"Not everyone is like Ace where the mark shows. With your scars, I can understand not wanting to show it off somewhere. Do you wear shorts? We could put it on your leg," Izo said, getting the black ink ready for the tattoo. Hawks had gotten that Commission tattoo, but it hadn't had any numbing medicine on it. This time, it would.
He wished he could be like Ace and show it off, but he was too self conscious to show his scars. Ace showed his own burn scar just fine, but Hawks wasn't as confident as him. In his home world, he always seemed confident, but it was a lie. An act. "I'll get it on my calf," he decided. The blonde was laying on his stomach, his wings drooping on either side of him to not block the lighting.
"Very well," Izo said, and washed off his leg. He shaved the hair off where the mark would go. Drawing the stencil of the mark, he waited for the pain. "Take these, now," he said, and handed Hawks some pills. Almost immediately, his body felt light and airy. He didn't even realize when the tattoo pen started to draw the outline of the Whitebeard mark.
This was tying him to the crew. And if he went back to his world, he'd still show it off. The outline didn't take too long. It would be filled in with red later. A wrap was put over it, and he was given directions on how to care for it properly. It did ache after the medicine wore off. He limped a bit, thanking Izo, and heading out of the tattoo room.
When he went out on deck, he saw Dabi and Ace sitting on the whale figurehead. Walking over, he sat next to them. They were talking about their childhoods. Ace and Dabi got along in a mopey way, not the cheerful way he did with Hawks. Ace had a wide range of emotions. Sometimes he was chipper and happy, and others he was brooding and grumpy.
"I never met my father, but his name fucked me over. Then there was my abusive grandfather. I had two brothers, but one was killed. My younger brother is also a pirate," Ace explained openly. Dabi had been there two weeks or so, and was having trouble adjusting even if he seemed very pleased with the food and his burns not in pain.
He didn't look crazy or grumpy much unless he was using his fire. On a battle against another pirate crew, he had a blast fighting. He had openly told Hawks when he was drunk that his dad was Endeavor. Hawks hadn't said anything afterwards when he was sober, keeping it to himself.
"My dad was abusive, too." It hurt hearing Endeavor was actually a terrible person. At least, he had been the majority of the time Hawks had admired him. "I wanted to ruin his life. I never got the chance before coming here."
"Since Roger was already dead when I was born, I killed people who insulted him and by extension, me. I was a nihilistic child. I even tried killing my own younger brother." Dabi looked shocked, and admitted he'd also tried to off his brother. Hawks knew that Ace had a troubled childhood. He didn't hide it.
Dabi surprised Hawks by asking for him to say his childhood. "You can't listen in on us without talking about yourself." Hawks didn't hide his past either. It was his old life. So he explained his abusive parents, and then how he was taken by the Commission and further abused. Mostly emotionally, but a lot of the time physically. "You're a good liar."
"I know. I was trained to be that way," Hawks replied. "My whole persona was fake. I'm not extremely confident, I don't like lying, I don't ever like following orders, I'm not very loyal. At least, I didn't used to be." Dabi looked truly surprised with a touch of anger. "I was lying to you, too. I was a spy to the Commission."
"You think I didn't know that?" Dabi scoffed. "Twice and Toga liked you, those idiots."
"Do you miss the League? Were they your friends?"
"I hated them all. Shigaraki the most. When we first met, I tried to kill him for being rude."
"Jeez, you're scary," Ace said. Dabi gave him an annoyed look. "Well, that was your old life. Oh hey! You got your mark!" Hawks grinned, and said it was started. "Too bad it's so small."
"Not everyone is proud of their scars," Hawks replied. Dabi made direct eye contact with him, and looked away. "Besides, I got flabby," he said, and lifted his shirt to show some of his stomach.
"That's not flabby, idiot. You just don't have a six pack. You know how much I work for this body? Sometimes I just want to give up on daily, two hour long workouts," he said honestly. "But then I look at all the fat people on the ship, and don't want to be out of shape like that. Dabi, you should bulk up."
"Why?" he asked in annoyance. Ace just shrugged. Dabi stood up, and said he was going to go take a bath. "You don't get to be offended every time someone takes a bath. You're the one who chose to not be able to swim," he said when Ace huffed. Then he walked away. Ace looked after him, and then turned to Hawks, asking if Dabi really had been a crazed arsonist.
The shorter but one older young man nodded. "He was a mess. Attacked children, did some shitty things. He acts different now. Though he avoids Whitebeard. I think he'd scared of him, at least a little bit." Ace nodded. "I'm going on a flight. I'll be back later." Ace waved him off as he flew away.
-x-
Learning that Marco had been a slave when he was young tipped Dabi over the edge. Ace, Thatch and Marco… they all had terrible pasts, or at least terrible childhoods. Yet here they were, happy and laughing every day. Enjoying life to the fullest. Making friends, important bonds.
Then why was Dabi such a mess? If he'd tried, could he have ever been this happy? Could he have moved on from his childhood, and not seeked revenge for a decade? Could he have let the past fade away so he could be happy? Laugh with friends, have fun, enjoy his life? Had he been wasting all that time, ruining his own life by becoming a villain?
It made him feel like he'd been wrong all this time. And seeing Hawks like this, so happy and jovial with people that had been strangers only weeks ago… Could he be that way? Did he want to go back home? Where he couldn't go most places without being recognized? He couldn't go to restaurants or shopping for his own clothes.
Was there any reason to think about Endeavor anymore if he would never see him again? Did he want to go back to be with other crazy people, or stay with this huge group of immature men? And did he want to officially accept being part of the crew? It took Hawks just a few days for the decision.
Dabi knew he'd never be Hawks or Ace. He'd never pull pranks. While the former pro hero used to use his feathers to save people and fight villains, he now used them for messing with people and goofing off. But could he enjoy his life a bit? Accept the friendships? Hawks had started calling Whitebeard "Pops" sometimes.
Everyone on the ship adored the captain. Sure, he was nice, but Dabi wasn't personally getting to know him. Seeing Hawks so happy made Dabi feel guilty. He wanted to get better, to change. But could he? Sometimes he just wanted to burn everything to the ground. Well, to the ocean. But thinking of killing these people who knew he'd been a bad person but were welcoming him anyways, he wouldn't do it.
While he was bathing, Marco came in. "Yo," he said.
"Hi," Dabi droned back.
"Are you okay?" Marco asked, sounding worried. A few weeks in and Dabi already wasn't getting mad when someone was concerned over him. Looking at the high ceiling, he didn't answer for a moment. Marco waited for him to speak, getting things ready for his shower. His choice of hair product and soap. It was less awkward without him not just staring and expecting an answer.
Dabi finally spoke. "Why do you call him your father? He's your boss, isn't he?" he asked in a sour voice. "And why are you all accepting me? I've done a lot of fucked up things. I killed a lot of people, helped others kill people. I helped burn a teenager camp down and kidnapped one of the students."
Marco was quiet for a moment, and Dabi looked over, face hard, not knowing what to expect. "Have you done any of those things to us?" Dabi shook his head. "And will you?" Marco was good at telling when someone was lying. Probably even better than Hawks was, even though he was trained in interpersonal matters. "Than I don't see a problem. We are criminals. We've eradicated many whole pirate and marine ships. We leveled their bases for fun. We've killed. The only thing the crew as never done was torture. Not even when we had a traitor. That caused a huge mess. I'll warn you: we don't tolerate traitors."
Dabi did not plan on attacking any of them. "I wanted to ruin my father's life and then kill him and my youngest sibling."
"Was your father anything like Whitebeard is?" Marco questioned. No, Endeavor was nothing like Whitebeard. The man accepted and cared for strangers, he called them his children and welcomed them to his home. Endeavor never loved or accepted his own kids, biological. He beat his wife and children. Neglected them, only doing damage to Shoto.
"No. Nothing like him."
"Then I see no problems. Just don't torture and we're cool. Don't betray our crew or our allies. Also, don't kill innocent people on our islands. Marines and enemy pirates, go all you want against them," Marco explained. "If you don't want us to look badly on you, just behave."
Scoffing, Dabi said, "I'm not too good at 'behaving' well."
"You have better manners than Ace does. You haven't killed anybody or injured any of us. Hawks was your enemy, and yet you get along with him well enough now. Anyone has the capability to change and become a better person. It seems you haven't even needed to try. What does that say about you?" Marco asked.
The former villain's eyes widened comically as he looked at the water. It was filtered sea water. He wasn't a good person, and he hated Marco insinuating that he was. It felt wrong. But he was right. It took little effort after the first day to not be a prick. Not have violent thoughts. Only two weeks had passed. Really, what did that say about him?
For a decade he'd been building his list of crimes and hateful, violent and uncontrollable feelings that manifested in killing people for fun and imagining fucking over his abusive father. But Endeavor wasn't here. The League wasn't here. His record and reputation weren't there.
It's a start over. Don't waste it, Hawks' voice said in his head. Dabi got out of the water, heating his body up to dry off, and then dressed. Izo had made him clothes that matched what he came with. Though leather pants weren't doable here. He got tight pants, but not leather. It was more comfortable.
Looking in the mirror, he touched his burnt face, the staples. He wished Marco's flames could get rid of them completely. But sometimes he forgot he had them. They didn't hurt all the time anymore, and nobody ever gave him looks like he was some freak or disgusting. The damaged beyond repair skin, purple and wrinkly, didn't seem to phase any of them.
He left the room before Marco came out of the shower, and headed to the galley for some food. When he got there, he saw Hawks sitting on the bench, passed out with his upper body draped over the table. His wings sagged. There were three bottles of sake in front of him. Dabi wondered what they'd been doing.
Then he watched Thatch come into the room with Haruta, who had a marker in his hand. They hadn't seen Dabi, seeming distracted and unable to use that observation haki. He wished he could learn that shit. Thatch pulled Hawks gently up, supporting his back, the young man still unconscious with red cheeks, completely smashed. Haruta then drew all over his face.
He gave him a beak and a poorly drawn dick on his forehead. Thatch was in his forties. It proved you don't need to get boring with age. He shook his head, and went to get food. "No! Dabi, get out of there!" Thatch commanded. He was anal about not letting non-cooks into his kitchen.
"I just want leftover chicken," Dabi said in slight annoyance.
"Bad boy! You should have asked me." The younger man's eye twitch at being called a "bad boy". But he didn't retaliate but for a glare. Thatch headed into the kitchen and got some leftovers from lunch and heated it up on the stove. They made well without a microwave. He missed TV and the internet. Hawks seemed fine without it.
It made Dabi realize just how bad Hawks had had it. He'd never known. He'd never seen any trace that the former pro hero hated his life. "Hey, come draw something! He won't be waking anytime soon," Haruta offered, wiggling the pen between his thumb and forefinger. The burnt man deliberated for a few long moments before he walked over.
He used the black marker to draw his visor around his eyes, and then filled in his eyebrows. It felt foreign. Goofing off and doing something ridiculous. He didn't laugh, though, and quickly went to the counter to eat his food. The Moby Dick's meals were a complete upgrade from all the microwaved shit he had since he wasn't good at cooking. And was too lazy to even try, really.
He left before Hawks woke up, so he wouldn't see his reaction.
When he did find out, he was very angry, and scrubbed his face so hard the skin was red and irritated. It wouldn't come out of his eyebrows. He was cranky the rest of the day, giving Haruta the death glare. Dabi had never seen Hawks angry, either. Even over all the insults thrown his way, he never looked angry. Yet here he was, letting himself feel emotions openly.
Dabi had insomnia, so he spent the nights before he felt crushingly exhausted in the library. He read mostly about this world's history. But when he went to bed, he watch Hawks laying on his bunk. Everyone was asleep. The winged man had all of his feathers in a sack under the bed. He'd said he never felt safe enough to do that in the old world.
He was hugging a pillow, one of his legs hanging off the bed. His hair was a mess and his shirt was riding up over his stomach. The blanket was loosely tangled around his legs. He was the picture of relaxed and vulnerable. Dabi changed into his sleep clothes behind the changing wall and then went to bed.
Looking at Hawks across the room from him, he wondered if he could ever be like him. Even though there was a real hint of pity - something he hadn't felt in a long time - Dabi was jealous. Rolling over on his other side, he fell asleep to the soft snores of the others in the room and the creaking of the ship.
Thank god he'd quickly gotten over the sea sickness. Besides when there was a storm.
-x-
Dabi slammed into the wooden deck below, grunting as he fell with a loud thud. He glared up at Ace, who hadn't broken a sweat. Dabi was soaked in it, his shirt off and exercise shorts on. He had asked Ace to teach him hand to hand, since he and Marco were the best on the ship, and Marco was busy with his duties. Standing up, rubbing the side of his face, he got back into the stance Ace showed him. He kicked and punched, but Ace moved easily, fast and flexible. He did a handstand and slammed his booted food into the junction between Dabi's neck and shoulder, making him grunt.
It had been going on for an hour and Dabi was extremely sore in the places he could feel pain. His surgical staples had been replaced with sea stone, which never bent or broke. They held on tightly, Whiskey (one of the nurses) had redone them quickly and efficiently. So, he had more stable staples to keep the burns in good shape. She also gave him ointment to rub on them at night.
It was embarrassing, but Hawks helped him reach the places on his back that he couldn't. It wasn't weird, and it felt like the shorter man wanted to be friends with him. Dabi accepted that he was being nice, but didn't want to be his friend. Though everyone already thought of him as a friend, which was a bit frustrating. It made him feel and unfamiliar sense of guilt for not returning the feelings.
"Alright, enough for today," Ace said. Dabi looked away, not expecting Ace to slam his foot into his face again. "Alright, now it's enough." The blue fire user looked at him in anger, but didn't blow up. Ace just smirked and walked away. Hawks chucked a water bottle at Dabi, who caught it and guzzled the whole thing.
He watched Hawks fly away to go talk to Whitebeard about going scouting for the next island. Dabi wasn't going to lie to himself. He was looking forward to seeing an island on this weird planet, in this aggressive ocean. They'd be arriving in a few hours. Ace was going with Hawks to scout out the shore on how to dock properly.
Dabi really wanted a Striker built for him, too. A small craft that was powered by Ace's flames. Almost like a jet ski. He stood on the little boat with perfect balance and shot flames out of his legs to propel him forward. And damn did Dabi want one for himself. He watched Hawks and Ace race off towards an island out of sight still.
"I hate not being the only one to fly anymore," Marco said from behind him. Dabi looked at him briefly before returning back to the ocean. "Ace was pretty rough with you, huh? He never holds back. He's always been ridiculously intense with fighting. Though it never worked on Pops, anyways. I think he got annoyed with that, even after joining, and likes to prove himself. Even three years after becoming one of us."
"I've had worse," Dabi said in a flat voice. "I know what it's like to want to kill someone and surpass them."
Marco just nodded. "Well, come with me and I'll explain how docking the ship works. Everyone has to help on deck and inside." Dabi didn't protest, and went with him to learn how he could help. And how he could help with getting supplies from islands. They needed new food, clean drinking water, bathroom products, tools and supplies for repairing the ship. He and Hawks, for this first visit, didn't need to help with restocking. They were allowed to roam the island, Dabi's first ever trip on land in this world.
He didn't protest to doing any work. He'd gotten used to be told what to do. Part of the same division as Hawks because they all thought the two would be more comfortable that way. While it did feel that way for Dabi, Hawks seemed perfectly fine to go off and do his own thing with everyone else.
When the bell for lunch tolled, Dabi went inside with all the others. The hallway was crammed as they went to the galley to eat whatever the cooks had made that day. The whole buffet style was great. Even if it was a long line, they got to get whatever they wanted, and there was always enough made.
Today was sub sandwiches, and Dabi piled things on his, and then went to sit alone. He usually sat with Ace or Hawks, but with both of them gone, he was on his own. Never had he realized he liked being around other people. Nice people. He was a shy extrovert who didn't know how to really hang out with a lot of people and be noisy and just open to others.
Even though they were docking and he was allowed to leave them to try and find his way back if he wanted, he had no plans to leave this ship or these oddly welcoming pirates. So he ate his food and then headed outside. He climbed into the crowsnest and sat on the bench, looking out at the sea. He waited until the island came into view. It was a snow island. Dabi hadn't ever actually been in the snow, so he was secretly looking forward to a very new experience. Hawks and Ace came over, and while Ace was completely fine and warm. Hawks was shivering and rushed inside before coming out with a thick jacket and pants. There were cuts in the jacket for his wings to poke out.
Everyone put on winter clothes. Izo was slightly ridiculous with his fancy kimono outfits, so it was weird for once to see him dressed like normal. Dabi wondered how on earth kimonos existed in both worlds. Some things overlapped, and he liked to secretly hypothesize what really happened, where they were, if it was a dream or hallucination.
Hawks flew up and landed on the side of the crowsnest. "It's fucking cold. I've never been to a place this cold."
"Sucks for you," Dabi drawled. "You look like a kid. That jacket is too puffy. You're too short to not look weird."
"Asshole. It's not like I can just go shopping for fancy clothes. Ace gave this to me, of course it's baggy. That dude is tall and buff," Hawks said, but didn't sound especially angry. "Wanna explore with me?" he asked. For some reason, Dabi's cheeks turned red. "Oh, did I embarrass you? It's not like it's a date. After all, if you join the Whitebeards, we'd be brothers. Incest is kind of weird."
Dabi's face flamed and he shoved Hawks over the side. But Hawks came back just fine, unhurt. "Don't say stupid shit like that. Plus, it's not like we'd be blood related, incest isn't possible on this ship you freak."
"Haha, did I push a button?"
"No, you just disgusted me," Dabi replied curtly. Hawks snickered again, and asked a second time if he wanted to see the island together. "...Fine. But don't make it weird."
"Yeah, yeah. I know you can't take a joke, sorry," the shorter man said. When the island came into view, Ace was ordering his division to be smart about the icebergs that showed up. It was freezing when it had been perfectly warm before then. There was a large, puffy cloud that covered the island, dumping snow. Their breaths left puffs of steam in the air. Dabi saw Hawks' feathers start quivering. He was cold, and his wings didn't like it. He wasn't meant to be a snow bird.
He said, "Why don't you leave your wings here? Then you won't be so cold."
"If there's enemies on the island, I'd be helpless."
"I'd be there anyways," Dabi said off handedly. Hawks didn't reply for a moment, and the arsonist turned to see him contemplating. "What?"
"Did you just offer to protect me from enemies?" Hawks asked bluntly. Dabi froze, realizing that was what he was implying. He'd never protected anyone before. He never cared about the wellbeing of others. Not enough to be their shields or anything. Hawks just stared. Unlike Marco, who was good at giving privacy and patience to Dabi in conversations, Hawks just stared, face a blank mask. Dabi didn't know what he was feeling.
But he finally replied. "I guess I am. This place has fucking twisted me."
"In a good way, though," Hawks replied. Dabi didn't say anything back, though he felt heat travel up his burnt neck and cheeks. You couldn't see the blush anywhere but a small portion of his face, but he could feel the heat under his skin, and not like his usual heat from his fire quirk. They waited in the crowsnest until they were called down to help with docking.
They did is as they were told, and then pirates started to get off the ship. Marco walked over to the both of them, with Hawks impatient and planning to fly Dabi over, and handed them both a sack of coins. "Spending allowance," he said curtly, and started handing out the same sized sacks to all the other pirates waiting in line.
Hawks smiled. They'd both learned currency compared to what they were used to, so spending money wouldn't be an issue. Hawks grabbed Dabi around his chest from behind, and flew them over. The older one shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to see, scared of heights like this, and only opened them when they stepped on land.