If you recognize it, it is not mine.
The following chapter contains references to the episode Hepatitis.
Please review. I'd like to thank Laura201112 for the reviews, it motivated me to continue although I'd been pretty ill lately. More chapters coming!
"Oh, hey, BJ. What are you doing here?" Claudia said, surprised to find the surgeon standing at her door.
"Am I bothering you?" BJ asked, his face distorted in a look of concern and guilt.
"No, of course not." She said, cheerfully, but then changed her tone of voice to bring it closer to his demeanor. "You alright?" She wondered, worried if anything happened to Hawkeye or something. "Is it Hawk or one of my patients?"
"No, nothing like that." BJ said fast, trying to calm her down while he himself was in turmoil. "I just…" He didn't know what he wanted to say. Somehow he thought it would come to him by the time he needed to finish that sentenced, but that was false hope. He could feel Claudia watching him.
"Ok, you want to get a drink in the Officers' club?" She offered, biting her lower lip. Something was up with him.
"Ahem. No, if you don't mind."
"So how about drinking here?" She saw him nod hesitantly. "Take a seat, I think I have something."
"Thanks." BJ grabbed the beer bottle and brought it to his lips, taking a big gulp.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Ah…No." He said in a tone that didn't really lend itself to a discussion.
"It'll be fine, BJ. Hold on." Claudia lightly touched his hand, hoping it'll make him look at her.
"Did Hawkeye…?" BJ started, not really angry, but more resigned to his fate.
"He didn't have to."
"Oh."
"I don't think anyone else knows."
BJ just nodded again.
"BJ? Everyone makes mistakes. You're doing okay. Believe me, most of the human race is so much worse than the lovable yourself."
BJ gave her a sad smile, sipping his beer again.
"She asked for transfer, but Potter said no." Suddenly he shared more, interrupting several minutes of silence.
"That's not necessary. You wouldn't do that again, it was just a bad conjunction of circumstances on that night. Let's not lose a good nurse and a good friend."
"I hope you're right." He shifted on the chair uncomfortably.
"BJ, stop beating yourself up so much. You're in the middle of the war and half across the world from those you love, it's all so fucked up."
"So lovely to see you, Claudia! I…" Hawkeye burst in the tent, rushing to get his hands on his dear one, but stopped in his tracks when his eyes noticed BJ. "Sorry, I didn't know you're here. I'll come back later."
"Oh no, that is not necessary. I was just about to leave anyway." BJ said, hurriedly leaving before either Claudia or Hawkeye were able to say anything else.
"Hello." Hawkeye started again, surprised at BJ's retreat. "Everything alright? What did you two talked about?"
Claudia raised her eyebrow and looked him up and down. "What do you think?" She knew Hawkeye probably knew more about BJ's infidelity than she did, but she promised not to say anything and so she was going for plausible deniability.
"Right." Hawkeye said and then changed the topic. "How were you today? Missed me?"
"A little." Claudia said, laughing it up.
"Just a little!" Hawkeye said with fake consternation and sat next to Claudia. "I'll show you, to make fun of me…!" He pulled her closer and started planting kisses along her jaw.
-x—
Hawkeye's back hurt more and more. He stayed in his bed since Claudia was working and he couldn't think of anything he wanted to do badly enough to ignore the pain. Margaret calmed down a little bit, after she was able to connect with her fiancé, but still was driving all the nurses insane. She found out Donald managed to get double hernia, so the next time she'd get to Tokyo they could just look at each other.
BJ was running himself ragged, possibly to alleviate some of his guilt over Nurse Donovan. He picked up extra time in Post-Op, volunteered to go help in a nearby village to treat a few people and immunize the children and even participated in an organized physical exercises.
Standing up, Hawkeye groaned in pain and put his robe on, walking out of the Swamp. On the way to the latrine he met Radar who was delivering mail. As soon as was possible he was again lying down in his cot, the blanket over his head as he tried to block the light. Lately he wasn't sleeping very well.
BJ came in as he was just dozing off, awakening him. Frustrated he let out the air out of his lungs, grabbing the blanket even firmer. He wished he felt okay and could just run to Claudia and spend some time together. He wasn't even sure when she would be free today which was unusual. HE asked her about that, but probably he just forgot.
They didn't talk about marriage or his proposal anymore. He guessed she thought she succeeded in distracting him from it or convinced him it wasn't a great idea. But he didn't forget about that. In fact the prospect of marrying her seemed more appealing than ever. He wanted to be her husband so much. He never thought it would be possible for him to feel like this.
BJ started to exercise again, which quickly got on Hawkeye's nerves and didn't stay away from them. Radar brought them their mail. BJ got a medical journal and he got the Crabapple Cove courier, which didn't cheer him up as usual. Right now it only reminded him of everything he didn't have and of everything he couldn't participate in.
Even though the idea breakfast didn't sound that tempting, he decided to go to the mess tent and see what was on the menu. Unfortunately there were no more hard boiled eggs available, only the scrambled powdered stuff. He sat down at the table with Colonel Potter, Radar and the good Father, who to be honest looked a little ill. But this was a mash, everyone looked exhausted and sick of it all most times.
Hawkeye got tasked with staff examinations, which was something he could do without. His back hurt every time he only thought of moving and it seemed to be getting worse. Moreover the Colonel mentioned that Claudia should be quarantined in her tent, so who knows when he'd get to be with her again. It was a good idea, because in her state hepatitis would be a death sentence, or more precisely a quicker death sentence, but he still felt grumpy about that. He wanted to go see her and be with her. But he had to go examine Frank instead.
Major Burns was every bit as unhelpful and inconsiderate as Hawkeye expected him to be, only concerned with his hypochondria and nothing else, while the agonizing ache in the back was making it increasingly difficult for Hawkeye to do his job. The events in Margaret's tent were slightly better, he got to look at her behind, even though it earned him a shouting. Still, he had so much work in front of him when the announcement of wounded came.
On the way to the Pre-Op, where BJ and Potter waited for him according to Radar, he was informed that the blood test of Father Mulcahy proved the theory he had hepatitis. He hoped all the other test would be done quickly, although obviously the wounded would slow that down. He needed to know that Claudia was negative for hepatitis and that he could maybe go see her if he was too.
They didn't get many wounded, but the tank driver that BJ was going to work on was something! Hawkeye realized how many things worked against them and more specifically BJ. He had never done that operation, the tank driver never regained consciousness during the journey to the 4077th and he had lost a lot of blood even before he got to the OR. Still, it was the right decision to go ahead, it was doubtful the patient would survive a journey to another mash unit, let alone Seoul.
Meanwhile Claudia was again confined to her bed, she must have been going crazy. Hawkeye knew how much she detested not being able to help during an OR session. He wished he could visit her, but he had so many people to examine. Also visiting people now wasn't the safest, best idea. Maybe he'd write her a letter.