Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. This is a Fanfiction.

Summary: After the incident with Unit 13, Shinji discovers just how different things are. (AU).

Eva Rebuild: Crack on High

If there was one thing that made Shinji believe that everyone around him were either on drugs or were put into a permanent state of being high was his first meeting with the WILLE High Council.

"Shinji Ikari, the High Council is entrusting you on a very importance matter…. We need you to start making children to later on become master class chiefs like yourself!"

If the council members all looking like they had one too many hits of pot did not convince him that they were all on drugs than this did.

"Wouldn't it be easier if I trained someone to cook like me instead of trying to go though the long process of raising kids?"

Shinji would have pointed out the ridiculousness of the situation but compare to the crew member that tried to convert him to cannibalism this was rather tame. Shinji was clinging to Asuka after she had saved him from the guy who decided that if he could not convert Shinji, he would eat him to cover his tracks. Ignoring all of the flaws with the guys plans, Shinji brought himself out of memory lane to brace himself for the next wave of oncoming stupidity.

"Cooking is an inherent trait, not something you can just pick up. Commander Katsuragi has proven this with the numerous attempts to improve her cooking skills." Shinji paled when he heard this. They had Misato's Cooking! They must have brain damage! "Fortunately, we had been warned by people who survived her cooking firsthand and made it so that she can only cook for prisoners on death row. Her cooking got worse and now every food she cooks is auto-magickly lethal, killing anything it eats in the worst painful ways."

All brain functions came to a stop when he heard that. What the….

"I will only have any kids with Asuka." He needed to lay down some form of defense against any insane attempts to manipulate him. He was already in love with the red-haired girl, so fighting against that was completely stupid.

"Good. We will be notified when doctor Akagi had found a way to make you and pilot Shikinami fertile. WILLE out."

Shinji did not want to have anything to do with the WILLE High Council.

The current task that the council wanted Shinji to accomplish was impossible to due as of right now because the two pilots being part angel. Don't ask him, no one understood how that was possible, just some guesses about the nineth angel and third impact.

"Wouldn't there be problems with Asuka becoming pregnant during the war?" Shinji just thought of this after his brain rebooted and decided to ask Misato.

"Not to worry, by the time we discover a way for you kids to have mini-pilots we would either have won the war or have made our own version of an auto-pilot system to allow for the Evas to be used when pilots are off duty or incapacitated." That sound like a rather sane explanation, a rarity in of itself.

"Kids! I want to have kids! A bunch of little versions of me and Shinji! Pregnancy is supposed to hurt right? I sure hope so! The pain from our kids will be so loving!" Everyone had years to get desensitized to Asuka's ramblings of the pleasure of receiving pain from Shinji. Any other pain just made her angry and the results were catastrophic. The boy in question was asleep for all of these years and as a result looked like he wanted to kill himself.

"Shinji, since you are still learning all of the rules to the ship I will let this slide, but unless you have a doctors note from Ritsuko to excuse yourself you must be intoxicated or high at all times!"

Shinji looked dumbfounded when he heard that. Really, he shouldn't be surprised since most of the crew looked either drunk or high of their rockers. Shinji was about to protest, but Ritsuko beat him to it.

"Misato, remember that the pilots have a high tolerance to intoxication and all of the drugs we have on board. It's why we don't have pilots Shikinami and Markinami on any drugs or alcohol."

"I thought they we already high"

"No, that is just their personalities."

Shinji need to get out of here, so he took his crazy girlfriend with him back to their room. He had enough insanity for now and it was still the beginning of the day. He is so not ready for this crazy new world.

The End

Author's Notes:

Well here we go! I have no idea where I will go with this or how long will I go along until I decide to end it. I agree with it being stupid to blame Shinji for third impact in the rebuild, so much so that I think it was a propaganda plot by Gendo to use his son to awaken Unit 13.

As you can tell by how short these are, there are no rhyme or reason to it. I just get some stupid ideas in my head and put it down. I hope that it will get at least a laugh or chuckle from you guys since jokes that I come up with are usually on the lame side.

As for Wife of Obsession, I am contemplating on doing a rewrite of the whole Fanfic not just because of the chapter 7, but there are things that I feel like I could improve on to make some of the previous chapters better. I am unsure of if I should discontinue it and start over or just keep on going with what I got, even if I take out chapter 7.

Thank you all and have a good day.