Chapter 16: Of Crime and Commodes

Welcome to the beginning of the end. The list of suspects has now been narrowed down to at least two people: Lila herself, and someone else. Is she guilty of the crime, or is the intruder at the hotel the much-wanted culprit? Or could it be someone else altogether? There's only one way to find out!

Ladybug, Rena Rouge and Viperion were fighting Volpina, when a black MPV driving through a portal caught their eyes.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Cat Noir stole that car, the rogue," muttered Ladybug.

"Ladybug, help!" called Rena. Ladybug watched her friend being cornered by Volpina's illusions. They were coming up towards her, with their hands reaching out to her necklace. Volpina laughed evilly.

"These illusions will trick you into falling off the building, Rena Rouge," she said. "Then I will obtain one person's Miraculous!"

"Not if we can help it, you sneaky fox," said Rena, "even if I am one myself."

"Well, here goes," said Ladybug. "Lucky Charm!"

And what should fall out of thin air, but...

A toilet.

I kid you not, Ladybug called for a Lucky Charm and got a toilet.

Rena Rouge and Viperion doubled over with laughter; even Ladybug couldn't help cracking a smile.

"Alright," said Ladybug, once the laughing died down, "what the heck do we do with this?"

She thought for a moment. Then the idea came to her.

"That's it!" she thought. "Give Volpina a taste of her own medicine and trick her!"

And she pretended to double over in pain.

"Oh, man," she faux-groaned. "I had something bad for breakfast today! I need to go really badly!"

And she staggered over to the toilet, when - KICK! Volpina kicked her in the sides.

But Viperion put a stop to it.

"Second Chance!" he cried, and we were brought back to the scene where Ladybug called for her Lucky Charm.

The toilet landed in the middle of the battleground, and the three superheroes laughed.

"Alright, what the heck do we do with this?" said Ladybug.

"I don't think it'll be any use, Ladybug," said Viperion. "I think the toilet itself signifies that it is useless."

"Perhaps," thought Ladybug. "Then what could we do?"

"Trick Volpina with some illusions?" suggested Rena. "It'll be a taste of her own medicine!"

"Good thinking, Rena," said Ladybug. "Let's work it out, though. Volpina is going to fall for this big time!"

Giggling girlishly, Ladybug and Rena hid in a nearby ginnel.

"Create multiple copies of me," instructed Ladybug. Then she won't know who's who!"

"Got it, Ladybug! Mirage!" cried Rena, and out of her flute came five copies of Ladybug.

"Now send the copies around! Volpina won't know who's who!"

Rena led the impostors out to the battlefield, then engineered them so that they ran around.

Volpina was not pleased.

"So you think you can befuddle me, huh? Well it won't be long before I get your Miraculous!" she said.

She charged for one Ladybug to try and catch her - but Viperion came from behind and tackled her.

"HEY! GET THE HELL OFF ME, YOU PERVERT!" shouted Volpina.

But at that moment, the real Ladybug stepped in, grabbed Lila's necklace, and broke it in two.

"No more evil-doing for you, little akuma. Time to de-evilise!"

She purified the akuma and released it.

"Gotcha! Bye-bye, little butterfly! Viperion, Rena, give me a hand, would you?"

"Got it," said Rena, and she, Ladybug and Viperion gathered around the toilet to throw it into the air.

"Three, two, one: MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!" they chorused, and tossed the toilet up into the air.

The scene was restored to normalcy. Lila lay sprawled in the middle of the road.

"What the..." she mumbled, getting to her feet. Then she saw Ladybug with Rena and Viperion.

"You," she snarled.

"Well, well, well," said Ladybug. "Lila. Good to see you again. Now, care to explain why you took Hawk Moth's akuma again?"

"H-how do you know?" mumbled Lila.

"Don't play dumb, Lila," said Ladybug crossly. "You've done it once, so you can do it again. You work for Hawk Moth, don't you?"

"She does?" said Rena incredulously.

"I do not!" yelled Lila.

"Oh yeah? Then care to explain why you got akumatised for the third time? Only someone like you could be suspected of working for Hawk Moth. Lila, tell the truth for once, and I'll go easy on you," said Ladybug.

"I am not working for Hawk Moth!" protested Lila.

"LIAR!" shouted Ladybug. "I've come to know you quite well, Lila Rossi, and I've come to know that you lie with every breath. I've come to know that you get a kick out of deceiving people. That's why you were akumatised into Volpina, of all people."

"You think you're so smart, Ladybug? All you do is get a kick out of bullying innocents like me!" rejoined Lila.

Ladybug was speechless; she couldn't believe Lila. What an evil, deceptive, cheating, manipulative... so-and-so!

But at that moment, the shocked silence that prevailed was shattered by the bellow of a wild animal.

"LILA ROSSI!"

Lila turned. A well-dressed woman with short, purplish hair was marching towards her. Her face was effectively the same colour as her hair, and if looks could kill, Ladybug, Rena and Viperion- as well as Lila - would have melted into puddles on the spot.

The woman could only be Lila's mother.

"Mama!" cried Lila. "How lovely to see you!"

"SILENCE!" thundered Mrs Rossi in Sicilian. "HOW DARE YOU! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! I NEVER THOUGHT MY DAUGHTER COULD BE A TERRORIST! I LOVED YOU, GIRL, I DID! BUT NOW THAT LOVE FOR YOU CANNOT BE BROUGHT BACK! I DIDN'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THIS! YOU HAVE BEEN LYING TO ME HAVEN'T YOU, YOU EVIL LITTLE COW?"

"Mama, I -"

"YOU WILL NOT SPEAK!" shrieked Mrs Rossi. "YOU CANNOT SPEAK! I SAW IT ALL ON TELEVISION! YOU ACCEPTED THAT AKUMA! DON'T ACT CLUELESS; THE FRENCH NEWS SERVICE RECORDS EVERY AKUMA ATTACK THAT HAPPENS, YOU STUPID GIRL! I AM ASHAMED TO SAY THAT I AM YOUR MOTHER!"

"Mrs Rossi?" said Ladybug timidly. "I know you're angry, but if you could perhaps calm down for a moment? We suspect that Lila could have committed a murder, and we want to question her."

"And now this?" said Mrs Rossi dramatically. "A murder? Now I am sure she is guilty!"

"Lila, be honest with us," said Ladybug tersely. "Did you kill Fabio Chapdelaine? We will be taking further investigations, because we can't let a defenceless man's murder go unpunished."

Lila was quiet.

"TELL THEM, YOU STUPID GIRL!" shouted her mother.

"For the last time, NO!" wailed Lila. "I did not kill Fabio Chapdelaine! I did not, I did not, I did not!"

Ladybug wouldn't have been surprised if Lila threw herself on the floor and started kicking.

"LIAR!" shouted Mrs Rossi. "WHY AM I TO BELIEVE YOU IF YOU CONFIRMED YOURSELF TO BE WORKING FOR HAWK MOTH?"

"Well, even if I did kill him, mama, I can get away, because of your diplomatic immunity... right?" simpered Lila.

"Well, my dear," said Mrs Rossi, "as soon as it came out that you were working for Hawk Moth, I was fired from my job. Because of you. My reputation has gone down the toilet because of your actions. So you are NOT-" she said that with gritted teeth and a shake of the fist "-immune. In fact, you and I will be returning to Italy. NOW."

"You - you're joking, right?"

"I am not," said Mrs Rossi. "NOW GET IN THE CAR! RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW!"

She grabbed Lila by the scruff of the neck and physically dragged her away. Ladybug, Rena and Viperion watched in silence.

"Wow," said Rena quietly. "That bitch is really in for it, isn't she?"

"Yeah," said Viperion, "and rightly so."

"I let her fool me once too many," murmured Rena contritely. "It ruined a valuable friendship of mine."

"Don't worry, Rena," reassured Ladybug. "I'm sure you can fix it. Everyone makes mistake, and they are nothing that cannot be righted, although it takes effort."

"Thanks for the reassurance, Ladybug," said Rena.

"Anytime," said Ladybug. "Question is, did Lila kill Fabio Chapdelaine or not?"

"Well, Ascot," said Cat Noir, as he drove along a cobbled road at sixty miles an hour, "your predictions were correct. We've got the man down. Now it's your time to shine, Vesperia. I'm opening the sunroof, so jump out and give it your best shot!"

"Roger that," said Vesperia, jumping onto the roof and pointing her spinning top at the man on the bike.

"VENOM!" she called. The man fell off his bike and onto the cobblestones.

"Excellent work, Vesperia! Carapace, your turn!"

"Shell-ter!" shouted Carapace. A green, translucent dome covered the runaway and the car. Cat Noir screeched to a halt and got out of the driver's seat.

"Alright," he said, "who have we here?"

"Please - I can explain - I wanted to see Adrien - AAAAHHH!" wailed the man.

"You wanted to see Adrien Agreste? That's why you jumped a guard? You've been spying on him?" demanded Cat Noir.

"No - please - he grabbed me, so I killed him -"

"And you just killed yourself," spat Cat Noir. "GUYS! WE'VE FOUND THE KILLER OF FABIO CHAPDELAINE!"

"No, have mercy - have mercy on me -"

"Of course, Sir," said Cat Noir, now deathly casual. "If I could just see who you are - take off your hood -"

He did, with great difficulty - and froze.

"Cat?" said Carapace carefully.

"Oh, my God," mumbled Cat Noir.

"Who is it?" asked Ascot?

"It's Wayhem," said Cat Noir weakly. "The President of the Adrien Agreste Fan Club."

Finally, the killer has been found! What is his story? Find out in Chapter 17. Reviews are welcome.
And I don't own Top Gear - that 'bellow of a wild animal' reference was just for entertainment!