Crimson Waves.
Amongst the crimson waves of our broken world, the world I ended, the world that by my brief Godhood was torn asunder. We met once again, my hands upon your throat and tears streaming down my face. Nothing was real, you weren't real, it was all just inside that swirling mass of souls and consciousness that was Third Impact.
But when you reached out and touched my face It all came crashing against me. The emotion and tears flowing out for my sins against you. How could you even think to give me such a gentle caress for all that I did to you? Rightly you call me "Disgusting," for the violation I have done, letting it all return to nothing. Instead, I ask in all sincerity. "What could, I have done?"
Time passes and tears have long since dried, as the sun begins to rise to reveal the shattered remains of the world. Lilith's eyes staring deathlessly on, searching for life on her world. Crimson waves, still ebbing at the shore.
"Shinji, why didn't you help me? Why didn't you do what you always did as the Invincible Shinji?" Her words carried no venom, no hate. Simple honesty and sincerity, a change from the Asuka I knew but that couldn't be surprising considering what she'd been through.
She didn't turn to look at me, as my voice croaked a feeble response. "My Eva was sealed up I couldn't get in before…. Before Mother awakened after you… died." I began, she had undoubtedly seen it all but discerning fact from fantasy in the maelstrom of souls and lives was a fruitless endeavour. "But I didn't even try, Misato was the only reason I was there, if not there'd be in a bullet in my head… I could have saved you but- "
"But you didn't because you killed the Boy who said they loved you." She turned to face me as she spoke her eyes which once glowed vibrant blue, now darkened with shock and grief. "Your Mother used you, The Commander used you, even Misato used you to feel something, I used you to vent my frustration that I couldn't reach out to you or anyone." Instrumentality revealed to me Asuka's past, why she acted as she did, she was blameless in my eyes, she was used just as I.
"Before you even start trying to apologise, don't bother with it, I'll never forgive you for how you 'Used' Me." Her eyes gleamed with the embers of some of the malice that once fuelled her gaze, before softening as she locked them to my teary ones. "But whatever you do, don't leave me. Don't runaway, don't ignore me!" She begged, tears beginning to form as sobs threatened to leave her throat pitifully.
"I promise…" simplicity amplifies sincerity, a thousand apologies are no better than one, but actions are the only path to redemption. I wiped my eyes, sitting down next her I reached out my hand, a wordless action, a silent acknowledgment of nothing more than. 'I'm here for you now.'
Her bandaged hand reaches out, fingers brushing against mine itching for embrace but still we're gripped with the fear that pain would follow even such a small action as this. But there's no way to go but up, even if it hurts. Our hands clasp together, touch, comfort all at once, sensations we both surely missed. I want to stay a million things, but I know words would not suffice, the feelings and sensations: guilt and loss, pain and hope. Perhaps a fools hope in this dead world, watered by crimson tears.
"Why did you come back?" Simplicity is key to communicating complex ideas and feelings, it's the only thing I can do to try to share, to feel alive. Her brow tightens as does her grip on my hand, the question vexing her despite its simplicity. Perhaps it was wrong to ask?
"Because you're all I have left Shinji… Mama is gone with 02, Piloting is gone and most importantly the world is gone at least until, or if, more people return. I'd rather risk being alone in a ruined world than lose what makes me who I am in that mess, that… everyone." Whether she really cared for me or not didn't matter, all that mattered was we weren't alone anymore. We at least had each other.
"Besides, who's going to cook me Breakfast if you're not here… Baka Shinji" She smiled a genuine smile for once and I couldn't help but return it. Sitting there next to me hand in mine, with a promise never to leave, not that we had anywhere to go. "Asuka, promise me that this changes things between us, if people do choose to return, can we promise to be honest with each other from now on?" A simple question with so many complicated implications to it. "I promise as long as you promise to do something instead of nothing even when things seem helpless."
I nod, she nods back in agreement, something we rarely, if ever had, it felt good. Perhaps this broken world could be mended, perhaps redemption isn't possible, but I'll try no matter what. I'll try until these Crimson Waves turn Blue again.