"Do you think they're having a good time on vacation?"
"I don't see why not. They have always been the type to enjoy anything that brings them closer together and gets them away from work."
"Any ideas as to what they've been up to?"
"I don't have enough information to compute an answer to your question."
"Come on gramps. There's gotta be something that amazing processing power of yours can come up with."
"Well, if I had to guess, I'd say Hicks reasons through every decision they make. Newt acts on a whim and chases every stimuli she finds. Ripley tries to reason with her and acts as a mediator for the three of them."
"Bishop, that's still not answering my question. I already know all that stuff. Do you think they'd do something crazy for a change?"
"I feel there is a moderate chance that could happen. I can't rule it out but I can't confirm it will happen either." Bishop paused a minute as he though of a question for Vasquez. "Well you know Hicks better than I do. What do you think could happen?"
"Hell, he's probably out there acting the part of a lumberjack! Claiming he's been a cowboy since he was a little kid. Saying he's the best horseback rider that was ever born! Maybe wrestling a bear or two!" She joked as she spit out the craziest ideas her mind could immediately come up with. Everyone knew he was terrified of horses for some odd reason, almost as much as seeing those giant marshmellows in convenience stores. 'Ghostbusters' must've really done a number on him years ago...
Oh, if only they knew...
"I can't believe I've been drug into this! What were you thinking!?" Hicks moaned as he was literally drug into the salon, tripping over his boots in protest.
"Come on Hicks! It's not that bad. We're on vacation. We're here to relax." Ripley said as both her and Newt sat on his lap to keep him from running away.
"This though!? You two are insane! I do my own hygene! Me! Only ME! You actually PAY someone to do it FOR YOU!?" He protested, a little too loud unfortunately.
They got several angry looks from the ladies in the salon who were hard at work. Nobody would disrespect how they made a living and they would make an example out of him to prove it.
"Yes mam? Are you three together." The lady behind the register asked.
"Yes we are." Ripley replied with a smile on her face. "My husband definitely need a manicure and pedicure. He's a Marine. I don't know all the stuff that's been under his nails, but it needs to be gone."
"No I do NOT! Get off me and we will forget this whole thing ever happened!" Hicks protested as earnestly as he could.
"Don't worry mam. He won't be smelling like a Marine when he leaves here. I can promise you that."
Before they could get up to usher him to a seat, two hefty staff members as tall and strong as Hicks grabbed him by each arm and sat him in a chair.
"Let me out of here!"
"Oh no! We're not going home until there's no more foot odor coming off you. I can sometimes smell it when he's taking a nap in another room." Ripley said, exagerating a little bit to get the point across.
"I will have you know... Oh no you don't! Don't take my boots off! The team medic has seen my feet all shades of green, blue and infected. He will be the only one that will see these feet as long as I live! That's why I wear boots!"
Too late unfortunately. He couldn't finish his nasty story before, true to his word, those disgusting feet were in open air and being stuck in some smelly fragrance-filled tub, much to the poor gagging lady's relief.
"You two are to blame for all my misery today and... Newt! Put that phone away! Now! I don't need pictures being taken of me being tortured!"
"Oh this video isn't going to anybody. Just to Aunt Vasquez, Uncle Bishop and all your Marine friends we know." Newt replied with a laugh as two more ladies were working on his hands and nails.
"Lord Jesus, you promised you'd never put more on someone than they could bear. You also said you'd provide them with a way out when you do test them. Please show me the way out of this!" Hicks prayed audibly as a few heavy sobs rocked his body. He could handle aliens, death, combat, stress, pain, and being humiliated at skiing any day. This, however, had to be a side of Hell specifically for him, just so his family could get a good laugh out of it.
Newt and Ripley just laughed at all this. Who knew this trip to a salon would be so funny?
A couple hours later they finally walked out, all three of them smelling like lavender and, well Hicks had no clue what all the other smells were. All he knew was it was a lady's smell not fit for him! He had no clue why his nails looked shiny, why his boots seemed to squeek when he walked, or if he could get this stuff off him fast enough.
"Please don't ever drag me into another one of those places as long as I live." He begged as they got in the car to continue the rest of their day.
"We won't. As long as you go shopping with us. In the women's section." Newt replied with a big smile on her face.
"Oh no young lady! My butt is getting the heck OUT of this car and I'm walking back to the cabin! No no no."
"Hahaha! Hicks, she's just kidding! You don't have to go in the women's section at all. I'll overrule her on this one. You've been through enough for the day. You go shopping where you want to and we'll do the same." Ripley replied as they pulled back onto the main road.
"And the video?" He asked warily.
"I'm not sending it to anybody. I'll just show it to Bishop and Vasquez when we get home. I promise." Newt said honestly.
"Oh thank you baby girl!" He sighed as he leaned his seat back, hoping a nap would erase the memory of what just happened.
Hopefully...