Chapter 11 – And If You Wake Up Wondering, In The Darkness I'll Be There…
O –O –O – O – O – O
The war was finally over and peace had been restored to Erebor and the surrounding cities and town. But for Bifur, there could be no peace until he found Jasmine and brought her home. She was alive, he knew in his heart and in his soul that she still lived.
His cousin Bofur had already told him he was going on the search. 'Jasmine, he said is family and you don't desert family.' He was grateful for his help.
After word spread among the other members of the Company that Jasmine was missing and he needed help finding her, he got two volunteers right away.
Looking at the gash on his forehead now that the axe was no longer there, 'Oin informed him he was coming. Working gently he stitch it closed then placed a bandage over it.
"I'm coming with ya laddie. If your Jasmine is injured she will be in need of my help. Also, I'm very fond of her. She is a sweet lady and you are lucky to have found each other."
Bifur thanked the older Dwarf, but asked, "Are you sure you wish to do this?"
"Absolutely laddie! Your Jasmine was a great help to me in Lake-town. She deserves and needs any assistance I can give."
Bifur thanked him again.
The other person who was adamant he was going on the search was Fili. Bifur wasn't sure that was such a good idea because he had been badly injured during the battle, but he was determined to come along.
Bifur stood at the foot of Fili's bed as he made his pronouncement about joining the search mission.
"She is my best friend Bifur and I will not leave her to the winds of fate. You say you know she still lives…I believe you. So let's go find her."
Kili stood next to his bed concerned for him. "Brother, I know you wish to find her, but you are still healing. You have a broken arm, a gash in your side. You say you want to help, but how can you if you can't protect yourself?"
Fili huffed a bit as he started to rise from the bed. He stopped, staring at everyone in the room. "I'm feeling better brother. Besides," he said carefully crossing his arms over his bare chest, "is not 'Oin coming with the group? He can see to me if I have a problem. I just need to dress and don't need an audience as I do. So if everyone could please leave."
Fili waited as everyone cleared the room. As the door closed firmly behind the last person, he finally got up and began to put on his clothes. He winched as he raised his arms to slide on his tunic. He had to admit his side was still tender, but 'Oin had stitched him up well. Sitting down in a nearby chair, he pulled on his boots. He knew Bifur was anxious to leave, so he hurried his preparation.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Bofur had purchased some ponies from the Elves, who had been surprisingly cooperative with the whole transaction. As he waited outside the gates of Erebor for the rest of the group to arrive, he hoped that it wouldn't take them long to find Jasmine and reunite her with his cousin.
Thorin asked to speak to his nephew before he left. 'Oin and Bifur grabbed up their equipment and went outside.
Thorin approached Fili and said, "Are you sure about this?"
Fili adjusted his belt before answering his uncle. "Jasmine is my best friend. I have to help find her."
"But you are still healing. You need time."
Fili looked at Thorin, "Time is something that she may not have. It's possible we may find out she did not survive, but just as Bifur gave you his service to retake the Mountain, I must do this for him. I trust his instincts on this. She is his one and he said she still lives. So I'm going to help find her."
Nodding, Thorin said, "Be careful. Send word to us if you do. I know it seemed like I did not care for the lass, but in truth, she brought a bit of light to our travels with her singing and her presence. We will have a huge wedding celebration for them when everyone returns. It is the least I can do. Take care nephew."
Fili smiled at his uncle as the two pressed their foreheads together. Turning he headed for the Erebor gate.
As he exited, Fili walked up to his pony, slinging a small pack onto his back. He mounted the animal and turned to the others. "I'm ready."
"Okay cousin, which way?" asked Bofur.
Bifur took a deep breath. "I think we should go to the spot just below where she fell…we begin there. If she was swept down river that is the direction we must follow."
Everyone agreed as they rode towards Dale.
Bifur touched his tunic just above his heart. He had secured Jasmine's letter and her courting braid to that spot. 'I know you are out there somewhere Amrâlimê and I will find you.'
O – O – O – O – O – O
'Do you still think that Dwarf runt is coming back for you?'
'back for you…back for you…back for you.'
'You won't need this any longer!'
'You won't need this any longer!'
'You won't need this any longer!'
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"
Jasmine's eyes snapped open to stare into an overcast sky. Blinking a few times, she lifted her hand up to touch her throbbing head. She felt a large raised bump in the middle of her forehead.
Groaning a bit, she whispered, "I fell…I…I remember falling. Did I do that when I fell… or when I head-butted Alfrid?"
She wasn't sure.
She began to shiver suddenly feeling the cold of her wet clothes, feet and hair. Slowly she sat up, not sure if she had any other injuries. Her head hurt something fierce. She began to massage her temples, hoping it would help.
Attempting to stand, her legs didn't want to cooperate at first. Trying a second time, she felt a stinging pain on her left leg. Moving her wet skirt aside, she saw the cut. It was then she remembered that Alfrid had sliced her.
Thankfully it didn't look deep, still in this place if it became infected she could be in trouble. She needed to clean it then find some tree moss to put on it.
Trying to stand again she finally got her feet but realized the ankle on her right foot was injured. Trying to put some weight on it, she was relieved it wasn't broken, just badly sprained.
Cussing under her breath, she limped up the embankment, having to crawl the last few feet. Once at the top, she again tried to stand. Finally getting her feet under her, she glanced at her surroundings. She was completely lost. Where she stood was just pure wilderness, no houses, buildings, and certainly no cities.
"I don't know which way I should go." She said softly.
Her biggest concern was finding shelter before it got dark and she needed to get a fire going. Taking a deep breath she starting limping to her left. In the distance she saw a grove of trees. She wasn't sure why she chose to go that way; she just needed to start moving. As she walked she began grumbling to herself. "I'm getting a strong case of déjà vu. What does this world have against my legs? The only difference this time is I have no Bifur to help me."
Bifur.
The pain of saying his name almost overwhelmed her. 'Will I ever find you again, my love?' she wondered. 'Is the battle over? Did you survive?'
As she hobbled towards the faraway trees, she couldn't stop the tears from sliding down her face. She didn't want to admit to herself that she was scared. Or that she was unsure if she would ever find her way back to him. She only prayed that she would.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Bifur and his group rode their ponies down to the river just below the walls of Dale. Glancing at the heights above, Bifur felt a shiver course through him. Jasmine fell a long way and he found it very concerning. What kind of injuries could she have suffered? He took a few deep breaths as he guided his pony along the shoreline, searching for any clues. The others followed silently behind him.
The group had been riding for some time when Bofur brought his mount up beside his cousin. "Are you worried? You've been really quiet since we left Dale."
Bifur glanced over at him. "I guess I'm lost in my thoughts. I was thinkin about the last time Jasmine and I were together. When we left Lake-town I promised I would be back for her. I feel as though I broke that promise."
Bofur shook his head. "That's not true and you know it. As I've told ya before, you did what ya felt was right to protect her. You had no way of knowin how things would turn out."
Bifur rode in silence for a bit then turned in his saddle toward his cousin, "Can I tell you somethin in confidence?"
Bofur nodded. "Of course. What's troublin ya?"
Bifur took a breath, "Jasmine and I were together the night before the Company left for Erebor."
Bofur blinked slightly, "You were both at the party, of course."
"No cousin I mean together, together. While everyone was at the party, I found a spot for us to be alone…together."
It suddenly dawned on Bofur what he meant, "Oh aye…together." Puffing on his pipe, he asked, "You are courtin…so you are goin to marry…yes?"
He shook his head, "Yes, but sleepin with each other before the wedding is frowned upon, is it not?"
"Cousin, I don't think you need to worry about that. I think there was a time long past where maybe it was, but I don't think so now. Plus you didn't know what might happen at the Mountain…if I had been in that situation, I might have done the same. You love each other and I know both of you have been fighting the urge. So it happened. You didn't take advantage of the lass, right?"
"No of course not. We both wanted it."
Bofur gave a caring smile, "Then don't worry cousin. It was one time and once we find Jasmine, you'll marry her and not have to worry again."
Sighing softly, he began to search for any clues again. Bifur prayed to Mahal to help him find her.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Exhausted from walking, Jasmine had finally made it to the trees. She built a small shelter from some wood and nearby fallen limbs. Using more limbs, she created a bed to lie on. After that, she cleared a space in front of her enclosure and got a small fire going. Thank God for her cross body pack and its waterproof coating. The box of wooden matches stuffed inside were still dry and she soon had a warm fire started.
Taking off her boots and socks, she place them near the fire to dry them. She also removed her undergarments, and her fringed jacket to try and get them dry. The fire kept her warm as did the place where she had built the shelter, blocking any wind from reaching her.
Taking the knife stashed in one of her boots, she began scraping two pieces of wood to create a make shift brace for her ankle. She gathered some vines to make it secure. Once her footwear dried, she would put it on and take a test walk.
She had also found the needed tree moss, applying it to the wound on her leg. Pulling her knees up close to her body, she wrapped her arms around her legs. Resting her chin on them, she stared into the flicking fire. Her thoughts went back to the night she and Bifur finally gave in to their passion and made love.
She had been a virgin that night and the incredible feelings that ran through her as she gave herself to him that first time still filled her with wonder. Even now her body shivered thinking of how she couldn't get enough of his hands touching her skin.
She was under no illusion that Bifur had never had sex. He seemed to know exactly how to please her. He was older than her after all and she imagined he might have been with many women. Yet, he said she was his one, his soulmate meaning there was no one else for him…and she believed him.
Checking her socks and boots, she could feel her socks were dry as were her underwear. Her boots needed more time. Putting her socks and underwear back on, she decided to place her outerwear near the fire to finish drying. Stoking the fire, she curled up on her bed and tried to get some sleep. Massaging her temples again, she sighed and closed her eyes.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Bifur and his group found a safe place to camp for the night. After 'Oin got a fire started they all gathered around it to eat. No one really said anything for a while. They just ate in silence, staring into the dancing firelight.
Fili took a drink of water before saying, "Where should we go tomorrow Bifur? The same direction or go further off the river…in case Jasmine walked inland away from the shore."
Bifur took a deep breath, "I want to go further downstream, keeping to the shoreline before going further in. I just need to be sure."
Fili nodded. "I understand. I think that's smart. We're going to find her."
Bifur gave him a sad smile. "Aye, we are."
As he stretched out on his blanket, Bifur allowed himself to dream. He dreamed of how their life would be once they married. He touched the spot where her letter and braid resided. 'I miss you Amrâlimê. I miss you so much.'
O – O – O – O – O – O
The next morning after getting ready, Jasmine began her journey again. She decided to continue walking in the same direction. She only hoped she was traveling the right way. The make-shift brace she had created for her ankle did give it some stability and helped with her walking.
For protection she used her knife to create a spear. She also thought when she decided to stop for the night it could be used to catch some fish. Her plan was to try and stay near the river…to use it as her guide.
Even though she was extremely hungry, she put off fishing until later. She wanted to put some miles under her feet. Her stomach was growling loudly, but she tried to ignore it.
Thankfully not long after starting her journey, she came across a wild apple tree. Collecting some of the ripe fruit, she ate a couple, taking the edge off her hunger. Using the apron she was wearing, she gathered a few more to carry with her.
Sighing a bit, she started walking again. Jasmine wasn't sure how far the river had taken her; she only hoped she would soon see something familiar.
O – O – O – O – O – O
As soon as the sun came up, Bifur and his group started to search the shoreline again. They had ridden their ponies down the shoreline for some time when Fili spotted something in the mud. It was near the first of the many tributaries off the Running River.
"I see something." He said as he dismounted. Leaning over he retrieved what appeared to be a necklace. It was covered in mud and Fili dipped it several times in the water to rinse it off. Approaching Bifur, he handed it to him.
Taking the necklace from Fili, a smile spread across his face. "This is Jasmine's peace beads…at least that's what she called it. He rubbed his thumb over the little peace symbol that hung from it, trying to remove some of the clinging mud." He twisted in his saddle and looked up the small tributary. "She might have washed up here and gone in that direction. Do you see anything else?"
Fili glanced around him, searching for footprints or anything else."
Shaking his head, he said, "I don't, but the water could have removed any signs. The necklace was stuck in some drying mud…could be why it wasn't taken."
"I think we should go in that direction cousin." Bofur stated as he pointed up the tributary
Bifur seemed to contemplate his suggestion for a moment. "I'm going to check the other side…just to be sure. Wait here."
He rode his pony across the water to the other shore. After going a little ways down and finding no signs, he turned around and came back.
"Found nothing, so let's go up the tributary."
Turning his pony in that direction, the others followed him down the river bank.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Jasmine wasn't sure how long she had been walking, when something made her look up into the sky. The sun had disappeared and a thick blanket of clouds covered it. She also noted that the temperature had dropped. It definitely felt much colder.
As she continued to gaze upward, a lone snowflake fell onto her nose. Then more and more began to fall. Pulling her jacket tighter around her, she began to walk faster knowing she needed to find some kind of shelter. It wasn't long before the snow turned heavy – covering the ground.
"I have a feeling this weather is only gonna get worse," she whispered. Walking as quickly as she could, she looked for any place she could find to take cover.
As the snow continued falling, Jasmine felt herself beginning to panic. There was no buildings anywhere around her. She soon found herself struggling through the fallen snow. It wasn't long before the wind picked up along with the heavy snow. Jasmine felt like if she didn't find someplace she was going to freeze to death.
Slowly pushing her way forward, Jasmine came through a grove of trees into a clearing. In front of her, she spied a small building. Praying that what looked like a house was occupied or at least intact; she reached the door and knocked.
"Please…is there anyone inside? I need help."
Getting no answer, she made a risky decision. The door was unlocked so she cautiously opened it and went inside. The interior room was dark, no light at all. Leaving the door open, she walked further into the room.
There was a fireplace, a small table with a couple of chairs, one bed against a far wall and a few other things she couldn't quite make out. It looked like the place was abandoned. She noted a layer of dust on the table. Approaching the fireplace, she put her hand near it and realized it hadn't been lit in some time.
There was wood in the hearth so she used her matches to get one lit. Once the fire blazed up, she closed the door. She took her time to go through the small house. It looked like whoever had lived there left everything. She found cooking tools, clothes, and a barrel that could be used to hold water. There was even a small wooden tub. Jasmine found a chest with some work implements inside. It had a small axe, some knives, cooking pots and a few dishes and cups. The chest next to it contained clothes, some male, and some female.
"Damn!" she said softly, "it's like someone knew what I needed to get by and left it here."
Wiping off the table, she placed the apples she had been carrying on it. By the barrel were two buckets. She knew she needed water, so she put on some of the men's clothes, grabbed the axe out of the chest, picked up the buckets and her make shift spear and cleared a path down to the river. It took some time to do it as the snow had really piled up, but she finally made it.
Jasmine had to use the axe to chop away the ice that had formed. She then filled the buckets with water. She tried to spear any fish she saw and after eight attempts, she managed to pierce one.
By the time she got back to the little house she was frozen. Removing her boots, socks and clothing, she wrapped a blanket around herself. She moved one of the chairs near the fire to keep warm.
"I wonder how long the storm will go on?" she whispered. "It is winter time…I could be here a while."
Sighing deeply, she leaned back watching the fire dance in the hearth. 'I might find myself here for a while. It could be a long winter.'
O – O – O – O – O – O
Snow began to fall hard as Bifur and his group followed the river tributary. Needing to find a place to take cover, 'Oin said there was a system of caves nearby that could be used. In days past, it had been used to take cover and also offer shelter for livestock. So there would be room for them and their ponies.
It didn't take them long to find the cave he talked about. They took the ponies inside and indeed found a corral that had been created for animals. Once their mounts were tucked away, the group started a fire to warm the place up and have some supper.
Bifur was grateful, but he was also extremely frustrated. This storm was keeping them from continuing their search. He walked to the entrance and stood staring out at the weather. Crossing his arms across his chest, he sighed deeply. How could he find Jasmine in this mess? He only prayed she was able to find someplace safe and take cover.
He didn't realize how long he had been at the cave entrance until Bofur came up with a bowl of hot stew for him.
"You should come back to the fire cousin. It won't do you any good to stand here watching the snow. The weather will do what it needs to do. Your staring at it will not make it go away."
Bifur turned and replied softly, "I know, but I'm worried that Jasmine is out in this. The area around here is pretty wild…doesn't offer a lot of places to find shelter."
Bofur nodded. "That is true, but as I've said before, she is very resourcefully and remember she told us she had been on her own since she was 18 years old."
"But cousin, that was in her world…wherever that was. She isn't from here and she may find herself overwhelmed. I can't keep myself from worrying about her and this weather is just one more problem to fret over."
Bofur sighed. "I know, but standing here and staring at it will not change what is. Come back to the fire and eat. Perhaps tomorrow will be different."
Bifur followed his cousin back to the fire and sat down. Every so often, he would turn and stare at the cave entrance. For some reason, he felt this storm was just the beginning of some bad luck headed their way.
Bifur had no way of knowing that his search for Jasmine was about to come to a screeching halt and it would be three and a half months before he would be able to continue to look for his beloved again.
O – O – O – O – O – O
As the days past, Jasmine realized she was going to be stuck where she was for some time. The winter weather arrived with a vengeance. She was just happy she had found the cabin. If she had not, she was certain she wouldn't have survived.
She also began to keep track of her days living in the cabin. She had taken a piece of wood and with each new day cut a mark into it. Fourteen days into her stay, something happened that would change her life.
It began one morning as she rose to begin her chores. She was dressing when a wave of nausea washed over her. Luckily, one of the water buckets was nearby and she grabbed it just in time to vomit into it.
Breathing deeply, she hovered over it for several minutes, wondering if it would happen again. She was right, it did.
The nausea came and went for the next few days and Jasmine began to feel other things. It wasn't long before she suspected that she was pregnant.
She and Bifur had made love a few times during their night together. So finding out she was pregnant shouldn't have surprised her, yet it did.
She wanted to give Bifur children, but being pregnant and on her own frightened her. She always thought it would happen after they were married and if she did become pregnant it would be with someone like 'Oin around to check on her health.
Thankfully, the morning sickness didn't last long. She began to notice the changes taking place to her body. Her abdomen began to swell as the life inside of her grew. She wondered if she would have a boy or a girl. Her only prayer was that the child she gave birth to would be healthy.
O – O – O – O – O – O
After four and a half long months, winter started to fade and warmer days took hold. It wouldn't be long before she could begin her journey again. She hoped that where she was, would not be too far from Dale and the Lonely Mountain.
On the day she decided to leave, Jasmine got up early to start packing the things she needed to take. She was about halfway through her preparation when she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. At first she ignored it, until she saw blood running down her legs. Pulling off her underwear, she could feel her pelvis cramping and then what felt like strong contractions.
"Oh God no!" she shouted. "No! No! Please I can't lose the baby.
Leaning over one of the chairs at the table, she couldn't stop the sudden urge to push. More pain and more contractions followed as blood continued to flow down her legs. She tried to fight the contractions wracking her body, but couldn't stop what was happening.
With one giant push, the tiny baby that she wanted so desperately fell from her uterus onto the cabin floor in a pool of blood and mucus.
Screaming in horror she lifted her baby, clutching it to her chest. Collapsing onto the floor, she began rocking back and forth holding the small life in her arms.
Wailing in anguish, Jasmine asked, "Why? Why would I lose my baby?"
For a very long time, she remained sitting on the floor unable to move. Finally, she stood up placing the tiny baby in a piece of cloth that was on the table.
Stricken with overwhelming grief, she sat down on the chair next to the fireplace. At that moment, staring into the flames, she didn't care if she lived or died.