Fighting Destiny 12

Chapter 30 Boxes

"

Jax came home about twenty minutes before it was time to pick up Abel. That was their routine on Friday nights. They would go out and get something to eat before Jax left to go to the clubhouse for church. This was going to be a big night for him because he was going to tell the MC that he wanted to leave.

Having Clay's backing should help, but there was still going to be a lot of surprise. After Baby Nate's death, Jax doubted his brothers would challenge him much on his desire to leave town.

"Where do you want to go for dinner?" Jax asked. Tara was in the kitchen finishing up boxing up nonessential kitchen stuff.

"I told Abel he could pick," she said taping up a box she'd just finished packing.

"It's gonna be a chicken nuggets kind of night," Jax said without enthusiasm.

"We can go to Derry's. They've got good fast food and Abel likes their chicken."

"OK. It's better than Chicken Castle."

"I went to the hospital. The cause of death for Baby Nate is SIDS with co-sleeping as a factor."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means," Tara said, her jaw clenched with anger, "that SIDS may have caused his death or co-sleeping. It's impossible to tell which one. If Gemma had just done what I asked and put him to bed . . ."

"Come on, you don't believe Gemma had anything to do with Baby Nate's death," Jax said. He was angry that Tara couldn't accept Baby Nate's death as a tragedy. She just had to place the blame on Gemma.

"I believe that it's possible she caused his death. If she'd put him to bed in his crib as I'd told her, we would know for sure what caused his death. Now we never will know."

"What the hell difference does it make?" Jax demanded impatiently. "It isn't going to bring him back."

"She came over for a few minutes about a half hour ago. She told me that if we leave Charming, there's nothing left for her to lose. There's nothing to stop her from going to the cops."

"She actually said that?"

"Are you accusing me of lying?" Tara demanded hotly.

"No, of course not," Jax said quickly, trying to calm Tara down. "I will deal with my mother right after church. I'll go to the house and talk to her. Clay is meeting with Opie and Piney tonight. They're going to tell him they're leaving."

"After Abel's in bed, Margaret is going to come over and help me with the boxes unless you want to do that," Tara said with ice in her voice. The whole box issue made her angry all over again.

"I don't want to deal with the boxes. That's why I asked Opiie and Donna to deal with them."

Jax was frustrated with Tara over the whole box ordeal. She refused to understand that he was trying to spare her needless grief. He didn't get why she needed to go through Baby Nate's things herself right now. It was morbid. Maybe in a few months when they had time to heal, they could go through the boxes and it wouldn't hurt so much.

"Fine," Tara ground out the words, "Margaret and I will deal with them. Let's go. It's time to pick up Abel."

Tara brushed past him to go to the bedroom to get her purse. Jax just shook his head. Maybe once Tara did whatever she needed to with the boxes; things would be better between them. They had to find a way forward together and not allow the tragedy of Baby Nate's death to break them.

Abel was happy about eating at Derry's. He asked what Baby Nate was doing. Tara told him that she thought JT was feeding him his bottle because Baby Nate got cranky when he wanted to eat.

Jax left for the clubhouse and his big meeting with the MC. Meanwhile Tara bathed and got Abel into bed. She could hardly wait until Margaret got there with the wine.

"

"***

"

Jax explained to the MC that he needed to leave Charming for the sake of his family. He added that with Baby Nate's death, it would help them heal from the trauma.

His brothers didn't disappoint him. They weren't happy about losing him, but they understood why he was leaving. They all expressed hope that he would return one day.

By getting the approval of the club, he would still be able to have contact with the members. If he left on bad terms or a bad out as it was usually referred to, he would be dead to his brothers. He would be able to have no contact with them.

Jax was setting the stage for Opie and Piney's exit. He wouldn't hit them with the new chapter news until next week after they agreed to let Opie and Piney leave on good terms.

After the meeting was over, he rode over to Gemma's to have a talk with her. He didn't take what Tara said about Gemma threatening to go to the cops seriously. Clay would never let Gemma go to the cops. An outlaw biker could not have an old lady who ratted. Gemma knew that.

Gemma was just screwing with Tara and was picking a piss poor time to do it with Baby Nate's death. He could understand why Tara wanted to hold Gemma responsible for Baby Nate's death as a kind of payback for threatening her with the cops. He would de-escalate the situation as much as he could. There had always been bad blood between Gemma and Tara and their decision to leave only made it worse.

"

"***

"

Margaret came armed with two bottles of red wine and plenty of bubble wrap. She quickly took everything out of the boxes and then she and Tara sat on the floor. Tara sorted everything into three piles one pile was for the gifts she'd received from the baby shower her co-workers from St. Thomas had given her, another pile was Baby Nate's things that she had memories attached to them and a final pile was Baby Nate's things that she didn't have any attached memory.

Margaret used Tara's phone to take pictures of some of the baby's things. Tara had her laptop and typed in memories of each item when she had a memory. She was obsessed with preserving every single memory she had of her son. Tara was planning to put the pictures and her memories in a book for them all to remember Baby Nate by.

As they drank, they made good progress. Margaret carefully wrapped each of Baby Nate's things before reboxing it. It wasn't that Donna and Opie had done a bad job; it was that Tara wanted to touch each of Baby Nate's things and remember her baby.

This was part of the grieving process she needed to go through. She didn't understand how Jax wanted to take this away from her. If he had his way, Baby Nate would just be forgotten because that was less painful for Jax.

She had wanted to do this with Jax, but he just didn't understand her need to go through this ritual. She was glad she had Margaret and the wine didn't hurt either. It ran out just as Tara placed the last onesie in a box and taped it close.

"I can never thank you enough for this," Tara said.

"It's what friends do," Margaret said. She called her husband to pick her up.

"Jax is telling the MC tonight that he wants out," Tara said.

"How do you think that will go?"

"OK. Clay's already agreed. The guys will fall into line. I just can't shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen and we're not going to be able to get away."

"I wasn't sure if this was a good time to tell you, but I have a piece of good news. That hospital admin job in Florida came through for me. We won't be that far apart."

Tara hugged Margaret. She knew that she'd grown disillusioned with Charming and had been looking for another job for the past six months.

"I'm so happy for you."

"I'd never say this publicly, but St. Thomas is sliding downhill fast. It's going to end up as a nursing home within the next year if the hospital can't come up with a way to make more money."

"Maybe the Sons can go beat up people and send them to the ER. There's still tons of money to be made there."

Margaret chuckled and gave Tara a hug as she saw her husband pull up outside.

"Thanks again," Tara said.

"Anything for you," Margaret with a smile.

Tara stacked the boxes neatly. She'd written down the contents on the outside. For a moment she wondered if or when they had another baby if she would want that new baby to wear Baby Nate's stuff. By then, she hoped she would have healed enough that every time she saw something of Baby Nate's her heart wouldn't hurt as much. She knew that his death would always be painful, but she hoped time would dull the raw pain she was feeling now.

"

"***

"

Jax pulled into the driveway of Gemma's house. He was going to keep the meeting with her short. He didn't want to hear her try to talk him into staying in Charming. He and Tara had already made that decision and with Baby Nate's dying, they all needed a new start in a new place.

Gemma answered the door almost as though she were expecting him.

"How did the meeting go?" she asked. "You want something to drink?"

"I can't stay long," Jax said. "The meeting went fine. I'm getting a good out. That's not why I'm here."

"Let me guess," Gemma said taking a seat at the long dining room table. "Tara told you Baby Nate's death is all my fault."

"She told me that we'll never know exactly why he died," Jax said. He was emotionally drained from the meeting and from everything he'd been through in the past few days.

"What do you believe?"

"It's a fucking tragedy. Knowing exactly why won't bring him back. I don't think you hurt him."

"I loved Baby Nate," Gemma said.

"Tara told me that you're talking about going to the police."

Gemma frowned, a look of annoyance crossing her face.

"I don't know where she gets that from. I can't go to the police. I'm not a rat."

"I know. I'll tell her we talked. Just don't stir up shit with Tara now. I don't know how much more she can take."

"Jackson, I don't understand how you can leave your family and your club."

"It's for the best," Jax said. "If I stay in SAMCRO, it's only a matter of time before I end up doing a long stretch in prison or get killed. I want to raise my son to not be criminal and a killer."

Gemma's lips tightened in disapproval. She didn't like it that Jax was critical of her parenting.

"A criminal is defined by laws written by the wealthy to keep their wealth. You were raised to take care of business and live outside laws that are wrong."

"Doesn't matter if the laws are right or wrong. It just matters what you can get locked up for."

"SAMCRO is your legacy and it is Abel's legacy. I don't know how you can just walk away from it."

"Did you know JT was going to walk away from the MC?"

"No," Gemma said shaking her head.

Jax knew Gemma was lying. He knew from the tone of her voice that she had known JT was going to leave SAMCRO. He wondered if that had anything to do with him getting run down by an eighteen wheeler.

He didn't pursue this with Gemma. There were some things that he was better off not knowing and this was one of them. There was no doubt in his mind though that his mother was ruthless enough to have tried to stop JT from divorcing her and taking custody of him by whatever means necessary.

"Just remember, Tara is the mother of your grandson. You need to make an effort to get along with her for everyone's sake."

Gemma got up and kissed her son on the lips. She wouldn't have many more opportunities to kiss her son when he moved.

"Jackson, you know I would do anything for you."

"Then let me leave Charming. It's for the best."

"Leaving SAMCRO and Charming isn't for the best," Gemma insisted.

"Good-night, mom."

Jax was hoping to get out of there before Clay returned from his meeting with Opie and Piney, but Clay came roaring up just as he got to his bike.

Clay wasted no time in walking over to him once he got off his bike and removed his helmet.

"You knew Piney and Opie were going to leave," Clay said accusingly.

"I did."

"What's your endgame Jax?"

"Getting out of Charming and making a better life for my . . ." Jax broke off. He'd almost said boys, "my son."

"You trying to take SAMCRO down?"

"If I wanted to take SAMCRO down, I'd fight you for president. You are going to let them leave, aren't you?"

"I don't have a damned choice. Is this it now? Anyone else going to leave with you?"

"Not that I know of," Jax said.

He got on his bike put on his helmet and roared off into the night. He hoped that Tara and Margaret would have finished the boxes by now. Once they had gotten through that trauma, maybe Tara would be more like her old self.

"How did your meeting go?" Tara asked. She was in the family room watching TV.

"Fine. The guys understand and I'm getting a good out. Did you and Margaret get the boxes done?"

"Yeah. They are all done," Tara said. She got to her feet. "I'm beat. I'm going to bed."

Jax put his arm around her waist as she passed him.

"Good idea. I'd like to go to bed too."

He tried to pull her closer. She pulled away.

"I'm going to bed to sleep," Tara said.

"I'm going to sleep too. I thought maybe we could . . ."

Tara resisted the urge to punch and hit Jax. Did he ever think of anything besides sex?