"Caitlin" Iris asked, "how is that Barry doesn't remember? About my dad, I mean Barry was there, we all were"
She looked around the living room in which they all sat. Cecile, her tiny frame still shaking from the attack of Despero, but of also the memories she was forced to recall. Caitlin, frowning with her eyes looking into space as if she was trying to figure out a solution to a problem the others couldn't see. Chester and Allegra were there too, sitting less than an inch apart on the sofa. Iris herself sat curled up on the love seat.
"But he wasn't, not really" Caitlin responded quietly. There was no need to elaborate,they all remembered what it was like in that first terrible month.
Joe West had died protecting his city. There had been a deadly shoot out with a non meta criminal, someone who couldn't care about random casualties. The criminal fired randomly into a crowd, and Joe West being the man he was put himself into the line of fire to take this man down. And he did, but not before his own number of wounds had become to great. On May 2023 2021, He was rushed to the ICU but the doctors could only do what they were able to. It was too late.
Iris had been the first to hear, asking Captain Kramer to repeat twice and then three times what had just occurred. She couldn't quite process it. Her dad had worked with the CCPD for decades, and this was it? The tears streamed down her face as she stood in the cortex of Star Labs. Caitlin and Frost were debating what the worst movie they had seen that year was, Chester and Allegra were playing tic tac toe on the transparent white board. Just stupid, stupid things. All the while, Joe West was dead.
By the time her phone call had ended and Iris stared into the brightened room, with its technological advances and empty case which was meant to hold the Flash's signature suit and cowl she felt herself gasp. Her tears turned to sobs as she grasped at the metal railing towards the edge of the desk. The others noticed, and knew instantly that something had gone terribly wrong. "My dad" Iris cried, now putting a hand to her chest. "I have to tell Barry".
Barry had been in National City at the time. He hadn't even been gone a day, three hours at the most. But it was a few short hour visit that he never forgave himself for. Sitting in Kara's apartment, all the breath sucked out of him as he fell to the floor. He couldn't breathe, he was hyperventilating. Kara understood and held his hand as she sat beside him on her wooden floor.
The funeral was anything but a private affair. It had seemed as if everyone knew someone in their life who had had an encounter with Joe West in Central City. Over a hundred people surrounded the casket under the pouring late spring rain. Barry stood with his wife, his hand never leaving Iris and her tight grasp, because he surely felt that if she let go he'd be gone too. He felt as if he were in a never ending nightmare, a sleepwalker in his own body. The tombstone must read something different, the name etched in stone just wouldn't make sense. And yet somehow Barry was able to speak. He read the eulogy he had written after countless sleepless hours. He focused on the letter themselves instead of the words, because he knew how close he was to breaking down and never being able to recover.
It was the weeks following the funeral that it seemed as if Barry Allen had truly shattered into pieces, never to be whole again. Iris dedicated her full self to her work. She hired more staff and rented out a bigger office space. She returned home after two in the morning most nights. Barry was always awake, rarely leaving the same spot on the sofa. Kramer had made him take a mandatory leave of absence to grieve, though Barry was in no shape to argue differently. After the burial he had gone into a steep decline, barely talking or eating. He had been truly unmotivated to do anything. The others came and talked to him, some like Chester bravely gave over a few jokes, while Frost stayed for his company. They all had agreed to let him mourn, but the weeks had passed and Barry had made no improvement. His friends grew increasingly worried, and they agreed on a rotation of their presence so that Barry would never be left alone. It was only after a meta attack too difficult for CCPD to handle alone did Barry run, faster and harder than he had since Joe had died. He defeated the criminal and returned to Star Labs a mere second before he fainted after weeks of near starvation. His body appearing almost emaciated, his eyes sunken and dull. Both Caitlin and Iris stayed by his side all night and into the next day, an IV carefully inserted in Barry's rail thin arms. The following afternoon he and Iris returned home, few words spoken between both of them, but the two remained inseparable with their locked hands.
"I thought he got better" Iris said, caught in the memories of six months ago. The living room was almost too silent. She knew they were all thinking the same thing. Barry never healed. He never got better, only worse. After his hero act as the Flash, Barry had started acting like himself again. Slowly but surely he smiled, talked with the team, returned to CCPD. There was a collective agreement between his loved ones not to mention his father in law's name. Barry himself never did, so they assumed he wanted them to keep silent as well. Only now was Iris wondering how that affected her husband.
"We all did, Iris" Caitlin said, putting a comforting hand over Iris's. "Repression is a common reaction when someone goes through that much trauma. Barry already both his biological parents. I think this caused him to suffer more than we knew. His mind must've created a barrier against the memories".
"And what if he can't handle it?" Cecile asked. Her face still showing remnants of tears. "If his mind blocked out such a powerful memory, it must mean something, right? It means Barry didn't know that he was gone. Doesn't that mean he could break all over again?"
"Yeah but this time, I'm not so sure he's going to spring back up" Frost said. Caitlin had called her after the fight and she came immediately. She stood by her sister's side, her arms folded.
"No! Guys I refuse to believe it" Iris said with intensity. "Barry will come back to us, he will be ok. I know he will".