"When I saw you, I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew." -William Shakespeare
Humphrey: I remember the name of this chapter! (Rick Dalton pointing meme)
Garth: Same! This is an OG TMELIHS chapter, poggers.
Lilly: You guys are way too hyped about this...
Humphrey: We all know how this chapter and the next one will turn out, no matter how Blitz changes it. Major plot points and twists ahead!
Kate: Blitz, aren't you gonna talk about how The Most Extraordinary Life In High School is STILL getting more views than An Extraordinary Life In High School? Is this why you're naming this chapter after a TMELIHS original chapter?
Blazin' Blitz: I don't like people who ask questions... (unholsters Desert Eagle)
Interviewers: And I took that personally...
News stations: (fade from existence)
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Triple Date Part I
Humphrey's Residence
Friday 06:00
Humphrey's P.O.V.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
My body automatically tries to get up from the bed to shut off the alarm but something was weighing me down. "What the...?" I open my eyes to see what's on top of me. Or maybe who's on top of me. That smell of lavender perfume scent gave it away. "Oh hell..."
I look down on my chest and see Lilly resting peacefully with a wide smile on her face. She's enjoying this way too for a 'not-romantic-relationship'. "Come on, I know you're awake." I say to Lilly. "No I'm not." She mumbles with her face in my chest. I try to shift my arm around but only feel it squirm between Lilly's plush chest. "Yo, this isn't fair. You're doing this on purpose." I give up and lay still in bed. Lilly lifts her face up with a serious expression. "I won't deny that I snuck out of the guest room to suprise you in bed this morning but your arm moving between my tits was on you."
"Wh-what? How is it my fault that you were sleeping so close?" I ask her. She shrugs her shoulders as a response. 'Wow...' Lilly jumps out of bed to give me room to stretch. 'Holy crap, I felt Lilly's knockers...' My suddenly horny mind activates. Although it wasn't a direct feeling, my virgin arm memorizes the sensation. "Anyway, are you free tonight?" Lilly asks me, already forgetting about the whole arm and tits thing w second ago. "For a trial date?" I ask her. "You could call it that..."She responds. I couldn't help but stare at her ass wearing tight sleeping shorts. She really wasn't making this fair on purpose, goddamnit... "Sure, I'm game." I answer while looking away awkwardly.
Lilly walks out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. When I hear the bathroom door close, I let out the biggest sigh of relief in my life. My boner was almost in plain sight when she jumped out of the bed. "I can't say that I'm enjoying this..." I mutter as I lie down flat on my bed.
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I finish serving our breakfast of egg and toast, very boring, very standard but it's alright. Lilly finishes dressing and comes down to the livingroom. "Toasty, what else we got in here?" She says as she sits on the couch. "Eggs." I reply as I take a bite from the toasted bread. "And?" She asks. "Eggs." I repeat my answer. Lilly looks at her plate then back at me with visible confusion. "This breakfast's kinda boring..." Lilly states.
"Well that's your punishment for getting too close in my bed. We aren't at that level you know..." I say to her before taking a sip of my orange juice. "Hm..." Lilly hums. "At least I got good news to get our minds off the the dating stuff. Our painting's dry." I tell her. "It won't quite get my mind off it since we worked on that together and came up with the dating thing while finishing it." Lilly says while shaking her head at me.
"Romance comes in different packages." I say before taking a bite from the eggs. "Wow, are you saying we're in a romantic relationship?" Lilly asks teasingly. "Hang on, this operation was your idea!" I quote a line from a prequel movie. Lilly giggles softly at my reference. "I know, that's what makes it funny." She tells me. I grin as I figure how I could use her words against her. "So you indirectly admitted that you planned for us to be in a romantic relationship by coming up with this whole game?" I ask her.
"I- wait, stop just a sec..." Lilly stalls, probably thinking of ways to prove me wrong. "Yeah, I got your ass." I tell her with a smirk.
Team Blue 1 - 0 Team Purple
"Motherfuuuck..." Lilly curses in shock and covers her face in embarrassment. "You missed the '-er'." I joke. "I hate that you're too likeable and sometimes clever or else I would've wacked your ass about 60 times already." Lilly tells me then finishes her breakfast in silence.
We both finish washing our dishes. Lilly gets herself ready for school and makes sure our painting is dry and ready to be taken to school. Unfortunately (definitely fortunately) I have to stay home and recover from getting my ass folded in school. Yesterday was such a weird day but I get off on weird shit. Uh... not the way it sounds.
Garth stopped by with Kate to pick up Lilly for school. I was all alone now, exactly the the way it's been for a large chunk of my life. I go to the garage to do my usual 'sit and stare' routine. This time, I actually wanted to do something about the car in sheets. Should I scrap it or sell it? Should I restore it and keep it? The choice was awfully easy to make because I promised to show Kate and Lilly some time ago but still haven't shown them. Fuck it...
(Everything Black - Unlike Pluto)
Baby, you-
Should come with me
And we can kill the lights, hit the lights with a blackout, blackout
Hit the lights with a blackout, blackout (woo...)
I aggressively pull off the sheets, creating small a dust storm in the garage. I cough on the dust and wave it out out of my way to see my dad's black pearlescent Mercedes-Benz AMG SLS Black Series for the first time in over five years. The bullet holes in the rear bumper, rear windshield and cracked rims open a deep wound in my mind.
Black bird, black moon
Black sky, black light
Black, everything black
Black heart...
Black keys, black dia-monds
Blackout, black, everything black
Black...
Everything, everything...
All black
Everything, everything...
All black
Everything, everything...
All Black
Everything, everything black...
I take the keys from the drawers in the corner of the garage. I was suprised to see the car somehow unlock after all these years. She's been waiting for this for awhile. I open the gullwing doors and get in the car to test if I could put the car in ignition. The AMG's slowly sputters to life after several attempts. "Holy shit..." I say to myself then turn off the engine. I quickly run to the cabinet and grab an old gas canister. I open the gasket and pour in whatever fuel was left in the canister. I'm immediately taking this car to a local mechanic almost as if I forgot the reason why I wanted to forget about the Benz in the first place.
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Crest Autoworks
Hutch's Auto Shop
Friday 08:05
I park the Mercedes-Benz outside large workshop and walk up to the garage door. I stop myself from knocking on the door this time then walk around to the front. I enter the building and greet Hutch. "Ayo, what the fuck? You used common sense for once and was that an AMG engine outside?" He asks. I nod my head and shrug my shoulders. "It's one of the seven goddamn signs of the apocalypse. You have a car and some knowledge in your head." He says. "Bring your ride in here."
I exit the building and drive the SLS into the auto shop. Hutch looks at me with a shocked expression. "Where'd you lift this from?" He asks jokingly. "My garage." I answer him seriously. "Then why the fuck did you ask me for the Corvette to race in? Now Garth is sitting with a Chevy ZL1 and a free Corvette in his garage."
"It was my dad's car. I didn't want to touch it at the time." I tell the mechanic as I exit the car. "Was your dad John-fucking-Wick? Why the hell is the car fully black? Why does it have cracked rims? Why is the front windshield missing? Why does the rear windshield and bumper have bullet holes?" Hutch asks too many questions I honestly didn't feel like answering. "Long story." I tell him. It's so strange how this guy isn't questioning this as much as he should. "So this doesn't freak you out?" I ask him. "Nah, I've seen some shit before in my life, pal. I'm actually suprised that you casually brought this beautiful car to me in the horrifying state that it's in. It makes sense now when you say you didn't want to touch it at the time."
"How long will it take to replace the rims, rear bumper and both windshields?" I ask him. "Six hours." He answers confidently. I blink a few times before fully registering his answer. Six hours? He's a goddamn superhero. "What the fuck? Do you have a superpower wolves don't know about?" I ask him. "Yeah, it's called 'having an extra pair of hands'. I'll call some pals from Haven's Park to help out. You're so fucking lucky that I have parts for an SLS Black Series. "I'll help out too." I state. "What?" Hutch asks me as if he heard incorrectly. "I want to help. My car, my hands." Hutch laughs his ass off at my words. He didn't know I meant ever single letter.
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(song continues)
I accidentally scratch the bumper over my right foot after removing it from the chassis. It didn't feel terrible but it hurt quite a bit.
In a nocturnal state of mind
Children of the night
But it's the only way of life
Me and three other wolves roll in new wheels with matte black BBS: LM rims to the car for Hutch to install under the SLS.
This black hole's pulling me inside...
Of this black heart, the black soul
Underneath this black, black sky
A wolf I recognized from the night at Haven's Park and I carefully and precisely set a new rear windshield in place for another wolf to make sure the glass is sturdy and isn't out of place. It was so fun working with these guys because they reminded me so much of Shakey, Mooch and Salty.
Baby, you-
Should come with me
I'll take you to the dark side
Me and you
You and me
Do bad things in the night time
During our one hour break, everyone took turns driving the SLS Black Series outside the garage like a toy. After realizing that there was some kind of problem in the engine and several motor parts had to be replaced before we could do do laps around the garage.
Baby, you-
Should come with me
And we can kill the lights, hit the lights with a blackout, blackout
Hit the lights with a blackout, blackout (woo!)
After installing a front windshield then cleaning the car inside from the inside out, the team repaints the Mercedes-Benz to a solid, glossy carbon black like Iris's C7. The SLS AMG Black Series is now restored. I thank Hutch and his extra hands for helping me with the car. I get in the restored car and drive myself home.
Black bird, black moon
Black sky, black light
Black, everything black
Black heart...
Black keys, black dia-monds
Blackout, black, everything black
Black...
Everything, everything...
All black
Everything, everything...
All black
Everything, everything...
All black
Everything, everything black...
I arrive home in record time before Garth drops Lilly off. I had just enough time to cover up the car in new, cleaner sheets (I wouldn't cover up a basically brand new car in some dusty-ass sheets, obviously). I run to then lounge and throw my self onto the couch and sit for LITERALLY two seconds before Lilly opens the door. 'Talk about timing...'
"Honey, I'm home..." Lilly says as she closes the door. "Hi- hang on... that's illegal. We can't call eachother those names yet." I tell her as she comes into view. "Yet?" Lilly says questioningly. I ask myself why she said that then I realize my mistake.
Reverse psychological warfare!
Team Blue 1 - 1 Team Purple
"I baited you into saying 'yet' as if you knew we would later get to a stage in our relationship where we'd be calling eachother names. I'm four steps ahead of you." Lilly explains. "This isn't an anime. You can't monologue your strategy like that." I joke but Lilly doesn't find it funny. She shakes her head at me with an expressionless face. You need more medicine, especially for your dumbass head."
"Not until after we finish our 'date' tonight." I tell her. "Clever use of words..." She says to me as she notices my caution in my sentence. "When do we start?" I ask her. "Whenever you want." She replies with a cheeky smile. "How does seven o'clock sound?" I ask her.
"A little early, do you have a busy plan for what we're doing tonight to fill up the hours?" She asks. "It's a suprise." I tell the snowy wolf. "I'm guessing our transport is a suprise too? I can imagine you hiring a limo driver for tonight." She jokes. I don't say anything and simply shrug my shoulders.
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To Be Continued...
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The Lounge: AELIHS over TMELIHS?
Humphrey: Not quite how I remembered this chapter but it's got a bunch of ideas and vibes from TMELIHS.
Lilly: Didn't the car going to Hutch have an entire chapter dedicated to just that before the triple date?
Garth: Nope the car was repaired in Part 2, I think. TMELIHS was kinda better here. This chapter was supposed to show how the other characters got ready for their dates.
Blazin' Blitz: Hakuna your tata's, this isn't TMELIHS. ÆLIHS is supposed to be different from it's predecessor.
Iris: I need screentime again.
Lilly: No. You had plenty of screentime in TMELIHS.
Blazin' Blitz: (light bulb)
Garth: No, whatever you're thinking, stop thinking it.
Blazin' Blitz: What if it's a good idea?
Kate: There's no such bullshit as a 'good idea' with you.
Blazin' Blitz: Cunt.
Kate: Dick.
Garth: What a pair, right? Just marry eachother at this point.
Blazin' Blitz: So we can divorce in 10 seconds? Bet...
Humphrey: HOLD DAFUQ UP!!! BACC DAFUQ UFF MAH WYFE!!!