And here he was, outside another door. This one he didn't need to knock at. He held the key in his hand, a simple normal metal one for a lovely three story home just at the outskirts of the city. The yard was a hint of green that didn't really live up to the name, but it separated the house from the neighbors. Adrien gripped the key tightly in his hand. He should have called. He should have texted. It was a poor excuse to say his head was too full for details today. Starting his day at 3AM and standing here the same night was a feat of luck in itself; still. Adrien took a deep breath and unlocked the door pushing it open quietly. it was already late, Emma was probably asleep.
Adrien crept in quietly, leaving his luggage by the door. A quick glance to the right and left told him no one was in the living or reading room. The light in the kitchen was on. Adrien made his way back, and found his wife deep in the throws of her work. So deep that she didn't notice him standing in the entry, drinking her in.
Marinette had co-opted the entirety of the kitchen's dining area. Fabric sprawled across chairs and the table. A dress form stood beside the table and Marinette was battling a button onto a new design. She was leaned in close, her reading glasses perched precariously on the end of her nose. Her hair was up, pigtails? When had she started wearing those again? She was dressed for bed in just a long shirt, something this old home's overzealous heating allowed even in winter.
He just watched her for a moment, depriving himself. The ache grew, the familiar longing and love. How could he ever step out the door and leave this wonderful woman alone for even a day? She tilted her head and had to catch her glasses as they fell off. Adrien couldn't quite stifle his chuckle.
Marinette shot upright, her eyes wide. She blinked those beautiful bluebells at him and spoke as if to a ghost. "Adrien?"
He nodded sheepishly.
"Adrien." Her voice still held disbelief. She stepped towards him, a hand outstretched.
"Bugaboo." Adrien opened his arms.
She closed the distance in a rush, slamming herself into his chest and burrowing. The pincushion strapped to her wrist poked him through his shirt but he didn't care. He squeezed her for everything he was worth. "I missed you Mari." he whispered against her hair. It was the truth.
She sniffled, but when she looked up it was with a smile. He loosened his grip and she took off her glasses,"I didn't know you were coming."
"I didn't know I was coming. I just upped stakes and came home. They'll have to figure it out without me for a bit." He reached up to brush the one rogue tear from her cheek with his thumb,"Is that okay?"
"Yes. Always, yes." Marinette's gaze was a physical thing, consuming all of him. Adrien felt a tug at the back of his mind but ignored it. Adrien opened his mouth to say something, but thoughts seemed to flee before those eyes. In the space of the silence Marinette shook herself once and patted his chest, her posture shifting. "Emma's upstairs asleep. Can I get you anything?" She disengaged and stepped back. The smile she gave him held all the same love, but a touch more reality than only a moment ago.
Adrien was wrongfooted by the shift. Even as something told him he'd caused it he wasn't sure what it meant. He rubbed a hand up through his hair, "umm do we have a red open? I'm exhausted but my internal clock is still telling me it's the middle of the afternoon. I could do with a relaxer."
Marinette's eyes brightened and she grinned, "You're in luck! Mom and dad brought over a Pinot on their last visit and I think there's still a glass left." She turned and darted into the kitchen proper. A part of Adrien's mind compared his lovely wife's sporty short legged trot to an elegant long legged dash seen so recently. Adrien shook his head to chase the thought. Should he have waited before coming home? He blamed the exhaustion and followed after Marinette.
News poured from her lips as she poured him his glass. He'd been gone a month this time and there were countless details to catch up on. Emma's schooling, her dance classes, a spring outerwear line Marinette was working on, the exciting news that Luka just might be a dad in eight or nine months now, Alya's sudden move to Marseille for an anchor's position, how things were going at the bakery with Tom's new apprentice, the furnace needing looked at again, and a hundred other details that he had missed in his absence.
Adrien listened and sipped. His ears caught perhaps half the details they should. His mind was drinking in Mari, all her little mannerisms and touches that had gone fuzzy were making themselves known again. His wife was so beautiful in every sense of the word. Adrien knew he was lucky beyond belief. Then, why did he keep fleeing? What was he looking for when everything was right here? Mari had gone quiet and was looking at him expectantly, her hands were held together with just a hint of tension.
Adrien blinked and shook his head. "Sorry hon, I seem to have taken a wrong turn at your eyes and gotten myself completely lost. Could you say that again?"
The tension evaporated. A sweet smile replaced concern. "I just asked if you would want to go to Emma's recital next week." Marinette stepped around him, trailing the fingertips of one hand over his back for a moment before beginning to clean her scattered work in the dining area.
"Of course!" Adrien turned, following her with his eyes. When she looked up he returned her smile with a warm one of his own. Was he missing something? Had he done something? "I'd never miss one if I could help it."
She continued clearing her work. "I just didn't want to assume." There was still something in that tone, not accusation, hesitation. She was being careful. Adrien hated that she was, hated that she had good reason for it. It was a fair question, all things considered, and the truth stung.
Adrien crossed the distance, drink left behind, and took her back into his arms. She fought for the briefest instant then sank against him. He tucked her under his chin and just breathed. Here everything made sense. Like this there were no worries. Holding her he held everything he had wanted for so long, more than he dared hope for.
"Bugaboo, I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Adrien squeezed again and Marinette's fingers curled tightly in his shirt. The words were so insufficent. They solved nothing. He couldn't believe his eyes were dry, how could something hurt so badly and not bring tears?
"I missed you too." She slipped a hand up to cup his cheek. Adrien tilted his head into her touch and she drew him down, raising up on her toes for a kiss.
Her lips were sugar and softness, a tender flavor he had treasured from the very first. But in her kiss was a new desperation. Her hand caught the back of his neck and held him. Adrien fell into the kiss and only surfaced when he felt her boosting herself onto the table.
Marinette broke the kiss, her eyes a mixture of desire, determination, and trepidation. She smiled into his confusion and pulled the nightshirt over her head, dropping it to the floor. Clad only in socks and panties his Lady reached for him.
He should stop her. He had come home with a head full of doubt and a heart full of ache. Twelve years of instinct and desire didn't stop for reason though, and among all the possible doubts his love for her was not one of them. If she wished his touch he could never be so cruel to deny her, and his own desire was never in doubt.
He bought his internal war time by carrying her upstairs, kissing every inch of her lips and neck. Reason's resistance was a futile effort in the end. Marinette was his love, his wife, his life. Making love to her was as natural as drawing breath. Soft words, whispered amidst tangled limbs, chased the world away for that blissful interlude.
The stillness of the night returned him to his thoughts. Marinette lay curled up asleep against him, her nightshirt retrieved from the kitchen. It was near midnight but for his jet-lagged brain it was the middle of the evening, and it had plenty to share.
What are you doing? Being with my wife.
You know why you're here. I don't have to be. This time could be different. THIS was different.
Desperate. Both of you. You know it. Has she ever kissed you that way before? And you, willing to do anything to avoid getting to the point. Had to slip up to even get this far. Willing to play house forever until shoved out the door. I- It's Marinette, I can't hurt her. I can do this. Feel her here, now. This is perfect. I'm just being stupid.
You've tried this way before. This isn't how you do it. She's right. Right? How do you know? Consider the source.
Listen to yourself. You went to her. When did you become such an ass? 'Consider the source.'?
Adrien brought a hand up, lightly tracing the line of Marinette's jaw. She was so peaceful in her sleep. She wore none of the tension of the last two years. Her eyes weren't full of questions, her lips never trembled. Asleep she didn't have to live with doubt.
He did those things to her in the waking hours. Tonight's desperate hold was fueled by anguish as much as passion. The admission was one more painful step.
And so what next? I don't know. No more hedging. She deserves better.
No matter what you will hurt her. It's only to what end that changes.
Adrien reached for the nightstand, trying to stay still to avoid disturbing Marinette. He opened his texts, maybe a distraction could bring him peace in his own head.
Adrien: Can we still talk?
Adrien dropped the phone onto his bare chest and closed his eyes. If only sleep would take him instead of this fatigue. Marinette shifted slightly in her sleep, but remained firmly against his side, claiming his shoulder for her pillow.
The dim light of his phone's silent notification painted pictures against Adrien's eyelids. Adrien took another moment to give sleep a chance to come. He lifted his phone to check.
Chloé: Jesus Agreste, it hasn't even been a day.
He was about to drop his phone again when another came in.
Chloé: What do you want to talk about?
Adrien stared at this one. The first had almost been a relief, no choice. Now he had one. He typed out a question.
Adrien: How long does it take, 'taking time?'
Chloé: How should I know? If you want concrete answers pay a shrink. All I know is the last person who spent three weeks in my presence voluntarily was Sabrina. Figure out why you were here.
Adrien sighed and stared at the words. Why *was* he there that long?
Adrien:Want anything from Paris?
No answer came back right away. Adrien drifted as thoughts started to pull him into slumber. He reached down to move his phone back to the nightstand when it lit up one more time.
Chloé:Nothing you can afford
"Papa! Papa!" The chirpy greeting was the only warning Adrien got before 25 kilos of ecstatic eight year old dove across his chest. Emma's arms encircled his neck and squeezed for all they were worth. Even coming up out of his jetlagged sleep Adrien responded with a fatherly squeeze and growl.
"Arrgh vicious insect attack!" He joked, wrestling his daughter off his neck and lifting her up by the shoulders. "Gah you're so big. What are you now?"
"I'm a rhinoceros beetle papa!" Emma put a hand to her forehead and poked a finger out proudly. She squirmed in his grip and reached out to poke him with her 'horn'. Adrien dutifully wailed and flopped, letting her go.
She poked him again with her 'horn' once more in triumph then Adrien mussed her dark wavy hair until she fled back to the doorway, watching with an exuberant grin on her face. Adrien sat up,"Prettiest little beetle I've ever met."
Emma clung to the doorjamb, eyes sparkling and tensed in case a chase was in the offing. "Did you bring me anything?"
He hadn't. The rush home was such a tumbled mess. All of yesterday felt surreal. He at least had a very true cover. "I was in New York littlebug. If I bring you anything more from New York I'll have to start stealing the real monuments."
The idea put a giggle on his daughter's lips that covered for not having a new memento from one of daddy's trips. Adrien scooped up his shirt from the floor and pulled it on. Those light blue eyes were still watching him with childish intensity. "Are you coming to my recital papa? I'm going to be dancing as one of the leads."
From below Marinette's voice called out,"Emma, one more hug for papa then we have to get you to school!"
Emma pouted back towards the steps, but dutifully surged forward. Adrien was ready this time and gave her a lift and spin hug. He went around half a dozen times leaving her tipsy and giggling again as she wobbled her way towards the stairs.
"Be back soon!" drifted up before the sound of the closing door.
Adrien rubbed his eyes and a stretch took him as he made his way into the bathroom. Something so simple, so normal, it felt in a strange way like he'd never been gone. Tiny things reminded him. His toothbrush was a new color, scratching his brain he remembered changing time had come and gone while he was away. The hand soap was a new scent. Vanilla beans decorated the bottle where when he left there had been lavender.
A hot shower helped clear the cobwebs, but his body was still telling him it was the week hours and asking why he was up. He heard Marinette come home as he finished dressing. A quick check of his phone showed no new messages. Of course not, why would there be? It was his turn. Adrien headed downstairs.
Marinette rushed in from the kitchen to greet him. "Morning." She murmured after reaching up for a kiss. On a delay Adrien reached for her but she was already spinning away. "Breakfast will be ready soon, just rewarming the croissants. Your coffee is ready to go; two creams one sugar."
How did he tell her he'd stopped using cream? Adrien stepped back into the dining area. From familiar to strange and nothing to warn him. Were things actually different, or only in his head? He sat at the perfectly laid out place for him and watched Marinette flying smoothly around the kitchen. "Busy day ahead?" He asked when her outfit finally registered.
Marinette was made up. Her hair was still in pigtails but she had rouge on her cheeks, liner, and a hint of shadow at her eyes. Her lips were a vibrant red that matched the turtleneck she wore and an above the knee skirt matched her hair. "No, it's a work from home day." She flashed him a smile as she brought a plate with the piping hot pastries on it to join the jams, fruit, and yogurt already set out.
Adrien didn't know where to begin. She stood by, was he forgetting something? Was it an important date? Their anniversary was in July. Adrien felt like he was under a microscope as he broke open a steaming croissant and picked up the butter knife. "I just wondered because…" he gestured to her outfit.
Instantly he knew he'd made a mistake. That sweet attentive expression grew nervous. She reached up and fiddled with an earring, curling on herself. "I just thought- I wanted to look nice. I-"
He had to fix this. Adrien set down his breakfast and reached out. Marinette drifted back slightly but he caught her hand and pulled her into his lap. "You always look amazing Mari. I love this outfit, I was just worried I might only be seeing it between meetings."
It worked from tense to cuddly she snuggled in against him. "You get it all to yourself until Emma gets home."
Adrien nuzzled the top of her head. "Can I ask the occupant to join me for breakfast instead of waiting on me hand and foot?"
She drew back, a slight pink to her cheeks and nodded. "Sorry." She kissed his cheek and stood to retrieve herself a cup of coffee.
Adrien put the first half of the buttered croissant onto a plate and set it in front of her as she sat. He added a mock-stern look for good measure. She took the hint and bit into it while he bittered up the other half.
They enjoyed a leisurely breakfast, the home atmosphere something Adrien had missed without realizing it. Marinette supplied the lion's share of the conversation, a dozen little tidbits of life to fill up the silence. Near the end of the meal she went quiet, tearing a discarded orange rind into smaller and smaller bits on her plate. What had he done this time? Had he said something? Adrien tried to sift through what it might be.
"Adrien, Emma's a bit older now."
He tried to connect the dots. "Yes?"
She still didn't look up. "She can probably help out. I know it'll be a bit more work, but I think we could do it. I know we haven't talked about it in a while, do you still want to?" Adrien caught up just as Marinette supplied the connecting piece herself. "Give her a little brother or sister?"
A baby? Could he, like he was? But it was Marinette. He knew she wanted one. He did too for that matter, but what kind of father would he be right now? What if he left again? What if he needed to but didn't? Could he say no though? She deserved another. If not for his globetrotting they would probably already have a little Sabine or Hugo. He owed it to her.
Apparently he wore his indecision more plainly than he knew though. Before he could answer she stood. "No need to answer now. It's just something to think about. We have plenty of time." She fired this off and fled back into the kitchen again before he could get a word in. She was in the medicine cabinet.
"Mari?" Adrien stood and followed her.
She waved him off, quickly downing a pill with a short glass of water then flashed a smile. "Nothing to worry about."
"She takes a pill and tells me not to worry?" Adrien quirked a brow.
"Oh!" Marinette covered her mouth then shook her head, from nervous to abashed. "It's nothing, I just went off my birth control...so if you had wanted- I picked up a morning after too, just in case." She fidgeted at the admission, blush creeping up and overwhelming her rouge.
Adrien was spinning in his own head. Did he want a child, he had time to think, but there might be a child, might have been a child. All this happened before he managed more than a single word. He was spinning and yet before him he could see Mari's face starting the shift from upbeat blush into fretful worry. He couldn't let that happen again. He grabbed her and hugged her,"My little Ladybug, always prepared for everything."
It was an answer, it didn't come close to capturing what was still tumbling around inside of him, but it seemed to be enough. Marinette hugged him back and stole a quick kiss as she let go. "Even Stray cats." she teased before moving to clear away breakfast.
Adrien watched her. He loved her. He didn't know if he could keep doing this. Told you so.
She had to do this right. She had to make him happy. There had to be a way. She should know what to do, she was LADYBUG. He was her husband, if she couldn't be his hero, what was the point in being a hero at all?
Her idea had been inspired, she thought. It had been so long, longer for Adrien even than for her. Ladybug still made appearances now and then, but Cat Noir had retired when supervillains ceased to bother Paris. Taking the ring back when Adrien started to travel so much had been hard, but tempered knowing she'd hand it over again in a minute if he stayed in Paris. Even… even if he stayed in another home.
Ladybug faltered at that thought. She caught the edge of the rooftop she had been landing on and had to flail for balance rather than sticking her landing.
"Careful M'Lady" Cat Noir's baton was behind her, supporting her as she regained her footing. He grinned his classic grin from the next roof over, retracting the tool and hopping onward to the next row of houses.
He seemed alive, he seemed happy. He even grinned as Plagg chewed him out for being away so long. Maybe he would stay this way now. Maybe he would stay. Maybe she'd finally got it right. Her sunshine would brighten Paris, and her life again.
This morning had been a disaster. Too fast, too slow, pushing too hard, not hard enough. She did everything wrong. In her head it was easy. She knew what he liked and made it happen. He was happy, they were happy. Yet it never worked. She always did something wrong. There was always a pause, or a frown when she wasn't paying attention, a distant look, and he always stepped out the door eventually. She couldn't stop it, she couldn't defeat it. She was a failure.
"Coming bugaboo?"
Cat Noir was hanging from a street light the next street over grinning at her again. She'd lost herself in thoughts. Ladybug Raised her chin and huffed, playing at an old game. She leapt to the bar he was hanging from and stood looking down at him. She lightly nudged one of his hands with her foot, hovering her sole over his fingers, "Did you say something kitty?"
"Nothing! Nothing!" Cat Noir laughed and dropped to the ground, bounding up onto the next row of houses.
Ladybug chased him this time, overjoyed at the sound of his laugh. Together they raced over the rooftops from one side of Paris to the other and back. They climbed the scaffolding around Notre Dame in leaps and bounds, perching on the bells and overlooking Paris.
"It still feels weird." Ladybug admitted. "Not being on the lookout for Akumas." Oh no- Why had she mentioned that? She shot a quick look to Cat Noir. He didn't seem to have noticed her slip. Or had he? Was it tearing him up, bringing back those memories. Was he being brave for her? Had she ruined one more thing with a slip? Not this, she couldn't ruin this part of them for him. This was something no one else could or would ever have that they shared between them.
She slipped from her bell and hopped to his. The giant metal dome didn't even shift under her weight. She craned around to see if she would see pain in his eyes, pain, hesitation, doubt. All the things she wanted to protect him from forever. "Kitty?"
"Just thinking M'Lady." Thinking? What about? What had she brought up? Ladybug wracked her brain, trying to find a way out of this and back to something happy. She was so deep the continuation of his comment startled her. "Paris really is a lovely city. New York doesn't hold a candle to it." His voice was far off. She scooted closer and he turned to face her. What was in those eyes? She couldn't read them by the light of the stars. It was big, whatever it was. It scared her.
"Kitty, we should get back." she glanced to the horizon. "The little bug might wake up."
He reached out, cupping her cheek. "Thank you for this M'Lady."
Ladybug swallowed and forced a laugh. "Don't mention it kitty. We should do this more often. We can make it a weekly patrol maybe? Our little Sunday dance under the stars?" Would he like that? Being Cat Noir more often? She had been worried it would remind him of his family. Had she been wrong about this too?
He smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile. He wasn't happy; another failure. How could Ladybug fail? She always knew what to do. Would a lucky charm work for this? "M'Lady, we need to talk."
"Sure!" she grinned ear to ear, her mind racing ahead to try and head off the impending disaster she felt. "How about we race back? Then we can talk all night if you want." she coiled up to put action to words but the hand on her cheek caught her shoulder.
"M'l- Marinette." Ladybug froze as he used her real name in this guise. She looked back to those eyes, those sweet green eyes that had loved her since before she even understood what love was. They held a terrible determination tempered with that softness, that infinite care that had drawn her to him under that umbrella so long ago.
He kept his hold and repeated. "We need to talk. I need to talk. Please, let me, while I can still breathe under this weight."
Ladybug let go and slid down the curve of the bell. She stood with hands clasped at her waist and her heart in her throat. Cat Noir slid down beside her and whispered. "I need to do this right. This isn't Cat Noir's fault." He murmured "Plagg claws in." and a green flash brought Adrien back into being facing his Lady.
Ladybug swallowed but the lump in her throat wouldn't move. "Adrien…" her voice was very nearly a whine.
"My Lady." He took her hands. "Those eyes were not made for crying. They weren't made for pain. They weren't made for hopelessness. They were made to shine brighter than the stars."
Ladybug stood paralyzed, his words were sweet but terrified her beyond anything the most dire of Shadowmoth's threats could ever do. "Honey I-" she choked on that lump in her throat and she saw her own pain mirrored in his eyes.
"I love you Marinette. Always remember that." It was only the beginning of what he had to say, but by the end it was the one thing she clung to desperately to keep from drowning.