Shinji opened his eyes. He felt a strong wind chilling his skin. The sky above him was grey.
Where am I?
He lifted his head, trying to remember what had happened before. There were fuzzy blobs of memory playing out in his head.
He looked around, taking in the landscape: An empty field, with a small house a short distance away from him. He looked down, and saw he was in his uniform, which felt strange.
Shinji stood, and slowly started to approach the house. The front door felt inviting, but the closer he got, the more nervous he felt.
The door was unlocked. Shinji turned the knob and gave the smallest push, and it opened, welcoming him inside.
Some lights were on. As soon as he entered, he got a view of a familiar-looking living room. There were photographs, too. As he began to approach one, a sound caught his attention: Someone was crying.
Shinji followed the sound up a flight of stairs. The weeping got louder. There was a room at the end of the hallway with the door closed. He opened the door and stepped into a room, lit only by a lamp on the nightstand.
A figure sat on the bed, sobbing and shuddering. As he laid eyes on her, the mop of brown hair was a clear indication of who it was.
"Mother?"
She looked up at him. Her green eyes were bloodshot and puffy with tears. "Shinji?"
Chapter 20: Time Away
Asuka's head was spinning while she returned to the apartment. He body was on auto-pilot as she tried to comprehend the events of the day. A lot of it was a blur of flashing lights and screams, but above it all, one thing remained: Shinji wasn't there.
The thought of Shinji's absence brought an emotional sting to her eyes, which she violently suppressed. Misato and Rei didn't even make an effort to talk in the car on the way back, for there was nothing to say. All they could think of was that image of Unit-01's cockpit with an empty plugsuit floating around in it.
Misato muttered a quick "See ya later" when she dropped the girls off and drove away, en route right back to NERV.
They didn't even look at each other. They just kept their glances straight, even in the elevator, where they stood side-by-side. Neither had anything to say.
The elevator dinged, bringing them to their floor. Rei reached her door, and spared a look at Asuka before she entered. As if sensing it, she glanced back, only for a brief moment. She looked very tired already.
"Bye."
Asuka said nothing in response as she slipped into her apartment. Rei let out a sigh and did the same. Perhaps a book would keep her from thinking of Shinji's desperate pleas, or of Lilith's seductive crooning.
One set of walls over, Asuka stepped into the middle of an empty, quiet apartment. It made her nauseous.
Shinji took slow steps towards the bed. When he was close enough, Yui grabbed his wrist and yanked him closer, wrapping him in a tight hug. He could feel her trembling.
"Shinji!" she cried in his hair. "You're okay! You're safe! Mama's got you. You're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."
He was still too stunned to assess the situation. "Mother, where am I?" he said, loosening himself from her grip a little.
"You're inside Unit-01. In the core. Nothing can hurt you here."
He detangled himself from her grip. "Wait, Unit-01? I'm in the core- Oh wait, that must be why I'm with you."
He saw glimmers of hope through her teary eyes. "Yes."
"Well, what are we going to do?"
Yui's eyes began to half-lid. "Just... stay here for a while. Please?"
Shinji reached behind him, grabbing a chair that was conveniently right there for him. He moved it closer to her bed and sat down, keeping his focus on her.
Yui smiled and grabbed his hand with a loose, shaky grip. "My son..." she said with a smile on her face. Her eyes closed.
He wasn't sure how, but he could feel himself drifting off as well. The flow of time within an Evangelion core was a mystery to him, so he was unsure of how sleeping would even affect him. He looked at Mother's hand in his. He kept his grip, but knew there was still very much to talk about with her. For now, some rest would be okay.
Gendo watched the doors to his office open. In walked Ritsuko, a folder full of papers in her hands.
"How is progress on retrieval?" he asked.
"I have a compelling first step." She came right up to his desk and put down the folder. "Looks familiar?"
He opened the folder and inspected its contents. He knew what it was when he saw the year the papers were dated: 2004.
"Yui..." he whispered, before looking up at Ritsuko. "You're using our old notes?"
"Yes. I'm making some modifications, since these were inconclusive. It's a long, long shot, but it's our best chance at bringing Shinji back."
"Understood. If it's our best shot, go forward with it. Good work," said Gendo. The two of them held the silence for a long moment.
"Commander, are you alright?" asked Ritsuko.
Gendo pushed up his glasses. "I'm fine, Doctor."
She put a hand on his desk and leaned a little closer, getting a good look at what he was trying to hide. "Gendo, I've been your therapist for the better part of a decade. You should know how well I can read you."
He sighed. "I wish I could handle this better, but I feel so powerless, Ritsuko. I'm beginning to feel the way I felt when I lost Yui."
"Look, how about we have a therapy session? I'm going to get started on this project. In a few days, we should have time to talk about everything. It'd certainly help."
"...Yes. That would be ideal," Gendo said, closing the folder and handing it to her.
Ritsuko offered a smile of sympathy. "Good. I'll see you later, then."
"Bye."
Gendo watched her leave from the corner of his view. The shape of her blonde hair bounced a little with each step, getting smaller until she was gone.
When he knew he was alone, he let out a sigh. He stood, walked over to a shelf, and found a bottle of whiskey, dated 2005. He cracked it open and poured a little in a glass. Taking back to his desk, he took a sip. It burned as it went down his throat.
His eyes wandered to a framed photo on his desk. It was one he kept on him at all times, lest it got lost or taken: A photo Yui in the hospital, cradling a newborn Shinji in her arms. She was clad in a hospital gown, her face was underlined with fatigue, and her hair was slightly messy. Still, she was the most beautiful woman in the world, looking at her son with love in her eyes.
Gendo picked up the photo and looked closer at it. A heavy breath escaped his nose. Suddenly, the whiskey didn't seem so appealing.
Ritsuko walked through the halls, taking her time as she went back to look at Unit-01. Things were already in motion for Shinji's hopeful retrieval. It was convenient that the commander had approved of her method. She saw a man in turmoil, a man that was losing his family.
Gendo's grief reminded her of darker times. It made her think of half a decade prior, when he had first approached her about therapy. The incident with her mother had pushed both of them to the edge.
She would never forget that day: The image of Rei, the first one, lying lifeless on the bridge, while Mother's remains were strewn about below. It threw her into a panic.
Mother's death was multi-faceted; Ritsuko felt a connection to her on a family level, but beyond being of her womb, she only really felt connected to Naoko Akagi by name. She did the baseline for raising her, and when she was old enough to watch herself, Mother had less and less time for her. She and Father had split up early on, so he was out of the picture as well. On top of that, she had murdered a child.
A few days after, Gendo had approached her. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. She still remembered what he had said to her.
"Ritsuko, I need your help more than ever."
That day, any infatuation that was bubbling up inside her evaporated. The raw emotion replaced carnal desire with sympathy. Such a plea was unheard of, especially for a man of his reputation. Despite this, the look in his eyes indicated he was telling the truth. It was that look in his eyes that solidified Ritsuko's decision to help him, so from that day forward she had two jobs at NERV: Head of Project E, and Therapist to Gendo Ikari. She made a vow to herself that she would never let him go down the same path as Mother.
She recalled one of their early sessions, when Mother's death was still hanging over them.
"Why don't you tell me what happened?"
Ritsuko clicked her pen. Gendo sat across from her, a table between the two of them. In those days, he wore clear glasses and allowed the world to see into his eyes. He simply concealed the pain in his stare, which was avoided by most. Someone like her saw right through it: Gendo Ikari was a broken man.
When he spoke, his voice bore a harrowed timbre. "Sure. Shortly after Yui's experiment, I started spending a lot more time at Gehirn. I kept my promise to take care of Shinji, but I needed a distraction, so I buried myself in work."
"I had always known Naoko, right from when I started here." Ritsuko noted that he used her name, rather than 'Doctor Akagi' or 'Your Mother.' It was preferable. "Professor Fuyutski introduced us. He introduced her and Yui as well."
"Was Mrs. Ikari fond of her?"
"Very much so. She only spoke highly of Naoko."
"So how did we get from that to the incident?"
"After Yui was gone," Gendo said, the truth lingering between them. "Naoko started spending much more time around me. She would offer friendship and advice. She even babysat Shinji."
"Yes. I did too."
"For that I am grateful. I appreciated the help, since my duties as commander keep me busy, but she started to overstep."
"How so?"
"Her mannerisms changed. She was oddly possessive. There came times when I wanted to be alone, and she insisted on being around." He paused, looking away before speaking again. "I recall one time, I was speaking to Fuyutski in my office, when she entered the room. At first, she was very polite, but as soon as I mentioned Yui, Naoko's whole demeanor changed. She had gotten oddly passive-aggressive.
"The situation started to get bad about a month ago. I was with Naoko on the bridge, as we were finishing up the MAGI. She had full control over that project, and I offered all the help and encouragement I could. I stepped in briefly to congratulate her on finishing one of the most innovative projects of the century. Then she kissed me."
Ritsuko was unaware of this. "She did?"
"Yes."
"How did it make you feel?"
"Uncomfortable. All I could think about was Yui."
"Go on."
Gendo ran a hand across his forehead. "She kept kissing, I kept pushing her off. She asked me to take her. I told her no, and she became very cold."
"So how did we go from that to this?"
"I began avoiding her. Any time I needed to speak with her, I let Fuyutski handle it. I think she picked up on my avoidance as well. It boiled over the day we had both Rei and Shinji in the lab. What happened from there is well-known between us."
Gendo was correct. That day, Rei had wandered into the halls of Gehirn, and Ritsuko, holding the hand of a little Shinji, set off to find her. She ended up finding the horrifying scene in the bridge.
Risuko had rushed to hide Shinji from it, sparing him such a trauma with quickly constructed lies. She found Gendo and Fuyutski, and tried her best to keep her emotions in check as she reported what she saw. She had never seen Gendo leave that fast. Fuyutski stayed behind and consoled her, while keeping Shinji occupied. That night, she wound up having a full-on panic attack.
Therapy with Gendo Ikari was something unheard of, and that was another of her reasons for helping him. Peeling back the layers of such a stone-cold leader intrigued Ritsuko more than it should've. In a way, it fascinated her to look into Gendo's mind, and most of it was related to his family. He talked about Mrs. Ikari a lot. Surprisingly, he was afraid of doing things without her, especially raise a son. A man so devoid of love in his past thought himself both uncapable and unworthy of it.
He also talked about his guilt. He harbored guilt for Mrs. Ikari not being around. He also insisted that the incident with Mother was his fault. As much as the subject hurt her to talk about, Ritsuko had to assure him that it was not.
"It was me that pushed Naoko to do what she did," he said to her.
"Gendo, that was something you could have never predicted. She wasn't entitled to your affections."
"Well, maybe I could have acted different. I already had to deal with the death of one Rei. I won't deal with another."
"And you won't. You tend to blame yourself, Gendo. You talk about Mrs. Ikari like what happened was your fault. I studied the notes. It was not something you could have predicted."
"None of this would've happened if she were still here."
She neither agreed nor disagreed. As a therapist, she wasn't supposed to do either.
Ritsuko also forced herself to bury her own grief. She found a way in the form of keeping herself busy. Gendo got her a therapist of her own, but the missing appointments stacked up until she cut that off. Instead, it was full steam ahead for her: Project E stuff. Therapy with Gendo. A cigarette. More Project E Stuff. Dyeing her hair at the roots anytime brown began to show. Another cigarette. Some occasional wine. Too much occasional wine. Looking in the mirror and hoping not to notice features she inherited from her mother. It was ironic, she had picked up the same nasty habit she tried to correct in Gendo.
"Dr. Akagi," a voice brought her out of the deep reverie she was in. Ritsuko almost jumped.
"Ah, Rei. Hello. How are you?"
"I am well," she said.
There was a strange pause before Ritsuko created some conversation. "How are things?"
Rei frowned. "Quiet."
"Quiet?"
"I live directly adjacent to Major Katsuragi."
"I see." Another pause. "So, any reason you're here?"
"I was hoping to ask about any progress on Unit-01."
Ritsuko eyed the papers in her hand. "I'll tell you now, maybe it'll help: We are starting to work on getting Shinji out of the core."
"You are?" Rei said, a slight brightness in her eye.
"Yes. You can let Misato and Asuka know if you see them. We always find a way, don't we?"
She smiled. "We do."
"Well, I need to get going. It was nice talking to you, Rei. We're gonna be focused on this operation for a while, so take some time for yourself. I think it'd help. Also, don't be shy about visiting Misato and Asuka. I think they may need the company." Ritsuko wasn't sure where the advice was coming from, nor the sudden urge to give Rei a hug.
"I will. Have a good day, Dr. Akagi."
Ritsuko stepped forward and put a hand on Rei's shoulder. "Yeah." She lightly tugged her, pulling her closer to her body before wrapping one arm around her, followed by the other. Rei stood still at first, but brought slow arms up to complete the embrace.
When they separated, Rei bore a small smile. "Thank you."
"Thank you too." Ritsuko offered a similar smile, before turning around and walking away.
As she came closer to her destination, she felt a sense of relief. Truly, she was not like her mother.
Shinji opened his eyes, and immediately felt the position he was sleeping in. He blinked as his memory caught up to him. Right, he was inside Unit-01, and he had just seen Mother again. They slept. At that moment, he was sleeping in a sitting position, hunched over her bed.
He sat up, running a hand across his face. "Mother?"
Yui stirred. She murmured his name, before opening her eyes fully and sitting up. "Hi Shinji." She sounded so small.
Shinji stood. "Mother..." He stared at her for a moment. She stared back.
"We have a bit to talk about, don't we?"
He nodded.
Yui threw the sheets off of her bed. She was dressed in some baggy pajamas, ones that he vaguely remembered seeing when he was a child. She stood, and in an instant, the clothes changed to a pink turtleneck and a long skirt, held up with a belt. She walked past him and opened the door. "Come on."
Shinji hesitated a moment, then followed her out. "So, what is this place? I know we're inside the core, but this looks like a whole house!"
"One thing I learned early on is that when you're inside a core, it's basically like living inside your own head."
They walked past a window. Shinji stopped to look through it. All he saw was grassy fields that stretched beyond his view. "So, you came up with this place?"
"Yes. It's my ideal home."
He turned to her. "But it looks like..."
"Our house. Yes, in a perfect world, that's where I live. To be honest, it isn't so bad here. The only problem is how lonely it gets."
"Really?"
"Yes." Yui put her hands on his shoulders. She sniffled. "But you're here now." Shinji saw a smile on her face before she wrapped her arms around him. There was a familiar scent, perhaps the perfume she wore when he was a child. He stiffened at the embrace.
They separated. Yui frowned for a moment. Getting through to Shinji was going to be though, especially after all he had suffered, in part because of her. She started down a flight of stairs. "Come on!"
Shinji followed with some reluctance. She led him to a hallway, and into another room. It looked familiar, like-
"My room?"
"Yes. I manifested this based on the room you had before I left."
It was impressive: Same blue bedsheets, toys here and there, a framed photo of himself, Mother, Father, and Professor Fuyutski at a picnic. "Wow." He turned to her.
Mother looked sad, and concealed it with a smile. "Yeah." There was a strange pause between them. "Hey, do you want something to eat?"
"I'm not hungry."
She started towards the kitchen. "You don't exactly get hungry, but you can still make food appear, and it'll taste according to memory. You can even make the ingredients appear and cook it from scratch if you'd like. C'mon! Let me show you that I've still got it!"
Shinji's stare lingered on the snapshot in time of his old bedroom. He turned and followed her, hoping an opportunity for a serious talk would come soon.
The following days were a drag for Asuka. NERV was busy trying to pull Shinji out of Unit-01, so she was relegated to going between an empty apartment and school, which sucked. She usually was fine with Misato spending all-nighters at NERV, since Shinji was at least there. He was some form of company, and then he wasn't.
She clenched a tight fist. There she went again, thinking of Shinji. She knew why she was upset, she just refused to accept it. Yet, every time she did, she would see his face. His smile when they were training together, his determination when they cooked together, the relief in his eyes when she pulled him out of a nightmare.
The TV started to sound grating, so she shut it off and decided on a walk. She grabbed a sweater and headed into the hall.
As she was leaving, Wondergirl came out of the elevator. Great. Just the person she didn't need to see. She grumbled something nonspecific as she tried to walk past.
"Soryu."
She turned and faced her. "What?"
Wondergirl held her ground. "I have not seen you much since our last battle. Are you well?"
"Just lovely." Asuka entered the elevator and pressed 'close.'
The door was stopped by Wondergirl's arm. "I wanted to talk to you."
"Well, hurry it up. I'm busy."
She stepped into the elevator next to her. Asuka moved to the side, to create as much distance as she could. The door remained open. "I understand that the incident with Unit-01 is distressing, but I-"
"Who said it was distressing!? Don't assume stuff, Ayanami!'
Rei continued, as if never interrupted. "I spoke to Doctor Akagi recently. They were working on a process to bring Shinji back."
Silence hung between them. "And that's supposed to help me?" said Asuka in a low voice.
"Pardon-"
"What does any of that have to do with me!? So what if they're trying to get that stubborn idiot out of his Eva!? Doesn't mean they will! So, you know what? Screw him, and screw you!" Asuka stomped out of the elevator and back into the apartment, closing and locking the door. So much for a walk.
Rei watched the hallway. Her hand trembled, but she could tell Asuka did not truly mean what she was saying. She entered her own apartment and sat alone at her table.
Asuka paced the apartment, fuming. Her thoughts weren't organized, and all she knew was that she was mad and annoyed. Wondergirl had an awful lot of guts to try and make her feel better, as if her happiness was tied to Shinji.
Shinji, Shinji, Shinji. Again, he was in her head. Before she had time to think, she was standing in the hallway in front of his room. Since they had changed their sleeping arrangement, his room was a tad neglected. At that moment, the door was half-open, inviting her to enter. She pushed the door fully open and crossed the doorway.
She turned the lights on and scoped out the room: Books, not very many clothes, his cello and SDAT, and a space where his futon was. Somewhat plain, but not exactly tidy, which was exactly like him.
Asuka's eyes wandered to the corner of the room, where she saw a blanket on top of a big box. She pulled it off and wrapped it around herself, revealing the tapes and the TV, something he had showed her before being reunited with Mama. She shuffled towards the box. She opened it and scanned the contents. Tape after tape with different labels, many of which seemed to be offering insight about Eva, life, and other things. Those felt strange to pull out and watch, but something else caught her eye.
'Home Video 2004.'
She picked it up. The same thing was written on the front. For some reason, she was compelled to see what was on it. She turned on the TV and VCR, inserted the tape, and hit play. She backed up and watched the screen.
The footage faded in, and she was greeted to a much younger-looking Commander Ikari. A voice behind the camera was talking to him.
"Gendo, you look so handsome!" It was likely Mrs. Ikari.
"Hello, Yui."
"Hey, I'm just trying to show off that I can use a camera and display my good-looking husband."
He smiled a little. "Thank you, dear. You look lovely too." Asuka couldn't help a chuckle. When he was around his wife, he acted like Shinji. She lingered a moment on that thought, before the video caught her attention again.
"Shinji! Come look at the camera, honey!"
A little boy ran into frame. Dear God, it was a 3-year-old Shinji. "Mommy! Can I see the cramera?"
"Hold on, sweetie. I'll show you after. Say hi!"
He waved enthusiastically. "Hi!" he said, drawing out the word.
"Hey, I love you, Shinji!"
"I love you too, Mommy!"
The video continued for a moment on, but the innocent smile of young Shinji stayed with her. It made her think more, and reflect. She missed him, she knew that much. She had deliberately lied to Wondergirl.
Ah, dammit. I need to do something. Her pride was stopping her from directly going over and saying 'sorry.' She wondered what Shinji would do, which was go over and apologize, so she thought of the second thing he would do.
Without hesitation, Asuka stood up and headed for the kitchen.
Rei sat at the table, dozing off, with her head rested atop folded arms. Shinji's disappearance had caused more stress than she realized, which culminated in her getting some light rest.
She was interrupted by a knock on her door. Her head shot up. She rubbed her eyes, stretched and walked to the door. As it opened, she saw a flash of red out of the corner of her eye, accompanied by the sound of the Katsuragi's door shutting. On the ground in front of her was a bowl of soup, still hot.
She picked up the bowl and brought it to the table. It cooled to an acceptable temperature and she ate it slowly. It tasted pleasant.
Rei smiled. "Thank you," she whispered in the darkness.
Misato typed away. She may not have known the technical details of the operation, but Ritsuko had given her the task of taking care of paperwork, so she got busy.
The conditions of Shinji's disappearance raised questions about Unit-01 and its nature. She knew it was more than just a robot, but the extent of it was a mystery to her. Now it was a bad time. She put questions about the Evas in the back of her mind and continued filing combat reports, and communicating with the MAGI to send and receive information.
A buzz on her phone interrupted her flow. She picked it up to see a text message.
Unknown Number: Window.
She rolled her eyes and looked. He was dressed in a NERV jumpsuit, but still stuck out like a sore thumb. He held two cans of coffee, which made her realize how much her eyes were burning. She sighed. "Get in here."
He entered. "Good evening, sweetie."
"No. And what's with the outfit? You look like a jackass."
Kaji grimaced in fake-hurt. "You wound me, Katsuragi." He touched her cheek with the cold can. It made her recoil. "I'm technically a dead man, so this is me maintaining a low profile."
She snatched the can and popped the tab. "That? You have to be the worst 'secret agent' I've ever seen," she said, taking a sip.
That one actually hurt. "Well, excuse me princess."
"Oh, please. That line was cheesy before, and it's cheesy now. Cut to the chase, I'm busy."
"I just wanted to ask how progress was going on getting Shinji back."
"Go grope Ritsuko about it."
He put his hands up. "Whoa, whoa, alright. Listen, I just wanted to talk a little. You know, schoolyard gossip."
"What?"
"NERV's friends. They're up to something."
She shook her head. "When are they not? Anyways, I feel like I should get back to what I'm doing."
"Hold on, there's a point."
"Get to it before I throw you out."
"I'm not trying to make you upset, Katsuragi. I just tell you what I know because I think it helps," he said, sitting on the edge of her desk.
"Will it involve me saving you from a bullet?"
"No. I won't be pulling that again."
"Alright, I'll bite. What is it?"
"Our friends, right? They helped pay for our toys."
Misato nodded, eyeing him.
"They may or may not be paying for more."
She cocked her head. "More? Why would they need more? And what about pil- people to handle them?"
"Who knows? As for handlers, I don't think that's required."
"Kaji, why did you barge in here to tell me this?"
"Because I trust you the most."
Misato cursed herself for the fluttering her heart did. "Good for you. Now, get out of here."
He offered a smile for a moment, before hopping off the desk and sauntering to the door.
"Wait," she said, stopping him. He turned to see her jutting her cheek out, tapping it with a finger, a motion reminiscent of their college days. He approached her, planting a quick peck.
"Later," he said before leaving.
"See you around, Ryo."
The door closed. Misato typed a few words, before burying her head in her hands and blowing out a sigh. It was already a long night.
'Therapy in a few days,' had turned into a week and a half, and it did Gendo no favours as he sat in another meeting with the committee. He could see no eyes, but he knew all were on him.
"Tell us, Ikari, what happened between the Fifteenth Angel and the Third Child?" said one of the blasted monoliths.
He stared straight ahead. "The angel used what appeared to be a psychic attack. Its target was Unit-01."
"Oh? So perhaps communication between an angel and a human is possible?" said the same voice. "What was communicated?"
"Irrelevant."
"Perhaps we should order the Third Child in here to ask him."
Gendo tensed, and quickly contained that to his core. "Unnecessary. The Third Child is still recovering from the attack, and will not be available at this time." It was a white lie. The Committee didn't need to know that Shinji was trapped in Unit-01.
"Is that so? Or are you just protecting your son? Was the S2 engine really dormant? Or did you blatantly obstruct the truth?" It was a series of low blows meant to make him react. Gendo's fingers tightened, but he made no obvious indication of his annoyance.
"Ikari, why did you use the Lance of Longinus!? Are you out of your mind!?" another voice cut in before he could answer.
"I did what I had to do to defeat the angel."
"Now the lance is orbiting the moon! We will never recover it! How can we advance our scenario without the Lance!?"
Keel's monolith spoke. "Enough. We can find alternatives. The path to salvation is one that changes constantly. Ikari, do not make such rash decisions when they have such ramifications."
"Yes."
"Dismissed."
Gendo stood and exited the room.
"Can Ikari be trusted at this point?"
"Could he ever?"
"It does not matter. The time for humanity's next step is afoot, and Ikari will stand with us, or lie in his grave."
One by one, the monoliths disappeared.
In the late hours, Gendo walked through the subdued halls of NERV with a purpose. Nobody was around, but if they were, they'd feel the intimidation before he even came into view. Some even speculated on his relationship with Dr. Akagi, given the frequent time the two of them spent in either office.
What they didn't know was that their fearsome leader was in crisis behind his mask of stone, and that he wasn't entangled in an affair with his project head. Instead, she was his lifeline while he coped with the loss of his family.
Gendo arrived at Ritsuko's office. He gave the door two firm knocks.
"Come in."
He entered. She was sitting at her desk. Plenty of Unit-01 related notes and paperwork were strewn about. The ashtray was half-empty. Ritsuko had the tail end of a pen between her teeth as she read over a note in her hand. She looked up at him. "Good evening, Commander."
"Doctor."
"Ready for our session?"
He nodded.
She gestured towards a pair of chairs. A table sat between them. They took their places. Gendo removed his glasses, placing them on the table. Beyond the glasses-marks on his face, Ritsuko saw his eyes. Like before, they carried the pain and exhaustion that orange tint was capable of hiding.
She kept the eye contact. "How have recent events had an impact on you?"
Gendo blew out a sigh. "I feel the same way I felt after Yui went away."
"And what is that feeling?"
"Guilt."
"Guilt is a self-inflicted emotion, Gendo."
"I am aware, but I cannot help myself. I feel as though I could have prevented Shinji from getting attacked by the angel. I could have put Unit-01 in suspension like the committee wanted, but I let him go out there. It makes me feel like I failed as a father. Like I'm repeating the same mistakes my own father made."
Ritsuko wrote something down. "I don't think it's that simple. If you hadn't sent out Unit-01, the angel would've attacked Asuka, or even Rei. Would you be okay with them suffering the same fate?"
Gendo looked at her, but had no answer. "I guess it was inevitable. I avoid thinking of it, but I question if we'll be able to retrieve him, or if it'll be another Yui situation."
"Don't focus on the 'if' or 'if-not,' Gendo. Pessimism in this situation is tempting, but it won't help your cause."
"I know, Doctor."
She put her clipboard down. "Maybe this will help your cause, off-record: Progress is steady on the recovery effort. We're making advances that were not made in the 2004 experiment."
"I see." From the way Gendo spoke, she knew it was relieving news for him.
"Aside from recent events, have you had any problems we haven't talked about?"
"The committee is putting more pressure on me."
Ritsuko picked her clipboard back up. "Has it become an issue?"
"Not in particular, but they appear to trust me less. I'm aware this is not something that I can change."
She nodded. "It's just something we need to wait out."
"Yes."
Shinji walked alongside Yui on what felt like an endless path. It was brighter than before outside, and the "sun" was shining on them. He wasn't sure how long he had been inside Unit-01. One thing he was certain of was that whenever he wanted to talk about something serious, she would divert the conversation. It annoyed him, especially since she was the one that had insinuated that they needed to talk about things. Now she was keen on avoiding it.
"Ah, here we are!"
They came upon a lakeside. It felt familiar. Mother walked ahead of him and stopped at a railing, overlooking the water. It had a dream-like perfection to it.
Shinji stopped beside her. They stood quietly, the sound of moving water between them.
"Mother."
She looked at him. "Yes?"
"We really need to talk."
"What do you mean?"
"About... About this. About everything," he said, trying to keep himself from raising his voice. "How much have you not told me?"
He saw her body language change out of the corner of his eye. She hunched over the railing, but said nothing.
His heart was pounding before he spoke again. "Why did you eat that angel? Do you know what that did to me?"
A tear splashed on the railing. "Shinji, I'm sorry."
"I couldn't stop having nightmares about it."
"I'm sorry!"
"Mother, please, tell me what's going on. I'm... It's scaring me."
She looked up at him. "Unit-01. I may be in the core and able to control it, but it's... Ah, it's hard to explain. It still has these primal, primal urges. I keep my guard up, but when we fought that angel, I was in extreme stress. It crept into my head, and all I could think of was 'kill.' 'Protect.'"
A shudder wracked Shinji's spine. "I felt it when you- when we ate that thing."
Yui moved to hug him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "I never wanted it to be like that. If I could've, I would've protected you from feeling that. I'm sorry, Shinji. I should've never let that happen to you," She choked out a sob, and began whispering reassurances in his hair.
Shinji adjusted himself to face her. She was trembling, but her embrace made him feel warm. There was a sting in his eyes. He returned the hug. "It's okay," he said. "It's okay."
Yui sniffled. "Is it really, though?"
He backed away so she could look at him. "Yes, it is. I'll be okay, I promise." He offered a weak smile.
She smiled. "You've grown so much, Shinji."
They separated and began a walk back to the house. They both felt as though a weight had been lifted from their shoulders as they slowly healed from the anguish of battle.
Misato opened the door to the apartment. It was nearly 04:00, and she had to be up in four hours from then. The thought of it was dreadful. To make matters worse, she was hungry, and Shinji was still stuck in that damned Eva.
She had prodded Ritsuko with questions about how and why Shinji was stuck inside Unit-01. Her answer was vague, and had 'I'll explain later' tacked onto the end. The simple answer: The core pulled him in, and it was possible to get that out.
She also needed to eat something. On instinct, she opened the fridge, eyes immediately going to the shelf that Shinji put her meals on.
It was empty.
She drew a heavy sigh. Her fingers danced on top of a beer can before she opted against taking it and closed the fridge. Misato dug into the cabinet and found the instant ramen. Moments later, steam rose from it as she grabbed a pair of chopsticks from the drawer.
Misato sat down to eat. She prodded at the noodles and gave them some stirring for good measure. When it was cool enough, she took a bite. It was a familiar taste, but it never felt so awful until that moment. It tasted so bland, whereas Shinji's ramen recipe was flavorful. The thought of it brought a tear to her eye; not for the food, but for the one cooking it. Every other thing seemed to be a reminder of him.
She watched as tears hit the table. She sighed again and wiped her eyes with a thumb. She finished the passionless meal and threw away the packaging. She still felt the sting of one of the closest people to her being gone, but she forced herself to muster up some determination.
Misato moved to the hallway. On a whim, she decided to check Asuka's room. She slid the door open a crack and peered in.
There laid Asuka. She was facedown, with one arm under the pillow, and the other extending off her bed. Misato followed it with her eyes to see her hand, holding tightly onto a fistful of Shinji's bedsheets.
Misato fought the urge to cry again. "We'll get him back," she said in a quiet breath. "We need to."
More time chewed by as NERV came upon the day: Twenty-five days after the Third Child's disappearance, they were finally ready to run the procedure to retrieve him.
Misato, Ritsuko, and the bridge crew stood in silence as they prepared the final test. Commander Ikari loomed above. His gloved hand didn't show how tightly he was gripping the railing.
The video feed to Unit-01's cage showed its taken-apart body, and its ever-staring eyes. Sensing the discomfort, Ritsuko switched off the feed.
"Are you sure this'll work?" asked Misato. The last thirty days had been tense.
"No idea," said Ritsuko. The commander remained silent. The notes they had were very hit-or-miss, so there was the gloom of this near-zero chance to get Shinji back. "Alright, let's commence."
"Ego-border connected," said Maya.
Ritsuko looked over Maya's shoulder at her terminal. "Begin salvage."
Everyone was so focused on the task at hand that they failed to notice a pair of blue eyes watching them from the entry. Asuka gripped the doorway as her eyes scanned the room full of busy workers. The night before, Misato had told her about the progress on Shinji's recovery effort, and that they would be going through with it. She did not say much, but quietly accompanied her to NERV. Ayanami was around, but she wasn't sure where.
The techs began to talk. They spoke of ego borders and Klein spaces, but still, Asuka's eyes darted around, and her ears were blocking out everything else.
"Reverse the tangent graph!"
Lights flashed in the feed.
"Changes detected in the core."
"Water temperature increasing."
Asuka began to chew on the inside of her cheek. A feeling of dread hung over her.
Everything stopped.
"The Eva rejected the signal!"
Asuka felt her blood freeze.
"Ego formation is separating."
"Cut the power!" said Akagi.
"We can't. The plug ejected."
The video feed returned, and Asuka looked up at it. One side of the screen showed the empty entry plug, and the other showed said entry plug sticking out of Unit-01.
She looked at Misato, who was petrified in place.
Misato felt tears sting her eyes. "Shinji," she said to herself. "Where are you? Don't you want to come back?"
Ritsuko leaned on the nearest railing, running a hand through her hair. She saw the commander descend from his perch to talk to her.
Asuka didn't have time to see any of it. She broke into a full sprint as she made her way to the Unit-01's cage. Shinji wasn't going to come out of Unit-01. Maybe it was on their end, maybe on his. It didn't matter to her, all she could think about was that big, ugly beast, and how it had taken someone from her. Someone she didn't fully realize the importance of until he was gone.
She came upon the cage. Unit-01 stood in front of her, a mess of wires all around its exposed core. The walkway was soaked in LCL, and in the middle sat an empty plugsuit. She picked it up, iron-gripping it.
Asuka threw the plugsuit to the floor and looked up at Unit-01. "You," she began in a whisper. "You selfish jerk!" Her words echoed around the empty room. "After everything... How dare you run away!"
Yui and Shinji sat at a small table across from each other. He was looking down at his hands. They had broken through, but another matter was pressing her. "The angel we fought last."
Shinji looked up. "What about the last angel?"
"What did it make you see?"
His eyes widened, he looked down at the table. "It... It tried to tell me I was afraid of piloting. Afraid of Unit-01. It made me think that Asuka would hate me."
Yui sighed. "It showed me my own fears too. It made me think I was killing you, or driving you away."
"Really? The angels can hurt you like that?"
"Not usually, but this one, it felt so real. I just... I guess I pulled you in to protect you from it."
"Whatever it showed you, it wasn't real," he said, adding a smile for good measure.
Yui smiled back, and they shared a comfortable silence for a moment. The conversation brought another thought to her mind. "I knew at some point that I would probably have to stay here."
Shinji flinched in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Unit-01. It requires a connection. A part of me hoped that I could imprint enough of my psyche that it would serve as a medium to connect, but it didn't work. It was all or nothing."
He placed his hands flat on the table. "You knew this all along?" Yui could see the hurt in his face.
She quickly worked to curb it. "That's why I made the tapes."
"Why did- Wait, really?"
"It was half-intentional, half-just-in-case. If the experiment hadn't taken me, I would have burned those tapes and been there every day for you."
Shinji said nothing, opting to look past her.
"Look, I know that a box of tapes and letters doesn't pass as a parent. I never wanted it to. I wanted you to know that I was still there. I'm sorry, Shinji. I really am."
He looked back at her. His heart jumped at what she initially said, but the pain lessened as she explained. "I..." He sighed. "It still hurts to know."
"And I don't expect you to be fine with it, but I've always been here, and I always will be. I promise."
Yui squeezed Shinji's hand. He responded with a sad smile. Before he could speak, a large flash of light made them both recoil. "What was that?" he said.
Yui rubbed her eyes, readjusting to the light. "I don't know."
There was a pause, broken by Shinji speaking again. "So, when everything is over, would you come out?"
She looked away from him. Such a question was one she refused to ask herself. The angel saw into her intentions, and thinking of it now made her sick. Could she really stay inside Unit-01 after all that had happened to her husband and son? Would they ever forgive her?
She chose to avoid giving an answer. "I hope."
Another flash of light. They exchanged a look. Shinji opened his mouth to speak, but was harshly interrupted by a voice, which echoed all around them.
"You selfish jerk!"
He whipped his head around. The realization hit him. "Oh my- That was Asuka!"
Another flash. This time, light filled the entire core-room and lingered for a moment. Wind began to blow, chilling the inhabitants.
"I think you may need to leave," said Yui.
"After everything... How dare you run away!"
"Yeah. She sounds mad."
"Mad? Hey, she sounds like Kyoko on her wedding day, when her husband sprained his ankle."
Shinji contained the fluster. Another flash of light. "Will you be okay?"
Yui smiled. "Of course. We both will be."
Shinji smiled back. "Thank you, Mother."
She wrapped him in a hug, which he reciprocated. Tears wet both of their eyes. Yui planted a flurry of kisses on the top of Shinji's head. When they broke apart, she caressed his face. "I love you."
"I love you too."
In that moment, Yui saw the same little boy she loved to hold in her arms, a decade prior.
"I love you too, mommy!"
She choked down a sob. "Go. I'll see you next time we sync."
"Right!" Shinji headed for the door. He turned the knob and pushed it open. The harsh wind blew into the whole room. The light was inviting him.
"Oh, Shinji!" Yui said before he moved. "One more thing!"
"Yeah?"
"I never had a sister. Before we had you, your father said 'If it's a boy, Shinji. If it's a girl, Rei.'"
His eyes widened. "What!?"
"Ask your father about it, now go!"
He nodded, and stepped into the light, shutting the door behind him.
Slowly, the wind and light died down. Yui grabbed a chair and sat down.
"We'll be okay," she repeated to herself. "We'll be okay."
Unit-01 did not move, and Asuka slowly sank to her knees. The plugsuit laid there. She picked it up and held it to her chest. She didn't care, as the cage was empty. Shinji truly was gone, and this was all that could be given back of him.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a flash of light. She turned her head, and when the flash stopped, a figure laid face down on the walkway: Shinji.
Asuka's heart started racing. She dropped the plugsuit and rushed over to him. "Shinji!" she said in a quiet shout. She knelt down, picking up his head.
Shinji heard the voice, and it resonated within him. He knew it was her. Despite the pure exhaustion, knowing she was there made his heart pick up the pace and his blood rush all over his body. His head was turned to the side. He opened his eyes slowly. They focused and made out a curtain of red. Her red. He couldn't help a smile. "Asuka..." He said. The one person that he could not stop thinking of when he was trapped inside Unit-01. All the heartache of missing her, of being unable to be at her side, all slowly washed away as he felt her hands on his head. He shifted his position a little, reaching up and putting a warm hand on her cheek.
Asuka felt her heart jump as Shinji's wet hand touched her face. It sent a small wave of goosebumps through her, making the miniscule breeze of the cage gently graze her. She looked down at him and saw something in his eyes that she hadn't seen before. It looked like a mix of urgency, desire, and longing. When he began to retract his hand, it appeared to be inviting her. She followed his hand until their faces were centimeters apart. Her eyes were half-lidded as she looked into Shinji's again. His pupils dilated as she filled all of his senses.
Shinji felt immense passion then and there. His resolve burned as he solidified what he would do next. He pushed forward, meeting Asuka's unmoving lips in a soft, slow kiss.
Asuka's eyes opened fully as Shinji's mouth unfolded onto hers. At first, she felt shock at such an action. He was kissing her, and she was watching it happen. Her heart began to pound in her. Then she realized she wanted more. She kissed back. The manner in which she did so was thorough. Yearning. Hungry. Though their lips already connected, they crashed together once more. Asuka felt pure ecstasy as she allowed some tears to fall from her eye. She released a small whimper into Shinji's mouth. Teeth and almost-bitten tongues mashed together in a coordinated chaos. The kiss tasted like salty LCL, but they didn't care. They released a near-month of tension and anger without any need for words. In that moment, nothing else existed but the two of them.
When they parted, Asuka kept her hold on Shinji's head. Footsteps got her attention, and she turned to see Misato and the commander entering the cage. Misato looked at the scene in front of her, before breaking into a sprint. She pulled her jacket off. When she was in front of the pair, she knelt down. "Shinji..."
"Misato," he said weakly.
"Here." She scooted a little closer and draped her jacket around his waist. "You're okay."
Shinji felt the chill of the leather around him as he slowly embraced it. "I'm okay." His free hand reached to Asuka's arm and he gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm gonna be okay." His eyes started to feel heavy. He was pulled into a hug, smelling perfume and the detergent on Misato's dress as arms came around him. He felt her kiss the top of his head multiple times. He heard her sobs.
Once Misato let him go, Shinji looked around. Father stood over the three of them. "Shinji," he said.
"Father," he responded, adding a weak smile. He saw his face convey relief and happiness.
"It is good to see you."
"Yeah... You too." Shinji's eyelids found themselves pressing together, and the sounds around him began to blend together and drift away alongside his consciousness.
The last thing he heard before he passed out was "Let's get him to the infirmary."
A much bolder voice said "I'm staying there too."
It filled him with joy as he sank into a dreamless rest.
Shinji opened his eyes to a bright light. Once again, it was the hospital. He blinked a few times, allowing himself to adjust to the light which might as well have been in his face.
He flexed his feet, and felt his body respond. Good. He then flexed his hands. His left was fine, but his right was caught in something. It was warm. A trace of strawberries cut through the thick sterile scent of the hospital. Of course he was there again, but at least he knew who was with him.
"Asuka..." he whispered. He opened his eyes a crack. She was sitting next to his bed. The blurry figure came into view, and there she was; One hand was intertwined with his, and the other was propping up her head as she stared out the window. "Asuka?" he said a little louder.
Asuka had dozed off. She jolted awake and turned her head. "Ah, you're up," she mumbled. She smiled gently before realizing. "Wait, you're up!" She turned to face him fully, an unreadable look on her face. She leaned in closer. "You're still you, aren't you?"
Shinji sank back a little into his pilot. He smiled. "Um, hi." He sat up.
She flicked him between his eyes. "Still an idiot. Yup, it's you." Asuka took her flicking hand and supported his jaw with it. "You remember getting out of that thing, don't you?"
He nodded. He raised a weak arm up and placed it on the back of her neck. Like two perfect pieces of a machine, the two of them came together and met with a kiss. It was their second time doing it, but they kissed as if it were their hundredth. This time, it didn't taste like LCL, which was a relief to both of them.
When they separated, Shinji looked at Asuka. "So, I guess we...?"
"Yeah," she finished for him. "I guess we are." Saying it made her feel a massive sense of relief. She no longer had to shut herself down when he crept into her mind. She finally allowed herself to look into Shinji's eyes, and admit they were nice.
The sound of the door opening broke their comfortable silence. They both looked to see Misato, standing at the doorway with her hand on the opening panel. "Hey Asuka, is Shinji-" The scene in front of her registered, and she gasped. She quickly backed out of the room, closing the door. They heard her knock on it.
Asuka stroked Shinji's cheek with her thumb before sliding away from him, crossing her arms. "Come in!"
Misato opened the door. "Hello! Is our lost boy awake?"
"Yeah," said Shinji.
She picked up the pace to his bedside. She couldn't help the bright smile on her face. "Shinji," she said, emotion thick in her voice.
"Hello," he said.
She wrapped him in a tight hug. He was startled, but put his arms around her. "I'm so glad to have you back," she said.
"Thank you."
When the hug broke off, Misato looked at Asuka, then at Shinji. She smiled, opting to bring it up later. "I'll go see how soon we can get you out of here."
"Okay, thanks."
Misato smiled again, before turning and leaving. Shinji looked at Asuka who scooted closer.
"So," she said. "Ready to go home?"
There was something he wanted to do, but it was escaping him at the moment. Oh well, he thought to himself. He figured it would come back to him later.
"Yeah," he said. Going home with Asuka sounded perfect. "Home."
A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed that. I finally made Asushin happen! The end of this chapter was something I had in mind for a very long time, so getting it out is very satisfying. I also had the "Ritsuko is Gendo's therapist" thing planned for a very long time.
Very special thanks to YourBlandestNightmare and HydrationStation. Blandest did beta-ing, Hydration read over some scenes to make sure they were good, and for that I cannot thank them enough. Their help was very crucial to making sure this chapter turned out nicely.
Reviews!
Moosetracks101: I did it, I spared him from suffering.
Greg242: Oh I brought that and more, baby.
AirGuitar035: Some good old fashioned sufering before I gave our dear Shinman a bread with this chapter.
Akomis: And that change came about in a (Hopefully-satisfying) way.
MisterHalt: Yeah, it was awkward. They talked it out pretty nicely though.
YourBlandestNightmare: And here we are. Thanks again for the help, you absolute gentleman.
zipper0: Thanks!
Chucky117: I hope this development is satisfying for you.
Annk: Thanks! Thank you both for the continued support!
mistalenny: Lol thanks.
TheLegend2764: I fought through my classes just to deliver this chapter. I hope you liked the Gendo stuff here.
calborghete: Thanks! Lemme know what you think!
tomdj171: And work them out I did.
HeyThereMrBlue: :)
Red Domino: Bless. I didn't have Asuka sync, but I had her do something else.
Lupeskillz: Thank you. The final scenes in this are dedicated to you. "Is it Asushin tho?" Yes. It is Asushin.
skyf0x: I'm glad you liked that! Asuka and Shinji's relationship has definitely reached a new level now, so if you want WAFF come get it. Unlike canon, I'm not gonna have Shinji go to a bathtub. The kids'll be okay.
atare: Thanks!
HydrationStation: You were a big help on that Arael stuff, and thank you for help on this chapter too!
Bigou: I'm glad!
Nonameasushin: Yui's okay. Look at her.
xavierxaphista: Interlude will have some of that.
NoseGum: I appreciate your enthusiasm, Gum-kun. Ohayo.
Next time: Shinji and Asuka come to terms with finally being together, and NERV's plans move forward in Chapter 21: Hand-in-Hand!
Before that, expect an interlude all about Asuka! Interlude 2: I Want To Be Cold!