A/N: I apologize profusely for the delay in getting this chapter out. Real life has been super busy and if not for the tremendous support and patience of Stefanie and Jo, I may have never gotten it done. I LOVE YOU BOTH!

This story is so much fun to be a part of, and I want to give a huge thank you to all of you who are reading it and taking the time to tweet and review! That is the icing on the cake!

Chapter 4:

I'm sorry to hear about losing your mom. Life really has a way of kicking us in the teeth sometimes, doesn't it? My mother and I were estranged for years and had only recently found our way back to each other when she got sick. I do feel blessed, however, that the last year of her life we made up for lost time, and by the time she passed she had truly changed me for the better. Minus the mutt, of course.

I've always been tight with my dad. I idolized him growing up. Still do, I guess. Which is comical considering how completely different our lifestyles are . You already know my father is a musician, and while I do pride myself on being a top notch collector and aficionado of quality music, my career choice couldn't be more opposite of his. I know, I know, tread carefully with the details.

Have you ever set out to do something with your mind already made up just exactly how it would go only to be knocked off balance and thrown off your game? That just doesn't happen to me. Well, not usually anyway. But it did today.

Without going into specifics, I can say that it was spent with people I don't see nearly enough, I enjoyed myself far more than I expected, and I was left questioning myself for the second time this week.

Maybe sometimes, instead of life kicking us in the teeth, it surprises us. Spins things on their head and leaves us with our mouths hanging open like a cod fish.

Tell me you understand.

~ NYC_901

~oOo~

I wish I could say that I also got my love of jazz music from my Dad, but sadly his tastes are firmly in the easy listening and Country camp. Not my scene at all. I wish I could also say that he and I have a similar tight bond as you do with your Dad, but we're two very different people. We are close though, and while he's made some mistakes in the past, and we've not always seen eye to eye, I've never doubted his love for me.

It's in the little things that may seem inconsequential at the time, but looking back mean so much. Like walking down the street together, he'd always insist on being roadside, his reasoning being should a car suddenly veer onto the sidewalk, he'd be hit rather than me. Or the way when I was a pre-teen, he'd happily wear the terrible jewelry I made him. He'd go off to work, to important business meetings, proudly wearing bracelets and necklaces made of painted garden detritus sprinkled with glitter.

And more recently, despite having his own worries and a ton of stress, he spent an entire evening with me eating chunky monkey ice cream, more specifically the banana's I always jettison from my bowl (yuk) and suffering three back to back Richard Gere movies just to cheer me up. Why?

Without revealing any details, I've recently been hit with news that I fear will turn my life upside down, and as I've mentioned before, not in a good way. There's nothing my Dad can do to help, but just having him there was just what I needed.

And that brings me to your question, for in the same week that I've been hit from left field with shitty news, I too have had one of those moments you mentioned. And I too was left with a gaping mouth, my heart racing and a stupified brain.

They may be unrelated, but that's twice in one week that I've been surprised and knocked off balance. So I can totally relate!

~ Theatergirl

~oOo~

Aren't bananas the whole point of Chunky Monkey? I think Ben, and especially Jerry, would be quite offended if they knew you weren't enjoying that classic flavor the way they intended.

Your dad sounds like a good man. A protector. I think that's their most important job. And as far as country music, you've just never had the right two step partner...

Do you watch Survivor?

It's like my dirty little secret. People at work would have a field day with that information, because it's completely unlike me to watch reality TV, but I'm obsessed. Ever since I watched season one with my dad and brother as a teenager, I've been hooked. There were some really rough years for me after that, but no matter how far I drifted from my family, Survivor always brought me back to the cozy couch in our family room.

I've never watched a soap opera in my life, but I think I understand now why people get sucked into them. Watching the interpersonal drama unfold in front of your eyes is kind of like therapy. Seeing how evil and conniving people can be, and the lengths they will go to just to get what they want… I guess it makes people feel better about themselves. About their own life and the poor decisions they make from time to time. And on Survivor, these are real people, not B list actors who play the same role for 40 years straight.

Anyway, last night's episode was insane.

~ NYC_901

~oOo~

I love bananas. I just don't like eating them.

Maybe Ben might be slightly offended that I scoop and flick out any trace of banana mush, but I reckon Jerry knows where I'm coming from. He'd agree with me that the bananas are necessary for the flavor, but eating them is a little like eating the tea bag that's infused your cup of earl grey.

You know those bolt out of the blue, smack you in the face, knock you on your ass, jaw dropping, bombshell moments we've been talking about?

I think I've just had it happen again. Survivor? Really?

I did NOT see that for you at all!

But, to be fair, I've never watched it, so I can't really comment.

Let me go and check out last night's episode and get back to you ….

~ Theatergirl

~oOo~

"I'd ask if you survived your day as Daddy Dearest, but in all honesty, it's the kids I was really concerned about," Mike chuckles.

Harvey shuts the door to the Lexus and joins Mike on the curb.

"You know laughing at your own jokes is a telltale sign of vanity, right?" Harvey's head is tilted back as he takes in the highrise building set to be demolished next week.

"I'm sorry." Mike twists his face to one side. "Are you actually warning me about coming off as vain?"

"You're right. You have nothing to actually be vain about. My mistake." Harvey tries to bite back the smirk tugging at his lips when Mike's face droops at his teasing. "I actually had a great time with the munchkins, if you must know." Harvey opens the door to the building for Mike and gestures for him to walk in. "And you'll never guess who I met."

"I think you underestimate me, Specter." Now it's Mike's turn to tie down a smile. "I know exactly who you met." Smile or no, his eyes give away the fact that he's up to something.

Harvey stops in his tracks.

"Gretchen told you?" he questions, the wheels in his mind spinning.

"Told me what?" Mike's brows dance playfully.

"Cut the crap, Mike. Gretchen suggested I take the kids to some acting workshop, which just happened to be run by -"

"Donna Paulsen." Mike finishes his sentence.

"Yes." Harvey replies, jaw clenched, not liking this game Mike seems to be playing one bit.

"Well, Boss, guess who suggested it to Gretchen?"

"Gentleman." A deep voice booms in front of them. "Right on time I can see." Before Harvey has a chance to retort, the men are greeted by the architect they have come to meet. "I'm Thomas -"

"Kessler." Harvey responds, reaching for the man's extended hand. "I've heard a lot about you from Jessica Pearson." Harvey offers a polite smile. "She says you are hands down the most impressive architect she's ever worked with." He was just explicitly told by Jessica to lay it on thick with this guy. And if he's ever getting out of the dog house, he figures he should heed for once. Gesturing toward Mike he adds, "This is my associate, Mike Ross."

"Nice to meet you, Mike." Thomas offers a charming smile and another shake of hands.

"I must say, Harvey. Jessica Person is a hell of a woman, and if anyone is impressive in this city, it's her." Thomas pushes the elevator button and Harvey is almost certain he sees the man's cheeks blush.

…

The meeting with Kessler runs over by nearly thirty minutes and by the time the two friends exit the building Harvey is borderline hangry. Thomas had gone over the development plans with them in great detail and explained the need for the surrounding businesses and how the land factors into the overall project. This of course, including none other than the Bobby Byrne Theater.

"Lunch?" Harvey asks

Harvey won't admit to Mike if his life depended on it, but he can't quite shake Donna Paulsen from his thoughts. If Mike had truly set their encounter in motion, Harvey needs to know just what his friend is up to.

"Sure. But you're buying. You owe me after what happened last time."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He knows exactly what Mike is talking about.

"Right. Conveniently forgot about leaving me with a $400 bar tab and two drunk handsy cougars?"

"It was the responsible thing to do, Mike. Need I remind you I'm in a relationship."

"I don't know what exactly you and Scottie have, but I wouldn't call it that. And it doesn't seem to stop you from sexting that granny you met online."

Harvey throws a fake jab to Mike's jaw which he blocks before returning a pulled punch to the gut. Mike continues with a full fledged shadow boxing session, including exaggerated sound effects, while Harvey just stands with a bored expression on his face. Eventually he gives in to the pang of hunger in his stomach.

"Fine. I'm buying."

"That's. What. I. Thought." Mike says with four last jab shots to the body.

"Don't push it, Junior."

5 Napkin Burger makes the best burgers in West Village and their draft beer isn't half bad either. Harvey is in the mood for both, and considering it's only a couple blocks from the development site, it's a no brainer.

The two men pull up a stool at the bar and are greeted with an ice cold beer stein within minutes.

They go over the details of their meeting and discuss next steps and upcoming strategy, but the entire time Harvey is fighting the urge to ask what he really wants to know.

"Alright. So, what the fuck were you orchestrating with that whole thing yesterday?"

Mike nearly spits his beer onto the glossy wooden bar top.

"Is that what this is about?" Mike drys his mouth with the black linen napkin. "I should have known."

"Answer the question, Mike. Why did you want me to go there?"

"The truth?" Mike sighs looking at their reflection in the mirror behind the bar. "I'm not sure you can handle the truth!" He drops his voice into his best Jack Nicholson impression. But when Harvey only scowls, he gives in.

"Remember when we met with Jessica and you gave me all that shit for giving you the background on that theater."

"Yea," Harvey grunts more than speaks. He fidgets in his seat, hating the fact that Mike seems to have a secret that he's not going to like.

"Well, I didn't obtain that information by doing what you might call typical research."

"For fucks sake Mike, get to the point." Harvey takes a long pull from his beer.

"I met this girl a few nights ago. I was out in Soho at one of those upscale martini joints, and… we started talking."

"The point, Mike," another growl.

"Her name is Rachel. She works for Donna Paulsen."

Harvey sets his mug on the counter with a bang. He doesn't slam it, exactly, but it's enough to cause Mike to flinch.

"Holy shit." Harvey turns toward his protege. "You're all hot and bothered by some girl you just met at a bar and now you want to fuck over a multi million dollar contract to save her job?"

Mike opens his mouth to seemingly defend himself but then just closes it again. The look on his face signaling there is some truth in the accusation. Before he responds, he takes a long drink from his beer.

"Of course I don't want to fuck up our deal, Harvey. Sometimes I just have a hard time separating the business from the people on the other side of it." Mike takes another drink before adding, "I thought maybe you'd want to see what kind of effects our business can have. Not just the what, but the who."

The bartender gives a small nod as he sets the two enormous burgers in front of them almost as if he senses an impending brawl and wants to distract them. Mike offers him a relieved smile.

"Christ." Harvey runs his hand over his face. "When are you going to grow up?" Harvey is pissed as hell that Mike pulled a stunt like this, but he's even more upset that it may have worked. Ever since meeting Donna Paulsen yesterday, he's been doubting himself and this business.

It's several minutes of quiet eating before Mike finds the courage to continue the conversation.

"So, what was she like?"

Harvey stops mid chew and stares at Mike through their reflections.

"From the way Rachel described her, she sounds incredible." Mike takes a big bite from his dripping burger, seemingly enjoying the look in his partner's eyes. "Gorgeous. Talented. Independent… fierce, I think she said."

Harvey puts his burger down on the plate and reaches for his napkin. Without a word he wipes his mouth with both hands, drains the rest of his beer, and turns on his stool so he's facing Mike directly.

"Let me get this straight. You didn't just send me to this woman's place of business toting my brother's offspring so I could meet your new soulmate, but because you were actually hoping I'd be swept off my feet by some wanna be Broadway actress with great legs and long red hair?"

Mike shrugs with a caught red handed grin on his face. "Sue me. I'm a romantic."

"What you are is an idiot."

They continue their lunch in tense silence. Harvey manages to chew his food through a clenched jaw, while Mike bodes a half grin and a small sense of pride at flustering Harvey the way he had.

"Great legs, eh?" He finally responds. Mike grimaces in pain at the rabbit punch he earns for that remark, but his face quickly returns to the smug expression of a man with a plan.

…...

Harvey would pay serious money to be anywhere but here. He tries to avoid socializing in general. And parties, he stays away from whenever possible. But a charity holiday fundraiser, his skin is literally crawling.

"The last time you looked this grim was when I took you to get your vaccine." Scottie laughs. "You can't tell me you hate parties as much as you hate shots."

Harvey is pretty sure Scottie is enjoying watching him squirm. "I don't hate shots. I just don't think people sticking needles into their body is an example of modern medicine. I prefer to medicate myself with liquids."

The door to the penthouse swings open and Harvey plasters on his best fake smile.

The apartment is buzzing with people adorned in sweater vests, scarves, and obnoxious holiday ties. Harvey actually gags.

"I'm getting a drink," he says to the empty space his girlfriend just vacated. She's already clear across the room shaking hands. Networking, networking, networking. It's her mantra.

And that's when he sees her.

He's heard the phrase 'took my breath away'many times throughout his life but the only time he could actually relate was his senior year of high school when he went up for a high pass in the endzone and was laid out flat by a two hundred pound linebacker. Until now.

Her dress is a dark shade of green, providing a shocking contrast to the red waves of thick hair falling off her shoulders. But it's the deep cut neckline exposing the fair skin of her neck and… beyond, that leaves his mouth completely dry and his palms damp.

"Harvey! Harvey Specter!"

Harvey snaps out of his trance to find his old boss Cameron Dennis shouting his name loud enough for the entire building to hear, and he has to clench his fists to keep from covering the man's mouth with his hand.

"Cameron," he says instead, strategically turning his body so his back is toward Donna. He's not sure if his name reached her ears, but he's not ready to find out just yet. Harvey couldn't give two shits about anything Cameron has to say, but if any face can bring his heart rate back to normal it's his. The conversation is pointless and drags on far longer than Harvey would normally tolerate, but for now, it's a necessary distraction.

"If I don't get a drink soon, I'm going to go full fledged Grinch on this entire party." Harvey says with a nod as he backs away. "It was nice to see you." That is a lie and they both know it, but they smile and part ways.

Harvey turns around to head for the bar, fully expecting to see a seething Donna Paulsen shooting eye darts at him from the corner. But he is part relieved, part disappointed to see she is longer there. His eyes scan the room intently as makes his way to the wet bar feeling more and more desperate for alcohol by the second.

While his physiological reaction to her is a bit unsettling, it's something he understands. It's primal, natural, instinctual. He is a healthy red blooded man, she is a gorgeous, confident woman. That is how it works. What has him on edge is the way she's found a way into his thoughts. Ever since that afternoon at her workshop, she continually pops into his mind. In fact, last night she made her way into his bed. And after the view he just had of her breasts, he's sure she will make a return appearance in his dreams tonight.

"Scotch. Double."

The small man in the black bow tie nods, pours the drink and passes it over to Harvey. With the glass still at his lips but before he can bask in the relief of the amber liquid running down his throat, she steps up to the bar just beside him. He nearly chokes.

She doesn't see him at first, she's two busy smiling and flirting playfully with the bartender, but just as he turns to make a clean getaway, her hand falls on his shoulder.

"Harvey?"

The tone of her voice is curious. Happy, even. She still doesn't know…

He turns back toward her, his eyebrow cocked, his smirk in place. Sex appeal and charm turned up to overdrive. His plan? To take her breath away, so he can keep his own.

"Donna, right?" His voice is thick and gravely. He curses his stupid plan as her hand slides from his shoulder across his chest before dropping at her side. She's stunning.

"Right. Donna Paulsen," she replies, as if waiting for him to fully introduce himself.

Instead, he clears his throat before offering, "Can I buy you a drink?"

She laughs at his joke, both aware the party is an open bar, and as she does her head falls back and exposes her porcelain skin even more than before. Harvey lets his eyes drift downward and immediately regrets it.

"What a gentleman." She bats her laughing eyes and he can't stop the shit eating grin from spreading across his face.

"White wine, please," she turns toward the man behind the bar.

There's a part of him that wants to stay right there, lost in her beautiful hazel eyes for the rest of the night, but the realist in him knows that this, whatever it is, is not going to happen.

"I better get back to my date," he blurts, snatching a glass of champagne from the waiter walking by, "she gets lonely without me." He cringes inwardly at the stupidity of his comment but nods and takes off before Donna even has a chance to respond.

…

Harvey manages to survive the next hour of small talk and fake smiles without too much discomfort. Aided of course by the Scotch, that now has him finding his way to the restroom. While the penthouse apartment is vast, the bathroom is still limited to a single occupant and he finds himself waiting outside the locked door.

"Well, what a nice treat this is, running into you. Christmas came early this year."

The voice coming from behind him is like nails on a chalkboard. He knows exactly who it is without having to turn around, but he does anyway. Better to face him head on.

"Tanner." Harvey's tone drips with boredom. "If this is my Christmas gift, that must make you my lump of coal."

Travis Tanner is Harvey's nemesis. He has been since they first went up against each other at Harvard in a mock trial, in which Tanner withheld evidence to secure a win and was later suspended. The man was a sleazeball of the worst kind.

"Come now, it's such a shame to be so grumpy during the holidays. Try to lighten up a bit, Specter." Travis pats Harvey's cheek with a chuckle. And just as Harvey is about to give him a 'love pat' of his own he hears a familiar voice behind him.

"Specter?"

Harvey closes his eyes tightly as his shoulders drop with a sigh. The gig is up.

"Hot damn, Red!" Travis puts a little extra drawl in his tone and steps around Harvey who has yet to turn and face Donna. "The name's Travis Tanner and it's my absolute pleasure to meet you."

"Hello, Travis Tanner," Donna doesn't hide the irritation from her voice. "How polite of you to give me your full name."

There is no missing that comment is directed at Harvey and he finally turns to face them both, his stomach knotting up.

"I'm Donna Paulsen," she continues with a tight smile. "Would you mind excusing Mr. SPECTER for a moment? There's a little matter I really need to discuss with him."

"Come now, sweetheart. You really want to waste that incredible dress on a grinch like Harvey Specter? That just seems a shame to me."

"I must insist, Travis." Her smile is still perfectly intact, but her eyes are fuming with rage.

"Well then," Travis takes Donna's hand and places a softer than friendly kiss on the back of it, "until we meet again."

Harvey balls both fists at his side and clenches his jaw tight enough to crush his molars. The urge to throw Tanner through the wall, threatening to consume him. He has absolutely no right to be jealous, yet...

"Specter?" she whisper-shouts the moment they are alone. "You are Harvey Specter?"

He knew she might be aware of the name. That she'd probably read through paperwork on the firm letterhead, or done some research on who was handling the offers to buy her building, but this felt far more personal. Like just uttering his name caused her physical discomfort. And for some reason unbeknownst to him, it had him straightening his spine.

"And you're Donna Paulsen. Haven't we already done this?" His tone is nasty and he hates the way she flinches when the words leave his mouth.

"No, actually. We have NOT."

Donna's eyes dart quickly around them as her voice ticks up a notch. She moves toward him, and lowers her voice, but it's no less pronounced. She's close enough now that he can smell her shampoo and his knees suddenly feel weak.

"You conveniently failed to mention that your last name was Specter!" She's angry alright, and the disgust in her eyes as she bores into him only flames his own irritation. "Did you just borrow those children from someone to come into my theater and spy on me?

"Spy on you?" Harvey's chuckle is dry and humorless. "Why on Earth would I waste my time doing that?"

"Because it's the way you operate when your back is against the wall." Donna stands up straighter. Seemingly ready to go toe to toe. "You need my building for your… your mega-plex, and you know I am not selling! So you sneak around and dig in dark places until you find something you can use to your advantage."

Again, she knocks him off balance. What does she know about how he operates? Rather than ask, he fights fire with fire. "Backs against the wall?" he snorts. "You think Pearson Specter, and one of the richest and most powerful developers in the state of New York, are afraid of Billy Bob Theater?"He looks over his shoulder and leans in, lowering his voice a notch. "I simply didn't find it necessary to point out that I am the one behind the project that's going to put you out of business, Ms. Paulsen. I was trying to be polite."

"You? Put me? Polite?"

The more she struggles to find her words, the worse he feels. He pushes back the bile rising in his throat with a thick swallow. He 's fairly certain a woman like her is rarely at a loss for words. But instead of easing up, he takes it to another level.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I really need to take a leak and get back to the people at this party who matter."

As he walks past her, he sees the moisture building in her eyes and the taste of bile returns in his throat.

…..

Harvey is midway through his third Scotch and only half listening to Scottie ramble on about the million reasons this stiff in front of them should drop his current firm and hire hers. She's the only person he knows that works more than he does. It's not until the guy finally agrees to an appointment that she frees the poor man from her clutches.

He's been distracted ever since his interchange with Donna Paulsen. He's not sure what got into him. Lipschitz would probably give him some bullshit about her holding up a mirror and him not liking what he saw. Harvey keeps telling himself he was justified in getting nasty. She has no right to judge him and claim she knows who or what he is. She'd never even met him until a few days ago.

"Harvey!"

The firm smack on his shoulder brings him back to the present.

"What?" he barks at Scottie.

"Where have you been all night? We are supposed to be networking here and you've just been sulking like a toddler since we got here."

"What do you want me to say, Scottie? You know I'm not a party-person." He takes a sip of his drink and avoids eye contact.

As usual he feels like his words are lost on her. She seems to have a real habit of asking questions she doesn't really want the answer to. Instead of responding, Scottie just hooks her arm around his and drags him toward the piano.

"Come on. There's someone here you have to meet!"

Harvey moans. There is nothing he wants less right now than making small talk with some client, or potential client.

"Stu!" Scottie calls to a dark haired man leaning against the piano. "I thought that was you!"

"Dana?" He stands up straight and strides toward her. "Holy shit! How have you been?" He wraps both arms around her waist and spins her in a circle.

Harvey finds the man immediately irritating. Not because he has his arms around his girlfriend, or the fact that he called her Dana, but because… we'll just because.

"I'm great! Incredible, actually." Scottie turns back toward Harvey and pulls him closer. "This is my boyfriend, Harvey. Harvey, this is Stu. Stu Buzzini. We went to high school together."

"What's up, Dude?" Stu's smile is exaggerated, and rather than a handshake, he offers a fist bump, which Harvey glances at and ignores.

"It's Harvey. Not, Dude. No one actually uses that word anymore."

"Whatever you say, Chief." Stu gives Harvey a smack on the same shoulder Scottie had, and then points at him with a "click, click" of his tongue.

"In high school all the girls swooned over him as Danny Zuko in Greece." Scottie beams. "And now Stu is an incredibly successful playwright."

"You were a pretty sexy Rizzo from what I recall." Stu winks. "And now you're kicking ass and taking names. Haven't changed a bit."

Just when Harvey doesn't think he can get any more nauseous, Stu shoots a shit eating grin over his left shoulder.

"Donna! Donna!" He calls with an excited wave.

Harvey closes his eyes. You have to be fucking kidding. He braces himself for the next round of the shit show that is his life.

"Donna," Stu slides his arm around the slim curve of Donna's waist as she makes her way around to face them, "this is Dana Scott and her boyfriend Harvey."

"Hello, Dana. It's nice to meet you, Donna Paulsen." She extends her hand to shake Scottie's before dropping it to her side when she turns toward Harvey.

"Mr. Specter and I have met."

The look in her eyes is difficult to read. When he met her at the theater her eyes were bright, full of light and energy. When he'd run into her at the bar earlier tonight, curiosity. When she discovered his true identity, disgust. But now they just seem distant. Cold. He feels an ache of regret in his core.

"Wait." Stu stands taller and looks from Donna to Harvey and back again. "Harvey, as in Harvey Specter? As in Pearson Specter?"

The sorrow in Harvey's gut morphs into something else as he clenches his jaw and fists alike. It's an old habit he's never quite outgrown. And just before he says something childish like, You want to make something of it? Scottie speaks up.

"You've heard of him?" Her voice is cheery. "Look at that Harvey, you're as famous as you always claim!"

Scottie is clearly oblivious to both Stu's tone and Donna's body language. Maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe it's just who she is.

"More like infamous." Stu pulls Donna a little closer as he gives Harvey a once over. It's a protective gesture and it makes Harvey feel like some kind of predator. "I knew you were cut throat these days, Dana," Stu continues with his gaze slowly shifting back to his high school friend, "but I always thought of you as a better judge of character."

Harvey's ears begin to hum. The rage filling his blood stream starts to heat to a boil. Taking a small step to his right he puts himself in front of Scottie.

"Watch yourself, Zuko." Harvey has a good three inches on the guy and he lifts his chin slightly which exaggerates the height difference even more. "You want to throw around insults, keep them directed at me."

"Well that should be easy. There's so many that come to mind."

As the two seemingly prepare to pull their dicks out for measurements, the women intervene. Donna, pulling on Stu's arm and Scottie stepping between them.

"Harvey!" Scottie puts her hands on his chest and walks him back a few steps. "What the hell?"

"Me?" Harvey scoffs. "What about your high school sweetheart?" Harvey's voice cracks as he raises his hand in Stu's direction. "He's questioning my character when he doesn't even know me."

"Oh, we know you Mr. Specter." Donna says with her arms wrapped around Stu's bicep.

The way she says Mr. Specter really makes his skin crawl. But what bothers him more than her obvious distaste is the way it makes him feel.

"Ms. Paulsen," he keeps up the formality. "I'm sure that we can all be grownups here and have a little perspective. Business is business. It's not personal." His eyes roam to Stu and then lock on hers. "And I can assure you that contrary to what you may think, you don't know me at all."

"You're the one who is mistaken. I know exactly who you are." Her eyes begin to fill and for the first time Harvey starts to think there might be something here he's missing. "Why don't you go back and dig through some of your old cases. See if the name Paulsen rings any bells."

Harvey just stands there staring back at her. His brow furrows as his mind races for any memory of the case she's referring to. He's one hundred percent sure he would never have forgotten her.

"I can assure you that in this particular case," she adds, " it was quite personal to me."

When Donna turns to walk away, he almost reaches out for her arm. Something inside him urging him to stop her. To defend himself or to dispute her claim.

Instead, he remains frozen in place.

…

Harvey lays staring at the ceiling with Scottie snoring softly beside him. He's envious of both her endless amounts of energy and her ability to conk out the minute her head hits the pillow. The two of them had gone round and round on the way home about what had transpired at the party. Scottie had quickly come to the conclusion that Harvey probably had done something that negatively affected this Donna person, but that it was his job to worry about representing his clients and not whatever collateral damage there might be on the other side.

Even though he had the same exact thought on many occasions, listening to Scottie say it tonight rubbed him the wrong way.

Harvey pushes himself up and out of bed and heads to the desk where his computer hums quietly in sleep mode. He's been thinking about writing to Theatergirl ever since leaving the party. She seems to be the one person in his life lately that really listens. Well, Lipschitz listens too but he gets paid to, so that doesn't really count. Theatergirl never seems to judge him or make him feel bad about himself, so why the hesitation to write to her tonight?

He knows why, of course, as he stares at the black screen with 'NYC_Closer' bouncing from edge to edge. Because tonight even he is judging himself for his behavior and he doesn't feel worthy of her guidance or her understanding.

Yet, he taps repeatedly on the space bar until the screen glows blue and then clicks on the bubble next to her name. He just can't stop himself. He needs her.

…

It's late. I should be sleeping. Yet, here I am.

One the most brutal parts of Survivor is when you get to the finale and there are only a couple of players left, they have a panel of all the other survivors that were voted out who get to judge you. They alone decide your fate. They call them, "The Jury". It's quite the fitting metaphor for the way life works. These people who you fought so hard to beat. People you befriended and then lied to, backstabbed, betrayed are now going to take turns, one by one, and stand in front of you. They will hold a mirror up and show you, remind you, exactly who you are and what it took for you to be where you are now. It's always been my favorite part.

Today, when I looked into that proverbial mirror, I didn't like what I saw. And if you don't like the things you've done to get where you are, doesn't that mean you don't like who you've become? The people in my life who used to be kindred spirits, now seem on a completely different path. Advice I used to give out regularly, now sounds shallow and misguided.

Do you believe people can actually change?

~ NYC_901