AN: Hello, my favorite readers! Here we are with the newest installment of Killing Me Slowly! Isn't it crazy that, after this chapter, we'll only have three more chapters to go before A Kingdom So Dark & Forgotten can finally begin? Ah! How exciting is that? I can barely contain myself.
Our featured songs for today are Homecoming by Hey Monday, Carry Your Throne by Jon Bellion, The Lucky One (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift, and Coming Home by Diddy (Dirty Money) feat. Skylar Grey. Enjoy!
Chapter 31: Rapunzel's Return
I know my kingdom awaits
And they've forgiven my mistakes...
The slow-rolling waves of the salty sea pushed and pulled at Rapunzel's heart as though they were the strings of a forlorn puppet master, calling for her: 'Come, come home to me. Put your head beneath the waves, forget about it all. You won't have to feel anything if you can't breathe.'
Rapunzel had never wanted to be the girl who would rather give her breath away than have to feel the hands of guilt and shame squeezing at her throat any longer, taking her life from her; she'd never wanted to be the girl who took the easy way out. She'd never wanted to be the girl who was so selfish that she put everything and everyone that she loves in terrible danger in order to satisfy her own desires. She'd never wanted to let her parents down, her people down. Most of all, she'd never wanted to let Eugene down.
And yet, she has. Again and again, she's let everyone down. She's become that guilty, selfish girl that she'd never wanted to be. She's embellished her outsides so that she still looks pretty to the unknowing eye, though her heart feels dull and ashamed - suffocated, even. And as much as Rapunzel hates it - despises herself for it - she's come to realize that she doesn't know who else to be anymore. She wouldn't know how to separate herself from the broken fragments; not even if the opportunity to become someone else - to become whole again - were staring her straight in the face.
At one time, Rapunzel had been so ahead of the curve - so selfless, operating as little more than a human doormat - that the pendulum had no choice but to swing to the other side entirely when the opportunity had presented itself: when she could stand up to Charles in the way that she'd always yearned to stand up to Gothel. Rapunzel's life was now a matter of mere co-existing extremes, so much so that the edges of herself have become blurred even to her own eyes.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Leaving the tower, realizing her true lineage as a princess; as royalty. Any of it. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
After years of mental manipulation and emotional abuse, when Rapunzel had dreamed about leaving the tower - if only for one night - her mind had inevitably split itself between two very different versions of the truth.
On the one hand, the world outside her tower was a place which lacked any true tolerance for kind, well-meaning people. According to this version of the truth - according to Gothel's truth - men had pointy teeth and would take advantage of you if only given the slightest chance. Out there, in the world - the world, which apparently crushed souls and snuffed out any trace of sunlight - people would want Rapunzel only for her hair. She'd been spoon-fed this version of the truth for so long, forcing any alternate reality to seem altogether impossible.
And yet, Rapunzel had always had this nagging feeling deep in her gut - this undeniable hope - that the opposite of what Gothel had cemented into her mind somehow had to be true. Rapunzel had carried this hope around in her pocket, in an invisible locket around her neck, so that Gothel wouldn't have the chance to completely smother it. There, from the tower window, Rapunzel had imagined the world in the golden hues of the gleaming lanterns which rose in the sky each year on her birthday. Those lanterns, full of light which filled her with an inescapable longing, tugged at Rapunzel's naivety and told her in wordless whispers that they were somehow meant for her.
From that window, Rapunzel had imagined herself running through meadows, weaving flowers and greenery into freshly-scented crowns which would rest upon her golden head, and swinging from the tallest trees by her hair. She'd ignorantly imagined a world where all men weren't inherently cruel and wouldn't simply use her for her powers. She'd imagined - she'd hoped for - an alternate reality so far removed from the world which Gothel had jadedly described to her for so many years. She'd hoped for a world filled with people like Eugene.
Now, Rapunzel has Eugene himself, not just the idea of someone like him. She has a crown, a real one. But what good has that crown ever brought to her, aside from bringing her and Eugene together? Aside from their fateful meeting, the crown and the royal lineage and this life of promised luxury has brought Rapunzel little more than horrific, heart-wrenching pain. Pain, and anger, and guilt.
So much guilt.
She should've been thankful. She was on a boat, she was on her way home. She was finally with Eugene again, with her loved ones; and soon, she would be able to reunite with her parents and with her beloved kingdom. For now, the threat of Charles was nothing more than a whisper of fog on the horizon behind them. And for now, as much as Rapunzel dreaded the looming term, would just have to be enough for her.
Despite the many things to be grateful for, there were still several issues at hand, worries and anxieties that were making Rapunzel's head spin and making her feel sick as the small boat rocked among the waves. For one, there was the issue of lack of privacy. She'd wanted nothing more than to fall into her warm, silky sheets with Eugene, make herself go hoarse from moaning his name, and never leave her bed ever again. She'd yearned to keep him safe from the world, from anything that could possibly harm him, and Rapunzel could sense that Eugene was feeling the same way about her. Though there wasn't much space on the boat - there was a small, lower compartment to curl up in at night, thankfully - he'd barely allowed her to be a singular foot away from him since leaving the manor in Maddoline.
The hardest part of it all, though the two of them were so graciously reunited, was how badly Rapunzel had wanted him for the entirety of their journey home. She'd yearned to reunite with Eugene in every possible way, and she'd wanted to make love over and over again for a week straight. With Cassandra, Lance, and Pascal accompanying them on the boat, though, such an intimate reunion wasn't exactly plausible. Rapunzel was able to sleep next to him, curled up beside Eugene for warmth, and for now, that was more than enough. It had to be enough to get Rapunzel through the week-long journey back to Corona. To simply be in Eugene's arms again would have to be enough for her, and it was.
Sexual pining aside, there was also the undeterred issue of what exactly they were going to do when they arrived back home: what legal ramifications were sure to be waiting on their doorstep as a result of Eugene's rash decision to set Canmore Manor on fire. The week-long trip, though originally marked by hefty amounts of relief and joyous reunion all around, had soon turned ominous when the initial shock thoroughly wore off and when the weight of Eugene's actions had been fully considered. There was an unspoken notion twisting between the group of five in the misty, salty air: This isn't over. This isn't even close to over.
Charles's promise to see them again - to see her again - had stuck to the lining of their brains like honey, though the thought was far from sweet. That final, fiery night in Maddoline wasn't the last time they would see Charles; as much was certain, especially after Eugene had struck a match and unmeaningly sent everyone up in flames.
Eugene and the greedy, unhinged prince alike had made their beds, though neither of them were ready to lie down just yet.
Each of the five companions on the small, Corona-bound boat - blue-hued chameleon included, as Pascal unforgivingly fed from the energy of his depressed humans - had adopted a heavy sense of dread which weighed upon their sagging, tired shoulders, rolling between their shivering bodies like a gloomy smog that couldn't seem to clear itself out.
And still, the wayward group tried their best to ignore the feelings of impending doom which quietly and separately impaled each of their minds, if only because they were finally all together again. There was a special sort of relief in that togetherness. Even Eugene and Cassandra - ridiculous as it sounded and as frustrated as they were with one another - were every kind of grateful to be in each other's presence, safe and headed for Corona with their beloved princess and friend. Nonetheless, they all looked a little bit haunted in the face, expressions painted a strange color of melancholy which might never go away in spite of their glorious reunion.
The hurt was still there, just buried deeper now, shoved down far enough to remain grateful for their long-awaited homecoming.
Rapunzel had spent the majority of the trip quietly mulling over everything that had happened to her in the past several months. And although she'd wanted to believe her good fortune to be true, she couldn't help but fear that being reunited with Eugene was nothing more than a simple trick, or perhaps the makings of some horrible nightmare that she was bound to wake up from at any given moment. Rapunzel had waited patiently for the hand which belonged to the puppeteer of her life to reach down into the boat and pluck her from Eugene's side, sleepily placing her back into her cold bed with Charles in Maddoline.
Much as Rapunzel never wants to be separated from Eugene again, it feels inevitable somehow, as though the goodness of today is doomed to bleed into the cruel consequences of tomorrow.
Their lives were sewn together in a straight, fateful hem, then ripped apart by an uneven, shaky hand that never should've picked up a needle in the first place, and Rapunzel can't help but worry that the edges have only just begun to unravel and fray.
Similarly to Maddoline's countryside, the pink blemishes of spring have begun to bloom and burst in Corona, as well. Though Rapunzel has only been away for about a month now, everything looks completely different than it had when she'd last been home. Splotches of green seagrass have sprouted ruefully up, challenging the lapping waves and swaying against the creaking edges of the main dock when the small boat finally arrives in the harbor. The simple sight of the wooden dock has Rapunzel anxiously reaching for Eugene's open hand, the familiar kingdom before them appearing to her like a foreign destination somehow.
The last time she'd seen this dock, Rapunzel had screamed for Eugene as she'd unwillingly sailed away from him, and Charles had sealed those screams inside of her like a lifeless tomb.
Nearly four weeks have passed since Rapunzel's kidnapping, and today, she's finally home. Still, perhaps things would never feel completely right again, and Rapunzel ponders this disheartening thought as she and Eugene prepare to step back into Coronan territory together.
How could they? How could things possibly feel right again, after everything they've endured? It seems impossible to imagine things going back to the way they'd once been before the marriage, before the affair, before… before. Before everything. It feels unbearable to even think about the girl Rapunzel had been before she'd met Charles, to think about all that Rapunzel has lost; starting with herself. That happy, bubbly, naïve girl no longer exists, as far as Rapunzel's jadedly concerned. That snuffed-out part of her is nothing more than a fractured piece of memory glimmering in the golden, evening sunlight.
Rapunzel wants to believe that the free-spirited girl she'd once been is still living inside of her somewhere, buried deep down, but not so deep that she's incapable of digging herself back up. She really does want to believe in her own revival. But then, Rapunzel's spent so much time wanting so many things that haven't worked out in her favor lately, and exhuming her prior self appears to be a burden too heavy to currently bear. To hope was to inevitably have that hope stolen away, and Rapunzel is so very tired of having things taken from her, herself included.
This once-lost princess has been riddled with champagne problems, the juxtaposition of her life nearly laughable. She has an adoring crowd of subjects waiting here on Corona's shoreline to so enthusiastically greet her, a man who would rip the sun from the sky and combust right along with the stars to ensure her safety. And yet, Rapunzel can't find it within herself to fully appreciate the sparkling, fuzzy feeling of her champagne-colored good fortune as it slides down her throat, because she's still too busy choking on all the problems.
And how dare she complain? That's what Charles would say. That's what Gothel would say.
There are people lined up and down the docks - watching, waiting - lots of people. People cheering and waving, people with tears glittering upon upturned cheeks. The Kingdom of Corona had always adored their Lost Princess, and as much is obvious today.
The first time Rapunzel had been kidnapped, Corona had been sent - as a whole nation - into a depression which had been incredibly difficult to come out of. Having their dear princess returned to them was nothing short of a miracle, and the people of Corona knew that. And when she'd been taken from them for the second time, mere weeks ago, there had been much more brewing in Corona than a strange sense of pricking panic and unsettling deja vu. In the wake of Rapunzel's kidnapping, there was an uncomfortable wrath conjuring there, too. This sense of vengeance lingers in the air now, making it hard for Rapunzel to breathe.
Despite the well-meaning tears and honest relief over Rapunzel's return, her people are infuriated - vengeful, even - and she cannot blame them.
Rapunzel watches from the boat as a familiar-faced group of red-coated guards desperately attempt to push the excited crowd back, deafening screams of rejoicement filling the breezy, seaside air. People throw loose flowers of yellow and purple hues at the sight of their beloved princess returning again from a fate so unfair to her. Unforgiving as her own feeble heart can be, Rapunzel feels the unending loyalty for her people - the loyalty of her people - catch in her throat in the form of her own salty tears; tears which remind her that she might be free of Charles, for now, but she will never really be free.
Much as she's always yearned to be, Rapunzel won't ever be free and she won't ever be unbound from her identity as a princess. Not really. For so long, she'd convinced herself that it was possible to separate Rapunzel from Princess Rapunzel, but it's simply not true. She realizes this now, her people screaming her name and sobbing at her feet. She hadn't even been able to stealthily return to the palace without everyone noticing her arrival and rushing to her side. And humbled as she is by her people's outpour of love, Rapunzel just wants all of it to stop. Just for today, just for a moment. Just to catch her breath.
No, she couldn't possibly be free - not here. Not free of her duty to her people, not free of own stark, unbreakable loyalty to them. Broken and bruised as she may be - traumatized and furious as she may feel - Rapunzel's own devotion to her kingdom will always be there to choke her up and keep her trapped in the end. This much she knows. Much as she truly loves her people, Rapunzel knows that they are a ball and chain which will weigh her down for the rest of her life.
If it weren't true, she would've run away with Eugene when he'd asked her to in the garden that night of the party that Charles had thrown for her, pleading with her and with the full moon above to just let them leave. To let them escape from Charles, to let them be free from all of this.
But the price of freedom was, apparently, too costly for Rapunzel to bear then; too costly to bear now. And for that, there is a raging guilt eating away at her, stealing her words and keeping her quiet, shoving her emotions down as far as they'll possibly go. She's always been good at that, after all. To survive in the tower, she had to be good at swallowing her feelings.
But unfortunately for Rapunzel, so is Eugene.
Clambering out of the small boat, which Eugene and Lance quickly secure to the dock, Rapunzel nervously surveys the crowded area. She searches frantically for her parents, who she quickly spots anxiously standing at the very end of the main dock. Her mom's arms are wrapped tightly around her petite torso, as though Arianna were desperately trying to keep herself rooted in place and not run down the dock to greet them. Eugene is immediately at her back as Rapunzel climbs unsteadily from the boat, rubbing his palm soothingly up and down her spine, saving her from the steep cliff of her own anxious worry and providing instant comfort with - per usual - a snarky comment.
He's been making bad jokes all week, Eugene's unique way of coping and avoiding what really happened back in Maddoline. Much as Rapunzel wants him to talk about whatever's going on in that gorgeous head of his, to somehow process what they've been through, she knows that she can't force it. Rapunzel herself doesn't really want to talk about it yet, so she can't expect Eugene to be ready to, either. Really, she just wants him to be okay at a time when everything feels so very far from okay. Rapunzel's own problems can wait, so long as Eugene isn't dragged down with her; she's made that mistake one too many times recently.
"Thank the freaking heavens above we're back home," Eugene sighs dramatically, refraining from dropping to the ground and kissing the wooden planks of the main dock. "Because I'm going to lose my ever-loving mind if I have to spend one more second with any of you people."
Rapunzel turns to him with a raised eyebrow, registering Cassandra's annoyed huff behind them.
"Not you, Blondie," Eugene quickly clarifies with a dazzling grin and endearing wink. "Never you."
Making their way down the dock, Rapunzel attempts to smile at her adoring people, though the smile feels somewhat forced and guiltily faked. Leaning against Eugene for support, she whispers to him in hushed tones, though they can barely hold a conversation amongst the overjoyed screaming of seemingly every citizen in Corona.
"Eugene… are you okay?" Rapunzel peers up at him as Eugene waves enthusiastically, seeming so unsettlingly happy, as though everyone were actually celebrating his return.
"Sure," Eugene responds easily, furrowing his eyebrows. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"
"Be...cause…" Rapunzel begins, nervously wringing her hands together as they walk. "Well, because you kind of dropped a match in the manor, and we're finally back home, and we haven't even talked about it, and -"
"Ah hah! Hey, Blondie, look what we have here! Your parents are waiting for you!" Eugene exclaims suddenly, jogging along in front of her. "Let's go greet them! I bet they're so excited to see you! I know I'm excited to see them!"
"Eugene," Rapunzel stresses, halting in place as she stares after him. "At some point, you'll have to stop avoiding -" What you did.
And so will you.
Eugene stops his jovial skipping in the direction of her parents, dropping his good-natured attitude of avoidance and opening his mouth to say something, though he's promptly interrupted by a relieved shriek from Arianna as she nears closer. Usually, Rapunzel's the one avoiding things and shoving emotions down; and, in a way, she still is. But he's really shoving hard -
"You might wanna hold that thought, Sunshine."
"Oh, my baby!" Arianna sobs into the salty air of the harbor, trying desperately not to trip over her own skirts as she runs down the dock to greet Rapunzel, her own impatience giving out.
"Mom… mom!" Rapunzel screams as mother and daughter rush into one another's outstretched arms, momentarily forgetting about Eugene's poorly hidden attempts to avoid talking about the whole fire incident.
As soon as they collide, Rapunzel is digging her tear-stained face into Arianna's warm neck and crumpling against her familiar, comforting frame. The two women fall to the wooden planks in one, unified mess, Rapunzel sobbing hysterically against her mother's own quaking chest.
"Mommy… Mommy, I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry! You have no idea how sorry I am!" Rapunzel whimpers, feeling so childish for her language and for her uncontrollable blubbering, but feeling far too relieved to be in her mother's embrace to truly care. "I'm sorry for everything! I hate the way that we left things. I mean, we so rarely fight, and it's all my fault, and I really didn't mean everything that I said -"
Those looks of disappointment and concern that you gave me that day, I'll never be able to erase from my mind, even though I so badly want to...
With her own joyous, salty droplets streaming ruefully down her cheeks, Arianna immediately pulls back to look her daughter in the face, putting both hands on either side of Rapunzel's head to ensure the princess's full, teary-eyed attention.
"You stop that right now, do you hear me?" Arianna demands shakily, brushing Rapunzel's hair away from her forehead over and over again. Slender, slow fingers relish in the feeling of her daughter's soft, precious face; so similar to their first meeting, and yet, so different in circumstance. "Don't you dare apologize to me. Your father and I are the only ones who should be apologizing. You were right. You were completely right, honey. We should've protected you better from this, we should've -"
At that moment, Frederic is sinking to the ground behind them, sheltering his crying wife and daughter in his wide-stretched arms. Grabbing for her father's thick bicep, Rapunzel tucks her cheek into the crook of Frederic's elbow, sobbing there now, seeking the comfort which only a father can provide.
"Dad! Dad, I'm sorry!"
"Oh, my precious girl," Frederic's usually-booming voice murmurs quietly, tears welling in his own thoroughly-haunted eyes. "There will be none of that. You have nothing to be sorry for. Your mother and I… we're the ones who are sorry. So, so sorry. And we will be, for the rest of our lives."
In the midst of such a moving family reunion - a reunion which feels far too familiar - Arianna looks up to Eugene, who's standing there watching the emotional scene, hanging back at the hands of fear; the fear that he's too far gone, that he's fucked up too badly to be accepted by them again. How could they possibly still want him now, after everything he's done?
It'd been a stroke of freaking luck that they'd wanted him in the first place.
"Come here. My other baby, come here," Arianna reaches out her hand to Eugene, pulling him down into the tearful hug, tucking him between Rapunzel and herself before placing a soft kiss to the side of his head. "I'm so glad you're safe and that you're here. Both of you."
If Eugene had ever wondered what it might be like to have a mother, to have a family - and he had - this is it. This is everything he's ever wanted, and yet, he's done absolutely nothing to deserve it. In fact, he's seemingly done absolutely everything to mess it up. And yet...
"We're glad that you're safe," Frederic confirms, not even bothering to hold back the river of tears running down his aging, typically stoic face as he nods at Eugene in fatherly approval. "Both of us."
The sentiment is surprising, though well-received in the wake of Eugene and Frederic's final, harsh conversation before Eugene had set off for Maddoline; a conversation in which Frederic - in his unbearable anxiety over his daughter's disappearance - had suggested that Eugene had wanted Rapunzel for little more than the value of her crown and a quick fuck. But now, Eugene knows, Frederic hadn't really meant what he'd said that stressful day, no more than Eugene hadn't meant so many of the things that he's said and done in the name of sheer anger.
Like knowingly setting an entire manor on - no. That doesn't matter right now. Don't think about you right now. Think about her, think about what she needs. Right now, she needs you to be strong. That's all you need to be. Not wallowing, not emotional. Strong for her.
In the eventual breakup of their familial hug, Frederic walks away with Rapunzel under his arm, guiding her along the dock and toward the carriage waiting there at the end of it to bring her home. Eugene hangs back and in silent understanding, so does Arianna, eyeing him worriedly.
"You might not mean that soon," Eugene mumbles, self-deprecation dripping from his lips as he watches Rapunzel and her father stroll away, causing Arianna to turn around and fully face him in surprise. "What you said, about being glad that we're both here. That I'm here. You might not mean it soon."
So much for not making things about you, you insufferable, selfish bastard.
Arianna takes a singular step toward him, reaching out to take him into her arms, but Eugene turns stubbornly away. He quietly studies the horizon, clearly deep in thought; deep in guilt, the crippling emotion etched all over his handsome face.
For the first time, Arianna can't help but notice how… how old Eugene really looks. He's nearing twenty-six now, not an age that would traditionally be considered 'old' by any means. Eugene's worldly manner, perfectly-trimmed facial hair, and effortless swagger have always made him appear to be a bit mature for his age, despite the boyish gleam which always used to glint within those almond brown eyes; before Charles had arrived, when Eugene and her daughter had been so in love and so free of this pain which has smothered them so cruelly and so obviously.
When they'd finally healed from the devil that was Gothel, only to be shoved head first into an entirely new hell which donned Charles's face.
Today, standing on the docks, Eugene doesn't look mature, per say. He simply looks older; older in the way that he appears to be understandably exhausted and inevitably beaten down. He appears culpable at the hands of his own unforgiving mind, as though his heart had convinced him that he could never be worthy of forgiveness ever again.
He'd left Corona one man, and he'd come back someone else entirely. Once Flynn Rider, then Eugene Fitzherbert, now… who? Who was he to be now, after all he'd been through? After he'd changed for her - because of her - after he'd become an upstanding citizen in order to have his dreams with Rapunzel fulfilled, only to have them mercilessly ripped away? Who would he be now, when it'd seemed as though he'd had nothing left to lose mere weeks ago? Would he be nothing more than a nameless man shelled by the torment of his own guilty conscience?
What all had happened in Maddoline? By the tortured look on Eugene's face, Arianna can't help but feel desperate to know, though she knows enough not to ask that particular question. Not yet.
"What on earth do you mean, Eugene?" Arianna cocks her head, gently trying to understand his vague self-deprecation. "I love you, we… we love you. You are our family, not that horrible boy who took her from us. You are our family no less than Rapunzel is. I mean that."
Arianna opens her arms again, praying that he won't reject her this time, wanting to somehow fill the ghostly shoes of the mother he's so clearly always needed. To her silent delight, Eugene allows himself to fall into the queen's inviting arms, to tearfully sniff against her lavender-scented neck - a comforting smell which reminds him so very much of her daughter.
"But I did something horrible," Eugene whispers as he chokes on this guilty confession, leaning his head on Arianna's shoulder, if only because he can't look her in the eye when he speaks aloud what he's spent an entire week too terrified to admit. "Something just… horrible."
What Eugene hadn't been able to admit or talk about on the boat ride home. What Rapunzel had begged him to talk to her about, but he wouldn't. He couldn't. Not then, not yet. He hadn't wanted to believe himself capable of something of such malicious nature, to believe that he could set fire to someone's home.
To believe that he could set fire to people's lives, including his own.
But he was capable. Not only was he capable, but he'd carried out his rashly-made plans. He hadn't had much time that night, but he'd had enough time to consider what he was about to do when he'd struck that match and let it fall from his fingertips. He'd had enough time to think about it - had enough time to consider how fucked up it all really was - to think about the repercussions that it could bring upon Rapunzel. And yet, he'd still done it anyway.
He'd done it anyway, because his own blind vengeance and selfish recklessness - for just one moment - had meant more to him than his future, and Eugene hasn't felt that way in a long, long time. And it terrifies him.
You did it to protect her.
Sure, you keep telling yourself that to ease your own self-centered, guilty conscience. You know why you really did it. You did it in the name of revenge.
Which means you're no better than him.
"I set fire to Canmore Manor. With Charles inside," Eugene's voice cracks, knees buckling against Arianna's steady support as the heavy confession threatens to bust the wooden dock and drown him in the water lapping beneath his feet. "With innocent people inside -"
I danced with fire and expected not to get burned.
"Oh, goodness…" A worried hand is raised to Arianna's mouth as she pulls away just a bit, enough to shockingly look Eugene in the face. "Are you sure? I mean, was it some kind of accident?"
Eugene abruptly rips himself from Arianna's comforting arms - comfort which he still doesn't deserve - feverishly running his hands through wind-blown hair as waves of fresh anxiety wash over him.
"No! No, it wasn't an accident! I knew what I was doing, I -" Eugene paces the dock's creaky planks, hovering in mindless circles. "He told me that he hurt her. That he... fuck!"
Halting in place, Eugene presses clammy palms against his eyelids, willing the oncoming tears to stop their cruel welling.
This is pathetic, you're pathetic! You're a grown man, get it together!
"He told me that he touched her."
The queen aggressively recoils at that, trying to piece together the emotional rambling Eugene is currently spewing.
"Touched her? Wait a minute… you don't mean," Arianna looks down the dock to glance at Rapunzel as she strolls along with her father, oblivious to their conversation. "He couldn't have -"
That's what I thought, too, and I was wrong. So, so fucking wrong.
"He's a piece of shit. A spoiled, narcissistic piece of shit," Eugene is sure to keep his focus elsewhere, staring at the waves, unable to look at either Arianna nor Rapunzel as Charles's proud confession persists on a tortuous loop through his mind. "But he's usually not much for lying. He isn't very good at it. And I don't think she knows that I know."
Arianna covers her face with shaking hands, but only for a moment, always quick to compose herself. She suddenly takes Eugene by the arm and links their elbows together, steering him toward the end of the dock and in the direction of the carriage waiting for them at the end of it. The queen wordlessly guides Eugene toward Frederic and Rapunzel, who are patiently nuzzled together as they wait, silently staring out at the vast body of water before them and simply finding consolation in one another's arms.
"Eugene… I understand why you did what you did," Arianna begins quietly, glancing toward the remaining citizens still lingering around the once-crowded harbor as people slowly begin to clear out. "I can't stand here and say that a selfish part of me isn't proud of you for protecting her in the way that you have, because I am. I'm proud of you for bringing her back home to us. Again."
Arianna stops them abruptly then, placing her small hands upon Eugene's steady shoulders and looking him straight in the eye.
"But there will be ramifications for this. That much I can promise. You need to prepare yourself, and Rapunzel. I'm not sure how much leverage we have over the Council right now. After everything that's occurred, we have more power than we did four weeks ago - a lot more - because it was the Council's hasty decision which ultimately resulted in her being taken from us. But I don't…" Arianna sighs, the worry of a mother seeping into the subtle lines on her gracefully-aging face. "I don't know how they'll react to this. But I can reckon that it won't be good."
Eugene subconsciously brings a hand to his neck: a wordless, fearful notion which Arianna doesn't need spelled out for her.
"Do you think they could -"
"I don't know," Arianna states honestly, anxiety toward the thought flashing behind her own eyes. "I don't know. But I do know that Frederic and I will do everything in our power to protect you, as will Rapunzel. We'll use whatever combined power the three of us have at our disposal to keep you safe and to keep you in this family. Fred and I will keep you safe from them."
Arianna reaches for the sides of his face, tilting Eugene's head down and standing on her tiptoes to press a warm kiss to his forehead before guiding him toward the carriage where Rapunzel and Frederic wait for them.
"Both of you."
"I don't want to talk about it, Eugene! Not right now."
"It's been a week, Blondie! A week on a cramped boat, where you all but shut down! You can't just avoid what's happened to you forever!" Eugene pleads, grabbing for Rapunzel's elbow in the hopes of slowing her down and making her look at him in the midst of her anxious fit. "Look, I hate him just as much as you do, and what you went through was horrible, but —"
Rapunzel suddenly whirls around to face him, pointing an accusatory finger toward Eugene's chest.
"Oh, because you're one to talk about shutting down," Rapunzel rolls her eyes, yanking her elbow from his grasp. "And I'm not saying that it has to be forever. I'm just not ready now, okay? And… and! You are the one who's been all standoffish and not wanting to talk about what happened back there! All you've done is make jokes! How do you think that's helpful?"
Eugene is quiet for a long time at that, just standing there staring dumbly down at her.
"Rapunzel, I don't…" Eugene finally tries to speak, shaking his head. "It's just different for me, okay? I don't know how to talk about what I did."
"And neither do I!" Rapunzel retorts, crossing her arms and looking away from his face with an annoyed huff. "No one ever taught me how."
"Me neither!" Eugene sags, holding his palms flat out in the air between them. "Look, sweetheart, I just want you to feel free to talk about what happened to you. This isn't about me."
"It's completely about you," Rapunzel argues, venomously narrowing green, aggravated eyes. "Everything about me - everything that I went through - is somehow about you, too!"
Rapunzel steels herself then, glancing toward the tall, wooden doors marking their ultimate destination.
"But I can't talk about it, any of it. At least, not right now. Let's just get through this meeting first, okay?"
Rapunzel and Eugene have only been settled back in Corona for a mere few hours, and the Council has already called for a meeting. They'd always been a selfish bunch, that Council.
"Okay. Well, when you are ready," Eugene shifts anxiously on his feet as he too peeks at the stoic meeting hall doors, a peculiar look of guilt and frustration crossing his face. "I'll always be right here."
Rapunzel sighs deeply, pacing before him and feeling guilty herself for her sudden outburst. For the most part, Eugene's been nothing but sweet to her in the past week - almost borderline coddling - always making sure that she was alright and comfortable on the boat. He'd barely taken his hands off of her for the entire trip home, in the sense that he'd constantly been hugging her, kissing her forehead, holding her hand. Even if Eugene's doting over her was merely an avoidance tactic for the sake of his own sanity, Rapunzel couldn't help but love him more for it.
In the same way that she so desperately wants him to be okay after everything - more than she cares about her own wellbeing - Eugene feels the same for her, and Rapunzel knows that she can't fault him for that.
"I know," Rapunzel stressfully rubs at her forehead, wanting to run her hands through her hair out of sheer nervous habit, though her fingers are met with the cold, golden edges of her crown. "I know. I'm sorry, okay? I love you. I'm just stressed out about… well, about everything, and about this meeting with the Council, and — ugh! Why am I even wearing this stupid thing, anyway?"
"Because… you're the princess?" Eugene offers fruitlessly with a shrug, eyeing the crown glittering upon her head. "And princesses usually wear their crowns to important shit like this. Gives you a certain air of authority, ya know? And we kinda need as much of that as we can get right now."
Rapunzel scoffs, plucking the crown from her head and setting it down on a decorative table in the otherwise empty hallway with a harsh clank, resting the diamond-encrusted tiara beside a vase of fresh flowers which smells strongly of the new beginnings of springtime.
"Well, maybe I don't want to be -"
Palm flat on its top for support, Rapunzel leans against the table, using her free hand to cover her face as she wills herself not to cry.
Eugene is immediately at her side, both hands on Rapunzel's quaking shoulders as he tries to coax her fingers away from her eyes so she can look at him.
"Hey… hey, Blondie… look, I know you're stressed about what they're gonna say in there. I am, too. Believe me. I mean, they could very likely throw my ass back in prison," Eugene chuckles bitterly, considering the plausible thought. "Or worse —"
"Aw, Eugene!" Rapunzel whines as she turns tensely away from him and once again begins to stride determinedly down the hallway and toward the main conference hall, Eugene quickly falling into step beside her. "Don't even say that! Please don't say that! Nothing's going to happen to you, alright? I won't let them so much as lay a single finger on you."
"Well," Eugene mumbles with a shrug. "They could. I'm just trying to be realistic here."
I'm just trying to be strong for you, despite this crippling guilt and pathetic anxiety. Because if I won't, who will?
"I'm sure arson isn't exactly considered legal in their judgy little eyes."
Eugene sighs, grabbing for Rapunzel's wrist and halting them just outside the meeting hall doors.
"But I know you don't mean that. About not wanting to be a princess anymore," Eugene clarifies, pushing a fallen strand of hair behind Rapunzel's ear. "You're too good at it and your people love you so much. You love your people so much."
"Too much," Rapunzel grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring stubbornly at the marbled floor. "So much so that I never do what's best for myself, do I?"
Staring up at him like he should have all the answers, Rapunzel smiles ruefully, months-worth of wish-you-could-rip-your-hair-out kind of anger and sorrow welling in the corners of her eyes.
"And where the hell's the honor in that?"
"I'm sorry for getting you into this mess," Eugene whispers hoarsely, running calloused hands along unbearably soft, tear-stained cheeks. "I was stupid. I made a stupid mistake."
"No, you weren't. Rash, maybe, but stupid..." Rapunzel closes her eyes, willing the seared image of heavy smoke rising above the Maddolineon forest out of her mind. "You were just trying to protect me. I was stupid."
Rapunzel covers her face with her hands once more, forehead falling against Eugene's chest.
"I'm the one who dragged you into all of this in the first place," Rapunzel whimpers tearfully, voice muffled against his shirt. "I never should've. I should've just let you go -"
"Oh stop," Eugene chuckles, fully taking her into his arms for a short hug. "You couldn't get rid of my pathetic ass if you wanted to. I'm sticking around for a long, long time. Alright, Princess?"
Smoothing back her hair, Eugene kisses her forehead and straightens the rumpled collar of Rapunzel's dress.
"Why don't we show this damn council what their princess is made of, huh?"
Rapunzel nods with a newly-steeled expression, wiping at her eyes and squaring her shoulders.
"You're right! I'm their princess, and they got us into this mess!" Rapunzel states confidently, pressing her palm flat against the meeting hall door, prepared to push it wide open. "And they'll have to hear from me if they think for even a second they have the right to punish you for anything."
With a fiery flourish, Rapunzel pushes at the heavy doors, which swing open to announce her and Eugene's sudden presence in the meeting hall. About a dozen heads - including Frederic and Arianna - swivel to silently greet them, several sets of eyes widening at the sight of Rapunzel's straight-backed, self-assured stance in the doorway.
"Ah, Princess! I'm so glad that you could finally join us," Mr. Sinclair - the wonderful Council head with the long, straight nose and beady, power-hungry eyes - leans forward at the front of a long, wooden table with clasped hands and an infrequent, overly-welcoming smile. "We're all so very relieved that you've been returned home safe and sound, away from that maniac prin –"
"Save it," Rapunzel paces to the front of the room where the Council head is seated with her parents, while Eugene silently hangs back and takes a seat closer to the door. "You're the only reason that I was ever with that maniac prince in the first place. You're just relieved that I didn't wind up dead so that it's not on your conscience every night while you try to sleep. Right? Right?"
With an exasperated sigh, Mr. Sinclair fully leans back in his chair, though his hands remain clasped on the very edge of the meeting table, his falsely-inviting smile immediately fading in response to Rapunzel's assertive entrance.
"I can assure you, Princess, that I have felt absolutely sick these past few weeks about what's happened here. My fellow Council members and I were absolutely frantic when we found out that you were taken –"
"Oh, I'm sure you were," Rapunzel interrupts coldly, placing her palm flat on the tabletop and glaring down at Mr. Sinclair as he sits impassively before her. "Your precious trading contract was breached, was it?"
"If I were you, I would watch your tone, young lady," Mr. Sinclair warns hostilely, sitting up straight in his chair in the hopes of becoming more level in stature with his outspoken princess. "Before you get yourself into even deeper trouble than you're already in."
Hand still pressed to the top of the table, Rapunzel leans down so that her face is mere inches from the Council head's.
"And if I were you," Rapunzel sternly retorts, searching Mr. Sinclair's face for any sign of true remorse, anger rising in her chest when she comes up empty. "I would remember who you're talking to, and I would count my lucky stars that the princess is as forgiving as she is."
Locked in a stare down tense enough to completely hush the mesmerized meeting hall, Mr. Sinclair exhales from the corner of his mouth, grinding his jaw annoyedly.
"Frederic," Mr. Sinclair calmly turns to glance at his king, trying not to let the blushing embarrassment of being talked down to by a teenager show on his wrinkling cheeks. "Could you possibly find it within yourself to contain your very… spirited daughter?"
Thoughtfully, Frederic cocks his head, resting his own clasped hands upon the tabletop as a miniscule smile quirks at the corner of his mouth.
"I think she's doing rather well, actually. If I were her, given the circumstances, I do believe that I'd be much nastier."
Sighing laboriously, Mr. Sinclair disengages with Rapunzel entirely, forcing her to sit down beside her mother at the table.
"Frederic, we understand the implications of what's happened here as a result of our collective decision. We do! But I can assure you that we as a council have this under control -"
Rising abruptly from his seat, causing the chair to fall back and crash loudly to the floor, Frederic's humored attitude immediately shifts into an altogether furious state of mind. The time for idle, pleasant chatter has ended, and everyone in the meeting hall knows it.
"Bullshit! I'm sure you had it perfectly under control when my daughter was kidnapped from right under our noses for the second time, did you not? Did you not?" Frederic turns away from the table, pacing before it and stroking anxiously at his graying beard. "No. No, my wife and I, we're taking our agency back. Today. This is our kingdom and you will not be making any important decisions for a while. I can promise you that."
"Now, Fred -" Mr. Sinclair reels, sidestepping the issue well enough to dodge well-earned blame like it's a loaded gun. "Need I remind you that this council was unified as the sole legal beneficiary of this kingdom when you and your wife failed to be competent leaders nearly twenty years ago?"
"Yes, because our child was taken from us! Excuse us for being a bit out of sorts back then!" Arianna angrily cuts in, causing Rapunzel to jump in surprise beside her. "And thanks to your ignorant decision-making, without even running this marriage agreement past us when so much has changed since we'd initially signed that contract with Maddoline, Rapunzel was married off to a madman who took her from us. Again!"
"And trust me, Your Highness, we are just as angry about that as you are, but -"
"Don't you dare talk to my wife - to us - about what it means to be angry," Frederic halts his pacing, slamming his hand down onto the table before Mr. Sinclair. "I want that boy's head on a platter. I want his head on a damn platter! And I'm not leaving this room until we come to a justifiable resolution for what he's done."
Mr. Sinclair crosses his arms over the top of his well-pressed suit, knowing that Rapunzel and her parents are now a very united front which cannot be broken nor infiltrated, though he'd secretly hoped for as much going into this meeting.
The Council head had known that Rapunzel would be difficult to deal with, but he'd anticipated that her parents wouldn't follow suit; that, for once, they'd put this outspoken young girl in her rightful place and encourage her to mature in her expected duties as Princess! He'd hoped that the king and queen wouldn't carry the same teenage-inflicted emotions of their daughter, but such a hope doesn't appear to be held onto in good faith.
"We can argue this point until we're blue in the face, Frederic, but whether we like it or not," Mr. Sinclair pauses, as though he were wordlessly contemplating his boldness. "That is not a plausible response to what's happened, and you don't have my consent to carry it out."
"Then excuse me, Harold, if I can't promise that I won't do anything rash without your consent," Frederic snaps, pointing to the back of the room where Eugene's been silently watching the entire affair. "Because if I have to, I will take justice into my own hands, and I know damn well that the young man sitting back there will be right beside me when I do."
"That may be so. But the truth of the matter is that we clearly cannot trust him," Mr. Sinclair likewise points toward the door where Eugene is sitting at the very end of the long meeting table, the Council head's own passion causing his voice to bounce amongst the high rafters of the spacious room. "Not to put this entire kingdom in horrific danger! Our most important step in moving forward right now, is figuring out how to punish that… that irresponsible, untrustworthy scoundrel for what he's done!"
"Oh, please," Rapunzel scoffs, rising from the table to join her father's agitated pacing as she too jabs her finger in Eugene's general, bewildered direction. "He is not the threat to national security here! I trust him with my life! He's the one who's brought me home! Twice!"
"Whether that is true or not, Princess, we have the utmost reason to believe that we're only biding our time until Maddoline wages war on this kingdom in response to Mr. Fitzherbert's mindless actions!"
The heated Council head turns again to Frederic, finding no value in arguing with what he concludes to be a mere child, causing Rapunzel to cross her arms in a huff of dismissal.
"And we cannot afford to spiral headfirst into a damn war, Frederic. Our economic situation is the exact reason that we all agreed to marry your daughter off in the first place! We as a council did what we felt was right at the time, what was right for the citizens of this kingdom!" Mr. Sinclair explains, grasping for straws as he attempts to defend his own thoughtless mistake. "And while we feel terribly guilty about what your daughter has endured, we will not apologize for trying to do what we thought was best to protect our people!"
"Well, if you really feel so terribly guilty, perhaps you shouldn't have promised my daughter to a stranger without our knowledge. Because I can promise you, Mr. Sinclair, that we did not all agree to that! This was a breach of your decision-making, not that of national security, was it not?" Frederic challenges, his large frame looming over the Council head intimidatingly. "We were told what was going to happen when it was already too late to change it, which directly violates how this council works. At the end of the day, whether we're acting with full legal authority or not, Arianna and I have the final say on detrimental decisions like this one. And you ignored our advice purposefully, knowing that we wouldn't agree!"
"I did no such malicious thing! Need I remind you, Frederic, that you signed that agreement. You signed that agreement nineteen years ago. I stood there and I watched you do it. So I can promise you, Your Majesty, that I was not the one who ultimately doomed your daughter. That was all you," Mr. Sinclair glowers in the king's direction, unimpressed by Frederic's harsh insinuations. "So don't you dare put all of this dirty blame on me. You signed the damn marriage contract to begin with, and don't you ever forget that."
Mr. Sinclair points to Eugene now, who sits board-straight in his seat, eyes glued on Rapunzel as though she were the only thing capable of saving him.
"And he burned down a fucking manor, with innocent people inside, pardon my language! The people have been up in arms since learning about the affair and about the overtaking of their palace by a foreign entity! We were imprisoned for a week, for heaven's sake! They may as well have already declared war! And now, we must face the very realistic ramifications of that! The very real possibility that we'll be going to war in the near future - a war which we can't afford, might I add! Asking people to fight for the actions of a selfish, loose cannon of a young man! That's not fair to us, to anyone!" Mr. Sinclair motions to the other men in the room, who are all sitting quietly, listening." And Maddoline is not known to have a merciful king, last I've heard of him."
With that, Frederic turns and prepares to abruptly take his leave from the meeting hall, though he looks back from the doorway to make one final, promising remark.
"Neither is Corona."
"You're starting to yawn over there, Blondie. Are you getting tired? Should we stop reading, call it a night? It's been a long few days."
A long few weeks… scratch that. A long few months.
"Tired of this world, yes," Rapunzel responds, her voice almost dreamlike in the midst of her unadmitted exhaustion. "Tired of you? I never could be."
With a gentle smile, Eugene fingers through the worn, yellowed pages of the book which he's been quietly reading to her.
"We aren't going to get through this in one night. We can turn in any time."
"Go on, please." Rapunzel softly requests, leaning her head against the lip of the bathtub and resting her chin atop her crossed forearms, looking at him so fondly that Eugene can't help but blush at her over the book's cover. "I like your voice so much."
"I'm flattered, Sunshine. Really, I am," Eugene reaches over from his side of the tub, caressing her chin lovingly with his thumb, making Rapunzel blush at him in kind. "But I like yours much better. I've missed it."
Rapunzel's eyes water over at Eugene's sweet compliment, enthralled by the idea that all of this must really be some wicked, ill-fated dream. That, in the morning, she's doomed to wake up without him, just like she had all those miserable days in Maddoline.
"I've missed yours, too," With a soft laugh, Rapunzel wipes at her eyes, not wanting to cry any more than she already has today. "I just… I missed you so much while I was gone. I was just so lonely there, I didn't know what to do with myself -"
"Hey… hey, sweetheart. It's okay. You're alright. You're home, you're safe," Eugene reaches over the lip of the tub to place the book onto the tile beside it, floating over to Rapunzel and tenderly taking her into his arms among the lukewarm suds and bubbles. They've been in the bath so long now that it's starting to lose its scalding heat, though the water isn't entirely cold just yet. "You're safe now. You're with me."
"I know," Rapunzel sniffles against his damp shoulder, so thankful for Eugene's always-steady comfort. "Can we keep reading? Please? It's a nice distraction from… from everything."
From the Council meeting today, which didn't give us enough answers, from seeing Charles's face every time I close my eyes. From having to relive those days without you over and over, terrified that I might never see you again; terrified that this is all just a dream, that I'm still caught in Maddoline somehow, lying in bed while a rainstorm rages outside the bedroom window - while I wait for some sign of you. For any sign of you.
Dutifully, Eugene retreats to the edge of the tub, retrieving the momentarily forgotten book from the floor and fingering around for the page he'd left off on.
"Ah, here we are," Eugene makes a big show of theatrically clearing his throat, though he speaks softly once the poetic words come flowing out. "If he loved you with all the power of his soul for a whole lifetime, he couldn't love you as much as I do in a single day."
Rapunzel thoughtfully tilts her head further back from where her neck rests against the porcelain edge of the bathtub, closing her eyes and sinking a bit further down into the warm bubbles, soaking in the words which Eugene reads aloud from the aged pages of the book he'd offered to read to her when he'd snuck into her bedroom earlier in the night.
"That's really pretty. And pretty fitting, huh?" With a breathy sigh - half contented, half stressed - Rapunzel teases him, trying to mask her expression of desolation; a look which seems to be permanently etched across her face lately, if Eugene wasn't sadly mistaken. "What compelled you to choose Wuthering Heights anyway?"
With a curt shrug, Eugene closes the book to study its gold-encrusted cover, admiring the detailed lettering, though he sticks his finger close to the spine so as to hold his place.
"First book on the first shelf that I wandered up to. Always wanted to read it, but I've never gotten around to it until now. There wasn't much method to my madness on this one, Blondie," There hasn't been much method to my madness in general lately, has there? Eugene cocks his head, studying the worn book a bit closer, as though he were waiting for it to provide some sort of answer to all the questions that he has. "It is hauntingly fitting though, isn't it?"
Rapunzel's eyes flicker open at that, though she doesn't say anything, instead lifting her head back up and guiding a floating blob of bubbles into her palm. She puckers her lips and blows the pile of bubbles toward him and a few land on his chest, making Eugene chuckle, so glad to see her acting playfully for the first time in what feels like forever.
"I'm sorry. Maybe I should've just found one of those good old Flynnigan Rider books to read to you instead?" Eugene smiles at the nostalgic notion, though quickly cringes at the thought of unmeaningly inspiring Rapunzel to think about Charles any more than she already has to. "Something a little more lighthearted than this?"
"Or… you could always just write your own book," Rapunzel muses, spreading her hands wide in the air in front of her for some sort of dramatic effect. "The Tales of Eugene Fitzherbert has quite the ring to it, I'd say. Not to mention, you of all people would have some pretty fascinating stuff to put into a story like that."
Rapunzel pauses then, cocking her head in contemplation and peering closely at him.
"You know, I could really see you writing a book someday. You're the best storyteller I know."
Eugene chuckles at that, thoroughly flattered by her compliment. After all, he has always taken quite a lot of pride in his above-average storytelling skills.
"Well, if the last six months are any basis for inspiration… yeah, I think I would have a pretty interesting story to tell," With a hefty sigh, Eugene completely closes the book in his hands, hooking his arm over the side of the tub to place it on the floor again. "Don't worry, Sunshine. You'd be the brave, endearing, gorgeous love interest for the dashing, roguish main character."
Bubbles covering her to her freckled shoulders, Rapunzel crawls over to Eugene's side of the bathtub then, settling herself between his legs and rubbing their noses together in a sort of mouthless kiss.
"Oh, so you're the main character of this story, huh?" Rapunzel grins - a grin that actually feels and looks real - and Eugene is relieved to see her face light up like that, which is something it hasn't done much of in the past week or so. "Perhaps the title should be something different altogether, if your ego inflates so quickly?"
"Eh, well," Eugene shrugs, playing coy and trying not to kiss her; trying not to ruin a happy moment so small, yet so deserving. "It's not easy work, but someone's gotta do it."
A long moment of silence follows, a silence which Rapunzel finds some solace in, if only because they used to share comfortable silences so often - back when life itself felt comfortable and had yet to destroy her from the inside out. When all the things that hurt her were a bit more merciful, and when forgetting them wasn't quite so hard.
"It feels weird. Being back home again," Rapunzel whispers against his skin, falling into his arms for a much-needed hug, shifting on her knees to get more comfortable as Eugene leans into her. "I was only gone for a few weeks, but it just feels… different here, somehow. Not because home has changed. Not really. But because… because I've changed. Because I'm the one who's different now."
Rapunzel cranes her neck, looking thoughtfully up at him as she rests her head against Eugene's bare chest.
"Does that make sense?"
Eugene nods as he runs his fingers soothingly through Rapunzel's damp hair, usually able to make sense of the things that she says in quiet confession to keep just between the two of them. And what she doesn't.
I know what you mean. I know exactly what you mean. I'm not sure who I am anymore, either.
"I don't think any of us are ever going to be the same, Blondie. Not after what's happened. Not after what was taken from us."
After you were taken from us. After our future was taken, our marriage. For a while, it all seemed to be completely destroyed… but we still have a chance, don't we? Don't we still have a fighting chance at that future, now that we're home and you're finally away from him?
But the Council… they'll never allow it. Not after what I've done. They've made that much painfully clear today.
Dancing with worry and doubt deep in his own thoughts, Eugene tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling, caught between the calm relief of finally having her back in his arms again, and the crippling anxiety of knowing that his misguided decision-making back in Maddoline is sure to bite him - to bite them - in the ass.
The crippling anxiety of knowing that all he's really done is place her in further danger. He'd meant to defend Rapunzel's honor - to set her free - but in the process of that honorable defense, he's potentially damned her even worse than she already was with Charles.
"Not after I…" Eugene begins shakily, not sure if he's capable of admitting out loud to her what he's done quite yet, the shame and the guilt of it all eating away at him so plainly.
He'd changed. He'd worked so damn hard to change for the last year-and-a-half. And now, in one fateful night, he'd sent all that hard work up in flames!
Literally.
Be strong for her. All you have to do now is be strong for her. Your guilt doesn't matter, what you feel right now doesn't matter. As long as she's safe, nothing else matters.
"Eugene… you're right," Rapunzel sighs, hugging her arms around his middle. "What you said earlier... about how we can't keep shoving our feelings down forever? You were right. You were right about how we can't just ignore what happened back in Maddoline. But it's not just about my feelings or what I went through. You went through something horrible, too."
"I don't want to make this all about me," Eugene whispers, smiling away pesky tears. "This isn't about me."
"And you're not," Rapunzel quickly reassures, climbing onto her knees to look him in the face. "We both have a lot to work through. We both… messed up. And there's no consolation prize for putting your feelings before mine, Eugene."
Rapunzel's mouth quirks upward, as though she were desperately trying to find some humor in their unlucky situation. This close up, Eugene can't quite tell if she's failing or not.
"I wouldn't take it back, though. Any of it," Rapunzel softly reasons as she absently plays with the hair at the nape of his neck. "I wouldn't take back loving you. Choosing you."
I would choose you over and over again, in every single lifetime…
"But I do wish there could've been some other way. Some way that didn't involve so many lies and so much sneaking around. I wish that I hadn't forced you to stay, because then we wouldn't have to be in this mess -"
"Hey now, that is not true. Don't believe that for a second," Eugene sits up straighter against the tub's porcelain ledge, looking Rapunzel directly in the eye to ensure that she hears him. "You didn't force me to do anything, Rapunzel. I lied as much as you did, on my own accord, and not just to please you. And I stayed when you got married because I love you. I would've stayed whether you asked me to or not."
I would've tortured myself, would've watched from a distance forever, if only to make sure you'd be okay.
When Rapunzel doesn't say anything, Eugene wonders what's going on in that pretty head of hers, wishing he could see inside. She's been battling it out with herself in her head all week, he can tell, and he doesn't want her to agonize over it all any more than she seemingly already is.
"Do you understand that? There was nothing you could've done to ultimately change my mind. To change what fate had in store for us," Eugene continues, so desperate to make that sad look on her face just go away. "And I've told you a million times that this wasn't your fault! Can you please believe me when I say that?"
Rapunzel drops her head to his shoulder in a wordless response, shrinking against Eugene's chest and pressing her own bare chest to him.
"I just want it to be over. All of it," She sobs heart-wrenchingly, throwing her arms around Eugene's neck and crying into it. "I don't want anything to happen to you! I mean, even if the Council somehow does decide to let you off the hook for burning down the manor, they're gonna come for you. Charles is gonna come -"
"Hey, hey… come on. Don't cry, my sweet girl. And don't you worry about me, either. You can't get rid of me. We've already proven that, more than once," Eugene grows serious once more when he realizes that his attempt at making her laugh has failed miserably, taking her face into his hands and guiding Rapunzel to look at him. "Look, everything's gonna be alright now. Your dad and I aren't going to let that bastard get within fifty feet of you ever again. He's never going to touch another precious hair on your precious head."
"You don't know that. You don't know that everything is going to be okay," Rapunzel stubbornly pulls her face away again, whimpering against the damp skin where his shoulder and neck meet. "You don't know."
And usually, I would be so blind in my faith, and you would be the jaded one, but now… so much has happened! Too much has happened. I don't know who I am anymore, and I don't know how to get back to the girl that I was post-tower, pre-Charles! That is the version of me that I liked the most, and probably the version of me that you liked most, too… the unmarried version. The unruined version.
"Well… no. I guess I don't know anything for sure. But I have to believe that my hope isn't in vain. I mean, the worst of the damage is done now. I can't change what I did back there. And if I were to sit here and worry about what could happen, I'd drive myself crazy," Eugene leans down to kiss the top of her head, running his fingers absently through the damp ends of Rapunzel's choppy hair. "And so will you. So just try to relax as best you can. We're home now and we're together. Nothing else has to matter for tonight, okay?"
Rapunzel nods, knowing that he's right, though she doesn't say anything in fear of her voice cracking with tears if she were to speak. She looks up to notice that Eugene's eyes are now shut as he leans his head back against the tub's edge. Looking entirely exhausted, his heartbeat slows against hers, caught in a false illusion of peacefulness. Rapunzel notes that he looks older, somehow, even though no more than a month has passed since they'd last been home together.
Eugene, too, seems different, in the same way that Rapunzel feels different to herself. He seems (understandably) much more tired than before, though he doesn't want to show it. Broken deep down, but masking it well enough for everyone else.
More hopeful, too, but only for her sake. She knows that it's only for her sake, bless his heart. Eugene's always put on a strong, brave face for her when she's needed it most, and Rapunzel loves him for that. But she's beginning to wonder if it's only going to hurt him most in the end.
"How about we get out of the bath, put some comfy pajamas on?" Rapunzel suggests, dragging Eugene out of his quiet stupor. "The water's actually starting to get a little cold now."
"Sounds like a plan to me, Blondie," Eugene presses a tired kiss to her forehead, making to rise from the bubbly, though increasingly lukewarm, water. "I can't wait to finally sleep beside you again, in bed. Two weeks on that freaking boat really messed my back up."
"Mmm…" Rapunzel smiles at the thought, anxiously anticipating being able to sleep in her bed with him herself. "Hey, Eugene?"
At her question, Eugene tentatively sinks back down into the bubbles, gripping either side of the tub for support and grimacing a bit as he's forced to flex the muscles in his injured bicep. The Stalyan-inflicted arrow wound has been healing rather nicely, now that he's actually had some time to rest and clean it, as well as properly change the bandage every day. But any added weight doesn't do the injury any favors, and right now is a clear depiction of his still-recovering body.
"Yeah, sweetheart?" Eugene sighs with a smile, steadying himself above her.
"Do you think it's too late to keep finding new dreams? You know… the kind of dreams that we have together?" Rapunzel nervously wrings her hands in front of her, anxious about sounding silly. "I mean, what if too much has happened to have the things we'd always wanted… before?"
Before Charles happened.
Rapunzel doesn't need to say that last part out loud, as it hangs in the air unspoken, though entirely implied. She pauses, giving Eugene the chance to digest her fully-loaded question.
"Is it too late to have new dreams now?"
I know it's a stupid question, and I already know what you're going to say, but I have to hear it from your lips…
"Of course it's not too late," Eugene murmurs, crouching in the tub to take Rapunzel's hands into his, squeezing them gently. "It's never too late to keep dreaming. No matter how many horrible things have happened, it's actually imperative to continue making new dreams. To continue holding out that hope, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard."
"You really think so?" Rapunzel asks, looking up at him like Eugene holds the entire universe between his palms.
"I know so. I never stopped dreaming about us for a second, Sunshine."
Eugene climbs out of the tub to retrieve a towel then, though Rapunzel sits there in the water for a moment longer, contemplating his gentle words.
"What's your new dream? I mean, what do you want, after everything we've been through? After so much has changed?"
After we've changed?
Probably for things to go back to the way they were… before. To who we were before.
Eugene turns around to look at her, holding the towel limp in his hand and answering Rapunzel's nervous question immediately.
"You."
Still you. Always you.
"What else do you want?" Rapunzel wonders, sure that there must be more.
Eugene pauses and smiles the faintest smile, a thousand unspoken promises glinting in his eyes.
"...You."
AN: A very different take on the episode 'Rapunzel's Return,' I suppose! I hope you've all enjoyed this new chapter!
Chapter 32 will be titled 'When the Stars Go Blue.' If you follow me over on Tumblr (youreputtingrootsinmydreamland), you know that Chapter 32 and 33 have been in the works for a long, long time, and that they're intended to be very special. I hope to see you there soon!