tw: brief mentions of domestic violence
Lilith Beherit, 17
District Nine Female
Interviews had come and gone for Lilith about as uneventfully as she imagined. She figured the interviewer had been told about her situation back in Nine and thus avoided all questions pertaining to her home life (or rather her lack thereof), sticking solely to the kinds of questions that Lilith could just avoid answering while giving off a "mysterious air."
What an odd trio they must've been, with the interviews as the only clue to how they truly acted. A nervous boy that could suddenly ramble for seemingly hours as soon as inventions were brought up, a friendly and outgoing boy that spent half of his allotted time talking about his beloved friend back home, and a girl that not even the interviewer could seem to find anything interesting to ask about. At least none of them had been put on the spot or downright grilled about something, so Lilith didn't have to worry about anything like that going forward.
That being said, Lilith was more acutely aware than ever that her life back in Nine was distinctly lacking. It was strange to imagine that the only people that might miss Lilith when she was gone were here in the Games with her. Her parents had passed in some kind of accidental runin with a local gang, an unfortunately common occurrence back in Nine. They were uninteresting people who led uninteresting lives and ultimately left Lilith with nothing at all. When Annie had stumbled upon her, she was half dead from living in the streets and covered in dirt and grime. When Lilith was introduced to the Cardinals, they were never a family for her but at least it was a place for her to call home.
And then it had all been taken away. Annie was the only person she had for years, and with Annie gone, there was no one left for her.
The Cardinals weren't much, but they were the only thing Lilith had. Losing Annie had led to her spiral and eventual discovery by some higher-up in the government of Nine that figured using some worthless kid off of the streets to orchestrate killings was better than risking his own neck for what he wanted. The years that followed were nothing short of dull and lifeless, devoid of any sense of humanity. She was nothing more than some kind of tool to be used for someone else's benefit.
Lilith gritted her teeth. Ever since reaching the Capitol, she'd more and more hated ruminating on her past and the little she'd gotten to live before it was all taken from her. Being around Merix and Nash and their effervescent happiness kept her mind distracted for a time, but eventually even that ran out.
She'd been thinking about her revenge plan again and how she'd probably have to alter it. She had no intention of dying early, and she felt certain that Thay was the same way, so hopefully his allies would die off or leave and she'd be able to get him alone.
Oddly enough, it was Nash and Merix that made her feel the most guilty when she thought her plan over. She hadn't spoken a word of it to them, knowing they were rather reluctant when it came to the actual killing part of the Games, and she couldn't imagine their horror if they knew she was planning on killing for purely vengeful reasons. Lilith didn't want to imagine their disappointment.
But it was hard to lie away at night and think about the source of all her problems slumbering away on the other side of the wall.
With a sigh she got up, stretching her arms up over her head. At least the interviews were done and she could change into different clothes, the leggings and sweatshirt she'd thrown on being far more comfortable than the dress they'd put her in. Nash had suggested they all meet on his floor once they'd gotten cleaned up a bit for one last night together.
As soon as she stepped foot outside her door she ran straight into something, an oof! escaping her as she stumbled back into the open doorway. She looked up to see that she'd run into Thay. "Oh," he said without a hint of emotion flickering across his face. "It's you."
She had to bite back a snide comment about how, well, they did live on the same floor after all, but instead she tried to force a pleasant expression on her face. She wasn't sure if her attempt was successful or not.
"Where are you headed?" Lilith asked, trying to come off as blandly curious.
"Eight," he said, heading towards the elevator. "I imagine you're going to Three or Five?"
Lilith tried not to twitch, noticing that he'd at least somewhat kept tabs on her. "Five," she relented, hoping to at least glean something from this conversation if she had to continue with it. "What's yours for?"
"Planning," he said simply. "Yours?"
A brief smile crossed her face as she thought about how excited Nash had been to reveal his plan. "A sleepover, whatever that is."
Thay just shrugged and stepped into the elevator. "Hell if I know. Good luck tomorrow, by the way."
She tried to ignore the sensation that flooded through her body at those words, an odd mix between resentment and gratitude. "You too, don't die," was all she managed to say in return.
You can't die unless it's by my hand.
Their shared elevator ride was brief, as Thay got off only one floor below with a brief wave. Lilith continued down to the fifth floor, shoving her hands in the pockets of the sweatshirt as she stepped inside.
"Hey Lilith!" Nash called, immediately noticing her entrance. He waved at her from where he was sitting on the other side of the couch, half-hidden and surrounded by an abundance of pillows and blankets.
Merix poked his head up soon after, a blindingly bright smile crossing his face as he cheered, "Hi Lilith! Where are your blankets?"
"My what?"
She stepped into the living room, peeking over the couch to see a mess spread out before her. They'd both managed to collect more blankets than Lilith had seen in her life, padding the floor with them. The television flickered behind them, on standby mode as the two boys sorted out whatever it was they were doing.
"Blankets!" Merix held one of his up. "We need them for a sleepover."
"What even is a sleepover?" Lilith asked, crossing her arms.
Merix and Nash blinked up at her in surprise before sharing a glance that Lilith couldn't read. She flushed and glanced away, unsure what the big deal was.
"Have you never had one?" Merix went back to turning his mass of blankets into something almost like a nest. "I haven't either, not really, but that's just because I never had enough friends. Sometimes Agoura and I would have sleepovers but those aren't quite the same."
"I thought it would be fun," Nash said more gently, a fond smile on his face. "It's not like we can get the full experience, since we do need to be well rested for tomorrow, but I thought it would be a good idea to get us ready for the Games! Without all the dying and stuff."
"What, do we just… spend the night together?" Lilith asked, still puzzled. "And it's supposed to be fun?"
Merix nodded, practically jittering with excitement. "Exactly! In a way, the Games are like one big sleepover but not quite as fun because you have to worry about dying. So we're counteracting that by getting in a real one tonight!"
Slowly, Lilith moved farther into the room and perched on the edge of one of the chairs, better able to see their current setup. They'd thrown a few snacks on the table and each of them was clutching a water bottle that was already half empty, likely trying to stay as hydrated as they could before tomorrow. This sleepover thing seemed nice in theory, but Lilith still wasn't sure what to make of it.
"I can go grab you some of the extra blankets we have here so you don't have to go back," Nash said, getting up and disappearing down a hallway.
Lilith watched him quietly before looking back down at Merix, who had finished setting up his area and was now sitting on top of the makeshift bed he'd created. "Usually people stay up late and play games or watch movies, but we're not staying up too long," he said, smoothing out the blanket on top. "Hopefully it'll be relaxing."
"It looks uncomfortable," she said bluntly, but, then again, she'd slept on worse. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
He looked up at her with wide eyes, vulnerable in a way that made Lilith regret asking. "I guess you could go back if you wanted, but Nash noticed you're more stressed out when you're on your own floor." Merix lowered his voice as if he wasn't supposed to be saying anything about it. "He thought a sleepover would be the best way to get you to relax and be ready for tomorrow."
"I guess that's fair…" Lilith said slowly. "You've never had one of these either?"
Merix shook his head, his shoulders deflating. "I wasn't really invited to them back home, but at least I get to have one now. I'm just glad to be included for once."
She'd gotten the sense that things for Merix back home weren't great, from the incident with his leg to the somber way he spoke of his sister. He was small and seemed to be too good natured for a fate like the Games. He was the kind of kid that would swiftly be crushed back in Nine, and she figured that, to an extent, it was the same way in Three. No matter where you were in Panem, the weak were squashed until they were nothing and the strong only grew stronger.
"Here you go, Lily Bean!" Nash sang as he came back into the room, dropping a bundle of blankets on the floor.
"Don't call me that," she said swiftly before going over to the blankets and beginning to sort them out.
Nash just beamed at her. "You didn't tell me to die this time, so I'll consider that an improvement."
"Whatever," she muttered, ducking her head to hide her cheeks heating up again.
Nash and Merix struck up a conversation behind her as she stole glances at the beds they'd made for themselves, trying to create hers so it looked similar. Blankets ended up being much harder to configure than she thought, so she eventually gave up and settled into her rather lumpy bed, knowing it was at least better than a hard floor.
"What was your plan for the night?" she cut in.
Nash just shrugged. "The night is still young so I thought I'd just see how it plays out. Throw on a movie, talk, it doesn't matter to me as long as I'm doing it with my friends."
Lilith found herself agreeing with his sentiment, quietly sitting back as Merix started throwing out movie ideas. They were two of the best people she'd ever met and she was happy to be around them.
She wouldn't want to spend her last night here with anyone else.
Imperia Bachmann, 18
District Six Female
"I'm sorry for doubting you," Kyra sniffed, sitting on the couch between Imperia and Jude. "I guess I've just been really paranoid ever since Teagan and Liam paired off and I'm the only one in our alliance without a District Partner here with me so I figured I'd just be the odd one out all the time."
Unfortunately for her, Kyra wasn't wrong. She was the odd one out, but with that status she'd also been able to float between the pairs, allowing her to get somewhat closer to Liam and Teagan and draw information out of them. Her usefulness would naturally be short-lived; she could easily be disposed of as soon as Imperia got the information she needed.
But Kyra didn't need to know that.
"This is the Hunger Games, we're all frightened," Imperia cooed, lying through her teeth. She wasn't afraid of anything she could control, and with the bloodbath merely hours away, she was feeling very comfortable with her current standing.
There was a beat of silence that lasted too long and Imperia had to pointedly look at Jude, who didn't seem to be paying attention. She had to sigh and nudge him, a rather unsubtle way of getting her message across, but Kyra couldn't pick up on anything that wasn't clearly spelled out in front of her.
Children.
"I'm just lucky I have a supportive District Partner," Jude said, his smile convincing even if Imperia could tell his heart wasn't in it. "I'm not sure what I would've done if I hadn't met Imperia on the train."
Their words didn't help in the slightest as Kyra's face twisted into a petulant pout. "My District Partner was nice, but he keeps leaving to go hang out with his new friends. It's not fair at all."
"We're your friends," Imperia said gently in an attempt to reassure the girl and prevent her from spiraling too early. "And, well, we've noticed that Teagan and Liam have gotten a little too close lately and we're wondering if that could lead to bad things for our alliance. If they start causing problems because they've neglected the rest of the alliance, I'm not sure what could happen."
One of the first things Imperia had noticed about both of the other girls was that they were easily placated by attention. It was as simple as that. If you fed into their need for attention, they were secretly overjoyed and much easier to work with. But the difference was that Teagan was allowed attention and Kyra was slowly isolated, allowing her sense of paranoia to build and build.
Watching them both fall exactly where she wanted them was a series of events that had given Imperia a thrill all over again, like back in the day when her experiments mainly consisted of things as simple as offering candy to her fellow peers. One week they were allowed to choose the kind of candy they received and the following week Imperia had chosen for them. Each time they were asked a question, something to assess their self-worth and how they were doing, just to see if her hypothesis was correct, if their lack of control in the second week would get to them.
She was right, of course. Imperia was always right when it came to her hypotheses, her keen observational skills giving her the edge when it came to the behaviors of everyone around her.
"Liam's been antsy lately," Kyra said slowly, unaware of the glee that swept over Imperia as she realized it truly had worked. "He's worried about our alliance, since it's the second largest, and he's been considering leaving. Teagan's the only reason he won't."
That made enough sense to Imperia, as Liam seemed to be the annoyingly level-headed type that always seemed to put too much of an emphasis on safety. The slightest bit of uneasiness in their alliance during the Games and he'd be off, perhaps even without Teagan if he was truly startled enough. But that was only if his unease continued to build through the Games; this early on, Imperia was still convinced that he'd step in for Teagan if things came down to it.
"Has he made that suggestion to Teagan?" Jude asked worriedly, his forehead creasing as if he was worried that their alliance would fall apart early, a facade easily constructed for the sake of the act they were putting on.
Kyra paused before shrugging. "Sort of, I guess. He made a comment once during training but she hardly listened. She's comfortable here, probably because it is a bigger alliance, so she's not particularly interested in leaving."
"So unless something happens tonight, we should all be fine through the bloodbath," Imperia said with a sigh. "Thank you for letting us know, Kyra. I appreciate it a lot."
She glowed from the barest hint of praise, and Imperia couldn't help but be disappointed by how easy it all was. Imperia yearned for a challenge and this was something that was being handed to her.
It frustrated her more than she was willing to admit.
"What's our plan for the bloodbath?" Kyra looked up at her, twitching in her seat at the thought of the bloodshed that awaited them tomorrow.
"I was thinking everyone could grab something and then we could get out of there and meet up," Imperia mused. "Not anything big," she said quickly, noting the panic on Kyra's face, "but just something. If we all grab at least one thing, then I'm sure we'll be able to come up with enough to last for at least a day or two."
Jude bit his lip worriedly. "With our bigger alliance, supplies are something we'll have to worry about down the line, so a head start would be beneficial."
"I could definitely help with that," Kyra said, sounding about as confident as she likely felt. "I won't disappoint you!"
"Aw, Kyra," Imperia said, rewarding Kyra for her bravery with a pat on the shoulder, "we really appreciate it. You're an important member of our alliance, even if Teagan doesn't always see it."
Their little meeting with Kyra didn't last much longer and they were soon back on the couch after ushering Kyra into the elevator and sending her to her own floor. Imperia let out a sigh, her spine stiff and straight even as she relaxed on the couch, her old habits hard to break. Her mother had taught her well.
"Do you think it will work?" Jude asked, his eyes trained on the ceiling.
"Who's to say?" Imperia shot him a smirk.
Jude sighed and looked over at her. "Are you sure we aren't moving too fast?"
She felt a flash of irritation at his question, at the insinuation that Imperia Bachmann didn't have things under control. "Of course we aren't," she insisted. "Things will play out how they're meant to. Stop questioning me unless you have a real suggestion for something we should do instead."
"Too late now," he muttered, shooting a glance at the elevator doors. "Everything's already been set up for tomorrow, so it wouldn't do any good to try and undo it now."
"Exactly." Imperia rolled her eyes, irritated. "Besides, it's not as if this is somehow any worse than what we've done before. Remember the man we got drunk on wine before sending him home?"
Jude cringed at the mere thought, likely remembering as she did how the man had gotten into a scuffle with his much smaller, frailer wife. His inhibitions had been sufficiently lowered and, just as Imperia had predicted, his urge to exploit those weaker than him had shown its ugly face at the expense of the innocent woman. Another experiment, one that they hadn't quite expected to go so far.
All for some bragging rights and a couple of coins.
"Deep down, everyone wants something," Imperia mused, glancing down at her nails. "A subconscious desire will always leak through under the proper circumstances. Like you and the love you've harbored for me ever since we were kids."
Jude groaned, some of the tension leaking out of the room. "Come on, Imperia, I've told you a million times that I didn't have a crush on you as a kid. I thought you were annoying and pompous and entirely too easy to push over in the snow."
She bristled at that, remembering how it was practically impossible to get up from the snow drifts he pushed her into with all the layers of clothes her mother piled on her. "Then why did you hang around me so often? Too unsure of what to do without me?"
"More like our parents were friends and you were, geographically, the closest friend I had," he covered all too quickly. Imperia always thought it was funny how quickly he could come up with excuses when, really, the truth would be easiest. "I was stuck with you most of the time, whether I wanted to be or not."
Unfortunately, he was all Imperia had most of the time as well. Home left her with few options: the mother that she was never good enough for, the father that never had enough time for her, and the older brother that had all the depth of a teaspoon and no real worth to show. Jude Caterham might have been annoying, and a few steps short of being a lobotomite himself, but he was at least interesting, offering her something out of every conversation they had by being the closest thing Imperia had to an intellectual adversary.
Looking over at him again, Imperia watched his gangly figure for a moment before sighing. "Jude-"
"I'm going to bed," he said, standing up before she could finish. "See you in the morning, Imperia."
"Goodnight," she called after him as he walked down to his room, leaving her alone in the living room.
She leaned forward enough to tap her fingers on the edge of the table before straightening once more, her spine seeking out the perfectly straight position her mother had drilled into her, the memory of the brace she wore for years burned into her spine. If Imperia couldn't be the perfect daughter, she could at least look like it, her mother insisted, shoving her into a posture-correcting brace that nearly irreversibly damaged her muscle development before her mother threw it out. Her brother Tovio, on the other hand, was perfect in their mother's eyes in all the ways she wasn't. He could please her mother's foolish little friends but was never chosen to - instead, Imperia was the one sought out to entertain them, usually sending Imperia to play a piece on the piano to provide the proper ambience for her parties.
Eventually, her mother gave up on Imperia entirely. Not even their similar features could save Imperia from being tossed aside with only the occasional scathing comment thrown her way as the only sign that Mahindra Bachmann remembered her own daughter even existed.
Good. That's how Imperia preferred it, anyway.
"Imperia, shouldn't you be heading to bed soon?"
She stiffened at the sound of her mentor speaking, forcing a smile on her face and nodding in the older woman's direction. "You're right. I probably should go to bed, shouldn't I."
Her tone was devoid of inflection, but she stood up anyway. It wouldn't do her any good to think about things she'd left behind.
Imperia Bachmann had to focus on the future, no matter what it held. Being able to predict and control everyone else's movements was the only way she was going to get out of here alive.
Makani Allard, 18
District Four Female
It was still warm outside even as the cooling darkness settled in, the sun dipping below the horizon. The roof was vacant for the night, an empty expanse with a few benches and floral arrangements scattered around. It was nothing like the warm sands and never ending ocean that Makani was used to, but it would do for now.
With only one night separating her from the bloodbath, she couldn't handle the possibility of talking to anyone. She'd quickly abandoned Alila as soon as interviews had concluded, not even bothering to stop on the fourth floor before going up to the roof. If she could help it, she'd stay up here until she couldn't anymore, going back to the fourth floor late enough that no one would bother her.
Running a hand through her hair, she leaned against the railing and stared out at the city below, the lights getting brighter as the darkness grew. She was oddly nostalgic tonight even as she tried to avoid thinking about back home and everything that was waiting for her. Would they all be disappointed?
"You've been avoiding me."
Makani knew she couldn't escape it forever; this eventual conversation loomed closer every time she brushed him off, but she never knew what to say. What was she supposed to say, after all? She wasn't good at articulating what she was feeling or facing confrontation head on.
She was just lucky that so far, no one seemed to know how much of a coward she really was.
While the summer night was warm, there was something in the air that made her shudder as the wind swept past. Maybe she should've known better than to accept the solace the roof offered tonight. It had been left vacant by the group that came here after training each day, so she'd decided to camp out here, hiding on her own yet again. Unfortunately, she forgot just how well her brother knew her. He'd always been able to see right through her, which is why her strategy had been to never give him the chance to see her at all.
"I guess I should've known better, huh," she chuckled dryly, trying to force some emotion into her voice.
Bastian didn't say anything in response, but out of the corner of her eye she saw him lean against the railing a few feet away from her. Within those few feet there was an infinity of distance that Makani wasn't sure would ever go away.
Who was she kidding? The distance between them would only grow more once she was gone.
No. Once she had died. Now that the inevitable was closer than ever, Makani had to come to terms with it. She was running out of places to hide.
"I'm sorry."
They spoke at the same time, startled when they heard their words echoed by the other. Makani paused and looked over at him, unsure of what he could possibly be sorry for when she was the one that ran, she was the one that was a coward, she was the one that had volunteered.
Unable to make eye contact with him for long, she tore her eyes away and stared down at the city, leaning out over the railing. Her head was spinning, and her throat was tight with the threat of tears if she wasn't careful. She was adrift in an ocean, one that she'd gotten herself stuck in, and she couldn't bring herself to ask for help.
"I'm sorry," Bastian tried again, more quietly this time. "I just… I wish there was something I could've done."
His words were vague and hopeless, the kind of blame that Makani had been hoping he wouldn't give himself. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you beforehand. I guess I just wasn't really sure how."
Bastian frowned quietly, staring out at the city below. "This wasn't the kind of thing I wanted for you. Kahlia told me you haven't been to training in a while."
Makani winced, unsure how to counter that. Of course Kahlia would mention that and think nothing of it, but her training score made it very clear that something was severely lacking in Makani's training. She'd tried to brush off Alila at the party before running off and finding Crush, but her unfortunate habit of running away from things would catch up to her at some point.
"I suppose I've missed a few days," she said carefully. "But I'm still… not bad."
"Your score was decent," Bastian offered, trying to support her. "But… well, Kahlia and the others didn't seem to know much about why you suddenly decided to volunteer and I don't really understand it either. You didn't have to. Mom and Dad were content with only one Victor in the family. That's why I did it, so you wouldn't have to."
She couldn't help but clam up, knowing she was unable to tell him the truth. There were so many things that she had to keep to herself, but she wished that she could make everything clear to him. Her parents didn't care either way, just thrilled that they had the potential of a second Victor in the family to boost their image.
Her mouth opened once, but nothing came out so she just closed it again. The lights of the city were beginning to swim beneath her, and she gripped the railing a little tighter to ground herself.
"You don't have to tell me," he insisted, still seeming hurt by her reluctance to tell him what was going on. "I just… I just want to be able to help you in the Arena. That's all I can do."
She bit her lip harshly, trying not to break down. Makani always managed to forget that her own brother would have to watch her on the monitor, keeping an eye on her vitals throughout the Games. It didn't settle her nerves knowing that whatever happened to her, he'd have a front row seat.
"I wasn't sure how to tell you," she whispered, tapping the railing quietly. "I mean, how could I? You've gone through all of this before and I guess I just didn't want to worry you."
"I'll always be worried for you, Makani. You're my sister, after all."
Bastian finally turned to face her, his eyes glimmering with tears that threatened to spill over. He kept his distance, and Makani was grateful for it because she felt frozen in place. Even after everything she'd tried to do in order to ease the blow, maybe she'd just made it worse.
"I'm sorry," she said again, the sound choked as she realized she was about to start crying. "I didn't- I don't-"
"I survived an entire Hunger Games and I've never been more terrified than I am now," he admitted, continuing to talk so she didn't have to. "I remember when I first won and came back and you made me swear to never leave again. I never thought I'd have to see you leave. That was only a couple years ago."
Makani remembered it just as well as he did - after all, that was the reason why she quit training. It was the first time she realized the Games weren't anything she wanted to be involved with, not after watching how Bastian had changed when he got home. He was quieter, he flinched when she managed to surprise him.
"Do you remember when we were kids and you were still scared of the ocean?" he asked, suddenly switching topics. "I'd drag you down to the beach with me anyway and we'd walk along collecting seashells until our feet hurt from the sand. We'd lay them out on the floor when we got back home, sorting them out by which ones we liked best. I took one of them as my token into the Games."
She shivered again and wrapped her arms around herself. Though she'd gotten over her fear of the ocean long ago, she'd never forget the joy of running up and down the shore gathering so many shells that they couldn't possibly bring all of them back. Her fear was always quickly forgotten as soon as she was distracted, and shells more than did the job. She still had many of them back home, clustered around her desk and bookshelf.
"I took it so I could remember what was waiting for me back home." Bastian pulled it out of his pocket now, a lovely pink and white striped shell with a chip in it. "You only act like this when you've already given up, Makani. Do your best to come back, whether it's for me or Kahlia or yourself. There's so much more outside the Arena."
When he put it like that, it seemed so simple. Just come back. Do her best. Makani had practically given up so long ago that she didn't know how to come back from it. She'd volunteered and quickly sidelined herself, attaching herself to the ally that she felt the closest to. She could probably hold her own in a fight against anyone that wasn't an ally, even if the two Nines had scored better than her, but Makani didn't know if she wanted to anyway. The killing and fighting wasn't for her; she'd seen too much of it in Bastian's Games.
"Trade with me," she offered quietly, beginning to undo the locket around her neck. "I'll take the shell. As… as a reminder, like you said."
Bastian blinked before managing a soft smile, holding the shell out to her. "We can trade again when you get back."
Makani didn't respond to that part, holding out the necklace quietly. She took the shell and pocketed it while Bastian clasped the necklace around his neck, hiding the locket under his shirt. "I'll take good care of it."
"And I'll take care of you," Bastian said, moving closer to her. "I promise, I'll do everything I can. I won't let you down."
She finally closed the distance between them to throw her arms around him. "You could never let me down," she mumbled into his shoulder.
"Please come back," he whispered in her ear. She could feel the faint shaking of his shoulders, holding him tighter as if he was the one that needed comfort, not her. "I love you. I don't know if I could lose you."
"I'll try," was all she managed. Another empty promise to add to a growing list.
Thay Alexander Yukimura, 16
District Nine Male
With the papers strewn across the floor and the chatter accompanying the plans being made, Thay could nearly convince himself that he was back with the Ospreys again, perhaps trying to go over a mission or planning how to teach the younger kids how to pickpocket. It was familiar enough that he was relaxed, which helped soothe Jack and Eleanor, who were far more stressed than he was about the possibility of death awaiting them the next morning.
"Are you sure you don't want either of us to go in?" Eleanor asked, worriedly looking at Thay.
He shook his head. "Not unless either of you particularly want to risk death. If you find each other, then I can find you."
Jack just nodded, her head ducked down as she stared at one of the papers in front of her detailing one of the plans Thay had made in case they got separated. She was less talkative than normal tonight - something he didn't even know was possible - but he figured it was due to something that happened in her interview. Thay had watched it intently, trying to see if he could grasp a bit more knowledge about the closed-off girl, and he'd gotten a little more than he'd hoped.
Family drama wasn't anything he knew what to do with - it was hard to know much about family drama when he hardly had a family - but he intended to support her to the best of his ability. It was important to tread lightly with Jack, focus on building trust while getting her comfortable enough to… not necessarily open up, but at least become a fuller member of the alliance.
"What if you don't make it out?" Eleanor watched him carefully, her weariness showing in her eyes that were becoming bloodshot, something else she claimed was a side effect of working at the factory. "Then we wouldn't have anything."
"We could each grab one thing," Jack muttered, finally chipping in. "Whatever's closest, whether it's a knife or a bag or even just a bar of food."
Thay nodded, pleased that they were both invested enough to plan and willing to grab something out of the bloodbath. Eleanor's score made him reluctant to let her go into the bloodbath at all, but Jack could likely take care of herself if things came down to it. However, any foe with even a little experience with a weapon would be a hard match for either of them, and Thay didn't particularly want to see them flame out early.
"Just make it fast," Thay agreed. "Eleanor, if you're not feeling well, I don't want you to go at all. Retreat somewhere and let one of us find you."
She looked slightly put out at that, likely just wanting to help out to the best of her ability, but she reluctantly agreed. "I'll try to signal one of you if I don't have the energy to do anything more than run away."
"So are we all good for tomorrow?" Thay asked, starting to gather up some of the papers that had been thrown across the floor.
"I think so!" Eleanor straightened up and shot him a smile. "We'll be waiting for you after the bloodbath to get out of there."
"Stay safe," Jack muttered quietly. "Don't get in over your head."
Thay just nodded, more than aware that he'd given himself the most difficult job, especially considering he'd placed fifth during private sessions, higher than two Careers. His volunteer status was at least able to be mostly forgotten as he did his best to hide himself in the shadows, but there wasn't the opportunity for that any longer. If he went into the bloodbath, he'd risk being targeted, but he'd also rather give himself that job rather than risk either of his allies in the process.
As they started cleaning up the area they'd taken over, Thay carefully got to his feet. There was one more thing he needed to do tonight.
"Where are you going?" Jack asked quietly, her eyes dark and inquisitive as she looked up at him.
He paused where he stood, unwilling to lie to the alliance that trusted him but unsure of how to tell them exactly what he was doing. "I have to make a visit. I'll be back in a bit."
Her lips pursed but she just nodded, turning back to Eleanor and starting up a quiet conversation about how they'd meet up during the bloodbath. Thay watched them for a moment before heading to the elevator, hoping that the information he'd collected would help him out.
The boys from One and Four had left interviews early, likely due to whatever had happened in Kano's interview. If Thay had to guess, they'd gone up to the fourth floor. The Twos had gone to their own floor, likely relishing in one last night of being together, and Makani had split off from the rest, disappearing somewhere. If he was right, and Thay hoped he was, that left Alila alone on the first floor.
He had a few more questions for her.
It didn't surprise him that she was lying at the party, as he hadn't expected anything else. It was dangerous to show your hand too early, after all.
His head had been swirling after her interview, full of thoughts and questions, all of them circling back to Thee, Thee, Thee. A brother named Timothee. A number of siblings, all adopted.
Thay had heard the rumors back in Nine, the talk about how children with particularly rebellious parentage were shipped off to one of the Districts closer to the Capitol where they could learn how to be good citizens of Panem. He just hadn't imagined it could happen to someone he assumed to be dead.
The first floor was stylistically much different than the ninth, with a lot more finery decorating the walls. It was bright and clean in a way that made him uncomfortable, and he uneasily stepped into the living room. As he'd figured, the first floor was largely vacant of people save for the lone figure on the couch in the middle of braiding her hair. It had been taken down from the intricate braid she'd had wound around her head earlier tonight, and she seemed to be thoroughly distracted as she masterfully wove her hair once more. If Thay had to guess, he figured she'd been doing this for a while.
"You'd better not have fucked anything up, Shai," she said without looking to see who had shown up. "I don't want to have to deal with it tomorrow."
"Not Shai," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets as he made his way over to the opposite end of the couch.
Her fingers stilled for a moment before Alila continued on with her work, trying to appear unbothered. "I see. Did you come for a reason, then?"
"I think we both know what I'm here for." Thay sat down, keeping his hands firmly in his pockets to keep from picking at the black nail polish. Or who, I suppose."
Alila breathed out a quiet sigh before nodding and carefully beginning to undo her hair from the half of a braid she'd managed to get it into. "Thee."
It wasn't a question, just a factual statement laying what they both knew on the table. Somehow, Thay's twin was alive and well and was living in District One. Or, at least, that's what she wanted him to think. Thay was still holding out that this was some kind of sick play intended to get in his head, but how would anyone know? It was too much to be a coincidence, after all.
"How do I know it's really him?" he asked, getting straight to the point.
She let out a soft laugh, finally leaning back to look at him. "I guess you can't know for sure; it's not like I can show him to you. But he looks exactly like you, save for the missing arm."
"Missing arm?" he couldn't help but ask, fists clenching as he wondered what the cost of Thee being in that fire was.
Nodding quietly, Alila said, "He never told us why. There's a lot we don't know about his past, not even me, but we never pushed him. We just made him as comfortable as he could possibly be. We knew he was from Nine, but I never thought I'd meet anyone connected to him. Definitely not like this."
He finally pulled his hands out of his pockets, absentmindedly picking off his nail polish. "So you knew as soon as I volunteered?"
"Pretty much," she muttered. "It felt like too much to be a coincidence, but the more I saw, the more certain I was that you were really related. You have the same mannerisms, you know."
Of course he knew. It stung even now to think about the Thee he knew and the Thee that existed now and how they were probably far different and yet exactly the same. How much of a life had they lived apart without knowing a thing about the fate of the other?
"Why would you tell me this now? You could've avoided mentioning it at all and I never would've known. We wouldn't have to be in this situation," he said, gesturing vaguely.
There was a pause as Alila finished undoing her braid and swept her hair back behind her shoulder, sighing wearily as she leaned forward, elbows on her knees. Thay watched her, starting to bounce his knee as the silence persisted longer than a few moments.
"Because I would want to know," she finally uttered. "If it was me."
Thay didn't know what to say in response to that, ducking his head and staring down at his hands. He didn't know how to comprehend a Career that genuinely seemed… almost nice. He couldn't say that he understood, because he didn't. Why volunteer to do something as barbaric as kill kids only to show this kind of raw, vulnerable humanity?
There wasn't anything he could do about it many things were swirling around in his head now, right before he could potentially die in a few short hours, and he had to figure out how to compartmentalize them. He could deal with it all later, just not now.
But all he could focus on was Thee, waiting for him in a place he'd never dreamed of going. Had he abandoned his brother just like Ymir had abandoned him? Was there anything he could've done differently that night? If he'd gone into the fire, could he have rescued his brother?
Maybe it didn't have to turn out this way in the end.
"Thank you," he said hoarsely before clearing his throat. "For taking care of him, I mean."
Alila offered him the barest hint of a smile. "I'd do anything for him. I really mean that."
All these years, she'd done everything that Thay himself couldn't. He truly was grateful, but it felt like a spot near his heart had been rubbed raw all over again. A selfish part of him wished they had more time so he could learn everything he'd missed, but there wasn't time for that now. He had to focus on his own survival, and then maybe they'd be able to meet again.
"This doesn't change anything," Thay called over his shoulder as he got up and started heading back into the elevator. "This is still the Hunger Games and… I can't let anything get in my way. I assume you can't, either."
That seemed to quiet her for a minute, a determined look that he recognized coming over her face. At least they were on the same page, if nothing else.
"Deal," Alila said. "Just don't get yourself killed out there. I don't want Thee to have to watch that."
His shoulders stiffened at that, a heavy reminder that he had more waiting for him outside of the Arena than he ever thought he would. Thee was always the softer one, and Thay wasn't sure how he'd handle it if his twin died. Thay had been able to deal with it by throwing himself into the Cardinals, but Thee?
He couldn't lose his brother again.
"All I can do is try," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I've been doing it for years. But… you keep safe, too. It sounds like he still needs you."
Alila truly smiled at that, saying, "Good luck, then."
Thay didn't know how to respond, pressing the elevator button and stepping in before traveling up to his floor. He didn't have the energy to go back to Eleanor and Jack, not right now. He needed some time to clear his head, to put all of this aside
Volunteering had seemed like the only option before, his only way to reclaim fate and take his life back into his own hands. Nothing good would await him in Nine unless he had some kind of security, a way to make sure that he wouldn't lose his life. But now it felt like there was everything waiting for him back home and all Thay could do was fight to get back to it.
He'd never faltered before, and he couldn't afford to now. Thay Yukimura would make it home.
At this point, it was his only option.
Phaedra Nikostratos, 17
District Two Female
For it is in passing that we achieve immortality. Through this we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all, infinite in distance and unbound by death. I release your soul and by my shoulder protect thee.
Though Phaedra didn't consider herself a devout believer of the Styxian faith anymore, she still remembered everything about the religion that had shaped her. Sometimes she wondered if she was nothing more than a being for them to mold and shape into what they wanted her to be. Nothing was ever a choice for her.
The Styxian faith originated from a woman named Styx who claimed to be blessed by light and darkness with the ability to see fate and all it held for those who believed. She was the sole member for a while, as Phaedra remembered the somber tales of Styx preaching to streets full of people that merely passed her by or laughed at her truth. But in a District where they were all expected to devote themselves wholly to the Capitol, they were left with an empty spot in their hearts and minds where they looked for answers about their own self worth, and where self worth was even supposed to fit into the equation.
"Everyone has a place among the Styxians," her mother would tell her, "because she met the Fates and they told her the truth. Everyone wants a place to belong and Styx gave them an answer."
Phaedra could empathize with that, but that's where the story took a turn for the worse. She could still vividly remember the first time she learned about the original Styx's fate, the way she and her most devoted followers were rounded up by Two and executed. Their ideals were too radical for the time and the District had an inherent distrust of any large groups of people that banded together. They were treated like entertainment for the public, the executions increasing in pain and level of horror. Beheadings escalated to disembowelment which escalated to the original Styx being pulled limb from limb, her teachings spilling from her lips until her head was ripped off of her body.
It was no wonder why Phaedra shook quietly in her seat for the rest of the sermon that day, wondering if that was the kind of thing that fate had in store for her.
The Fourth Styx was the leader of the religion for all of Phaedra's early life, taking over after denouncing The Third Styx for her blasphemous teachings. Styxians believed in the values of fate, water, the soul that each person had, the balance between light and darkness. The Third Styx tried to emphasize fire and death, but she was quickly turned into The Grim Styx and labeled a false prophet. She was drowned and turned to ash, quickly replaced by someone that wouldn't turn their religion into a mockery.
That didn't stop the Styxians' fall from grace, however, and the only thing that saved them was Phaedra herself.
An entire religion was on her shoulders from the day she was born and brought to The Fourth Styx, who proclaimed her to be the child of the prophecy, the child of gold that would win the Games and bring glory to all Styxians. That child of gold was meant to be an invincible warrior able to bring Styxia back into the light.
Phaedra had no memory of it, but her mother's eyes had glowed with joy as she recounted Phaedra's own baptism as a mere infant, held by a heel and dunked into the water. It made Phaedra feel like she was drowning in something she still didn't understand, still didn't want.
And with her destiny looming closer than ever, Phaedra wasn't sure what to do.
She'd barricaded herself in her room, perched on the side of her bed as she stared blankly at the curtain covering the window in her room. Phaedra had thought about opening it, as she was fairly certain that it was only transparent on her side, but she didn't have the energy to get up and do it herself.
Thoughts of Styxia had been swirling around her head all evening, though she didn't particularly want to think about the religion that had instilled in Phaedra that her only purpose was to bring them glory. Why did they have the right to define her life when she had no say about it? Every question she asked herself had no answer, and she felt like she was drowning once more, this time with no one to pull her out.
A knock startled her from her thoughts and she instinctively called out, "Who is it?"
Unsurprisingly, the response was, "Justus! Can I… can I come in?"
She quietly got up and crossed her room to unlock the door, standing aside to let him in. Justus blinked and stared at the door before moving far enough inside for her to shut it behind him.
"You locked the door," he pointed out, confusion laced in his words.
Phaedra didn't know how to answer him, instead stepping back to the bed and sitting down once again. Justus followed suit and she felt the bed dip beside her.
Uncomfortable silence between them was uncommon at this point, as they each were familiar with each other enough to know how to fill the silence and when no words were needed. But tonight, Phaedra had nothing to offer him, no explanations to fill in the gaps.
"I'm sorry," was all she could say, the words falling lamely from her lips.
"You, uh, don't have to be," Justus said quickly, squeezing his hands together in his lap. "You never have to be sorry with me. But, you know, you've helped me out a lot and we've been through a lot together and I'm pretty sure there's something wrong right now and I don't really want to leave you here alone until the bloodbath tomorrow because I really care about you and-"
"Justus," she cut in softly, making his eyes dart over to her nervously. "It's okay. Say whatever it is you have to say."
He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before trying again. "I guess I'm just trying to say that you've always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. And I can tell that there's something on your mind, so… I don't know… How can I help?"
The apology was already on her lips before Phaedra could force it back, an instant reflex to fill any silence. Her mother trained her well, after all.
Getting up, Phaedra moved to the other side of her bed and opened the curtains, exposing a floor to ceiling window that showed the expansive Capitol beyond. She sank down onto the floor and rested back against the bed, ignoring the way her body was already protesting the fact that she wasn't tucked under her covers and asleep. Instead, she just stared out at the twinkling lights that tried to choke out the stars in the night sky above, their dying lights making her chest ache in a way she didn't know how to explain.
Wordlessly, Justus followed her to sit down on the floor, his hands twitching in his lap as if they wanted to reach out for her. Sometimes it was as if there was a chasm between them, too far to ever cross, even when they were right beside each other.
Phaedra dug her nails into her hand. She wished more than anything that they would have more time, but Phaedra never had the luxury of getting what she wanted.
"Do you think they'll remember me?"
Her words were barely more than a whisper into the darkness, swallowed up before she could even think about taking them back. Phaedra stared up at the sky, wishing it would answer her.
"Why wouldn't they?" Justus asked, his tone unsure as if he wasn't sure what kind of response Phaedra was looking for.
She wasn't sure, either.
"My mother used to tell me that I'd be among the stars someday," she said, her chin tilted to the sky. "It was never a reassurance, simply a fact. A way of telling me that I was born for greatness, destined for greatness, and I'd have no way of fighting back. It was confirmation that I'd end up on a pedestal higher than ever before, too far above the ground to even hope for someone to reach me. Even though the night sky is a tapestry full of stars, they still seem lonely."
"I…I'm not sure I understand." Justus tilted his head to the side as he looked at her.
"Child of gold, invincible warrior, I've heard it all," Phaedra said, wrapping her arms around herself. "Just once I think I'd like to hear myself known as something besides a fighter. A lover, a friend, anything. Is it really my destiny to shine as brightly as a star only to remain alone in memory?"
Though Justus didn't say anything in response, his hand finally brushed against hers, and she gratefully linked them together. Some days, he was the only thing that kept her tethered at all. Otherwise, she could be pulled into the spotlight, getting all of the attention one could dream of but for none of the right reasons.
"They don't even know me," she said, her voice cracking as she spoke. "I'm nothing more than a piece to bet on, like some prized horse running its first race. My mother is proud of me, I know it, but I can't seem to be proud of myself. No matter how hard I try, all I can think about is that my destiny is out there, drawing closer as each day passes. Tomorrow is the bloodbath and they'll all be watching me, waiting for their golden girl to make the first move. My hands were already stained with blood once; how many more times will it happen?"
She looked to Justus, desperate for answers, but his eyes were soft with something she couldn't quite place. She stared down at her hands, trying to pretend like tomorrow they wouldn't be caked with blood once more. There would always be another Petra.
Justus rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand, his expressions indicating that he was listening but waiting for her to finish venting. She didn't understand how she'd ever gotten so lucky, but she'd never stop being grateful for him.
Tears pricked her eyes as she licked her lips, unsure of where tonight's musings were taking her. All she knew was that she was tired of destiny and the way it had only made her life more miserable.
"Am I doomed to be known as Phaedra the fighter, Phaedra the killer? Will that be all that I'm reduced to when I'm nothing more than ash? When I die, will no one be able to remember who I truly am instead of what they want me to be?"
"I'll know who you are," Justus said softly, squeezing her hand. "I'll remember every part of you. There's the spirit that loves to fight simply because you enjoy it and the training that goes along with it. There's your heart, so willing to give and give until it has nothing left for yourself. There are infinitely more pieces of you that no one could ever have gotten the chance to know, not even me, but that doesn't make you any less you. What's really on your mind here?"
Phaedra looked out the window once more, watching as cars whizzed by and wondering what any of them would say if they could see her now, having a crisis over her destiny the night before the Games. Would they even care?
"I'm scared they'll all remember my destiny to win the Hunger Games but none of them will remember my destiny to fall in love with you."
Blinking, Justus let a slow smile cross his face. "Destiny, huh?"
She nodded, words escaping her once again. Destiny was always a fact in her life, something that would be tied to her until her dying breath, whenever that happened to be.
"I don't know all that much about destiny," Justus said slowly, "but I know that I'd choose to fall in love with you again and again."
"Would you do it all again?" Phaedra asked suddenly. "Every last step, from Cardiff to the Fortuna Equestris to now?"
Without hesitating, Justus replied, "I would. I'd do it a million times if that's what it took."
"Maybe there's a version of us out there that got to meet under different circumstances, got to live without worrying about the Games or any destiny getting in the way," Phaedra mused. "It sounds easier that way."
"Maybe in another life," Justus agreed, nodding his head. "But our experiences shape up and I'm happy to be in love with this Phaedra. I wouldn't want to trade you for anything else."
With a soft laugh, she finally moved over enough to lean her head on his shoulder. "I wouldn't trade you for anything else either."
He wrapped an arm around her, leaning closer until his head was touching hers, a silent reassurance that he was right there and wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. Phaedra wasn't sure how much sleep either of them would get that night, but she didn't particularly care. The Games were only hours away and, while she still wasn't sure how the bloodbath would play out, she at least knew that Justus would be by her side through all of it.
"Come find me tomorrow," she whispered, her hand seeking out the ring on his finger and admiring it, the way it would forever bind them together.
"I always will," he murmured. "I promise."
Phaedra knew that together they could do anything. She just had to keep believing it.
check-in question(s) :) favorite tribute? predicted to win? who do you want to win?