"Conflict is good in a negotiation process... it's the clash of two ideas, which then, all being well, produces a third idea."

- Luke Roberts

"Let us move from the era of confrontation to the era of negotiation."

- Richard M. Nixon

They lay in silence for a time and Yumiko could see the threads of sunlight, peeking in through the window, traversing a path across the floor. As the minutes wore on, the path expanded, drawing ever closer to them; closer, closer. . . until she could see a dusting of warm light reflecting off the flow of Magna's hair.

For a time, she glowed, and Yumiko smiled at the visual. Before the clouds drifted over and the light was extinguished, shadows falling in its place.

Again, she wondered how long Magna had been stewing on what had happened with the stash. On her feelings around it, her need. Had the words Yumiko woken up to been grating at her mind for weeks, demanding to be released and heard? Or had they existed even before the incident with the stash, a trickle of self-loathing and resentful desperation, stalking her through the years?

Yumiko didn't know.

And it unsettled her that she didn't.

There was a lot Magna had always kept close to the chest. A lot she still did.

Yumiko was used to that - and accepting of it - even if she wished things could be different.

She understood how difficult it was to speak of what you were barely even able to admit to in the privacy of your own thoughts. She wouldn't force Magna to do something that she'd never been able to accomplish herself.

She understood the safety and security silence could bring. At least in that regard.

How the weight of words could be so great as to crush you and the only way to avoid breaking under the syllables was to keep them from ever being uttered in the first place.

So she let Magna hold onto her secrets.

(or she had, until she'd realized that some of them involved her)

Despite the resolution they'd found in talking about the stash, Yumiko knew it was still an issue of concern. She didn't think Magna would ever steal supplies in secret again - at least, not in secret from her - but that didn't mean the other woman was comfortable with not doing so. That Magna's anxiety and paranoia wouldn't plague her in the months to come. That their future wouldn't be riddled with a dozen more conversations of this nature.

She understood Magna's need for a backup plan, even if she didn't share it herself. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Yumiko could relate to the compulsive need for a fail-safe, that nagging urgency to be prepared for whatever came. Until the apocalypse made doing so impossible, she'd carried a container of antibiotics around with her wherever she went - something Magna had teased her relentlessly for. When they'd at last run out of her supply a few years in, Yumiko's anxiety had skyrocketed. For a week, she'd been inundated with panic attacks and sleepless nights - granted, much of that was down to just how high her stress levels had soared since the moment a literal corpse tried to take a bite out of her. Losing those antibiotics had simply been the thing to send her sailing over the edge.

So, yes, Yumiko well understood the feeling of vulnerability not having such a fail-safe could provoke. And she knew Magna would likely never be truly at ease until she had one. It was something Yumiko wanted to help her with.

If she could.

If Magna let her.

"So, I have a suggestion."

"A suggestion?"

"Mm." She nestled closer, feeling the heat of Magna's body soaking through her clothes, into her skin. "What if we make another stash?"

She stiffened. "We?"

"Yes, we." Yumiko squeezed her hand. "We make another stash - but not in secret this time. We'll have to wait until supplies start returning to normal levels but once they do, we can begin rationing things away. It won't amount to much but it's a start."

Magna's lips pursed. "Not much of start. We'd have to skip a lot of meals in order for it to come to anything substantial."

"I know." It wouldn't be pleasant and it'd probably evoke some painful memories - for both of them - just like this past week had. But it was doable. And nothing they hadn't dealt with before. "In the meantime, I think we should start a conversation with everyone else about this. I doubt you're the only person who would feel safer with a stash out there, especially after Hilltop. I'm sure we could all work something out."

Magna had relaxed against her once more but at this newest proposal, Yumiko could feel a tightening of tension along her frame, a reluctance to extend such a degree of trust to anyone beyond their group. "I guess."

Not the most encouraging of responses but also not an outright refusal. Yumiko drew nearer, lips hovering against the shell of her ear. "Would it make you feel better?"

A slow exhale and some of the hardness in Magna's body eased. "Yeah. Yeah, it would."

Yumiko smiled. "Good." She placed a brief kiss on her shoulder, snuggling closer.

It was a start.

Magna's hand came up to cover hers, resting against her stomach. "Thankyou." She gave Yumiko's hand a long squeeze, her grip slightly shaky, and she knew there was a lot of emotion buried in that one simple word.

Yumiko just smiled, returning the squeeze, allowing the silence to come as they relaxed back into rest.

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."

- Fulton Oursler

The sun had reached full heights now, driving the last of the darkness to retreat.

The responsible part of her brain put forth the rather unhelpful reminder that they should really see to getting up. Starting on preparations for the day. Behaving something like somewhat functional human beings. But she wasn't all that eager to leave the warmth and security of their bed, to untangle her body from Magna's.

Every time the thought arose, a thread of anxiety would wind its way through Yumiko, helpfully reminding her that, just a few short weeks ago, holding Magna like this had nearly become a thing of the past.

An impossible dream she would never be able to revisit.

It was a gift to feel the other woman in her arms now, to breathe in Magna's scent and close her eyes to the husk of her voice.

A gift she was unwilling to tear herself away from just yet.

Everything could change in a heartbeat. As much as Yumiko tried not to think about it, every kiss could be the last kiss. Every moment with Magna cradled in her arms could be the last moment.

The future had always been uncertain - she'd been keenly aware of that, even as a child - but these days it felt like looking up at the sky, straining to see the stars you needed to map your way by - only to find yourself blinded by fog.

The path ahead was a volatile causeway they had no choice but to walk on. And no matter how much Yumiko tried to deny it, she couldn't protect them from everything that happened along the way.

Couldn't keep them safe.

"I keep dreaming about my mum," Magna murmured, interrupting the flow of unease building inside her. Her voice was almost too soft to detect. Yumiko shifted closer, straining to hear. "Morgan and Maisie, too. Even the twins."

A year before going to jail, the Carter family had received two new - and rather messy - additions to their household. Magna had only been granted a short time with her youngest cousins before she was arrested, and after that she'd been denied the right to see them ever again. But still, Yumiko knew she'd loved them.

Just as she'd loved Maisie.

Magna rarely mentioned the twins - and Yumiko suspected that was because whenever she did, her thoughts automatically strayed to what inevitably must have happened to them. In the beginning, children were even less likely to survive in this world than adults, and these two particular ones had been only six. That was a hard fact Yumiko's own thoughts would circle relentlessly every time she remembered her own tiny relatives.

She regretted the fact that she'd barely spent any time with them, back when she'd still had the chance, that for the most part those children were strangers to her. She'd always been so focused on school and work that she'd barely had any time for a social life. She'd kept that door open solely for Magna, Sonja, and - because no locks had yet been invented that were capable of keeping Anna Nakamura out - her mother. Yumiko had only volunteered for babysitting twice and she couldn't say she'd done a particularly good job of it. If Magna hadn't been there to save the day, those playdates probably would have ended with a trip to the ER.

Or a visit from the local fire station.

Yumiko liked kids, but hell if she knew what to do with them. There'd been nothing in any of her law books about how to calm a tantrum or negotiate her way out of candy and ice-cream for dinner. She'd had no siblings or younger cousins to practice on growing up.

But she'd loved her baby relatives, even if she'd never really allowed herself to know them.

And she knew Magna had loved the twins.

It was a small mercy that their deaths didn't seem to weigh on her as much as Maisie and Morgan's did. A very small one.

"Good dreams. Sort of," Magna continued, drawing her back from the past; from the things that couldn't be changed. "Memories. But not the bad ones." She sighed, pushing some hair back from her face, and Yumiko's heart twisted as she noticed a slight tremble disrupting the motion. "I stopped having dreams like that years ago. But now they won't leave me alone." Yumiko resisted the urge to reach out and capture her hand, bury it in a comforting hold until the trembles died out; extinguished, like a flame denied oxygen. She couldn't tell yet whether such a touch would be welcome, or whether the added contact would be overwhelming, suffocating even. Either outcome was likely when it came to Magna.

She frowned. "How long has this been going on?"

The body in her arms shifted in a shrug. "I don't know. A year, maybe?"

Hesitating, Yumiko slowly started to connect the dots, dots Magna had seemingly failed to join herself. A year. . . "Would you say it started around the time we came to Hilltop?"

"Yeah. I guess."

Coincidences happened. Coincidences were a part of life.

She didn't think this was a coincidence.

Yumiko chewed her lip, turning the new information over. That they were dreams and not the nightmares Magna was greater accustomed to was an important distinction. Even more worthy of note was the timing of their appearance.

Suspicions started to form in her thoughts and she toyed with them a moment before piecing together what she considered to be a plausible hypothesis.

The new understanding brought with it a breath of calm.

"They were your home," she murmured, thumb rubbing against the hard muscle of Magna's stomach, seeking to soothe. It was a compromise on Yumiko's part, so she wouldn't give in to the urge to take her hand like she so desperately wanted to. "The first one you ever had. It makes sense that you would think of them more now that you're starting to build a new one, even if it's only subconsciously."

The mind was sneaky like that.

Magna shifted and Yumiko loosened her hold, allowing the other woman to roll over and face her. There was a confused furrow to her brow as she resettled, gazing back at her. "I've had a new home for years. I've had you."

Yumiko couldn't help but smile at the words, bringing her hand around to clasp Magna's, no longer able to resist the impulse. She was facing her now, opening herself up - a good indicator that the touch wouldn't be rejected.

It wasn't.

"I know," Yumiko murmured, a part of her wanting to reach out and poke the confused crinkle in Magna's brow, massage it away. "But we've rarely been in one place before," she continued. "Not together. And not for this long. Certainly not with so many other people."

The closest they'd come was the farm but neither of them had ever considered that to be more than a temporary safe haven. They'd wanted it to last. Hadn't dared to expect that it would.

In the end, they'd been right not to count their chickens too soon. The eventual hatching had been a bloody, grizzly affair.

But Hilltop?

Hilltop had held a promise none of the previous places they'd been could even hope to match.

And Yumiko suspected that the new addition of romance to their relationship had only compounded the matter.

They'd deepened the connection between them, taken a perilous step perhaps neither of them had fully been prepared for - she could admit that last bit in retrospect - and the results had been chaotic to say the least. And then there was Magna's history with romantic relationships in general to consider.

(a history that was, for the most part, nonexistent. Unless you traversed into the sexual - which was where so many of their problems had started crawling in)

Their transition from friends to lovers had not been an easy one, the obstacles rising up out of the dark faster than she could blink - and Yumiko carried her own share of responsibility for that. They'd only just started to settle into a comfortable rhythm - albeit riddled with occasional off-beats - when Kingdom fell. . .

That was the beginning of an earthquake that had violently destabilized the foundations of their relationship. But it was only after the Whisperers returned that the cracks really started to show.

Yumiko also wondered whether these dreams had brought with them a renewed sense of awareness of all that had happened to Magna's family, the ones she'd loved. How she had lost them. Who was responsible.

If that wound had been opened anew. . .

It would explain a lot. Including her heightened paranoia when it came to Daryl.

It would also explain why things between them had fallen apart, just after they'd finally fallen together.

"I guess. . ." The response came reluctantly and she could see the discomfort rising on Magna's face. Yumiko suspected that they'd ventured as far as she was willing to allow into this vulnerable territory, and it was best to start pulling back.

But just as she was about to change the topic, Magna surprised her. "I've been dreaming about Brian too."

She stilled. "You have?"

Magna shrugged, twisting slightly so her gaze would fall elsewhere, away from Yumiko's. "Yeah. Also nothing bad." But her face screwed up slightly, as though she couldn't quite agree with her own words.

This, also, wasn't entirely surprising. If Magna had been dreaming about her family in their more ideal moments, then it stood to reason that she might also dream about the man who had wrecked that happiness so brutally.

(or one of them, anyway)

What was surprising, however, was Magna's willingness to bring it up - and without prodding.

Yumiko would never consider their near-breakup a good thing but. . . perhaps in some ways they'd needed to have that fight. To fling their shit out on the table, tear their foundations apart, in order to really start moving forward in the hopes of building a stabler future.

The secret of Lawson's death was one of the things that had kept Magna's walls so impenetrable all these years. Now that Yumiko knew the truth, there was less need to hide.

(or at least she hoped so)

Despite her relief over Magna's newfound openness, Yumiko's stomach turned at the thought of the other woman having to endure any reminders of that bastard - even if it was only in her dreams. He'd been dead for almost half her life, but still he clung to Magna's existence, refusing to let go.

She wondered if he ever would.

If that was even possible.

"Did they start at the same time?"

"No. Earlier." Magna clenched her jaw, refusing to say more. But Yumiko didn't need her to in order to pin down a rough date. Her reluctance made the answer uncomfortably obvious.

"Back when we got together."

There'd been a lot of dreams during that time - but so many more nightmares. All of which Magna had attempted to hide from her, most she still probably thought she'd succeeded in.

But Yumiko had watched her in sleep far too many nights not to know when her rest was disturbed.

It pained her to think that she'd played a part in digging that monster up from the grave. That their relationship - the most beautiful thing in her life - could unearth something so ugly.

"Things were getting good." Magna picked at her skin, avoiding her gaze. "Really good. He ruined everything good before."

"I know."

She suspected there was more to it than that, things Magna still refused to breathe life to, but Yumiko knew enough now not to push. At least not much. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Past experience told her no, but maybe. . .

Magna opened her mouth, hesitated, then closed her eyes. A single shake of the head was all Yumiko needed to know it was time to back off.

Instead of retreating from the topic altogether, she turned it around on herself - Magna had always felt better when she wasn't the only one opening her wounds up for inspection. And, well, this conversation had cracked the door to something which Yumiko hadn't thought to really examine in herself yet.

Something that she hadn't lended any importance to. But now that she was here, talking to Magna, finally hearing of her own struggles. . .

Yumiko made the connection.

"I've been dreaming about my family too," she admitted, watching as Magna calmed slightly at the confession, the relief on her features palpable enough to hurt.

Yumiko had tried to make it clear over the years that she would never force Magna to open up about something she wasn't ready to. Just as long as that something didn't involve her.

So far, it seemed like that message had yet to sink in.

Tangling their fingers together, Magna's brow furrowed with a dawning curiosity - and concern. Yumiko smiled a little at the gesture. "Your mum and dad?"

She nodded. "And my pets."

Her mouth quirked. "Of course." They shared a smile for a moment before things grew quiet again. Magna had always loved to tease Yumiko about her neverending devotion to her pets.

Perhaps it was an odd thing to say but she missed every one of those animals almost as much as she missed her parents, far more than she missed her friends and colleagues. Except for Sonja, who'd been the closest thing to a best friend Yumiko had made since she was twelve - outside of Magna, of course.

Even as a child, she'd been unable to form a distinction between the animals in her life and the people. The love she felt was the same.

Not to mention, animals had helped her in ways humans couldn't - though, Yumiko was able to admit that she hadn't given many people the chance to try. It had always been easier to accept comfort and companionship from those mammals residing on the furrier end of the spectrum.

It never felt like she was burdening them with her pain.

Or her need.

"I prefer the nightmares," Magna admitted, somewhat tentatively.

Yumiko hesitated, then nodded. "Me too."

The nightmares were terrifying - and guilt-inducing - but they didn't make her long for the past. Nor did they make living in the present almost unbearable.

But the dreams. . . the dreams made her ache for all the things she could never get back.

"I don't want to lose another home." The confession landed quietly in the space between them, Magna's eyes trained on their hands as she continued to toy with Yumiko's fingers.

Her gaze fell to those hands now as she traced a thumb over the rise of Magna's knuckles. "Neither do I." She inhaled, feeling the steady buildup of air in her lungs before she set it free. "But we can't let fear stop us from trying to have one."

Magna's expression remained dull, caged tight by trepidation. "All my homes only ever ended up burning down. Eventually."

"That doesn't mean this one has to." Yumiko released her hand, raising her own to sweep back a lock of hair that had fallen across Magna's face. She closed her eyes at the touch, breathing it in. "Sometimes, things actually work out. Sometimes, good things stay."

Please let this stay.

Magna opened her eyes. "Not in my experience."

"I stayed."

The other woman said nothing, but she didn't have to. Yumiko could see the conflict in her eyes, the fear that she, too, would one day be nothing more than ash to her.

And Yumiko had run out of ways to reassure Magna that she wouldn't.

Knew that, in a way, she shouldn't. Couldn't. Because as determined as she was to stay by Magna's side, that didn't erase the fact that the choice might not be entirely hers to make. Shit happened. Even if they weren't living through a literal apocalypse, accidents happened, people got sick. People died.

And there was no defending against that. No controlling it.

(and neither of them had ever dealt particularly well with those things which resided outside the limits of their control.

Sometimes Yumiko wondered whether it was those outstanding control issues that had drawn them together in the first place)

Hand moving down Magna's face, she traced a thumb over the crest of her cheek, unable to help an answering thread of anxiety, uncoiling inside her at the thought of never being able to do so again. Of never being able to feel the warm press of Magna's skin against the pads of her fingers, or linger in the heat of her breath. The thought of losing this, losing Magna, was too much to bear.

She refused to succumb to it. "We don't know what tomorrow will bring. So let's just enjoy today."

Seeing that she still failed to be reassured, Yumiko lifted her lips in the promise of a smile, shuffling closer until their noses were touching. Like the ring of Pavlov's bell, the increased proximity propelled Magna's gaze down to her lips, her own parting a moment later. Smile fading, Yumiko drew closer still, tilting her head and exhaling at the sensation of their noses grazing against one another in the moment it took for their lips to meet.

She inhaled, drawing Magna in as their mouths merged, the other woman's heat consuming hers. Yumiko allowed herself to enjoy the unhurried softness of the kiss, striving to put all the reassurance she contained into it, all the promise - and she felt Magna melt against her in response. Fingers glanced off the surface of her face before she felt them land, a shivering touch that grew stronger, pulling her in. She cradled Magna's own face in her hand, drawing her closer, closer, till there wasn't even the illusion of space between them.

It was impossible to tell in that moment, which parts of Yumiko belonged to herself, and which belonged to Magna. She only knew that they were all connected, that they were connected.

And she didn't want that connection to ever break.

"Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones."

- Nhat Hanh

A/N: So the Magna that we see in s11 is pretty calm and at peace. And these fics are working towards that but it's at a more gradual pace because on the show it happened sort of overnight and when you've been as angry and in pain as long as Magna has I don't think that's something that can change in an instant. I think it takes time and work and healing and that's basically what these fics are about.