Chapter 12 - I Know I'll Find You Somehow, And Somehow I'll Return Again To You
O – O –O – O – O - O
Jasmine knelt down in front of the tiny grave she had just finished digging. Gently, she placed the tiny wrapped body inside, slowly covering it with dirt. She patted down the soil around the small hole as she began to cry.
"I'm so sorry my Angel. I tried…I…I tried so hard to keep you with me, but you were just too special for this world." She wiped at the tears cascading down her cheeks. "I only wish your father could have met you. I know he would have loved you so much."
Reaching beside her, she picked up the wooden peace symbol she had made and stuck it into the ground at the head of the grave.
"Be at peace my sweet Angel."
Staring at the plot of earth in front of her, she felt unable to move for several minutes. Finally rising to her feet, she went back into the cabin closing the door softly behind her.
She sat down in front of the fire, gazing at the dancing flames. It had been two days since the death of her little girl. She decided to name her Angel…because that is what she was. She still didn't understand why she miscarried. She tried to come up with some reason for it. Did it have to do with her fall off the wall in Dale? Was it all the cold she had endured before finding this hut? Was it because the baby was half Dwarf and half Man? Would this happen again if she tried to conceive another child with Bifur?
Never having been pregnant before, Jasmine had nothing to help guide her on what a four and a half month old fetus would look like. To her, the baby seemed large – perhaps it was the Dwarf part of her. She already had little sprouts of dark hair, like her father. To Jasmine that seemed different from any pictures she had ever seen for a fetus of that age. She just didn't know.
She decided she needed to stop thinking about it as it wouldn't change anything. All it was doing now was giving her a massive headache. Her Angel was gone and nothing she could say or do would bring her back.
Getting up from the chair, she splayed her body across the bed. She was utterly exhausted. Closing her eyes, she eventually fell asleep. A part of her didn't care if she ever woke up…the other part of her wanted to find herself in Bifur's arms praying this had all been some horrible nightmare
O – O – O – O – O – O
Bifur and his group finally left the safe haven of the cave renewing their search for Jasmine. Now that the days were warmer and the snow had begun to melt, it was safe.
For Bifur, the last four and a half months had been agony. Not being able to search for her drove him to despair. He was sure he had driven his companions mad with his constant pacing and talking under his breath about how Mahal was mistreating him…keeping him from searching for his love.
He knew for certain he had made his cousin crazy. On one particularly bad night, Bofur had threatened to park one of the ponies on him if didn't cease his constant babbling.
As they rode away from the cave, Bofur looked over at Bifur. "I'm glad we're back searching again, especially for your sake cousin."
Bifur stopped his pony studying Bofur's face. "Why is that?"
Taking a long draw off his pipe, Bofur replied, "Because if we had had to endure one more day of your persistent mumbling and pacing I think – and I think I'm speaking for all of us – we would have had to tie you up, put you in a corner and leave you there until the spring thaw.
Fili couldn't suppress the chortling snort that came out of his mouth.
'Oin, being a little hard of hearing, just kept riding oblivious to Bofur's statement.
Bifur peered at his cousin not sure how to respond.
"In all seriousness, working yourself up like you have done hasn't helped anything. I know you are frustrated that the weather kept us from searching for Jasmine, but now that we are hunting again, focus on that and we shall find her.
Bifur took a deep breath knowing his cousin was only speaking the truth. Nodding, he went back to scanning the ground for clues.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Two weeks had slowly passed since the loss of her baby daughter and Jasmine had made no further plans to resume her journey.
Every time she even contemplated leaving, she found some excuse not to go. She felt stuck in place, unable to move beyond her grief.
Deciding to take her mind off things, she picked up some of the clothes she had been wearing and took them to the river to wash. Putting a few items in a small basket, she carried the load down to the water.
Sitting on a flat rock she always used, she dumped the basket of clothes out. Picking up a shirt, she began to scrub it. Focusing all her attention on the piece of cloth, she didn't realize a blue skirt had slipped into the water, floating away on the river's strong current.
O – O – O – O – O – O
Deciding to shift his search back to the waters of the Running River, Bifur had ridden out in front of his friends, when he spotted something drifting in the water.
Trotting his pony down to the river's edge, he guided his mount slightly into the shallow depths so he could lean over to grab the cloth. Straightening back up, he returned to the shore wringing the water from what appeared to be a piece of woman's clothing.
Finally catching up with his cousin, Bofur asked, "What did ya find?"
Holding it up, he said, "It looks like a woman's skirt."
Fili and 'Oin arrived just in time to hear what he said.
"Looks similar to the ones I saw the women in Lake-town wearing." Fili replied.
Bifur eyes lit up. "Do ya think it might be one like Jasmine was wearin?"
Fili peered closer at it. "Can't say for certain, but might be. I don't know that much about female clothing."
Bifur turned and glanced up the river. "It came from that direction…floating in the water.
"Well cousin, what are we waitin for? Let's go that way."
The four Dwarves spurred their mounts up the shoreline.
Bifur could feel his heart racing in his chest, praying he might be close to finding his beloved.
O – O – O – O – O – O
After finishing her laundry and hanging the clothes to dry, Jasmine realized she needed to refill the water barrel.
Picking up the two buckets sitting beside it, she walked back down to the river to fill them. Dipping one then the other into the water, it only took a moment to fill both. As she turned to go back to the cabin she thought she heard a voice call out to her.
"Jasmine?!"
Turning, she gazed at the sloping hill just down river from her. A lone silhouette stood at the top for just a moment before walking rapidly towards her. Her heart leapt up into her throat.
It was Bifur.
"Oh my God!"
Dropping the two buckets she held, Jasmine raced towards him. With tears falling from her eyes, she called out to him.
"Bifur!"
Quickly closing the distance between them, Bifur threw his arms around her, lifting her off the ground. His searching mouth found hers, parting her soft lips with his tongue. The passion that flared between them was intense.
"Amrâlimê, I found you! I knew I would find you."
She had buried her face against his neck before suddenly pulling back to gaze into his eyes. Wiping at the still falling tears, she whispered, "You said my name…how?"
Continuing to kiss her, he pointed at the still healing scar on his forehead. "I lost my axe. During the battle, I gifted it to an Orc that decided to attack Bofur."
Softly she asked, "Say it again."
"Jasmine… Jasmine… JASMINE!" he roared to the heavens above.
They both laughed as he began kissing her again. He pulled her body as close as possible to his.
Bofur, Fili and 'Oin came over the hill and immediately saw Jasmine and Bifur below them at the river's edge. Smiling, Bofur began walking towards them when 'Oin stopped him.
"Let's give the lad and lassie a few minutes before we all go rushing over."
Bofur nodded. "You're right. They need this."
Jasmine touched the scar on his head. "Does it hurt?"
He shook his head. "No…not at all."
"It's so strange and yet wonderful to hear your voice. I always thought you might have an Irish accent since Bofur does."
Not understanding, he asked, "Irish?"
"Where I'm from there is a country called Ireland. All the people speak with an accent like Bofur's…and now so do you." She caressed his face. "I never thought I would ever hear you say it."
Giving a soft chuckle, he replied, "I use to say it all the time…in my head. Now that I can, I will never stop saying your name, Amrâlimê. Let's gather your things so that I can take you home. We have a wedding to prepare."
Jasmine's face suddenly changed as she turned towards the cabin. "There is something you need to know my love. Come with me."
Curious, he took her hand as she led him on the path up to the cabin. Once there, she turned to face him. "The night we made love back in Lake-town…we created a life. I was pregnant."
Bifur was shocked. He put one of his hands against her abdomen. "Was? What do you mean?"
Beginning to cry again, she pointed to the small grave near the cabin. "I lost the baby two weeks ago. I had a miscarriage. I don't know why, but I lost our little girl…our sweet Angel. I'm so sorry." She was wailing now. "I tried to hold on to her. I …I tried, but I couldn't stop the contractions."
Bifur took her into his arms holding her as she sobbed into his shoulder. He felt his own eyes fill up, spilling tears down his cheeks as he stared at the tiny plot of earth.
"Amrâlimê, this is not your fault. You have been through so much. Do not blame yourself for this. Perhaps her spirit was not ready for this world." Lifting her up into his arms, he carried her inside placing her gently on the bed.
"I'm goin to fetch 'Oin. He came with me. I will be right back."
Quickly leaving to find the others, he saw them coming up the well-worn path to the cabin.
Wiping the tears from his eyes, he said, "Could you go see to my Jasmine, 'Oin. She needs you right now."
"Of course laddie. What's the problem?"
"She'll tell you."
Nodding, the older Dwarf went inside as Bifur turned back to Fili and Bofur.
"Jasmine was pregnant. She lost the baby two weeks ago." He took a shuddering breath. "We…we had a little girl."
Both Fili and Bofur put their arms around him.
"I'm so sorry cousin. Is Jasmine alright?" Bofur asked.
"I think so, but I wanted 'Oin to examine her, just to be sure."
"You have my deepest condolences, Bifur," Fili said. "I know how much Jasmine wanted to give you children."
Bifur nodded, releasing a deep sigh. Looking into the sky, he silently prayed to Mahal that she would be alright.
O – O – O – O – O – O
An hour went by before 'Oin exited the cabin. He approached Bifur and touched his shoulder. "Your lassie is fine, so don't worry. She seems to be healing well from the loss of the wee one. However, she will need at least two possibly three more weeks of healing before you can have any physical relations again. Understand?"
Bifur nodded.
"Now, as I said, physically she's fine, but right now she blames herself for the loss. I told her sometimes it happens that a female will lose their first baby. I think she understands, but the grief she is feeling has overwhelmed her. She said she's not been sleepin well so I gave her somethin that should help with that. So when you go in to see her, she may be a bit groggy. She needs a good night's rest. I think its best we stay the night and leave on the 'morrow."
Patting his shoulder 'Oin added, "Go to her lad, just remember – no relations."
Bifur thanked him as he went inside.
A fire was blazing away in the hearth, casting a soft light around the small room. Jasmine was still lying on the bed where he had put her down. Her eyes were closed and he thought she had already fallen asleep, but she heard him come inside.
"Bifur?"
Coming over to the bed, he replied softly. "I'm here Amrâlimê."
Removing everything but his trousers before lying down next to her, he took her into his arms. "I love you so much."
Murmuring sleepily, she replied, "I love you too." She snuggled against his chest, her breath tickling his neck.
Kissing her gently on the lips, he whispered, "Everythin will be alright from now on Amrâlimê. Nothin or no one will ever hurt you again, I swear."
O – O – O – O – O – O
Jasmine slowly opened her eyes blinking at the patch of black and white hair under her cheek.
"I wasn't dreaming. He's really here." She whispered.
She was lying on Bifur's chest. His gentle breathing making it rise and fall under her. One of his strong arms held her body close to him. He smelled musky, a bit smoky, like the outdoors as he did before their arrival in Lake-town.
The night they made love, he had found somewhere in the Master's home to bathe. He used some kind of scented soap that in truth didn't suit him, but considering how he smelled before – of fish and toilet water, it was definitely an improvement.
She preferred his more earthy smell.
Jasmine moved his arm and slipped from the bed. He mumbled a bit and rolled over.
Rekindling the fire, she heated some water to take a quick bath before they began their journey back to the Lonely Mountain.
Taking the water off the fire, she removed her clothes before tying up her long hair to keep it from getting wet. Stepping into the small tub, she began to clean herself.
She hadn't been at it long when she heard a soft intake of breath. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Bifur sitting up in bed watching her.
"You are…so beautiful."
Rising, he approached her making Jasmine shudder.
Softly, he said, "Let me help Amrâlimê."
Taking the cleaning cloth from her hand, he soaped her shoulders moving his hand slowly down her back to the gentle curve of her rear. He could hear her breath catch in her throat, her skin vibrating each time he touched her.
Dipping the ladle into the bucket of water, he poured it on her using his hand to help remove the suds.
Bifur turned her around to face him. Her eyes were closed, her mouth trembling with her rising desire. Caressing her face with one hand, he leaned in and kissed her. His other hand glided gently across her full breasts making her tremble.
Moaning softly, she said, "Bifur…we can't…you know we can't."
"We aren't Amrâlimê. This is for you and you alone."
Finishing up her bath, he reached for the towel next to the tub, wrapping it around her. He untied her golden tresses, watching as they cascaded around her. Helping her out, he quickly dried her skin before lifting her into his arms and carrying her back to the bed.
Stretching out next to her, he began kissing and caressing her body. His mouth was wet, his lips hot as he blazed a trail between her breasts. She felt like she was on fire as he touched her in places he never had before. Her moans became urgent as she sought some kind of release.
"Oh my lord!" she moaned as her pent up longing finally gave her some deliverance.
As her breathing slowed, she gazed into Bifur's soft brown eyes. "Why?" she whispered. "Why me and not you?"
He caressed her face, "Because you needed it. You have been through so much. I wanted you to feel the touch of a loving hand again. To know how much I love you and how much I have missed you."
"But haven't you been through a lot has well?"
"My time will come Amrâlimê. When it does, I want it to be when we can join our bodies together again. To be as one mind, one soul."
She sighed, still feeling his hands slide over her.
Sighing again she asked, "Is it time for us to get ready to begin our journey home?"
"Not yet. I think we can relax for a bit longer. Fili said he would knock on the door to tell us to prepare." He pulled her naked body next to him to keep her warm. "For now I just wish to hold you."
Jasmine smiled, nuzzling her face against his neck. It wasn't long before she drifted off into a light sleep.
O – O – O – O – O – O
"Amrâlimê, it's time to get up."
Sighing softly, Jasmine opened her eyes. "Did you say it was time?"
"Aye, love. I will get your clothes."
Bifur gathered her garments from the chair where she had folded them. She sat up as he placed them next to her on the bed. As she began dressing, Jasmine asked, "How far away are we from Erebor."
Bifur was seated across from her putting on his boots. "Not too far. About four days journey from here on horseback. We should be home in no time."
Jasmine smiled. "I've never lived anywhere that I could call home."
He came over and sat next to her. "Let this be the first then." Leaning over he placed his hand on her cheek and kissed her. "Decide what you wish to bring, we need to leave soon."
Nodding, Jasmine finished dressing and grabbed up the few possessions she wanted to take with her." Making sure the fire had been snuffed out, she put on her jacket.
As she left the cabin, she couldn't keep from looking down at Angel's tiny grave.
She fought back the tears that came unbidden to her eyes. Walking over to a patch of wildflowers growing nearby, she collected some and returned to the grave. Placing them gently on the plot, she whispered, "One day we will see each other again, my sweet Angel."
Bifur came over and stood next to her. Putting an arm around her, he said, "We will see her again one day, Amrâlimê."
Jasmine turned, smiling. "I just told her the very same thing." She kissed his cheek.
"I'm ready."
Taking her hand he led her to the ponies.
"Jasmine!"
Looking up, she barely had time to brace herself as both Bofur and Fili threw theirs arms around her. Not having had a chance to welcome her back, she had to endure being smothered by the two Dwarves.
Fili kissed her cheek and bear hugged her. "Don't do anything like that again bâheluh."
"I didn't do it on purpose you know. Falling off a wall into a cold river was not my idea of a good time."
Fili snickered.
"I was told by Bifur that you were injured during the battle…is that true?"
Shuffling his feet a little, he replied, "I was hurt a wee bit, but I am almost healed now."
Squinting her eyes at Fili, she tried to register whether he was being truthful with her.
Bofur stepped up next hugging her tight. "You had us worried to death, did ya know that?"
"I'm sorry. It's not as if I planned it. It was that little bastard Alfrid."
"Aye, we know. Don't worry about him. He won't bother you anymore."
"Why is that?" she asked.
"One of the large War Trolls took care of him. So worry not."
"I wouldn't wish for anyone's death, but I suppose he got what he deserved." She replied.
"Aye! That he did. I don't wanna think what Bifur would have done had he gotten his hands on the man,"
Jasmine nodded. "That is a scary thought."
O – O – O
Bifur waited on his pony as Fili lifted Jasmine up to sit in front of him. Putting his arms around her, he took the reins into his hands. Putting one arm around his waist, she leaned comfortably against his left shoulder.
Clicking his tongue, Bifur guided the pony away from the little hut. The other Dwarves slowly followed eager he suspected to get back to Erebor.
Taking one last look behind her, Jasmine took a deep breath before gazing forward again. She glanced up at Bifur and smiled. A new life awaited them in the Lonely Mountain. Soon they would be husband and wife and begin a new life together.
Bifur kissed Jasmine's forehead.
"Let's go home, Amrâlimê."
O – O – O – O – O – O – O
Khuzdul - bâheluh
English - my friend of all friends