Chapter 2:
The door to Professor Xavier's office was standing open when she arrived. The older man sat at his desk reviewing stacks of paper, a thin line of concern and concentration etched on his forehead. Seeing that expression on a man who was so practiced in the art of hiding his consternation did nothing to settle the mounting apprehension Rogue currently felt.
"Good morning, Rogue!" Xavier's expression instantly changed once he became aware of his student's presents. "Please, come in and have a seat." Rogue moved slowly through the room to sit on the couch nearest the fireplace as she always did. Feeling the warmth of the fire did little to calm her ever growing anxieties but the warmth felt nice nonetheless. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," Rogue responded quickly.
"You seem tired today, did the psyches keep you up?" Rogue sighed and counted to ten in order to remain calm. If there was one thing she despised, it was people assuming she was weak. Deep down, it was only logical for her to grasp that the Professor was concerned and wanting to help but that didn't make anything easier when it came to the situation. "I would like to continue with our regular screenings of your mind if you would be so willing." Rogue closed her eyes and devoured what was left of her coffee.
"Now Professor? I need to go to class soon."
"I'm sure we can make an exception. This is rather important."
"Prof, I can't miss class. The last thing Kelley needs is another reason to hold me back. I'm lucky not to be suspended after what happened last year."
A sudden knock sounded on the other side of the door. "Rogue, no one is going to kick you out of school. You are immensely close to graduation and I will ensure you get to walk with Kitty and Kurt this year." Xavier paused waiting for Rogue's reaction, when none came, he continued. "We're going to have a few assistants during this session." Jean and Logan walked into the room taking a seat on either side of Rogue on the couch. "I need you to remain entirely still, today Rogue I want you to open your mind like you never have before. This is going to go beyond your past memories."
"Wha-why?" Rogue questioned, her fingers knotting in her lap. Every session with Professor Xavier made her nervous. Having an audience of Jean and Logan didn't help either. It wasn't uncommon for Logan to sit in on these sessions, someone needed to monitor the Professor and Rogue. But it was no secret that Rogue being forced into a sedentary state with her mind opened to not just one, but two telepaths was not something she looked forward to.
"We have already discussed the theory that your powers are not necessarily in your skin but perhaps controlled within your mind, perhaps fear is the ultimate source, maybe anger, there are several theories Hank and I have conducted that may be the cause of your ability.
"When they manifested you were in a situation that you had never been in before and the events following created a fear landscape in which your powers currently reside. However, I want to look into who you want to be. What you have thought about and where you want to go in your life. This can be something as miniscule as shaking someone's hand or something far greater. I will allow you to lead the way."
"Why are Jean and Logan here then?"
"I've asked them to come for support. Should you become weakened or something goes wrong, Jean has been instructed to wake me from your mind. Logan is here to heal you should these thoughts, dreams, or memories over take you to a point of immense exhaustion." Rogue processed all of this. She had heard Hank and the Professor speaking in depth about mutant abilities taking control in another part of a mind but she had yet to fathom that her specific power could be anything but a massive inconvenience residing within the depths of her skin.
"You don't have to do this, Rogue." Xavier continued. "I don't wish to push you in any direction, however, I believe this could be of great worth to your abilities. You've been forced to overcome grief, exploitation, and the psyches that continue to reside in your mind. I cannot guarantee that this will work but I believe it could assist in developing complete control."
Rogue sat in silence for a moment taking this in, she couldn't begin to fathom what could be explored in her mind. There was always mass confusion between her thoughts and if it was a psych taking over in her mind. Regardless of whether or not this could help her control the power of absorption she decided this could be a way of uncovering whether the dreams and nightmares that haunted her at night were truly hers or belonged to someone else.
"Okay," Rogue spoke at last. "Let's do it."
"Whenever you're ready," With a nod Rogue leaned back and felt herself falling into a consciousness controlled by Xavier.
Rogue and Xavier were side by side in her mindscape. The vast surroundings were a dark grey, shrouded by a fog. In the distance were voices. Some begging to be freed, some shouting expletives, some laughing, all of them assuring Rogue that she was indeed crazy.
"Show me Rogue, everything that happens in here remains between us. You are safe."
Rogue began walking forward with Xavier at her side. She wasn't entirely sure where she was leading them but she continued to walk and opened her mindscape further.
They came upon the gazebo just outside the mansion overlooking the cliffs. It had become one of Rogue's favorite spots until she pushed Mystique over the edge and nearly lost the relationship with her brother. She watched as the scene played out before them. Kurt was sitting outside with Kitty, the two were talking and laughing. Rogue walked slowly up to the pair, Kurt turned to smile at his sister and embraced her. Rogue's arms were bare and hands free of gloves. Their cheeks brushed against one another and she returned his smile of affection. She had longed to know what her brother's fur felt like. She wanted to be closer to the boy she watched grow into a man, his loyalty was to her and she was forever grateful for that fact. Rogue sat with her two closest friends as they laughed about life and watched the sunset over the horizon. She wanted this more than anything. She wanted to be closer to her brother and best friend.
The scene went grey, Rogue watched as the trio faded out and she once again stood in the white mindscape. Rogue bit the inside of her cheek to prevent any emotion from showing.
"That was nice Rogue, your desire to be closer to your brother." Rogue did not respond and instead continued to walk. She didn't trust her voice at that moment.
As she walked the landscape changed into a forest, the same forest on the mansion's property. On her worst days she enjoyed wandering about the woods, she would climb the trees or sit beneath the leaves with her back against a stump.
Rogue watched herself leaning against the trees with a cool breeze blowing through her hair. Gambit dropped from the tree above her with a slight grin at the sight of her.
"Cherie," Remy spoke softly. "What are you doin' out here all alone?"
"Clearly I'm not alone," she gave him a soft smile. Remy leaned closer to her, trapping her body between him and the tree. Without another word, he leaned closer, locking his lips with her own. Desire stirred within her as his tongue begged for entrance to her mouth. She complied greedily, Remy lifted her off the ground with his hands placed firmly on her behind. Rogue's legs wrapped around his solid frame as his lips made a trail down her neck. Over and over she chanted his name moaning at the sensation.
The image cleared in an instant, Rogue felt a heavy blush encasing her face. The Professor felt like a voyeur for seeing something so intimate from one of his students. He noticed then that her mindscape became darker, the voices in the shadows yelling louder obscenities than before.
"Rogue?" He questioned, Rogue turned her back to him and continued to walk.
"I'm never going to have that," she murmured. Without a word, Xavier followed her. Xavier called out to her but Rogue continued forward in silence. It was hard enough for her to live with the idea that she may never have physical affection like that, it was even worse knowing that she was falling for the one man who lived for physical affection. She cursed herself, whether it be aloud or internally she didn't know. She didn't care. This moment was humiliating.
The fog enveloped the atmosphere around them. Charles Xavier recognized the scene immediately. At night when Rogue's dreams became too much for her to bear, she would often awake in terror projecting the scene from her mind. This particular one, Xavier himself was all too familiar with.
Rogue stood shaking beyond the front steps of the institute looking at the people she once called family, staring at the only place she ever knew as home while the residence filed slowly onto the front porch with anger and hatred filling their eyes.
"I-I'm sorry," Rogue stuttered, tears threatened her eyes. "It was an accident, I didn't mean to-"
"Enough!" Logan shouted. "We gave you every chance to get your power under control. I tried to teach you obedience, Xavier tried to teach you to control your own mind but you are weak, Rogue."
"I didn't mean to hurt anyone," Rogue succumbed to the tears that spilled down her pale cheeks.
"You never mean to hurt anyone but you always do," Kurt snapped. "Kitty will never wake up because of you!"
"No! No! That's not true, please!" Rogue begged to the point of collapsing.
"Rogue," Professor Xavier spoke up. "It's time for you to go now," Rogue stared at the man who she had learned to trust. She had trusted them all. She slipped up, she hurt her best friend to the point of no return and now she was being banished. Even Remy refused to meet her gaze in that moment.
Suddenly, Rogue felt a hand rest on her shoulder. When turned, she was surprised to see Mystique standing before her.
"You and I are not so different from one another, wouldn't you say so, Daughter?" Rogue shook her head violently.
"I should have known better than to bring the daughter of a murderer into this house. It was only a matter of time before someone fell victim to her hands." Xavier shook his head with remorse. Rogue pleaded with the group in front of her as they turned her backs on her and went back into the mansion, closing the doors firmly behind her.
"Rogue," Xavier tried to speak once the scene dissipated from sight.
"It's only a matter of time," Rogue muttered and continued the journey through her mindscape. As they ventured on, Charles listened carefully to the voices that surrounded them. They were confirming Rogue's greatest fears.
Thief!
Life sucker!
You're worthless!
You're a killer!
Fucking die!
Kill yourself so we can all be free!
Though Xavier could not decipher who the voices belonged to, he was sure that at least one of them was Rogue's own.
The landscape changed once more, it was dark and raining. The pair stood on the rooftop of a city building. Traffic flooded the streets as thunder rolled above them. Rogue watched as a figure of herself stepped forward, a jagged knife in her hand. Blood dripped down the side of her head. In front of her, stood an exhausted Mystique. The pair squared off watching, waiting for someone to make the next move.
"I trained you, Rogue!" Mystique shouted. "You would be nothing without me! I gave you a life, I gave you the opportunity to become the greatest mutant the world has ever known!" Rogue heaved a heavy breath as she drank in the words of the woman who was once her mother and caregiver.
"You betrayed me, you lied to me, you abandoned Kurt! You're a bitch and a manipulator. I wished you had stayed dead when I pushed your solidified body off that cliff! I can handle Kurt being angry with me, hating me as long as it means you are forever out of our lives!"
"Then do it, Rogue! Do it like I taught you. Kill me, slice my throat and
watch me bleed out! Then you can go home to Kurt and pretend like you did him a favor by killing his mother."
"You aren't his mother. You aren't my mother. You do nothing for anyone but yourself. I have long wished you were dead and now it's clear that the only way it will happen is with your blood on my hands." Mystique lunged first, a gun in her hands as she moved closer to Rogue. The trigger pulled once grazing Rogue's arm. She grunted in pain but refused to back down. This time, Rogue lunged. Her bare hands met Mystique's face as she began to absorb, Mystique morphed into a raven in an attempt to get away but Rogue was faster this time. Prepared for all of Mystique's dirty tricks. Rogue lifted the blade, slicing the Raven's throat and watching the dark crimson color leak out onto the rooftop pavement. The raven returned to Mystique's true form, her body lifeless at Rogue's feet.
Xavier and Rogue jumped back to the real world so fast they gasped for breath. Nausea overcame the young girl and within an instant she was out of the room. Rogue collapsed in the nearest restroom retching what little resided in her stomach into the toilet. She sat there once her stomach was done releasing the bile, sweat dancing along her brow. He had seen some of her deepest secrets and desires, worse he had seen her greatest fears. The fears she fought so hard to hide, the fears that could be used against her going forward. Some may be a dream, others a deep wish that she longed for but it didn't matter. In the end, Professor Xavier saw a new side of one of his students. Her biggest fear now was being forced into a straight jacket or forced out of the institute.
"What happened there, Chuck?" Logan asked.
"I saw parts of Rogue's mind that she had never allowed me to uncover. Worst of all the voices in her head are growing. They are no longer whispering to her but screaming awful, terrible things." Xavier took a deep breath trying to settle his ever beating heart. Jean stood beside him offering a glass of water which he gratefully accepted. "Did you notice anything about her during the exercise?"
"She was speaking, she said three names." Jean said. "Kurt, Mystique, and Remy." Logan growled in frustration at the mention of the last name. "Professor, is there anything you can tell us about this situation?"
"Rogue is harboring a deep psychological stress. Partly from guilt over the years of absorbing other's psychs and abilities. Partly from anger and desire. We must keep an eye on her. We need to limit her time alone as much as possible for the sake of her own sanity."