So far their shift had been fairly quiet, at least for truck and engine. Squad 3 and ambulance 61 had been on essentially back-to-back calls all morning. While the day hadn't given Kelly a chance to talk to Stella about her strange behavior, the slow morning for truck and engine had given Stella the chance to talk to someone she had been wanting to for some time now.

It was around 1:30 when Stella finally caught Ritter alone, he was doing bunker gear checks in the turnout room. Stella approached him, a slightly shuffle in her step as she shifted her weight and nerves from foot to foot.

"Hey Ritter, how's it going?" She asked, trying to seem as normal as possible, even though she knew that one look at her would tell him she was anything but.

"Um… it's going pretty well I guess, I mean it hasn't been the most thrilling day but I can't complain about a few minutes by myself, even if it's while checking the gear," Ritter replied, a kind smile gracing his face as he turned to face Stella. "I can tell you didn't come in here just to ask me that though, something is one your mind."

"Yeah actually, I've been wanting to ask you something for a while, and you don't have to respond, but I'm just trying to work out something for myself," Stella rambled as she pulled on the cuffs of her sweater.

"Oh sure, what's up?" Ritter stopped what he was doing and stood up so he could give her his full attention.

Stella wasn't sure what to say next, she hadn't actually thought she would get this far in the conversation and wasn't sure how to ask what she really had been wondering for a while now. She sat down on the metal racks, giving herself a second to take a deep breath and let it out before continuing, debating whether or not to get everything out in one breath or take it slow and see how he was reacting.

"Have you, you know, ever thought about your gender? Like not in passing, but I mean in the way that you're kinda thinking about it for hours when you're trying to fall asleep but you can't because your brian won't stop going down a path about your relationship with your gender and gender expression,and kinda just thinking about how other people perceive you?" she said, opting to say it all at once and then holding her breath waiting for his reaction.

Ritter sat down, sensing that this was deeply personal and wanted to assure Stella that he was here to listen and offer any advice that he could. He exhaled slowly, thinking over his words before turing to look at the other firefighter.

"I think that critically thinking about gender is a normal thing. I know that there have been times, especially when I was on my own for the first time, that I kept coming back to the question about how I presented myself to others and how others perceived me. It's not something that I personally have continued thinking about over the years, but I know that some people think about gender and their relationship with gender a lot," Ritter responded, making sure that Stella knew he was saying it without judgement.

Stella paused for a second, taking in everything the younger firefighter had said. It made sense that other people were having the same questions and thoughts, but why couldn't she stop thinking about it?

Ritter continued, "I once dated someone who had thought a lot about gender and the way that other people's view of them was influencing their gender identity and expression. At least when we were dating, they described their relationship with their gender as just a general disconnect between the way that they felt authentic and the way that other people expected them to feel. From my own experience, I feel very comfortable with my gender identity, but I like to remind myself that gender is something constructed by society and can only exist when people reinforce those ideas and standards."

Stella nodded, this all made sense, a lot of sense. She even thought it provided some clarity amidst all the questions that had been muddling through her head for a long time. She took a minute to sit there and let it all sink in, not quiet sure yet what she was thinking. She leaned forward, running her palms over her knees, exhaling deeply. She stood up and adjusted her sweater, shaking her head a little as if to recenter herself.

"Thanks Ritter. I really appreciate it, and I don't want to put any pressure on you, but could we maybe keep this conversation between just the two of us for now. I still have a lot of critical thinking to do I guess, and I just don't want to be forced to answer or explain anything before I'm ready to," Stella added, turning around before leaving.

Ritter stood up to, ready to get back to work before Hermann came looking for him, wondering what was taking so long.

"Of course I'll keep this between us, this is something for only you to figure out. But hey, if you ever want to talk again, about this or anything else, I'm always around to talk or just listen."

Stella nodded and offered him a small smile. She left the turnout room with more thoughts and questions, but also a greater sense of clarity. Walking back out onto the app floor she saw squad 3 pulling back into the station and Kelly jumping out of the rig. He looked right at her, a look that said, "please talk to me". She knew that he was probably concerned and worried about her, she knew that look and had used it many times before. Stella just needed a little more time.