If you recognize it, it is not mine.
The following chapter contains references to the episode Ping Pong and End Run.
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"Radar, take a week off to clean your glasses. You cannot possible see anything." Claudia said, opening the door to Radar's kingdom of requisitions and daily reports. She came from Post-Op, where she just informed a young woman of her miscarriage. The patient couldn't be more than sixteen years old and didn't shed any tears upon hearing the news, just asked when she could leave the hospital to go back to work in the fields.
"Thank you, but I prefer not to see much of what's happening, ma'am." Radar stopped sorting the mail to turn around and answer, but soon continued.
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Claudia gave a quiet sigh. "Is the colonel in?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Thanks, big guy." Claudia walked passed and pushed open the doors to colonel's office.
„You wanted to see me, colonel?" When Claudia entered, Colonel Potter was going through a pile of documents. There was a half-drunk glass on his table, which was unusual this early in the day. Claudia narrowed her eyes in surprise, wondering what this was about.
"Yes, park it, please. We need to discuss the duty roster."
Claudia sat down, throwing one leg over the other. Her eyes watched the colonel carefully. "Been a rough one today?"
"Not more than usual. Why do you ask?"
"Sorry, it's none of my business. It's five o'clock somewhere, right?"
He sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I forgot how perceptive you are." He grabbed another glass and poured Claudia a little drink.
"Wanna talk about it?" She asked quietly.
"I don't even know what exactly there is to talk about."
"Then let me move the conversation along. I know how difficult it is to watch friends being held responsible for heinous acts." She avoided her CO's gaze, her eyesight landing on his almost empty glass for a moment. Taking another big gulp from hers, she tried to catch up with him.
"I've known Beckett for more than thirty years. Never would have guessed he's capable of sacrificing those boys for a promotion…" Finishing his drink, he moved the picture of his wife slightly to the left and leaned against the table. Another deep sigh escaped him.
"It's worse when they are not held responsible at all. Trust me." Clearing her throat, she put her glass back on the table. Life taught her that even the closest to you can betray you in the right circumstances. There was a mob of people in the world that choose the side of a conflict merely by how profitable it was to them. She sighed as she remembered all her family friends that suddenly ignored her when the regime changed. "Look, you haven't seen him for decades. People change and contrary to popular belief that's not always good news. You couldn't have known."
"I know, but that doesn't prevent me to feel like an idiot." He took in the tenseness of her posture and her furrowed brow. "Anything else on your mind?"
"You're a good man." She gave him a sad, tired smile.
"Thank you."
"I really mean it. This camp will become much darker place when you retire."
"It will be hard after you retire too."
"About that. After my…" She paused, looking for the right word. Apart from the fears about how Hawkeye would deal with her passing, she wasn't particularly touchy about her future. But she knew others tended to be, so she always treaded carefully. And the colonel was being very kind to her. He even asked her if she needed more free time to deal with all the requests for information from HQ. He was regular army, which meant he was used to death lurking around, but she didn't want to make it harder on anyone on principle, even if he was able to handle it. "Departure, please invite Sidney for a visit. As soon as possible."
"Understood.
"There's another thing I meant to ask you, but I didn't want to be insensitive."
"Go right ahead, but first pour me another one of these." Claudia jiggled her glass and then pushed it towards her CO, who immediately began pouring alcohol into it.
"Have you made all the necessary plans for when you're out of this place? I wouldn't want to get stuck making decisions for you that I have no business making."
"Well, some complications have arisen in that department."
"What complications?"
She took a big gulp and then looked down at the floor. What was there to say? She herself was confused about that. Hawkeye had asked her to marry him for god's sake. How could anyone continue from that and how? Ever since he proposed he was going around with a big frown on his face, sulking. They still spent every minute they could together, but he seemed troubled, the recent proposal wallowing between the two of them like a foul taste from the mess tent.
"Let me guess. It's one really big complication, about 6'2'', dark hair and speaks in an annoying thick, nasal voice?" Colonel Potter laughed, taking a little sip afterwards. Talking to Claudia cheered him up some and suddenly it wasn't such a good idea boozing around in his office alone.
"I just don't know what…" She bit her lower lip and then smirked. "Let me cut the story short - I just don't know."
"Then cheers." Colonel raised his glass and finished it in one big gulp.
"Take care of him, colonel. You know, when I…" Claudia's voice trailed off as she was overwhelmed with worry.
"I will. We all will, don't worry."
Hawkeye groaned with satisfaction. "There's nothing I'd like more than stay here, with my body glued to yours."
"Oh really? Instead of enjoying the war? Don't humor me." Claudia smiled with her head against his chest. She was running her hand over his body, caressing him gently until she brushed over his trousers' pocket. "Hey, what's that in your trousers?"
"Now you ask? Have you forgotten already?" Hawkeye lecherously grinned, pressing Claudia's body closer. His lips were only millimeters from her ear as he whispered.
"I mean the envelope, wise-cracker."
"Letter from home."
"From your dad? And you haven't read it already?" Claudia pulled back and scanned Hawkeye's face, noticing he closed his eyes. "I'm worried about you. What's going on?"
"It's nothing but a rough case, Claudia. It'll pass." Hawkeye took a long, deep breath, keeping his eyes close.
"The amputation?" Claudia ran her hand through Hawkeye's hair and pressed a kiss on his left cheek.
"Yeah. Before he was put under, he said not to save him if we couldn't save the leg." He whispered.
"I remember, Hawkeye, but you cannot take that at face value. He'll be fine. He just needs time to process what had happened and figure things out."
"But I need to tell him I removed his leg and deal with his dealing with it." His tone of voice changed, there was suddenly a dark husky undertone to it.
"Want me there?"
"No, BJ was the second surgeon. We already agreed to meet in Post-Op in two hours. But thank you."
"Alright, but as a distraction I'll read you the letter." Claudia sat on the bed, throwing her legs over Hawkeye's body and tore the envelope. "Dear Ben…oh, that is you. Sometimes I forget you have a real name. I love Ben. That's so cute."
"Claudia."
"Right, sorry."
"Dear Ben, I was sure surprised to receive another letter from you so soon. I have a feeling I have Claudia to thank for that. That girl is good influence on you, my son, hang onto her. Oh, now I'm not sure I should be reading this to you…"
"Don't worry about that. Continue, please."
"I understand that her situation brought up some uncomfortable memories for you, I myself was thinking about your mother recently too, you know. From your words it's pretty clear what your intentions are and I'll support you whatever you decide. I'm just worried how you'll handle it when the inevitable comes. I wish I could be there for you or you could be there with me and introduce me to this lady. I would make my famous lobster with butter sauce and potatoes or we'd barbecue something. During the last few weeks there was a little epidemic of flu here, so I had my hands full, but I still missed you very much. I still miss you even as I'm writing to you. Take care. Lots of love. Ehm… Dad."
As she stopped reading, she put the letter on her chair and turned to Hawkeye, who was tearing up by now.
"You should write to him right now, Ben." She slid closer to him on the bed and hugged him.
"I don't thing I am in the right mood."
"You've got interesting things to write back. Fight at Rosie's, fight at the mess tent, the war… The variety is fascinating." She smiled, then put on a more serious face. "The distraction would be good for you. Or we can write to him together our first common letter. What do you think?"
He shot a look of adoration her way.