But this, this can't be a coincidence.
Anatheme
cinq.
| lay down next to me, don't listen when I scream
bury your doubts and fall asleep |
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"It's always lovely to see my only child." Nao raises an eyebrow at her father. "Even when she's clearly had better days."
There it is.
Nao rolls her eyes, shuffles a bit in her seat, lets her eyes wander around her father's office, taking in the usually mess, plans and papers on every surface, his overly big desk chair that is more like a throne than an actual chair, the crisp lines of his expensive suit – architects and their whimsy – she rolls her eyes again.
"I'm pregnant." She delivers flatly, not seeing the need to delay the news. Like a band-aid, she thinks, just rip it off.
Her father's smile freezes on his face and Nao thinks this might be the first time in her life she managed to catch the man off-guard. She snorts, trying to hide her wicked smile.
"How far along are you?" The man says after two, no three minutes of just staring at her.
"About six weeks." Nao waves her hand, to mimic give or take. "I have an appointment this afternoon, to confirm it."
"Have you told him?"
"I told Light."
And he'd looked at her with what she can only described as horror and mumbled something under his breath about the her and L reproducing and he'd looked a little pale before subjecting her to an interrogation, declaring loudly that he'd accompany her to her appointment and that no, she couldn't argue with him about it.
"That's not what I asked." There's a sternness in her father's voice that is usually absent.
"No, not yet." She blinks at his tone, at his posture. He's usually the opposite of serious, it's what makes him infuriating. "But I will, soon."
It's not exactly a lie, but it's not fully the truth either. She does not want to tell him, not yet anyways.
"You seem awfully calm." Her father's eyes seem to want to burn through her skull.
She meets his gaze head on, because Nao may be passive, but she's never been one to shy away easily. If anything, her passiveness makes it easier to stare down people.
"I am…" She's not calm, per say and, no, she's not overjoyed, but the thought of a child, of her and L and a child, it's the not the worst. "I think I'm happy."
Nao's smile is more relieved than happy, she knows, but for weeks she thought her mind and body were failing her and to have this, this answer, she can't help the relief, even if she knows very well this won't fix anything, no, it might make it –
Her father's shoulders drop, his posture relaxes and he sends her a smile, warm and kind and Nao can only answer it back.
"Your mother will be thrilled." He says then, sending a look towards her stomach. It's fond, for a child that hasn't even been born yet.
"And you?"
Her father pauses then, thoughtful. This day is full of surprises, for both of them.
"To be honest, I didn't have much hope for grandchildren." He teases, like always, and Nao rolls her eyes, snorts, but the mood is simple, easy, like always. "But I do hope the child takes after our side of the family, for their sake."
She snorts again, because she's been thinking the same.
.
.
"When will you tell him exactly?"
"I don't know." Nao answers, distracted. She's busy filling out the form the receptionist gave her, checking boxes and answering general questions about her medical history. "Eight months in?"
"Very funny." Light rolls his eyes just as she looks up, sending him a pleased grin. "I'm surprised he didn't figure it out yet – isn't he supposed to be the best detective in the whole world?"
Nao pauses at that, feels her spine stiffen. Light must notice, because suddenly his arm is bumping into hers amicably.
"I think that, even if he knew." And Nao suspects that he does, in some way, that he must know. "He would wait for me to tell him."
"That doesn't sound like him." No, it wouldn't, not to Light or Misa or anyone at Wammy's. But L and her have developed their own rhythm over the years, an understanding. He gives hints, never pushes, and waits for her to come around.
And she always does, come around.
"It's not like he thinks I'm a killer." She drawls out, enjoying the way Light's eyes narrow. She bumps her shoulder with his, her turn this time, playfully. "I'll tell him, Light."
"I just think sooner rather than later would be better."
"I want to enjoy this feeling a little while longer." She scribbles the last few words needed on the form, places a hand on her stomach and offers her oldest friend a smile.
Light stares, at her and then at her stomach, opens his mouth and then closes it. Maybe he wants to tell her that denial never solved anything, maybe explain that she needs to get her head out of her ass and stop being so passive and actually face the consequences of her actions head on.
Nao knows that Light always has her best interest at heart and that yes, most times, he finds her passive outlook on life infuriating, enough to want to rip his hair off and smack her upside down the head with a healthy dose of reality.
But not telling L, at least for now, is comforting.
Honestly, she's not even sure if this baby is what she wants or needs. She also knows that she can't expect to be the new Watari while pregnant and then as a new mother. She has a bachelor degree that she never used, no true career, no apartment, nothing stable and being almost twenty-six, it would be odd to simply move back in with her parents, even if she knows they'd both welcome her with open arms.
She doesn't want to think about it, not now, not for now, not when everything is up in the air, not when they have a killer who abducts children and murders them, not when she has a hotel room filled with geniuses who will ask too many questions when she returns, not when she has no idea about what she wants to do.
"Okay." Light finally sighs, his back pressing into his chair and crossing his arms in front of his chest.
She smiles softly, drops the pen and form on her knees and laces her hand with his.
"Okay." She repeats, as he squeezes her hand in his.
.
.
"You've been weird."
Nao hums under her breath, reaches for a salty cracker and chews on it bit by bit. Her mother bought them for her, in bulk, tears in her eyes and a tremble in her voice, offering that they were one of the only things that helped her with morning sickness.
"You spend all day in your own room." Mello continues, when she doesn't answer with actual words. She wonders if he's mad that she doesn't allow him to sleep in her bed anymore. "You barely come and see us. Did you and L have a fight?"
"Why would we fight?" Nao blinks, actually surprised.
"Because you finally told him that you're not interested in being the new Watari?" Mello supplies with a shake of his head, like he can't with her. "Because you finally got your head out of your ass and told him you were depressed and wasting away and that you wanted to leave?"
She wants to ask when, when exactly did Mello notice, but the unimpressed glare he sends her way keeps her quiet.
"I'm not an idiot." No, he's not. "And neither is L."
She knows that, but –
"So you might want to actually talk to him and, I don't know, maybe tell him that you're carrying his evil spawn." Nao doesn't choke, no, that would be too cliché, but she does think that if she wasn't currently eating her weight in salt, spit would have come out.
She inhales a bit too loudly, a sharp intake that is a bit too rough and Mello rolls his eyes before sinking his teeth into a new, fresh, chocolate bar.
Silence stretches between them, not exactly awkward, but not comforting either.
If Mello knows, then it's not farfetched to believe that Matt knows, that he knows. And she wonders why she thought the best and most infamous detective in the world wouldn't know, wouldn't figure it out, wouldn't access her medical records without her permission out of what he considers concern.
So, if she's right, if he does know, then why isn't he –
"Wow." Mello blinks at her, chocolate between sharp teeth. "I'm a hypocrite."
"Well, you know what they say." The blonde grins at her, not entirely unkind but oh so wicked. "The first step is acknowledging you have a problem."
"What's next?" She snorts, takes another bite of too salty, salted crackers. "An intervention?"
"Do I look like Dr. Phil to you?"
.
.
Nao means to tell him, at least she thinks she does.
But then there's a body. No, that's not exactly true, there's not a body, there's three, all of sudden, and general panic and she's expected, as Watari's replacement, to show up at the scene, take pictures, offer some type of insight as L's proxy.
"You shouldn't be here." Raito tells her as he holds up the yellow tape for her to bend under.
"Yeah, well." It's not like she's showing yet. "I forgot to notify the killer of my incoming pregnancy leave, my bad."
Camera flashes, people swarming around, crime scenes – she's used to it by now and it's easy to navigate, especially as Light paves the way for her, a tad too overprotective now that she's carrying another human being.
The first thing that strikes her is the car. It looks like hers, an SUV, same color and, from the looks of it, around the same year. It's a different brand, though, and the front is properly smashed from what looks to be a crash, so she doesn't dwell on it too much, instead peers to the side where one of the backdoors is open wide, more camera flashes and people near it.
Nao can't really see inside yet and turns to Light.
"Tell me about it." His expression sours, but then he shakes his head, sighs.
"Three children this time, roughly the same age."
"They died from impact?" It would make sense, especially with the windshield broken in pieces and the front destroyed like that.
"You'd think, but no." Light's eyes narrow. "This one is weird."
"Weird?" Nao blinks at him.
"Weird." He repeats, nodding his head. "It looks like, well, it looks like they all died before being put in the car."
"But why?" She wonders, why go to all this trouble.
"One looks like he was suffocated, with chocolate bars." Her breath itches as Light shakes his head. "Another one was beaten to death and the weapon was left in the seat next to him, a handheld gaming device."
Nao feels her head spin.
"And the last one, the youngest from the looks of it, seemed to have been punctured to death. There's hundreds of those little swords, the ones you find on little toy soldiers, covering his body."
Mello, Matt, Near. It can't be them, she knows that, because she saw them before she left this morning, alive. But this, this can't be a coincidence and she doesn't exactly think clearly as she moves past everyone on the scene, stops in front of the backdoor only to shudder.
She'd gasp, but air doesn't seem to pass in her lungs anymore, eyes swimming with flashes of blonde, red and white. There's stars too, behind her eyelids – she's falling.
"Light." Nao manages, or at least she thinks she does, because he's there, worried and reaching for her and it's the last thing she sees, him, face distorted because she can't focus and her body is heavy, hammers in her head trying to keep her afloat and she's trying to push through it and then –
She falls.
a/n : Um, so yeah. I'd just like to take this moment to thank everyone who's still interested in this story, in Nao, who takes the time to review. Honestly, you guys are awesome and I'm glad you are still here. Hope you enjoyed.