Disclaimer: You do know that a little line here doesn't mean anything, right?
A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out. I'll explain at the end.
Shinji woke up determined to do better than yesterday. After he got home from his visit with Dr. Hara, he sat down to try to follow her ambiguous instructions. For the first half hour he put off any effort by tuning the cello. It had been a long time without someone doing any maintenance on it. Finally, he set himself to playing.
In the end he couldn't figure out anything. He'd play a note but then stop not having any idea where to go. He was taught that sheet music was all he needed to know. If he played the music as written then he was doing well. It was what he was praised for. He stayed on time and didn't miss any notes. As he grew he was praised for memorizing the music. It was still the sheet music, just in his memory. Mind and fingers did all the reading for him. He never did understand how Bach, Beethoven, or Mozart wrote any of their pieces. It baffled him how you can pull a note from the ether and it was right.
In the end he gave up and played a little Bach. He found himself in need of practice anyway, falling off pace and not quite finding the right finger placement for the notes. He sharpened up his skills for another hour, but it wasn't what he was asked to do. Deciding to sleep on it, he headed to bed. Maybe some inspiration would come with sleep.
Sleep had done him no favors and the next day he once again sat, cello in hand, lost. He decided to play a note and try to attach a feeling. That didn't work. One note alone is hard to describe. It's the path of the notes that brings out a tune which surly carries the emotion. So he worked scales trying to find notes. He stopped at lunch, feeling the frustration building up. He was making such a small headway, he wasn't sure it was progress at all. It was late afternoon when in anger over flat and ugly notes came to a close and he gave up. He was frustrated enough he feared damaging his instrument.
A walk was in order. For better or worse, whenever something was eating at him a walk around the city helped. It may not have always brought him the results he wanted, but it did change up what was bothering him.
The agent outside his door simply asked where the boy wanted to go. Unsatisfied with the unsure answer. Shinji offered a park down by Lake Ashi. After consulting with his phone the agent gave Shinji the okay. Just as they were leaving the agent called his commander. Agent Kosaka had clearly given his approval as well.
The Sun was approaching the horizon when Shinji arrived at the pier. The area had grown busier after the Angel War. Many people of all ages moved about enjoying the day. On one side was even a small park with a ferris wheel, rides, and games. Shinji idly wondered if that is where Asuka had gone on her failed blind date.
Shinji found a relatively quiet spot on a railing that looked out over the water. Not sure of where to go and having his ability to walk to let his mind wander ruined, he didn't make much progress. He tried to get lost in the waves and birds and the people. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed his agent leave. He wasn't hard to spot in the crowd. Most of his agents looked like they could lift a horse and the business suit didn't blend well.
The answer to the disappearance came not long after. Agent Kosaka leaned up next to Shinji very casually. The man clearly took over.
"Trying to clear your head?" The Agent asked.
"Something like that. How'd you know?"
"The last two guys on rotation were complaining about getting headaches if you couldn't start playing better. The guy last night complimented the playing though. I figured you were up to something. I mean if your playing annoyed them, well you would be more so."
Shinji nodded. It made sense. He was sure it sounded like he was skinning a cat in his apartment.
"Any luck? Clearing your head?"
"No. I was hoping to just walk around, but well…" Shinji trailed off to the obvious.
"True." There was a few minutes of silence as the two just enjoyed the view. "We haven't really talked much, huh?"
"No. I didn't think you were allowed."
"We can, but some find it easier to not to get too close. It can get distracting. Then, you miss one little thing because you let your guard down, and well that's it."
"That's it?"
"Typically one of two things happen. Either the person you are protecting is dead or kidnapped, or you are."
"That's grim. I didn't know they would kill you to get to me."
"They might. It's the job." There was a dead silence for a minute. Agent Kosaka checked his watch. "Hey I know a place. Walk with me."
"I don't have a choice, do I?" Shinji asked with a sarcastic look.
Smiling back, "No, but I think you are going to want to. Trust me."
Giving up on his objective Shinji followed. They wound their way through the city. As the sun was starting to dip into the horizon, they came to a park. They didn't talk much on the way. It was a quiet and small place. A few benches to sit on lined the edges with trees and bushes to decorate. They sat at one bench indicated by the Agent.
Agent Kosaka could see Shinji was starting to brood again. He reached over and ruffled Shinji's hair, "You're a good kid, Shinji."
"Not something I've heard lately."
"No, but forget about them. I know what they say, calling you a weapon. You are not a weapon."
"How are you so sure?"
Kosaka's voice took on a serious tone, "Because I've met men and women who were weapons. You aren't them." Seeing the boy unfazed by the comfort, "You see I was in the military a while back. I ended up in command of a platoon. They were mostly good people, but you meet all sorts, and in the heat of battle you get to know someone real well. It seems to me there are three types of people who take that kind of job. There are people like me. They are normal people wanting to do something and not a lot of other opportunities. The wars that erupted after Second Impact were taking a toll on Japan and I wanted to help. I had an idea of what it entailed, and I didn't have a lot of choices, so it started off as just taking a job and doing it. Then there are kids like you. Those guys would be fine until they have a bullet fly their way. Suddenly it all gets really real. They didn't know what they were getting into. I did my best to look after those soldiers. They tended to be good people in the wrong place. Yeah it'd piss me off with them breaking down, but over time I'd either turn them into good soldiers or they'd leave one way or the other. Lastly, you had the guys who were weapons. These are people who enjoy fighting to the point where they seek it. They want to let loose and find joy in the killing. Can't say I didn't have them under my command or that they weren't useful in situations, but I tried my best to keep them from my units. They weren't human anymore. They'd hose a family down and just walk on like it was just a Tuesday." He realized he went a little too dark and violent for Shinji.
"Look, I've killed more people than you have, and I've seen the men who are weapons. I've seen monsters. You are not one of them."
"Then what am I?"
"You are a teenage kid younger than any soldier I've ever served with. Hell, most of my adults don't know how to deal with combat, death, and the high stress situations you end up in. How can I expect it from you? Like I said, if you were under my command I'd find a way to keep you from the battlefield, but it seems like there weren't a lot of choices. I can see why Commander Katsuragi struggled with it. She's good. I've seen her record. She did well, and was smart enough to climb the officer ranks fast."
"She fought? In a war I mean."
"Yeah, she came into the army as an officer, but not the sit behind the desk kind. She got her hands dirty, but got known for unorthodox and effective tactics. Her hands were bloody long before you met her. Is she a monster?"
"No." Shinji paused, " I didn't know."
"She probably didn't want to share it with someone who already needed support. We aren't all proud of what we do. Each person learns how they deal with it. I'm still visited by the faces of those I killed, and I don't take pride in it, but I accept it as part of me. It took a while to figure it out, but it helps to have a clear picture of who you are or who you want to be."
"I just don't know who I am supposed to be. How did you know?"
"Well, it isn't easy. Sure some people have that image already. Other people convince themselves that what they are doing is who they are. I think everyone goes about it their own way. For me it was something I decided." Agent Kosaka bowed his head remembering. "It was chaos. Our squad was pinned behind a berm just big enough to shield us from the bullets. There was a machine gun pinning us down. He would open up a burst every once in a while to keep our heads down. Then our LT had to stick his head up to assess the situation. He was already scared and not making good decisions. Then he fell down next to me, his head more of a goo than a person anymore. I freaked out. Any normal person would. He was like you. He shouldn't have been there."
Agent Kosaka looked back at Shinji who was listening closely and continued, "Have you ever read comic books?"
"Not really. A friend of mine would sometimes lend me a manga, but nothing I really got into."
"I liked Captain America. He had a clear ideal of what was right and wrong. It didn't matter if it meant fighting gods or aliens or whatever, if he knew what the right thing to do was, then he'd do it. It wasn't about nationalistic pride. Sure he may have started that way, but I think he became his own person. It was about integrity. And he would never let someone die when he could do something. It took a lot of personal sacrifice from him to do it, but he would always act. When I looked at the other guys lying there behind that bit of dirt, I knew then what I needed to do. I wanted to be like Cap. I knew what I could do to save these men's lives. At that moment I found it. When I wasn't sure, when I was scared I'd be like Cap. So I popped a couple smoke grenades and threw them out towards the machine gun. I counted off a few seconds to let it disperse, and I got up. There was only a slight breeze, so the smoke had done the job nicely. A few rounds flew by me, but they weren't aimed. I cleared the smoke to find three men in their own foxhole and the big gun off angle from me. It swiveled my way, but I hurdled it, like in track, kneeing the guy in the face and I flew into him. The other two were too stunned to act. I killed them. The last guy I got a good look at. He was a scared kid just like me and my friends on the other end of his gun. Just a twenty year old who probably didn't want to be there either."
Kosaka' s voice hitched and he paused before continuing, "He was reaching for his sidearm. In war you do things you wouldn't normally do. Cap wouldn't kill the kid,...but I'm not Cap. It's painful once you've found the image of who you want to be and then fall short or betray that. I would do a lot of things before the end of that war that I know Cap wouldn't do, but along the way I did my best to stick to that role model. After the war, I had a lot to deal with. They gave me a fire team, then up to platoon command. A battlefield commission made me an officer. Good people died under my command, and I'm sure plenty died on the other side as well. I lost a lot of friends and comrades. I saw things I can never forget. I have to deal with it all. Some people make it look easy, but it isn't. I took a job with NERV who was looking for good men for protection details. That eventually brought me to you. You tell me. Am I a weapon?"
Shinji considered the honesty he was faced with, "No."
"Thank you. I know this is the most absurd and unhelpful advice when you are in the middle of it, but just be yourself. Shinji, you are almost sixteen, a kid still. You are going to make mistakes and get hurt. You are going to go down dead ends in life and have to restart. You are also going to meet people, and be happy. You have a long road ahead of you and you'll find who you want to be. Follow your heart, and when you fail know that you are allowed to be sad for a bit, but get up again. Keep going. Don't be deterred. I swear there is a sunrise over that horizon. I can't tell you how to find it. It's a personal journey. It's a personal choice. But I do know you well enough that I promise, you are not a monster."
Shinji was touched. This coming from a person he barely knew, seemed to hit home. "I don't know what to say. Thank you? I'll try?"
"I know you will." Agent Kosaka was going to say something else but noticed the lamp above them click on as the sun had set far enough to need the light. "Listen, I've got to find a restroom, can I trust that you'll be here when I get back?"
"Yes. I promise."
"Alright, don't report me." Kosaka quipped as he got up and walked away.
Shinji found himself processing it all. He was about to reach something when the sound of a lighter and a cigarette in the shadows caught his attention. Out of it came Kaji who took the seat next to Shinji.
"Hey Shinji. Good to see you."
"Kaji. I thought you were...actually I have no idea where you were."
"Heh, well I am good at my job."
"How did you…" Shinji trailed off putting the pieces together.
"Well, I arranged this to give you a pep talk, but after hearing all that, I'd say Mr. Kosaka did a finer job than I could have. You are a good kid, Shinji. Keep your head up, and we'll get you out of this."
Shinji started to get emotional before Kaji reached over and rubbed his shoulder and back. He let Shinji struggle through the emotions doing his best to comfort through the touch. "But Kaji, it's so hard alone."
"I know. I know. You have to give us time. I swear I'm running myself ragged not only to catch the ones really responsible, but to help you. Misato is fighting a secret war in the political world. Trust me, we would love nothing else but to have you back again. Even Asuka misses you, I'm sure."
"I'm not sure about that one. Last time I saw her, I think she wanted to break my ribs just to stab me with them."
"You two. Listen, I can only say so much. The rest needs to be sorted out between you two. Good or bad, I don't think either of you hate the other."
Shinji thought about all the pictures and videos he had come across of her recently. The image of their hands on her shoulder or waist frustrated him. "Well, she seems to have gotten over it pretty well."
"You know she does lavish the attention, but I think you know her better than most people. Not many other guys can claim to have jumped into a volcano for a girl." This made Shinji blush.
"It wasn't like that."
"Maybe, maybe not, but it does mean something. It's up to each of us what it means."
"She...I don't know."
"It's okay. Look at me, if I knew all the answers I wouldn't have spent most of my life alone. All I know is that what you feel is what you feel, and we hope that someone else feels the same way back. When you love someone it's a one-way thing. Sometimes it comes back to us as well. It doesn't invalidate one person's feelings, nor does it have any right to demand reciprocation. It just is what it is. Just be patient and think it over."
"Okay."
"There is another reason I set this up. I have a present for you."
"A present?"
"Yeah, but I need you to make a promise to me. You cannot leave this bench. You have to stay seated right here no matter what. Promise?"
"What is the present?"
"No, this is one time you need to make the promise first."
"Okay. I promise."
"Good. In a moment I'm going to leave, but you can stay as long as you can stay seated." Kaji pointed across the park and the next street to a restaurant who had just turned their interior lights on as the evening set it. Seated at a table by the window was a girl whose auburn hair carried just the perfect amount of red to be unmistakable. Across from her was Misato. They were talking away in a friendly way.
Shinji barely registered Kaji, excusing himself and bidding him a good night. The world seemed to just focus down to a tunnel of those two. Somewhere something stirred. A feeling overcame him and the world fell away. It was a flow and a sound without sound. It was as if his feelings took on a more tangible effect with the beat of his heart and the breath of his lungs framing it. The breeze flowed like his soul.
Asuka was telling Misato stories of her time in Italy. Misato had invited her out to dinner and told her to dress up. It was a "special" dinner, is all Misato would say. After they arrived, Misato had done little more than order some drinks for the two of them. Asuka thought it was strange, but figured Misato had her reasons. The Commander of NERV always had mysterious motivation. Now that she had a little more perspective behind the curtain, Asuka had learned a bit of respect for her guardian. Watching her work to control NERV while keeping the UN happy was impressive.
The woman worked very long hours, and now having to help with the work she had a new view that revealed how complex the task was. Even with her intellect, Asuka still found herself floored at how Misato would be prepared for a contingency before Asuka would see the potential problem.
They had broken the ice not long ago, and they still kept a comfortable distance between them. Trying to figure out how to balance work with their personal and professional relationships. In all though it was getting better. They were mostly honest with one another, and did the best to not avoid disagreements, but came to them willing to resolve them.
It wasn't odd for them to eat out, since Misato's cooking was still a war crime and Asuka didn't really enjoy cooking. They got by the few times they had stayed together. Now with Asuka in her own place they saw each other less and less outside of work, so Misato had initiated a routine to hang out from time to time.
Often Misato would ask about stories like the one they were sharing, trying to bond with her charge. Asuka's worldwide tour of fun had whisked her from one far flung place to another. Often on the invitation or arm of one individual or another. Misato had to know everything that happened through her personal Section Two agents that kept a round-the-clock eye out for her and on her. It surely was different coming straight from her rather than some report.
Misato had been generous not to pry too much into the alcohol or other substances she had experimented with. Asuka was letting loose and had just saved the world, but she had also worked hard to keep anything from getting too out of hand. Often it was the guys around her that couldn't keep things under control. For the most part, Asuka took care of herself, but once or twice an agent would step in and end things.
Asuka had just finished describing the Sistine Chapel, when they were interrupted by someone entering the restaurant. Asuka would have ignored it, but she watched as Misato was suddenly distracted and her mood brightened even more. Not many people could do that to her, and with Shinji banned from seeing either of them it left only one person.
Neither of them got up to greet the man and Misato did her best to act annoyed.
"Only been here for an hour. I was beginning to think you ditched us. I was going to have some people hunt you down and drag you here."
The slightly disheveled spy gave one of his patented grins, "Oh I had some business, but nothing that would keep me from either of you." He slid into a seat next to Misato trying to slide his arm around her shoulders. The offending limb was quickly removed and a gentle punch indicated it should stay off.
"We show up when and where you say in a cryptic phone call, and then you dare to show up late. We have every right to leave right now."
"I wouldn't have been late, but I had a good reason. Trust me."
Asuka watched them bicker. It was cute. She still held a little flame for the spy, but with time it had become clear to her that it wasn't what she thought it was. It was morphing into a kind of familial love. Despite fighting it, she had come to terms with the two of them becoming her "family". Not since her very young years did she feel as welcomed and cared for as with these two. So while she wasn't totally onboard with their rebudding relationship, times like this did make it clear it was what they wanted.
Misato tried to end the back and forth between them, "Well now that your late butt is here, let's get some food. I am starving and I'm sure Asuka is as well."
Kaji addressed the former pilot, "How have you been Asuka? It's been more than half a year since we've talked."
"Well, I've been better. You know I traveled for a bit. Got out to see the world that I saved. Then she went and pulled me into some NERV job. Now I'm practically her secretary." Asuka gestured at her guardian across the table.
Misato responded to the accusation, "Not the way I remember it. Something about a lost girl who wanted direction and purpose, so I gave her some responsibility."
"How is she doing?" Kaji asked.
Misato considered, "Not bad actually. Stumbled a bit and still makes mistakes, but not bad overall."
Asuka crossed her arms, " 'Not Bad', huh? Which one of us got the Brazilian ambassador to release all those research grant funds? I'd say I'm as brilliant about this as I was about piloting."
Misato smirked, "Oh, but who put you in the room with him? It surely wasn't because I knew he had a secret obsession about the Evas. No it wouldn't be because I know he even obtained restricted footage that he likes to watch. You might be a fine violin player, but I am the conductor. Don't forget it."
Kaji stepped in, "All right you two, you are both brilliant. But before we order I've brought you a present." With both of his companions eagerly awaiting a gift, "You have to promise me something though. You can't get up and certainly can't leave."
Misato tried to joke about how it was going to be a stupid present and probably annoying if he was asking that. Eventually they agreed when he made it clear he was serious. Agreement in place, he pointed out through the window.
Asuka saw him. Seated on a bench across the street in a park under a light. Shinji sat staring with a stupid smile on his face. The last time she had actually seen him, he was being hauled away after she quite literally kicked his guts in. A fear ran through her. Her last words to him had been in hate and anger. She had been so worked up about everything that happened for weeks and in the battle that had just concluded, she had let loose on him. She had regretted what she did. She wasn't exactly sure what of the swirling emotions in her were right or wrong, but she knew something was wrong.
That day it had been the click of the safety being removed that snapped her out of it. Shinji was about to have his head removed. Reality was clear at that moment and she didn't know if she was responsible for his imminent death. Luckily Misato had stepped in and saved the day. She knew he had been tossed into some secure prison location in the NERV complex. He was alive, that is all she had known up to that moment.
Now he was sitting and looking at her. He had to know. He had to remember. Did he know how the world was viewing him? How wrong all those doctored videos made him look. They didn't know. Few people did. Did he blame her? Did he hate her? He should.
Every confused thought and scared feelings ran through her, but it was all broken when their eyes locked. His smile widened and slowly gave a little wave. No, he didn't hate her. He was just happy to see them. Something warm ran through her at the moment. She mirrored the wave. He was okay. A lot of tension she had no idea she was carrying slid off her at that moment. He was okay.
Somewhere in the back of her mind she recognized Misato say something and a choked gasp followed by a sniffle. Asuka really didn't care about anything else at that moment. Now she could see why Kaji made them promise. She wanted to go talk to him. She wanted him to come to them. To sit and eat with them.
The time was cut short though. One of her Section Two agents broke the eye line outside her window. Firmly standing between the two giving a little scowl, as if Asuka had been planning this. As if it was wrong to see each other. Before her view was obstructed, she saw what must have been another agent grab Shinji by his arm and yank him to his feet without a chance to do it himself. He was being dragged away without any delicacy about it.
It was just like back then. She was watching him be sent away again. Was that it? Was that the last time she would see him? In fear she was about to get to her feet, but Kaji caught her.
"Please, just let it be. He'll be fine. If you go, it will be worse for everyone."
Even Misato was nodding in agreement.
"Yeah, I don't...I don't know what I was doing. I just...I don't know." Asuka stumbled in her words. She was trying to erect a facade to hide her shame about losing him. It wasn't very convincing, but in her mind it was a solid excuse.
Dinner that night was nice, but the tone had an uncomfortable feel to it. They were happy to see Shinji, but then to be taken away again was hard on them. Asuka cried that night as the nightmares plagued her. She saw the red mist of his skull being perforated and point blank range to the rifle. Sometimes it was her doing it. She pulled the trigger. But as the night wore on, she dreamed of him smiling at her, and she calmed down into a more restful sleep.
He was okay and he didn't hate her.
Returning home Shinji massaged his wrist. Agent Kosaka had been brusque and had yanked him off the bench quite hard. The nice atmosphere between them had been left behind. He was in full "agent mode" again. The only thing the man said was a mumbled comment about how he expected better from Kaji.
The best way Shinji could describe it was that he was deposited back into his apartment. Agent Kosaka left him under the care of another agent. For a while Shinji was scared he wouldn't leave that door again, but decided that sitting there worrying wasn't going to solve anything. After making a simple meal he sat and eyed the instrument that had infuriated him earlier that day. He decided to try again.
Once again he struggled on how to start. Eventually he closed his eyes just trying to remember her face. He brought back that feeling he had earlier that night. Somehow his fingers started to work and his bow found rhythms. Without knowing it, Shinji began to play. It wasn't any song with a name, he was just playing what he felt. The song started off sad and longing thinking about the distance between them. The tones found new warmer ones as his mind wandered to her smile and the good memories he had. When his memories started to include Misato he added a new through line that to him felt like his chaotic guardian.
Those good memories ended as their fighting crept in. Anger and pain began to seep into his playing. It got faster and harder. Sad tones sunk in when he felt shame in his failings. More anger at SEELE and the production units. Things calmed down when remembering his mother, but that didn't last long. The more he tried to sort out the confusing events and emotions around the Near Third Impact, his playing became erratic. It was harder and faster than he had played anything up to that point in his life. It was anger and rage backed by pain and fear.
He played this for a long time, though how long only the agent outside would know for sure. Somewhere in there he began to cry and then to scream. It was a mess of sounds. It was just noise to anyone else. To Shinji it was the knot in his soul and his heart. He had many confusing emotional puzzles to figure out, but this was the one that occupied his mind the most recently.
In a strange way he was trying to use the music to understand the main components. To sort out how he really felt. As the music was about to crescendo, and he felt so close to something that made sense. Then it snapped. Somehow he broke two strings at the same time. His bow hair was shredded as well.
He was drenched in sweat and his throat ached. He didn't consciously know he was screaming at the end. His fingers were burning, having slid and held so many violent notes. Shaking in exhaustion he gingerly set the instrument aside. Shinji had no idea what had happened or what notes he had just played, but he felt like something good had happened. He felt relieved. At the same time he was in an emotionally sensitive state. It was cathartic.
Small things, like the worry if the neck of the instrument had also broken, had him nearly in tears. Digging around and finding no new strings nearly sent him into a panic attack. He had new hair for the bow stashed in the case, but had neglected to have a spare set of strings kept.
He calmed down as he changed out the damaged hair. Then, resolving to go out the next day and get new strings he took a bath. Sleep was a strange mix of nightmares and dreams for him that night.
The next day he set out. Shinji was happy to find that with a notification to the agent on duty that he could go out. After last night I had feared that he was going to be restricted to staying home. The day felt good. It was a strange way to describe it, but somehow that is how he felt. Finding the old instrument and music shop, the only one he knew of in the city, he headed inside missing a key element on the front door. There was a sign there that notified customers of the nearing closure of the business.
The store was nearly cleaned out. The owner, a nice older man, apologized. He couldn't keep the shop open any more. There wasn't enough demand and the costs were getting out of hand. Unfortunately, all his stocks had already been cleaned out. Though he did give Shinji directions to another music store he knew about. They catered to more contemporary music, but it was his only choice other than buying off the internet. Mr. Wantanabe was a kind, old man and Shinji would miss him.
Shinji didn't like a lot of human interaction, preferring a more private life, but there was something about a place like this. The personal touch of the advice and help of people with experience gave him a lot of comfort in making choices.
Bidding farewell to the owner, Shinji set off with clearance from his agent. It was farther from his apartment, but not so far as to be unreasonable. It was a little place buried in the bottom level of a larger building. "Slip Out Music" was just like it was described. Inside were modern guitars and bases and drums. If they had a single classical instrument, the front of the store didn't show them off. To the back of the store was a set of stairs that led down to some session rooms; places for people to play either in practice or to test out the instruments. A sign nearby advertised lessons on a variety of topics.
The walls that were not covered in instruments were plastered with posters from rock concerts and album covers. It was like a chaotic art gallery of things Shinji had no idea about. Along one wall ran a glass display case with numerous other equipment in it.
With all the lights and sights it was a bit of an overload for him. Shinji suddenly felt very much out of his element here. At one end of the display case a sizable man leaned over and was sharing a conversation with a store employee. The large man had taken a long look at Shinji and decided to step aside and focus his attention on some instruments on one wall.
The shopkeeper approached Shinji, "Looking for something, or just lost?" The man wasn't short, just in comparison to the other did he come off that way. He still towered over Shinji and with his long black hair that was kept unrestricted, he definitely seemed the kind of person Shinji would avoid. Yeah, intimidating and clearly not wanting to waste time on kids wandering in off the streets.
"Uh...s..strings. I was told I could get some cello strings here." Shinji started to regain his composure as he spoke.
"Eh, cello?" The shopkeeper thought for a minute, "Oh yeah, I think I have some of that. Give me a minute to dig through the back room." He stopped before fully walking away, "Don't touch anything. Got me?"
"Yeah" Shinji answered with a little shake still in his voice.
As he left another person entered the store. It was a woman a little older than Misato, though Shinji was no good guesser at age. She was in jeans and sneakers with a t-shirt torn at one hip showing just a little skin. The shirt had a triangle on it with a rainbow of lines coming out. She had a local baseball team hat on and sunglasses, the latter of which she removed after a minute of being inside. Either ear had a couple earrings in them, and one arm had a couple smaller tattoos visible. Shinji found her intimidating but a bit attractive and definitely sure of herself.
She walked up to the counter laying her bag on it, and began leaning over it reaching for something. Coming up empty handed she called out loudly, "Hey Saitou, where's the thing?!"
Somewhere in the backroom the shopkeeper responded, "Hang on, kinda got my hands full!"
With an unsatisfied "Hmph" from the woman, which Shinji could have almost expected to come from Asuka, she leaned back against the counter poking and prodding at the little trinkets on the glass.
Somewhere deeper in the store, down the stairs where the session rooms were, a few raspy electric guitar strings played out. At first Shinji couldn't tell what the musician was trying. It almost sounded like he was just playing random notes or tuning the guitar, though some of the chords felt ugly. Then a drum lightly joined in and suddenly the music took a new shape.
The music wasn't cleanly played. Notes scratched and sometimes were off beat as was the drum line. The chord changes were strange and sometimes didn't agree with each other. It was like the musician was playing two songs at once, not sure where to go. At the same time, it was cohesive in an unexpected way, and that gave the song character. As it played on it developed into a cohesive through line.
There was something else odd about the music. It felt like something. Something familiar itched at the back of his mind. While he got lost in listening, the shopkeeper "Saitou" had come back with the strings. Shinji was in another world though and didn't hear the question asking if he needed anything else before he put the backroom back together.
Shinji didn't notice that the woman had taken a closer interest in the plain looking kid in the shop. When Saitou returned she asked, "What's his deal?"
"Came in looking for cello strings. Damned things got packed so far back because I didn't think anyone would actually come looking. You know Koyuki took that stuff just to help out, but I mean how many of them could there be in the area."
"Well, that is just how he is. He seems like a good kid, I'll make sure he doesn't run off without paying."
"Alright. You guys closing up tonight?"
"Yeah, we'll take care of it, just lock up when you're done."
"Alrighty, here's your mag." With that Saitou went back and found a stool to sit on and peruse a newspaper to fill the time. His foot never left the beat of the music being played downstairs.
Taking the provided magazine, the woman watched Shinji closely. She recognized the song to a degree. It was "Little Wing", but there were so many versions it was hard to pick out whose version he was playing. There were no lyrics being sung, so probably the Stevie Ray Vaughan version. He did always like to warm up with something that had some complexity to it. Nearing the halfway point the song began to pick up more tension and energy, and she watched as the kid was reacting to it. Then, there was a big change in the sound of the song. It took on a much more intense run on notes, though the drums kept their beat as always. As the guitar began to get louder, she saw his fingers on his left hand begin to move. Clearly, he was unconsciously trying to find notes. She had seen this before, when her husband would listen to a particularly good piece. The kid really was a musician at heart.
As the song stepped back into a quieter moment she touched his shoulder shaking Shinji from the magic, "Hey kid, you like it?"
"Uh,...yeah. What is it?"
"That's the blues."
"The blues?" His eyes never left the direction of the music source.
"Well, "Little Wing" to be exact. Yeah haven't you ever heard of it?"
"No, it's...strange."
"Yeah, it takes some getting used to. Not as much as Jazz, but..." she trailed off
Shinji was still transfixed as the music played on.
"What's your name kid?"
"Shinji...eh Kaji Shinji."
Cracking a smile knowing the answer she was about to ask, "Well Shinji, I'm Maho. Wanna meet them?"
"Meet them?" Suddenly a jolt ran through him and he finally turned his eyes to Maho, "Yes." He hadn't been sure of much recently, but he had to hear more.
"Well, come on then. I'll introduce you."
The song wrapped up with some guitar flourishes and its hold was fully let go. Remembering himself he grabbed the strings from the counter and followed Maho down to the session rooms.
Downstairs and at the end of the hall was a larger room than the others. The others were closed up with lights off, but the one at the end stood open. In it a man sat on a folding chair with a guitar resting on his leg. He was getting settled into the chair and had an acoustic guitar, so the electric one in the stand nearby had been traded out. There was a drum set being manned in the back of the room. The two launched into a new song as they came to the door.
The guitar was being picked carefully, and the drummer was in a soft beat to not overtake the guitar. Maho guided Shinji to a set of chairs along the wall near the door. The drummer had noticed them and nodded. The man in the chair turned to see his visitors. He had a light beard and kept his middle length hair in a ponytail not unlike someone else Shinji knew. The state of dress around the place seemed to all be jeans and t-shirts as he wore them as well. His shirt was a stained and ruddy shirt with a "55" on it. The guitar was stunning though. It had a glossy shine and patterned stripes that had been brought out in the wood of the body. He smiled at Shinji and raised an eyebrow in question of who the boy was. Maho just shrugged and sat with Shinji. She began to read her magazine, but was clearly enjoying the music.
Maho knew the song. He probably chose "Fire and Rain" because it was a simple piece for just the two of them. It was a strong point of singer-songwriter songs like the ones James Taylor wrote. Simple to cover with just two people. He'd probably choose more complex stuff once everyone else showed up.
The guitar player sang out the lyrics in English as he played. Shinji couldn't follow all of it. There were a few lines and words that escaped him. To Shinji hearing the song for the first time, it was curious. The picking of notes was simple, but the skill was complex. The tune was simple enough to loop back around like a lot of music does. It followed a motif. The lyrics felt deep, but it was hard to take it all in and comprehend it. If he focused on the music, then he felt he was missing the deeper meaning of the song. If he tried to parse the lyrics, he thought he would miss the beauty of the underlying instrumental work.
It was the chorus words that caught him.
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
They resonated in his chest. He wasn't exactly sure about the English meaning, but the loneliness in the lyrics struck him. Fire and rain reminded him of all the destruction and sadness from the Angel War caused him to choke up a little. It wasn't what his teachers would have liked, but in its simple way it was beautiful.
Slowly, like a lullaby, Shinji was drawn into the song, just like before. It was gentle and soft and sad. Shinji let it take him away. He'd have to find it again later and listen some more.
Wrapping up the song softly trailing off, the guitarist placed his instrument in a stand and got up to hug and kiss Maho. "Hey, you made it in time. I was getting worried."
"No shit, right! I mean they still shut down roads left and right anytime NERV wants to. No one else got here yet?"
"No, but I got a message from them. They'll be here shortly."
The drummer was too curious now, "Hey Maho what did you find there? He looks a little scrawny, better throw him back."
Maho turned back to Shinji, "Nah, not even enough for a full meal. Heh, I found him upstairs looking for some cello strings." Turning back to Shinji, "Kaji Shinji, this is Tanaka Yukio and back there is Sakurai Yuji." She announced with pride and promptly got a disappointing reaction out of Shinji.
"Uh Hi Mr. Tanaka. Mr. Sakurai." Shinji's demure reaction was clearly not what she had expected. He was unsure how to act in this situation. He was already feeling out of place before he got to meet another musician. Then, they all seemed to act like he should know who they were.
The guitarist, now Mr. Tanaka approached, "Please, everyone calls me Koyuki and he goes by Saku." He reached out for Shinji's hand, shaking it.
"Yes sir."
Koyuki held the shake though, "That is as long as we can call you Shinji." Shinji nodded happily.
A/N: Alright, finally got that one done! I'm sorry that took so long. The short version: wrote a chapter, rewrote it, edited, rewrote, edited, realized I was going the completely wrong direction with how to tell the story, so reconstructed the story layout, wrote, and edited. This was going to be chapter 3 or 4 with a lot more world building, but I found a new way of telling the story that I like better. That and in combination with life, work, and other things just kept pushing back the writing work. Sorry, but eh not really. It is what it is.
So the jig is up. If you care to dig out the crossover, then it should be easy to find. If not then either just enjoy it or I'll dig into it more in the next chapter. This is a Shinji story first and foremost and so the crossover is just there to help in telling that. I'm just exposing the poor kid to something that might help him.
Review responses:
tomdj1701: I hope I live up to your hopes
"Guest reviewer on Aug 14th": Actually your comment on Unit 01 being off in space inspired me a bit. I've got a lot to do in the story, but I think I'll flush that out more for you readers in the future. Also, I imagine that Shinji is a tougher guy after all this than we give him credit for. He struggles, no doubt, but I wanted him on the edge of giving up but willing to fight on.
Iraki01: I can see what you mean about turning to a "dark side", as I would put it. Having some issues in my own life I found many ways to help myself, but I think what Shinji lacks is a support system of people (friends and family), and the means to express himself. Both him and Asuka bottle up stuff inside. Asuka at least vents from time to time. By giving Shinji a way to express himself and the support to do so, I figure he'd work his way back out of his depression. Healing is a long process and I think he wants to.
Romulo Nidoking BR: Glad to hear you are excited. I'll do my best to please.
SheriffJohnStone: Like the name. From one of my favorite albums. At least I assume that is where you got it from (otherwise egg on my face). I'll do my best to write something good and hopefully original.
Brool Story Co: I'll do my best.