Fighting Destiny 12

Chapter 35 Easy for You to Say

"

Tara sat down at the kitchen table and put her head in her hands. She just needed the nightmare to end. There was no way she could have known that Otto would use that crucifix to kill that nurse. Maybe what she did was a crime technically under the law, but there was no intent. What good could be served if she went to prison? She wasn't the one that took that crucifix and cut that woman's carotid artery so she'd bleed to death before anyone could save her.

Otto and Otto alone was responsible for that nurse's death. Screw the law! The nurse's death wasn't her fault. She meant what she said when she told the detectives to go chase after real criminals. Crime in California was soaring. They ought to be doing something about that instead of pursuing her.

It didn't matter that she didn't consider herself morally responsible; it just mattered if they were going to go after her so the state could blame her rather than admit that lax security procedures gave Otto the opportunity to kill the nurse.

She got up from the table, grabbed a Coke from the refrigerator, opened it and went into the family room and flipped on the TV. She needed to divert her mind with some mindless TV—anything to not think about going to prison.

If only she weren't so damned fragile right now. Normally, she would be able to talk herself through situations and calm herself, but her intense fear of going to prison brought out her crazy emotional side. As long as Gemma kept her mouth shut, she was safe. There was no one to put that crucifix in her hands.

Gemma would have to testify that she gave her the crucifix and that it was the same one that Otto used to kill the nurse. As Clay's old lady, Gemma couldn't rat or testify in court. Would Gemma be willing to go against Clay to rat on her to keep Jax in Charming? Gemma would realize that Jax would be done with her if she did that. Unless her desperation drove her to do something that stupid. And Gemma wasn't very smart.

Her heart began to pound painfully in her chest. She just remembered there was a small mesh covered window in the door of the treatment room. Someone could have seen her give the cross to Otto then. She shut her eyes trying to remember how she had handed the cross to him. She thought she'd been discreet and kept it concealed and pressed it into his hand. Could someone have seen enough to testify that she gave Otto the crucifix?

The window was pretty high in the door. Someone couldn't just casually pass by and see into the room. A person would have to stand at the door and actually look through the window to see. Could there have been a face at the window? She should have noticed that, but maybe not. She was focused on Otto and not looking at the window. Why hadn't she looked at the window to make sure no one was looking?

She gulped down some Coke hoping the magic of sugar and caffeine would calm her stomach. It was possible that someone had seen her give the crucifix to Otto. She could go to jail.

Suddenly she was overcome with the need to hold Baby Nate. Her arms ached. She needed the comfort of her baby, of looking down into that little face and seeing him smile at her. She would never see him again. Maybe it didn't matter if she did go to jail; how much more miserable could she get?

There was a knock at the door and this time, she looked out the peephole. It was Fed Ex. She opened the door and took the package. She opened it without a lot of enthusiasm, but she was pleased with it. It was a bronze urn that looked almost identical to Baby Nate's bunny right down to the long droopy ears. It was so tiny only a little over two inches wide by four inches tall. The space for the ashes was less than the size of a lime. So sad that all that remained of her precious son could fit inside such a small space. At least now when she and Jax went to pick up Baby Nate's ashes on Monday, there was a proper place for them.

For dinner, they took Abel out for pizza. Normally they got it delivered, so it was a special treat to actually go out to the pizza place. Abel loved going there because they showed cartoons on a big screen.

They let Abel watch a couple of SpongeBob cartoons on TV before bathing him and getting him ready for bed. She wasn't looking forward to telling him about moving. She was afraid that he was going to be upset.

"We're all going to move," Jax said in that bright voice adults use to tell little kids good news.

He and Tara were sitting on either side of Abel on his bed.

"It's going to be so much fun," Tara said matching Jax's tone of voice.

"Move?" Abel asked unsure of what they were doing.

"We are packing up all of our stuff in boxes and we're going to move to a new place," Jax said.

"Donna, Opie, Kenny and Ellie are moving to the same place," Tara added. "Their Grandpa Piney is also moving. It will be so much fun to all live some place new."

Abel frowned. He wasn't so sure about moving. He liked where he lived now just fine.

"I like it here," he protested.

"You'll like our new home even better and Mommy and Daddy are going to have new jobs," Jax said.

"You get to help pack all your stuff up tomorrow. You have suitcases that are just for you and your clothes and your toys. It's going to be so much fun packing," Tara said.

"That's a lot of packing," Abel said.

"I'll help you. You need a good night's sleep so you can do all that packing," Jax said.

The packing information had momentarily diverted Abel, but he was still worried.

"How is Baby Nate going to find us?" Abel asked frowning. His baby brother needed to know where to come to visit him.

Jax and Tara looked at each other. Abel was having a hard time understanding that Baby Nate was never going to be able to visit them. They had told him that Baby Nate wouldn't be able to visit him, but he still asked. Over time, he would grow to understand more about death and what it meant, but they didn't want to rush him into understanding something when he wasn't ready.

"Baby Nate will always know where to find us," Tara said, her voice breaking. She blinked her eyes quickly trying to stave off tears.

"I'll finish up here," Jax said. "What story do you want me to read to you tonight?"

Tara kissed Abel and told him good-night before leaving.

Abel's questions made her wonder about what was really happening with Baby Nate. Was he always going to be a baby? Who was watching over him? Did he understand why she wasn't there for him? He's a baby. How much could he really understand. At least with adults, they can understand what's happening when they die and go to wherever they go, but what can a baby understand? Is he scared that there aren't any familiar faces there for him? Who will love him?

She couldn't keep thinking of all these sad things. It wasn't making her feel better and it was only making her feel worse. Once they left Charming, everything would be so much better.

The idea of leaving still scared the hell out of her. Surely Gemma was going to do something to try to force them to stay. Gemma wasn't the type of mother who would accept her son's decision to move without putting up a fight. No, Gemma was going to do something to try to force them to stay. The only mystery was what she was going to do and would it involve ratting to the police.

Once more she focused on what moving would mean for her, Jax and Abel. New lives, new home, new jobs and never having to deal with Gemma. Heaven on earth.

Tara walked into the bedroom and got down their suitcases from the top of their closet and began to pack their clothes. After about twenty minutes, Jax walked into the bedroom.

"Abel fell asleep while I was reading to him," Jax said. "He never does that when you read to him."

Tara looked up from where she was rolling up jeans to add them to a suitcase.

"He was playing with Ellie and Kenny. He has to run to keep up with them," Tara said, "so he always comes back from playing with them worn out."

"He seemed OK with moving."

"He doesn't really understand what it means, but he'll adjust. I moved a couple of times when I was little. It's part of life."

Tara began to pack Jax's SAMCRO T-shirts. She wondered if he would still wear them when he wasn't in the MC anymore.

"I've only ever moved into different houses, so I have no idea what to expect moving to a new state. I'm looking forward to the adventure."

Now that Tara didn't have to pretend to be happy for Abel, she felt drained of energy. She was too tired to pretend that everything was OK. Most of the move had fallen on her shoulders because Jax was busy winding things up with the MC.

She moved automatically emptying the closet of all of Jax's clothes except for what he would wear in the next few days.

"The detectives paid me a visit this afternoon," Tara said rolling up a rare pair of Jax's jeans that were dark blue. They were his dress up clothes, he always joked.

"On Saturday?"

"That's today," Tara said tensely. "Wanted to come in and talk. Wanted to know if they could look around. I told them I answered their questions once and if they wanted to talk to me again, I wanted my attorney present. I also told them if they wanted to look around, they could get a warrant."

"Good. That was the right thing to do."

"They want to talk to me next week. I'm calling Lowen. I need to meet with her and then I'll have her set up a meeting with the detectives."

"Did you tell them we were moving?"

"No, I don't think I'm under any legal obligation to tell them."

"Right. It's not like Otto killed the nurse and we decided to move."

"I remembered there was a small window in the treatment room. Someone might have seen me give the cross to Otto."

Tara continued to move automatically back and forth from the closet to the suitcase determined to finish getting her and Jax's stuff packed tonight. Keeping her hands busy kept her mind from spinning out of control.

"If that were true, they would have gotten a warrant by now. They would have brought you in for formal questioning. Just stick to your story and everything will be OK."

Jax wasn't the one facing prison and she'd done it to help him and that damned MC.

"That's easy for you to say," she snapped, "you're not the one facing prison." She tossed a pair of his jeans into the suitcase and began to zip it closed. She'd had more than enough packing for the night.

Jax held his temper. It would be too easy to answer her anger with anger, but he reminded himself that Tara was going through a terrible time and she needed him to be calm and patient.

He put the suitcase on the floor out of the way before putting his arms around her.

"It's going to be OK, I promise."

She pulled away.

"Promises?" she scoffed. "That's a promise that isn't within your power to keep."

"What can I do to help you?"

Tara shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.

"Do you think Baby Nate's OK? What if he's scared and alone?"

Jax took Tara by the shoulders.

"I think that he's absolutely fine and Grandpa JT and Grandma Knowles are watching over him. You have to believe that. It's the only thing that's going to get you through this."

She looked into his eyes and shook her head, her lips twisted into a bitter imitation of a smile.

"I'm going to take a shower," Tara said.

"How about I join you?" he suggested.

"No," Tara said. "I need space."

Jax watched her walk away. He was doing his best not to lash out at her and to not take her constant rejections personally, but he missed her.

He didn't want to believe their bond built over years when they were in high school and strengthened with all they had endured since she returned to Charming was gone, but he wondered how much longer it would take for her to see that he wasn't her enemy.

She needed to turn to him and not away. That was the way for them to get through this. For the first time since Baby Nate died, he wondered if their relationship was going to survive.

"

Author's Note:

I will be taking maybe a week off so there probably won't be a new chapter next week. There are only two to four chapters left.