Chapter 8: Lose My Cool

She banged her fist against the heavy door as the stone walls closed in around her. She screamed but no sound came out. She was suffocating. She was going to die.

Gemma jolted awake, finding herself in bed, wrapped in soft, clean sheets. She breathed a sigh of relief. It had only been a dream.

She stretched and felt a sharp pain in her side. She frowned and slowly opened her eyes. She wasn't lying in her bed in her dorm. She was in the hospital wing.

The evening before came back to her in a blur. The attack. The pain. The fear.

She sighed, trying to remember her escape. She had been found by Sirius. Maybe others too. But how? Perhaps the door hadn't been closed. She vaguely remembered walking out of the room, but she couldn't recall walking to the hospital wing.

"Gemma?" Her mum's voice floated through the air and Gemma turned to see her parents approaching with Dumbledore just behind them. "Oh, Gemma, thank Merlin you're awake. How are you feeling, darling?"

Gemma lifted herself slightly to sit up. She flinched again at the pain in her side. "I'm ok, mum. My side is sore, but I think I'm ok."

"You had a nasty open wound, but Madam Pomfrey did wonders healing it so quickly." Cynthia Arwin brushed a lock of hair back from Gemma's face, her eyes watering slightly. "You'll be sore for a day or two. But your other bruises and cuts are all healed."

Gemma's dad came to stand beside her mum and placed a comforting arm around her shoulder. He gave Gemma a small nod of approval. "You did well, Gemma." She felt an instant moment of pride at her father's words.

"Miss Arwin." Professor Dumbledore stepped forward. "Please know that Hogwarts takes this kind of attack very seriously. I will personally ensure the individuals involved are fairly punished. But I need you to share the full details of what happened, please."

Gemma looked at both her parents, then back to Dumbledore. She nodded, before explaining everything that had happened. She ignored the look of shock and worry on her mum's face as she retold the story, but embraced the look of pride on her dad's face when she spoke of getting her wand back and her final attempts at taking the three of them down.

"Thank you, Miss Arwin." Dumbledore said as she finished her story.

"I expect you to make that Mulciber boy pay, Albus." George turned to Dumbledore, a stern expression on his face. "His father has been evading the Ministry for months and we know for certain he has ties to Voldemort. No doubt his son is involved too."

"I can assure you, George, Mr Mulciber will be fairly punished. As will Mr Avery and Mr Lestrange."

Her dad nodded, seeming somewhat assured. Her mum, however, looked less certain. "Albus, is Hogwarts still safe for Gemma?" She turned to her husband. "Maybe we should consider home-schooling her until she's ready for Auror training."

"No!" Gemma shouted, leaning forward and hurting herself in the process. She pushed the ache aside. "Hogwarts is safe, mum. And except for Mulciber, no one else is out to get me. And he'll be gone after this year anyway. Please, mum. I need Hogwarts."

"Gemma is right, Cyn." Her dad stepped forward and took her mum's hand. "Hogwarts is still the safest place for her. And the best place for her to continue learning and getting ready for training. With Rufus changing the programme, Gemma needs to be prepared."

"I assure you, Cynthia, that Hogwarts remains a safe place." Dumbledore added. "It is also clear that Gemma has good friends here; friends who are loyal and have her back." He gave Gemma a small smile. It was good having her dad and Dumbledore on side against her mum. Her mum rarely backed down when the subject was Gemma.

"I suppose that is true." Her mum sighed and turned to her. "Just be careful, darling. Maybe don't go wandering off alone anywhere."

Gemma wasn't going to agree to that, as she refused to have a babysitter for the next six months, but she would certainly agree to be careful. She nodded her agreement and gave her mum a smile.

"George, Cynthia, let's retire to my office and give Gemma a chance to rest." Dumbledore indicated towards the door. "And I have some interesting discoveries I would like to run past you both."

Her parents agreed and said goodbye, just as Madam Pomfrey entered and checked on Gemma's injuries. As her mum had said, everything was healing well and Gemma was given a small potion to help ease the ache in her side. She agreed to rest, so laid back in bed and closed her eyes.

Gemma woke to the sound of voices. Many voices.

Madam Pomfrey's was the loudest though. "Fine." She sounded frustrated. "But none of you are to tire her out and none of you are to get in my way." A slight pause. "Yes, I'm looking at you, Mr Black. You all have ten minutes."

Gemma opened her eyes to the sight of three – no seven – Gryffindors entering the room. Mary, Alice and Lily charged ahead, closely followed by Sirius, Remus, James and Peter. Gemma took a deep breath. She was about to be bombarded.

"Gemma!"

"Are you ok?"

"What happened?"

"Mulciber has been expelled!"

"Why didn't you take someone with you?"

"Sirius said you were bleeding!"

"What actually happened?"

"Ladies!" Madam Pomfrey's voice echoed around the room as she stared at Gemma's three friends who had all been talking over each other. No doubt that was precisely what Pomfrey didn't want.

They all mumbled an apology, then turned back to Gemma. Alice spoke first. "Are you ok?"

Gemma smiled at her friends. "I am. It's good to see you all." She looked around and smiled at all the guys too. She hadn't been expecting so many visitors.

"It's good to see you looking better and more with us, Gemma." James said, laughing. "You were a mess."

Remus elbowed his side as the others all scowled at him, but Gemma laughed. "Thanks. I don't remember much of what happened after I got out of that classroom, but I think I remember you being there. All three of you." She looked at Sirius and Remus too. "Thank you, guys, for helping me."

"What actually happened, Gemma?" Lily perched on the edge of Gemma's bed. "We've heard bits and pieces, but not the full story. And we know that Mulciber has been expelled. Did you know that?"

Gemma thought she had heard Mary say that when they had all barrelled in, but there had been a lot of noise. "I didn't know that, but I suppose I'm not surprised. Dumbledore was here earlier with my parents; I didn't think my dad would be happy with Mulciber just getting a few detentions."

"Unlike Avery and Lestrange." Sirius folded his arms, his face angry. "They only got a few detentions."

"You say 'only a few' but they've practically got detention until the end of the school year and they've lost all privileges." Alice clarified. "If they're not in class they'll be with Slughorn and they can't go to Hogsmeade or the final Quidditch games."

Sirius mumbled something that sounded like 'not enough' but Gemma wasn't sure.

"Can we get back to the main question please?" Mary stared at Gemma. "What happened?"

Everyone looked at her expectantly, so she took a deep breath and retold the story. Only this time, they didn't wait until the end to ask questions.

"So did Mulciber give the note straight to that Gryffindor first year?" Remus asked.

"And how did Mulciber know about what essay you were working on?" Peter added. Gemma admitted she was unsure about the note, but explained Mulciber had asked Snape about the essay.

"Bastard." Sirius and James spoke at the exact same time.

"So once you knew Mulciber was involved, what happened?" Alice asked, clearly wanting to get back to the story.

Gemma told them about their conversation outside Slughorn's office, and how Avery had grabbed her from behind and taken her through the passageway to the disused classroom.

"Merlin's Beard, were you terrified?" Mary asked. "I would have been terrified. Did you try and fight him off?"

Gemma nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable about discussing this with such a large group. But they were her friends, and she wanted to be honest. "I was scared, yes. I tried to get Avery off me, but he's so much bigger than I am, I just couldn't shake him. I decided to go with them until I could work out an escape plan."

"What happened next?" Lily asked. "And where was Lestrange?"

Gemma told them the next part of the story – skipping over the parts involving Lestrange touching her inappropriately – and the girls all gasped as she talked them through the attack. "I tried to shut them out as much as possible and focus on my wand. And then… it worked. My wand was in my hand."

"Wait, you actually performed wandless magic?" James looked surprised. As did the others.

Gemma laughed. "Yes. And I'm just as shocked as all of you. But it was how I got away. Once I had my wand, I blasted Mulciber across the room, stunned Lestrange and tried to stun Avery, but he avoided it. In the end they stopped fighting me and just left me in the room instead."

"Gemma, that is impressive." Alice said. "I've never succeeded with wandless spells before."

"Well, neither had I. And I'm not sure I would again. I think the incentive of not-dying helped."

Alice started asking questions about how she had managed to perform the spell, while Lily and Mary wanted to know more about the attack itself and how she had felt at the time. The guys were just listening in.

Gemma answered as many questions as she could, but she began to grow tired. Fortunately Madam Pomfrey sensed her need for quiet, and came over to usher everyone away. With hugs from the girls and awkward smiles and nods from the guys, Gemma said goodbye.

Sirius looked over his shoulder as Gemma turned away from the group and closed her eyes. She was looking better – as James, the idiot, had so eloquently told her when they had first arrived – but she was clearly still recovering.

Sirius clenched his fists. He wanted to hit something. Someone. Preferably Mulciber, Avery and Lestrange. Mulciber may have been expelled, but the other two were still around and Sirius was seriously tempted to give them a visit. Especially Avery after hearing about how he had grabbed her and forced her into the passageway.

He could hear the girls talking as they left to return to the common room, but Sirius had other plans. He turned to his friends. "We need to find that idiot first year who gave Gemma the note."

Remus gave Sirius a suspicious look. "Why?"

"Because I want to know whether he helped set Gemma up on purpose or whether he was just stupid enough to take something from Mulciber without asking questions." Sirius could hear the anger in his voice, but he didn't care. He had hated seeing Gemma hurt. She was his friend and he had an overwhelming urge to protect her. To keep her safe. Even if she could clearly look after herself.

"I don't know his name, but I'd recognised him." Peter said. "I'll point him out to you."

"No, point him out to me and I'll talk to him." Remus stared at Sirius, clearly communicating that Sirius needed to stand down. "He won't admit anything if you're there ready to attack him."

Sirius didn't like it, but he knew Remus was right. "Fine; you talk to the kid. I'll talk to Snape." He was also involved, having helped Mulciber trick Gemma with the reference to the essay, and he had apparently kept Slughorn distracted during the attack. "Although I can't promise there will be much talking involved."

"How about we go for a walk instead?" James asked. "I think you need to calm down."

"I am calm."

"No, you're seething. And we're all just as pissed that this happened to Gemma – she's one of ours – but going around attacking Snape and potentially innocent, albeit idiotic, first years won't help."

"I'd have thought you'd want an excuse to go after Snape." When James didn't respond, Sirius sighed. "Fine. We'll go for a walk. But I'm going to have a word with Snape at some point." He turned to Remus. "And you are going to tell me if that little shit did set Gemma up."

"I promise." Remus agreed. "If he was involved, he'll have all four of us to deal with."

Sirius nodded is approval, then turned and walked away. James followed. He would know where Sirius was heading.

As they climbed the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, Sirius started to calm. He reached the top, headed to the railing, and looked out over the late morning sky. The sun was bright, but the air was chilled and frosty. He liked that combination.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" James joined Sirius at the railing.

Sirius frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You're acting a little crazy. Last night you wouldn't leave the hospital wing, even when McGonagall and Dumbledore ordered you to. You've been quiet all morning, pacing back and forth like a caged lion, and now you're set to go after anyone remotely involved even though Mulciber is clearly the person to blame and has been punished. I'm surprised you're not attacking Peter and Ivan for letting her go off alone."

Sirius huffed. "Believe me, the thought did cross my mind." Both of them were idiots for not questioning the note. For not offering to go with her. For not telling him so he could go with her.

"You're acting like Gemma's more than a friend, Sirius."

Sirius looked up at James, surprised by the comment. What did James mean by that? Gemma wasn't more than a friend. She was just… a friend. A good friend. He liked her. Cared about her. Like he did James and Remus and Peter. "Don't be ridiculous. I'd act the exact same way if it was one of you who had been attacked."

James smiled, looking slightly smug. "And that, is my exact point."

Sirius was confused. "What do you mean?"

James placed his hand on Sirius's shoulder and squeezed. "I say this with love, brother, but you don't care about people easily. There needs to be trust there – true, genuine trust. You've spent most of your life being let down by people who should have had your back, and I know it's far easier for you to just shut those doors than it is to let someone in and actually care for them. Especially if they may not care for you back. But Gemma's found a way in, hasn't she?"

Sirius stared at the open sky in front of him. James saw too much. And he was right. Sirius didn't care about other people easily. He liked people – if they weren't too annoying – but he wouldn't go out of his way for them. He wouldn't worry about them. And he certainly wouldn't do everything he could just to make them happy.

A year ago, the only people Sirius would have truly fought for were James, Remus and Peter. Yet at some point in the last few months, Gemma had joined that list. He tried to understand it. She had always been around. Always been a friend. He'd liked her and respected her, but he'd never have put her before himself. Never truly gone out of his way for her.

He frowned. Something had changed. Maybe it was all the time they were spending together in class. He enjoyed being around her and making her laugh. He found her funny when she made silly jokes or commented on other students or the teachers. He liked her determination to be the best and that she had a clear path laid out. Despite it being the exact opposite of what he had planned, he respected her ambition.

"Sirius?"

Pulled from his thoughts, Sirius looked over at his friend and nodded. "She has. But she's still just a friend."

James didn't need to know that Sirius did – on occasion – think about Gemma in a slightly less 'friend' way. That was a complication Sirius was still trying to untangle himself. Because he didn't want to date Gemma. He didn't want to date anyone. But he'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that the thought of kissing her was damn tempting.

"I understand." James turned to look out at the sky and Sirius did the same. "I think Remus feels that way about Lily. At least, that better be all it is. But he mentioned to me about maybe telling her his secret. Which says a lot."

Sirius was slightly surprised, given how terrified he knew Remus was about his secret being revealed. But he knew that Remus and Lily got on well, especially after their class pairing. "It does. And it is his secret to reveal, so if he trusts her enough, we should support him."

"We will."

"I've thought about telling Gemma a few things too."

"Like what?" James looked concerned.

"Don't worry, not about Remus. As I say, that's his secret to tell." Sirius shrugged. "The map, the cloak… Padfoot."

"Well the cloak is my secret, thank you very much." James grinned at him before going serious again. "The map and Padfoot can both be linked to Remus."

Sirius nodded. He knew with Padfoot that the reveal of that secret would lead to the reveal of the others being Animagi too and eventually to Remus's secret. But the map...

"I know the map has our names on it, but I wouldn't show her that. She would just know it existed."

James frowned. "Sounds like you've already made up your mind and you're trying to justify it."

"Maybe I am." And Sirius suddenly realised how serious he was. He wanted to show Gemma the map. He wanted to share something with her that was private and secret and special to him. He wanted to share Padfoot with her – properly – but he knew he couldn't. So he would show her the map.

James sighed. "If you know you can trust her, and you know it won't lead to Remus's secret being revealed, then I won't shout at you for showing her. But you need to run it past the others. This map is all of ours and it affects us all if someone else knows about it."

Sirius nodded. "I will. And thanks." A thought occurred to him and he chuckled. "Given we used the map to find Gemma in a secret classroom, I wouldn't be surprised if we're forced to show her anyway. When she remembers that confusing part of the whole thing, she won't let it go."

James laughed. "True. And I'm not sure 'we happened to be walking past' is going to cut it." Sirius laughed too.

They spoke for a few more minutes, then decided to head back to the common room. As they walked past the hospital wing on their way, Sirius caught movement and glanced in, surprised to see another visitor at Gemma's bed. Ivan.

Sirius slowed his pace, then stopped. Ivan put his hand on Gemma's face and leaned in. Then he kissed her.

An odd sensation twisted in Sirius's stomach. For some reason it bothered him that Gemma was kissing Ivan. Which was stupid; while he had entertained thoughts of kissing her, it wasn't that he wanted to be with her. She could kiss anyone she wanted. Just as he could.

But a sudden dislike for Ivan bubbled to the surface. Sirius frowned. He had no real issue with Ivan; he was a nice guy. Maybe too nice. He was always perfectly turned out, he came from a good, loving home, he worked hard to get good grades, and he had his future all planned out. Sirius scoffed. Maybe that was why he didn't like him. Ivan was the exact opposite of him.

"Sirius. You coming?" James had turned and was staring at him. Sirius forced himself to look away, brushing all thoughts of Gemma and Ivan aside. Maybe he just needed some action himself. It had been a while.

Gemma could hardly believe it. She was being kissed. For the very first time.

When her friends had left, she had intended to get some sleep. But a few moments later Ivan had appeared, hesitantly asking if she minded the intrusion. He had asked so nicely that Gemma could hardly have said no. Plus she always enjoyed his company.

He had taken a seat next to her bed and she had answered all the same questions as before – how she was feeling, what had actually happened, did she know Mulciber had been expelled. Then Ivan had taken her hand and told her he had been worried about her and he was so relieved that she was ok. He'd told her that she was beautiful and then he had asked to kiss her.

Gemma's insides had melted slightly at his sweet words and she had decided to take the plunge. Ivan was a good guy; he was sincere and she trusted him and his intentions. She could do a lot worse for her first kiss.

Ivan's thumb gently ran over her cheek as he continued to kiss her. It was soft and sweet. It was… nice. Gemma frowned. Was kissing supposed to be just nice?

From what Alice had said, it was supposed to be intense and passionate and left you feeling breathless. Gemma definitely wasn't breathless. Although, Mary had also commented that kisses could be wet and sloppy – which this wasn't - so Gemma decided to be happy with 'nice'.

Ivan pulled back and smiled down at her. "I've been waiting a long time to do that. Every time I see you I want to kiss you."

Gemma smiled in response. She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to lie and pretend she too had been waiting a long time. She liked Ivan; she had been enjoying getting to know him and had certainly entertained the idea of kissing him; but she hadn't been thinking about it every time she saw him. "Urm. Thanks."

Ivan laughed. "You're welcome." He studied her face for a moment. "You look tired. Maybe I should leave you to rest."

Gemma nodded. "I am tired. Thank you for coming to visit me though. And for the kiss." She felt herself blush. "It was… lovely."

"It was lovely. And you're lovely." He smiled and leaned forward, kissing her quickly on the lips. "Am I ok to come back later?"

"Yes, of course. I'm hoping to be discharged today as well."

"I'll make sure I'm here to walk you back to the common room then. Got to keep you safe. No more wandering about on your own." He grinned but Gemma got the sense he was being serious. Merlin, she didn't need someone else telling her she needed a babysitter.

"That will be nice. Maybe grab Alice too; I know she wanted to come and see me later as well."

"Sure." Ivan stood up and left the hospital wing, turning to give her a small wave on his way out.

Gemma leaned back in bed and closed her eyes. She had been kissed. Finally. And while it may not have left her breathless, it had still been good. Maybe with more practice it would get better.

Gemma had changed into her mended and cleaned jumper and jeans, and was ready to head back to the common room. Ivan hadn't returned, so Gemma decided to just make her own way and to see him there.

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey, for everything."

"Of course, dear." She gave Gemma's arm a quick squeeze. "I'm just glad you don't have any lasting damage. Now you continue to rest, please. And be careful out there."

Gemma smiled and nodded. "I will."

She left the hospital wing and walked slowly back to the common room. Her side still ached, but Gemma had a small vial of potion to take before bed to help it heal further overnight.

"Gemma!" She turned to the sight of Ivan running up behind her. "Madam Pomfrey said you had just left. I thought we agreed you wouldn't be walking around alone."

Gemma laughed. She had agreed to no such thing. "I'm not sure we agreed that. And as you can see, I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own." Ivan frowned, so Gemma continued before he could argue his point. "However, I do like the idea of company. Will you walk me back to the common room please?"

Ivan smiled and placed his hand on her cheek. "When you ask so nicely, how can I refuse?" He turned and took her hand in his. "Come on."

Gemma smiled at the gesture, liking the feel of her hand in another's. She didn't question too hard whether it was Ivan in particular she liked holding her hand, or whether it was just the feeling of having her smaller hand wrapped up in a larger hand. There was simply something comforting about it.

They walked back, twisting through the corridors until they arrived at the common room. Ivan led the way, letting go of her hand to guide her through the common room door.

"Gemma! You're back!" Alice moved quickly towards her and pulled her into a hug. "We were just about to head back over."

Lily and Mary joined them, as did others who had gathered around to ask how she was. Gemma gave them quick answers, not wanting to go into details.

Eventually Mary grabbed Gemma's hand. "Come on girls. Let's head upstairs and catch up properly." Gemma gave Ivan a small wave goodbye, then followed Mary up the stairs with Alice and Lily following.

"So did Ivan visit you again?" Lily asked as they all settled down on their beds. "I thought I'd heard him say he had stopped by earlier."

Gemma nodded and tried to fight the blush already blooming. "He visited me earlier, then again as I was leaving. So he walked me back."

"Why are you blushing?" Alice asked, her eyes narrowed.

Gemma blushed harder and bit her lip. "He may have kissed me earlier."

The girls all screamed in excitement, in particular Mary who looked set to launch herself at Gemma. Luckily she didn't; Gemma wasn't sure her side could take it. "This is so exciting!" Mary screamed, and Gemma laughed. "Tell us absolutely everything, Gemma. Leave no details out!"

"Maybe leave some details out." Alice laughed. "If he kisses like Frank, we'll all be blushing."

"Or like Sirius!" Mary added. Gemma jolted; had Mary kissed Sirius? Lily and Alice's faces were equally shocked, before Mary clarified. "He hasn't kissed me! But I saw him kissing that Katie Travell girl earlier. They were both going for it. I thought they were going to undress right there in the corridor."

Mary and Alice laughed, and Lily shook her head. Gemma felt uncomfortable, a strange knot forming in her chest. She frowned. Why did she care what Sirius did? He could do whatever he wanted.

"I recognise the name but I can't place her." Alice said.

Gemma wondered if she felt uncomfortable because she had come to know him differently. A few months ago this news wouldn't have surprised her. She'd heard all the rumours; knew what he was like. Except she'd started to wonder if he was like that at all. If maybe he didn't kiss girls frantically in the corridor and rip their clothes off like the gossip said.

"She's that Ravenclaw in fifth year; pretty, brown hair, petite. Known for literally grabbing a guy by his dick and playing hard." Gemma realised who Mary was talking about. She had heard the rumours. Katie Travell was beautiful and confident and Gemma could see how she was exactly the type of girl Sirius would like. "Kelly Roe says Katie lost her virginity when she was fourteen with some local muggle and will sleep with anyone. Maybe Sirius got lucky."

Alice and Mary laughed but Lily sighed. "We shouldn't gossip."

Gemma wondered if she was feeling off because she was still reeling from the last twenty four hours. She hadn't fully processed that Mulciber had been expelled, and that Avery and Lestrange were still around. She'd been kissed for the very first time and she had no idea how she really felt about it.

Lily looked over at her. "Besides, we're not here to talk about Sirius; we're here to talk about Gemma and Ivan. So tell us, what happened?"

Gemma hesitated. The kiss had been good, but based on that recent conversation, she didn't think anyone else would be blushing; her and Ivan certainly hadn't been close to ripping each others clothes off. She didn't really have many details to share.

"Well, it was really nice… He told me I was pretty, then asked me if he could kiss me and so I said yes, and then he… kissed me." Gemma shrugged. "You all know it was my first kiss, so I don't really know if it was good or bad. But it was… nice."

Mary frowned but Alice spoke first. "I'm glad it was good, Gemma. Your first kiss should be nice." Mary scoffed slightly, but Alice just continued. "And Ivan is a really good guy. He'll treat you right."

Lily sat forward. "How do you feel about him? I know you weren't sure if there was anything there beyond friendship, but obviously things have progressed."

"Yeah, are you two dating now?" Alice added.

Gemma shook her head. "No, we're not dating. At least, I hope not. I like Ivan; it's been nice getting to know him, but I'm not looking for anything serious. The kiss was good, so I think I'd be happy to do that again."

"Merlin, Gemma, you've said 'nice' about three times. I may be rubbish at picking guys but I know a girl needs better than 'nice'."

"Mary." Both Alice and Lily called out their friend, but Gemma didn't mind Mary's honesty. In truth, she agreed.

"It's ok. I agree. I don't want to settle for 'nice'. But it's early days; I'm hoping if we kiss again it will be that little bit better. That little bit more… intense."

"You need to read one of my novels, Gemma." Mary jumped up and headed over to her bed, then rummaged around until she found the one she was searching for. "Here. Read this. I promise you it will give you all sorts of wild and wicked ideas and you'll know exactly what you want from a man."

Alice read the title and laughed, while Lily just frowned. Gemma looked down.

Bound By The Baron.

Merlin's Beard. Gemma wasn't sure she wanted to read that, but she smiled and accepted the book anyway, then tucked it under her pillow.