Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl
Close Encounters of the Dursley Kind One

DISCLAIMER: i did not create either Daria or the world of Harry Potter. Daria belongs to MTV Viacom; Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, Wizarding World, and Warner Brothers.

None of the Fink-Nottles are meant to be PG Wodehouse characters, although I don't see why PG Wodehouse's characters can't have grand-children and great-grandchildren whose parents hadn't even been born during the time of the Jeeves stories.

I neither expect nor deserve any financial reward for this story. I am writing this story for ego gratification and my own amusement.

Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl*Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl*Daria Ravenclaw: The Year of the Owl

Vernon Dursley POV:

"All right, the adventure park, then!" said Vernon Dursley. "Everyone buckled in?" Petunia nodded, his son replied "Yes, Dad!" and he nodded in satisfaction. He'd fastened his own seat-belt of course. Good, everyone was ready. He turned the key and started the car. He drove away from his sister's country home, muttering dark words when his car drove across a puddle that splattered mud over the sides, then set out for the main road after he reached pavement. Vernon Dursley saw himself as a family man, a man who loved and cared for his wife and son, and also his sister. After all, he'd brought his family to his sister's house, didn't he? He was enjoying his visit, but he felt that he needed some time away from that Fubster fellow and his sister's barking, yapping dogs.

It took him an hour to drive from the edge of Marge's driveway to the adventure park, most of it in traffic. This being Easter Week, traffic was a little less than usual but there still seemed to be just as many slow-moving lorries in front of him and too many idiots on either side that he needed to watch for as well as too many random slow-downs to make the driving pleasant.

"When do we get there, Dad?" said Dudley.

"Soon," Vernon said shortly. Dudley had learned to read his father well enough to know that that meant that he wasn't sure but hoped that it would be soon enough.

"So where is this place, Pet?" he asked. His wife was handling the navigation.

"We're coming up on it, Vernon," said Petunia.

They exited off the main artery onto a secondary road, Vernon seeing a sign for the adventure park and noting with satisfaction that it was now only 23 kilometers away. We'll be there soon enough, he thought.

Another turn or two and they finally found the entrance, only to find themselves in a line of cars paused on the road waiting to turn into the entrance. He had an uneasy feeling that the park's lot might already be full-up and squashed it. Traffic was turning in and he did see one or two cars exiting, so maybe they'd be able to go in. The line crept forward, bust before he reached the entrance to the parking lot, he discovered that it was a paid parking lot and that he'd have to pay if he wanted to park. "Pass me fifteen quid, Pet. I'll pay you back later," he said, scowling as he reached the attendant's booth. Greedy buggers, he thought. Of course they'd charge for parking on top of admission.

The lot was crowded with automobiles, presumably parents with children but also, no doubt, a lot of shiftless teenagers who'd borrowed their parents' car-keys and drove here when they should have stayed home. He found himself threading the lot, driving back and forth looking for some empty parking space and finding none. As he searched for an empty parking space, he ignored a silver-grey hatchback with a Budgerigar Avionics employee parking decal on the front windscreen and a St. Humbert's Church bumper-sticker on the rear door. Luck, or at least luck of sorts was with him and he finally found a parking place on the furthest row from the main entrance. Bloody typical, he thought.

-(((O-O)))—

The Fink-Nottles' house
St. Humbert's Fold
Earlier that day
Daria POV

This morning Daria found herself awake earlier than she had the last couple of days. I probably should get going, she thought. The Fink-Nottles were day people and were probably already up and about. She got out of bed, showered, put on street clothes, then went downstairs for breakfast.

She came downstairs to find that the Fink-Nottles were already dressed and prepared for a full day.

"Good morning," Mr. Fink-Nottle said as Daria took a seat at the breakfast table. "Now that we're all awake and seated, do you kids know what day this is?"

Cuthbert grinned. Daria went through her mental calendar and to her dismay, she failed to recollect any historical events.

"No idea, Dad," said Cuthbert.

"It's your unbirthday!" said Mr. Fink-Nottle.

"Yes it is!" he said.

Louis Carroll, Daria thought. She remembered that Cuthbert's birthday wasn't until late April. She forgot whether Unbirthdays were original or later Disney add-ons.

"Daria, I know you have a birthday coming up," said Mr. Fink-Nottle.

"On the ninth of next month," Daria replied.

"So it's your unbirthday too," said Mr. Fink-Nottle.

He turned his attention to his boy. "Son, I know you're going to be away at school for your birthday, but we can celebrate it now. Ordinarily, I'd suggest the Aquarium, but..."

"I know, they're closed," said Cuthbert. "I called them to ask about holiday hours."

"So let's do the adventure park instead," said Mr. Fink-Nottle.

Adventure park, thought Daria. She never heard the term before. This sounded like an Anglicism of some sort. She had a brief vision of herself making her way across a flimsy rope bridge over some deep Andean chasm, then frowned. This is England, she thought, they'd never let their little darlings do something that risky. Whatever an Adventure Park was, it probably wasn't too dangerous. And if it was too noisy or boring, she could watch Cuthbert and Mr. Fink-Nottle make fools of themselves.

"We'll all go," said Mrs. Fink-Nottle. "I'll touch up and we can set off."

Daria briefly wondered again just what she'd set herself up for, but decided she'd go along. Even if there were too many bells and flashing lights, it couldn't be worse than one of Professor Binns' dull, dull, dull history lectures.

"An adventure park!" exclaimed Cuthbert. "Have you even been to one?"

Daria thought about it. There was Six Flags in the Dallas—Fort Worth area and Sea World in San Antonio, but she'd never been to either. "I don't think so, unless carnivals really count," she replied.

"It's brilliant!" said Cuthbert. "I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

Mrs. Fink-Nottle returned from the master bedroom a few minutes later and Daria wondered if things were going too well. The telephone rang. Mrs. Fink-Nottle picked it up. "Edgar, it's for you," she said. She handed the receiver over to Mr. Fink-Nottle.

"Hello?" said Mr. Fink-Nottle.

"Yes," he continued. "Yes, I'm at home. I'm with my family and we were about to set off for the adventure park."

"You want me to come in?"

"I don't see why it's necessary. It's the Easter holidays and I specifically asked for this day off to be with my son. He's home from school, he leaves Monday, and he won't be back until June."

"Why can't Owensby do it? He's almost as good as I am."

"Down with the flu, eh?"

"So it's from someone higher up? It's not simply you, it's from Lincoln?"

"So he wants it?" His face fell. The look on his face made Daria think of a kid who'd just been told that Christmas had been cancelled.

"I'll come in, then," Mr. Fink-Nottle said, a touch of bitterness in his voice. "Can't disappoint our betters, can we?" He hung up the receiver.

He then turned to Cuthbert. "Son, I'm sorry. I'd hoped to spend today with you but I was told to come in. I'll try to make it with you later this week." Daria saw that he looked sorry.

He then turned to Daria and Mrs. Fink-Nottle. "You heard?" he said. Mrs. Fink-Nottle nodded.

"Doesn't he understand?" said Mrs. Fink-Nottle.

"I doubt it," Mr. Fink-Nottle replied. "Life-long bachelor or Upper-Class Berk."

"You came from money," said Mrs. Fink-Nottle.

"Third son two generations ago," Mr. Fink-Nottle replied. "I learned that I'd have to work for my daily bread."

Daria frowned. "It's OK," she said. Actually, she was reminded that this sort of thing sometimes happened with Mom. The difference was that Mr. Fink-Nottle put up more of a fight.

"Son, I'll try to do something special with you later this week," said Mr. Fink-Nottle.

"OK, Dad," said Cuthbert. Daria could see that he was also disappointed but was putting up a brave front.

"We'll go on and tell you about our adventures when we get back," said Mrs. Fink-Nottle.

"I look forward to hearing them," said Mr. Fink-Nottle. He kissed Mrs. Fink-Nottle, zipped up his windbreaker, then walked out to his car, started it up, and drove away. Daria, Cuthbert, and Mrs. Fink-Nottle left the house a couple of minutes later.

Daria had no idea as to where the Adventure Park was and had to trust Mrs. Fink-Nottle with the driving and navigation. As it turned out, the drive to the Adventure Park was relatively short, at least by West Texas standards, but time-consuming due to traffic. Daria noted that the parking lot was pay-to-enter and nearly full when they pulled in.

"It looks like you'll have plenty of company when you go in," said Mrs. Fink-Nottle. Lots of screaming kids on holiday, thought Daria.

They paid admission at the entrance gate and went in. To Daria's way of thinking, a Midlands spring was equivalent to a late fall day in West Texas—not arctic, but definitely requiring a sweater and windbreaker. The Park was partially enclosed: the rides out in the open and what Daria suspected was the arcade was indoors. She decided that she was going to do most of her loitering indoors and close to Mrs. Fink-Nottle. By unanimous decision, all three of the Fink-Nottle Party went indoors.

Indoors was an arcade with bewildering displays of lights and constantly-pinging bells. It was so noisy that Daria could barely hear Cuthbert and Mrs. Fink-Nottle talking to each other. Most of the games were electronic, although there were oldies like pinball, foosball, and toss games. A lot of the arcade games involved picking up a digital gun and shooting things: as a Highland girl, Daria had decidedly mixed feelings about them. They ought to make games where the players get points on ducking, running, and hiding, she thought.

Lost in her thoughts, she almost missed what happened next.

"Rodrick!" said Cuthbert. "What are you doing here?"

"Cuthbert!" said George. "I didn't expect to see you here either!"

Holy Cow, someone from Hogwarts, she thought. Another Hufflepuff by the feel of it.

"This is brilliant!" Cuthbert exclaimed. "Mum, this is Rodrick MacLaurie from school!"

"And I'm his Mum," said a tall woman with a strong family resemblance standing behind him. She extended her hand. "Deirdre MacLaurie."

"Camille Fink-Nottle," Mrs. Fink- Nottle replied. "I'm Cuthbert's mother, and this young lady is Daria Morgendorffer. She's our house-guest."

"How do you do?" said Daria.

"Is she?" said Mrs. MacLaurie.

"She goes to the same school," Cuthbert cut in. "Different house."

Mrs. MacLaurie relaxed. "I didn't know these places existed," she said.

"Well, I do. We've been here before," said Mrs. Fink-Nottle.

"Is your husband?" asked Mrs. MacLaurie.

"No, he's not," said Mrs. Fink-Nottle. "I'm not either. All this stuff is new to me. We didn't find out about Cuthbert until he got his letter."

"And what about you, Daria?" said Mrs. MacLaurie.

"I didn't find out about the you-know-what until over a year ago," said Daria. "I knew there was some weird stuff going on, but it wasn't until about a year and a half ago that I found out that I was the one causing it."

Mrs. MacLaurie looked thoughtful. Daria wondered if she was a half-blood or a pure-blood married to someone who hadn't turned their back on the non-magical world.

"This is so intriguing," said Mrs. MacLaurie. "I didn't know that—people—could do so much with electricity and machinery."

"If you grow up with it, you get used to it and soon learn to take it for granted," said Mrs. Fink-Nottle. "Unless there's a power failure and the lights go out."

"Power failure? Does that happen often?" said Mrs. MacLaurie.

"Not too often," said Mrs. Fink-Nottle. She turned to Daria. "Daria, could you mind Cuthbert for a bit and keep him out of trouble?"

Daria would have loved to have followed their conversation but she could take a hint. She turned her attention to Cuthbert and Rodrick, who were playing against each other on a shoot-em-up video game. Both boys were slapping buttons and shifting joysticks at incredible speeds, although Cuthbert seemed to be ahead. She looked around at some of the other players and noticed that they also had the same glazed look in their eyes.

Daria decided to buy some game tokens and try her luck. If you can't beat them, join them, Dari thought wryly. Most of the games didn't appeal to her, but someone in the adventure park must have liked , so there three separate with an upgraded version ready for play. She played through four rounds and quit with a grin on her face.

Another game caught her attention, mainly because there wasn't a line of kids waiting their turn and the player who'd just lost walked away. The graphics also looked interesting. For grins, she put in her tokens and started playing.

After playing her first round, she decided that she liked it: it was more realistic. Staying in the game and gathering points had less to do with shooting at somebody than it did with making split-second decisions and evading the bad guys. It was a bit like dueling: as a first-year she was painfully aware that most Hogwarts students could beat the pants off of her if she was foolish enough to pull her wand on them. She played three rounds and had just noted that the third level looked suspiciously like the Great Hall and the staircases to the side of it when she heard some commotion to the side of her. One of the voices was Cuthbert's: she turned to see what the fuss was about.

A large fat jerk with a thatch of blond hair was shoving his way through a line to a game console which Cuthbert wanted to play at.

"Oi!" said Cuthbert. "We were here first!"

"Wait your turn!" said Rodrick, his hand reaching for a wand that wasn't there.

"Hey!" shouted Daria.

The lump turned at the sound of Daria's voice and his jaw dropped open with astonishment.

Holy Crap, she thought. She recognized him.

Their shared moment of recognition was then interrupted by an adult woman shrieking "You! What are you doing here?"