
Donna's sitting on one of the bar stools, waiting for Rachel to come in. The bar she chose isn't as subtle as she hoped it would be. The place is packed with people, the music is a bit too loud, it seems like one of those places meant for younger people.
The bar is the only place that isn't as crowded and isn't as loud. She's been sitting here for the past ten minutes, looking over her shoulder every now and then. She orders a shot of tequila and drinks it as soon as the bartender places the glass in front of her.
"Whoa there." says the handsome man sitting two seats away from her.
She hisses as the heat from the liquor travels down her throat. She looks to her left and gives him a small smile of acknowledgement.
"Bad day?" He asks her. He's a good looking man. Tall, thick brown hair all perfectly coiffed, nice expensive suit, he has to be a businessman of sorts.
"The worst one yet." She replies.
"I'm sorry to hear that. How about I buy you a drink?"
"No, thank you. I can buy my own." She looks over at her watch to check the time.
"Waiting for somebody?"
"Yes actually."
"A friend perhaps?"
Donna clicks her tongue, she knows he's just trying to get into her pants. Men, they always follow the same playbook and it's getting really old real fast. "No. Girlfriend." She lies.
He raises a brow and she's internally screaming at his reaction. Gotcha, she thinks to herself.
"Donna!" She hears Rachel's voice from a distance. Donna looks to her right and grins. Rachel walks over and pulls her best friend into the tightest hug.
"Hey, sweetie. I was starting to think you stood me up."
"What? I would never." She says. "Also, sweetie? You've never called me that before." She adds.
"I said that so the guy to my left could hear."
Rachel looks in the direction she mentioned. "Who? Mr. Hotpants?"
Donna giggles. "Yeah. He tried to hit on me."
"And?" Rachel asks, bringing her attention back to her.
"I let him think I was gay so he'd fuck off."
"Looks like it worked." Rachel says, subtly pointing to the man who is now walking away from the bar. Donna let's out a laugh and sighs.
"Where's Mike? I thought he was tagging along?" Donna asks.
"He didn't feel like going out tonight. This thing with Harvey really took a toll on him."
Donna bites her lip and plays with her fingers. "Hey, I'm really sorry about earlier." Her voice is soft.
Rachel reaches for her hand and squeezes it, hoping it's enough to comfort her friend. "Donna, it wasn't your fault. And I don't blame Harvey as well."
Donna sighs. "I hope this doesn't cut your New York weekend short."
"It won't. It's nice to be back, we could take a trip down memory lane. I mean, if I can get Mike to get out of bed tomorrow."
"Are you guys flying back on Monday?"
"Sunday. We have a pile of cases waiting for us on our desks."
"I think if I had just told him earlier, he could've warmed up to the idea of you guys coming to visit. But I was just so slumped at work that I totally forgot that you guys were arriving today." She mutters.
"It's fine." Rachel reassures Donna. "Why don't we talk about something else to get your mind off what happened earlier?"
"Please." Donna sighs. "I'll order us some drinks too. What are you in the mood for?"
"I can go for a margarita." Rachel says.
"Oh, you've gone soft." Donna teases. Rachel nudges Donna's arm which causes her to giggle. Donna raises her hand to get the bartender's attention. "I'll have a margarita and a vodka martini please."
"Dry?"
"Yes." Donna says. "And throw in a little extra olives there. Thanks."
Rachel looks at Donna weirdly, she only ever orders dry martinis when she's stressed about something but she brushes her suspicions off, thinking that it's probably just because of Harvey. "So," Rachel says, "How's work?"
Donna's eyes widen, "Hmm?"
"You said you were too caught up in work to tell Harvey about us." Rachel reminds her. "What's the setup like now that you're all the way here?"
"Oh. Yeah, right, work. Um… It's hard, you know, having to work from home and I'm not the biggest fan of Zoom so it's been tough." Donna says. She licks her lips, mentally cursing herself for almost blowing her cover.
Rachel tilts her head to the side and gives her a look. "You're lying to me."
"I'm not." Donna answers defensively.
"Donna, I've known you long enough to read you too." Rachel pauses. "What is it you're not telling me?"
Donna bites the insides of her cheek, not knowing where to start. The bartender places both of their drinks in front of them and it doesn't take long for her to take her glass and chug her drink down.
"Oh my god!" Rachel exclaims.
Donna feels the burn, she squints and clears her throat. "I lost my job." She whispers, she sounds embarrassed almost.
"W-what?"
"Remember I asked for a week off? Yeah, Stu called me earlier today, asking when I'm flying back. I told him I couldn't yet and…" She takes a deep breath. "That's that." She really didn't mean to make it sound that it was that simple but she can't think of any other way to say it, she didn't even have time to process it today so her emotions are still pretty raw.
Rachel places her hand on Donna's back, "I'm so sorry." She expresses her sympathy.
"It's fine, Rach. It's just… for the first time in my life, I don't know what to do next." She whispers.
"Does Harvey know?"
"God, no. I don't want to tell him yet."
"I understand." Rachel says. She sits quietly, allowing Donna a couple of moments to herself. "Hey, you're gonna get through this one. You always do." She reassures her.
Donna takes a deep breath and holds it. "I have to." She replies.
.
Mike walks up to his front door after hearing a series of loud knocks. He checks his watch, it's around midnight, he thinks it's probably Donna dropping off a drunk Rachel. It happened several times before.
But to his surprise, the person waiting on the other side of the door is not his wife, but it's Harvey.
"Harvey." Mike says, he is definitely confused.
"You have five minutes to explain your side." His former mentor and friend says coldly.
Mike raises his brow then purses his lips. "Okay," He says. "Would you like to come in?" He asks while stepping aside to make some room.
Harvey doesn't nod or say a word, he just walks in the apartment and into their living room with his hands in his pockets. "I thought you sold the place or had it rented out." He mumbles.
"We were planning to but Donna suggested we turn it into an Airbnb."
"Of course she did." Harvey says, "Which is probably why you picked her side, huh?" He starts baiting him. He turns around to look at him.
Mike shakes his head lightly. "There were no sides, Harvey. I was helping a friend."
"I was your friend too."
"She asked me not to tell you. I couldn't break her trust."
"So you decided to break mine."
Mike rubs his jawline. He's trying his best to stay calm and not raise his voice, the whole reason why they flew back here in the first place was to make amends, not make things worse than they already are. "I'm sorry, Harvey."
Harvey clicks his tongue. "You see, 'Sorry' doesn't cut it. 'Cause I lost both of you within a short span of time."
Mike takes small steps towards Harvey, making sure his approach isn't aggressive in any way. "Harvey, I was just helping a broken person look for a way to heal. Had you asked me what she asked me, I would've done the same thing in a heartbeat. She needed me so I was there for her and now I'm here because you need me, even if you keep telling yourself you don't."
Broken person. Harvey knows how much he hurt Donna, she made him well aware of that but broken? He never realized it had gone that far. Harvey takes a breath in through his nose and sees the sincerity in Mike's eyes.
"I know our leaving triggered your abandonment issues. So I don't expect you to forgive me right away but I want to let you know that no matter what you think of me, I'll always think of you as my best friend." Mike adds.
Harvey swallows, he keeps expecting people to put up a fight with him but they don't. This day has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. "I think Seattle turned you into a softie." He jokingly says.
Mike chuckles and a smile grows on his face. "That's a big accusation coming from someone like you."
"Someone like me?"
"Do you need me to go into detail?"
"No." Harvey replies. He knows what Mike means.
"It's good to see you, Harvey." Mike says, voice low.
Harvey finally pulls Mike in for a hug and pats his back lightly. "It's great to see you Mike."
A couple more minutes pass and the two men are telling each other stories like they weren't just estranged for the majority of the year. Sounds of their laughter echo through the room as they continue with their quick-witted banter.
Mike was just about to open his mouth to say something when he heard a key being inserted into his front door. Rachel is home.
"Mike? God, you wouldn't believe the…" Rachel says as she casually walks into their apartment. She immediately stops as soon as she sees Harvey standing near the fireplace. "Harvey…" She trails.
"Rachel."
"I didn't know you were coming over."
"I didn't either but I just got in a cab and ended up here." He gestures to their apartment. "Where's Donna?"
"She took a cab to her place." Rachel says softly.
"Did you have fun?"
"Yeah, whatever 'fun' means." Rachel says cryptically. The last thing she wants to do is tell Harvey about how their night was the exact opposite of that, how they talked about painful topics and memories.
"Good." Harvey says, relieved that Donna's alright and that she had a good time. Rachel nods, giving him an awkward smile. She looks at Mike and wonders why he doesn't look so defeated anymore.
"Rachel, I'm sorry about my behavior earlier."
"I understand, Harvey. We caught you off guard."
"You did. But still, it doesn't justify the way I acted." Harvey takes in a breath. "Truth is, I'm glad you guys came back to visit."
Rachel feels a rush of joy pouring over her. Mike chuckles and nods at her, signaling that they've made up and are now on good terms. Rachel puts a hand over her mouth to hold back her faint sobs. She knows how much the past few months have affected Mike negatively, and even though the night didn't start the way they hoped it would, it certainly ended in the best possible way.
Harvey walks up to Rachel and pulls her in for a hug. Rachel hugs back and flashes Mike the biggest smile.
Maybe Donna's surprise was a good one after all.
Hey! Congrats on making it through this chunk of a chapter. What do you think of Jason? How do you feel about Mike and Harvey reconciling? What about Donna losing her job? Please let me know your thoughts on this one. Thanks for reading and see you next week!
xoxo, May.