A/N: Long time no post :) I have been hyperfocusing on DBH for like a month now, to the detriment of my original projects, but hopefully somebody will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. This is cracklicious, taken seriously, but still cracklicious. Also, the characters in the source material swear like sailors, or a lot of them do, so *shrugs* be warned.

*.*.*

*.*.*.*.*

*.*.*.*.*.*

"I do like blue foods," Connor's head cocked in contemplation as Gavin hid a snicker behind his phone, "even with my upgraded stomach compartment those with a thirium component are absorbed better."

"I'm telling you, Tin Can, you already got Hank willing to foot the bill, so why not? It's a celebration, and all." Gavin shrugged, ignoring Tina's glare and giggle combo from her desk. Sure, since the revolution Gavin had decided that okay, maybe he hadn't known what the fuck he was talking about when it came to androids. Or at least, if they were taking all the jobs, they hadn't asked to be born, (built, whatever) anymore than Gavin had, and maybe if the booming U.S. fucking government wasn't still screaming that UBI was horrible communism that wouldn't have been a problem in the first place…

Basically, he was on board with androids being people. And maybe even prepared to admit he'd been a douchebag before. (And okay, Connor not letting him bleed to death in April when he'd have had every reason to might have been a factor. Shut-up.)

But that didn't change the fact that Connor was the youngest on the squad and incredibly easy to screw with. Gavin wouldn't be Gavin if he resisted the urge to fill his head with all sorts of shit. It was practically part of his sacred duty.

Beaming now, Connor half-shouted, "Yes! Actually, Hank said I should invite friends, as is traditional for a birthday celebration," Gavin tried not to wince, because no, Connor was one thing, spending time with Lieutenant Ass-Face was another, "and Markus and the others were unable to find substitutes for their duties at Jericho." Looking between Gavin and Tina with a face that was basically impossible to say no to, dammit, Connor continued, "Officer Chen, Detective Reed, would you like to accompany me to breakfast and the aquarium tomorrow?"

Before Gavin could decide whether he wanted to give Connor shit about only inviting them as a second choice or about calling them by their titles, let alone what his actual answer was, Tina popped up out of her chair with a, "Yes, yes, we definitely would," and plopped herself down on the edge of Connor's desk, gushing about sharks while the android's LED spun that bright, bright blue and Gavin gaped at her. Okay, the shark love was real, but most of that enthusiasm came from the idea of Gavin being there when his perfect joke came to fruition. His perfect joke that was only perfect if he was nowhere near when Hank's mouth dropped open and he asked Connor who the hell had taught him that.

He wanted to picture it, not see it. Despite what some people claimed he did have self preservation skills.

His best friend was a traitor.

"Hey, hey, I might have already had plans, ya know," Gavin grumbled, louder than he intended, and got both of them looking at him, Tina grinning and Connor's head cocked to the side with just a trace of worry on his face.

"Do you, Detective Reed? If so, I will not of course hold you to Officer Chen's agreement, though you will be missed." And dammit if the Tin Can wasn't sincere when he said that, actually looking sad that Gavin and his smart mouth weren't gonna be tagging along talking shit the whole time.

"Nah, I was just saying I might have...and shut-up with that Detective Reed shit, it's Gavin, you plastic prick, how many times do I have to say it?" Leaning back in his chair, Gavin averted his eyes back to his phone only to have Connor appear above him so fast he swore to god the kid had teleported, almost making him choke in surprise.

"So you are coming to my birthday party, Gavin?"

"Christ...how the hell did Cyberlife fuck up and make a detective android look so much like a puppy dog?" Indignation covered the android's face, cheeks staining a bit blue as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"I do not look like a juvenile canine, but if I did I would make a more attractive puppy than you."

Gavin's mouth dropped open for a second, and then a genuine, no fucking hiding it, guffaw escaped him, than another, and he heard Tina trying to stifle giggles as Connor's eyes widened, no doubt just realizing what he'd said. "Yeah, Con, you 110% would, no doubt about it. I bet Anderson would-"

"You bet Anderson would what?" Hank's voice was accompanied by him dropping heavily into his desk chair, "Kick all your asses for gossiping while I was dealing with that bastard Perkins?"

"Hank, Tina and Gavin are going to accompany us on my birthday outing tomorrow. Perhaps we could pick them up in the morning so as to avoid staggering arrival times?" Hank grunted, smiling a little at Tina and shooting a suspicious look at Gavin that he grinned wide at. Let him wonder.

"Yeah, whatever, it's your day, kid." Then Hank bent forward, long gray hair flopping in his face as he jabbed at his computer monitor and muttered something uncomplimentary about the FBI-the one thing he and Anderson agreed on. "Is anybody else planning on getting some work done…?"

*.*.*.*.*

When Gavin pulled himself out of bed the next day, dragged himself out of bed at 6:30 on a Saturday, he cursed Connor, his puppy eyes, aquariums, and the existence of birthdays or activation days or whatever the fuck this was in their entirety. Why? Why had he agreed to this when he could be sleeping? Even Pepperoni and Pumpkin would still be asleep for another hour ordinarily, or at least not bugging him for another hour, and he didn't want his cats thinking they could get breakfast out of him any earlier than they already did.

He dragged himself from the coffee machine to the shower and was actually ready, his hair even mostly dry and shit, by the time Hank, Connor, and Tina showed up at his door. Part of him was glad that they'd picked him up second, giving him that little bit of extra time, but that was mostly erased by Tina pushing her way past him and making kissy noises at the cats and turtle, announcing, "Auntie Tina is here to spoil you!" and literally pulling treats out of her pockets to 'make it rain' on the animals.

God, Gavin loved his sister from another mister.

He didn't love Connor and Hank following in after her, though, sizing up his shitty apartment. Even if Connor was almost immediately on his knees and imitating Tina's kissy noises, patting his chest like he thought the cats would jump on him like Anderson's monster. "Gavin, your smaller cat is using your turtle as a chair." Connor's LED was swirling between yellow and blue as he watched, transfixed and baffled.

"Yeah, Tank puts up with a lot of shit. He loves his sisters, though." Hank was grinning at him now, and it wasn't his usual shit eating grin, but something genuine enough it made Gavin want to gag. Turning so he didn't have to see the Lieutenant's face, he complained, "Are we going or what? My stomach feels like it's about to eat itself and I need more coffee before you and Tina have heart attacks over fishes and shit."

Pumpkin, somehow knowing what he was suggesting, yowled in complaint from where she was perched on Tina's shoulders. "Aw, is Daddy abandoning you?" his traitor of a best friend cooed and Gavin glared at her, annoyed, because:

He actually felt guilty with all the long hours he worked leaving when he didn't have to, and Tina knew that. Bitch.

The last thing he needed was it getting around the precinct that he called himself Daddy when talking to his cats. He could feel Hank smirking at him.

"Would you shut up already?" Okay, not his best work, but he'd only had the one cup of coffee.

Tina stuck her tongue out at him and set Pumpkin on the ground, and before Gavin could retaliate Hank clapped his hands together way too fucking close to his ear and then chuckled when he recoiled. "Alright, Con, say goodbye to the cats and turtle-"

"Pepperoni, Pumpkin and Tank," Connor interrupted, because of course he'd scanned them and now probably knew more about Gavin's pets than Gavin.

"Yep, say goodbye, Reed's not the only one who's hungry." Hank turned like he was already heading out, but only walked until he was out of Connor's immediate sight. Like the android was actually a toddler instead of just occasionally acting like it. Rolling his eyes, Gavin grabbed his coat off the wall hook and then the small wrapped box off the table, shoving it in his pocket before Connor saw.

"So…" he drawled out, looking between Connor struggling to tear himself away from the animals and Tina watching in amusement, "...this is gonna be a pretty boring birthday if we just hang around this shithole all day."