Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. This is a Fanfiction.

Summary: After the incident with Unit 13, Shinji discovers just how different things are. (AU).

Eva Rebuild: You can (Not) Crack

Shinji was a total wreck after watching his only friend die because of the boom collar that was supposed to be around his neck. He got his friend killed; he should have been the one to die.

Asuka had gone into the Eva where the curled-up Shinji was now. She grabbed his head so that he was looking into her cold emotionless eye.

"You piloted the Eva and fought with me. That battle was the most painful battle I had since Unit 03." Asuka's simple statement made Shinji's heart drop. Asuka definitely hated him now.

"The pain… was the best feeling ever!"

"W-W-What!?"

"I love you!"

Shinji was so confused, after Asuka's proclamation of love, she seduced the confused male Eva pilot right there in the entry plug. Shinji didn't know what made it more uncomfortable after he got of the high that came from making love to the girl he fell in love with, the fact that that the did it where Kaworu died or that Rei Q was watching the entire time.

Asuka explaining the birds and the bees to her did not help.

Fortunately, Toji survived Third Impact and became a doctor at the village they were living. Misato's son was taking care of their comatose father while Misato got free medical care for being the Commander of the WUNDER.

"Now Shinji I need you to promise me that you will take care of my daughter when you guys get back out there" Kensuke said with a serious smile on his face. Apparently, Kensuke started to see himself as Asuka's father and Asuka felt the same way if her calling him papa was anything to go by.

"Huh"

"Thanks buddy, I knew I could count on you!"

Kensuke's genuine reply added to Shinji's confusion.

"I want you to start cooking for the crew of the WUNDER immediately Shinji!"

Okay, it's about time he started asking what the devil was going on before Asuka dragged him for another round of sex that left him too tired to ask any questions…again.

"What is going on!? I thought everyone hated me! What is Asuka in love with me out of nowhere? Why are you guys asking me to cook? Who is that glass wearing girl? Her smiling is scaring me!"

"Hated you? No, we were just really hungry. We were angry that we were ordered by WILLE to go through that stupid procedure before we could get you to cook for us. I mean you are just a kid for beer's sakes!"

Shinji felt himself shatter when he heard that. They didn't hate him! They were forced to go along with that whole procedure that scared him over to Gendo! If he had waited none of this would have happened! He felt very stupid.

"As for why I am smiling, it's because I do not have to babysit the prince anymore puppy! She was all agitated, constantly asking when you would be coming back and taking it out on who or what was unfortunate enough to be around her when she vented some stress. All of those injured soldiers and dents in the wall were from the prince that is clinging to you right now!"

Shinji paled when Mari told him what it was like to be around Asuka with him there. He wouldn't be surprised if keeping Asuka in check would be his duty from now on.

And he still wanted to marry the German redhead.

Later on he would wish that keeping Asuka in line would be his only duty as everyone would start to worship him as cooking god and the chiefs would leave him offerings in return for blessings of culinary skill. I was bad enough everyone was convinced he had superpowers that he used to suppress Asuka and get her to fall for him.

The End

Author's Notes:

The Eva Rebuild needs more crackfics, there I said it.

There was an incident with my other fanfic, Wife of Obsession, that left with a bitter taste in my mouth after it. The review who pointed it out apologized for being hard on me and told me that he hopes that I still continue with it, so I like to think things are good between us. If you want a more detailed explanation, please check out my author's note chapter, I do not feel like getting into it again.

I hope the masochist Asuka was not stepping over some lines, this was on my mind for a long time, and it was bugging me. If I am being honest, the incident mentioned earlier has me in doubt about my decision making and some of my choices. Maybe after Wife of Obsession I will stick to more humorous and light-hearted stuff.

Again, please don't give the guy who criticized me a hard time. He was just trying to help me out by point out what I was doing wrong. If you are reading this don't feel bad, I need it before I made worse mistakes.

Thank you all and have a good day.