Title: Goodbye, Eddie
Rating: T
Pairings/Characters: Steve/Danny, Eddie, Junior
Warning: character death (Eddie), talk of the afterlife
Word Count: 3,641
Notes: So, this was a hard story to write, and I know it might not be everyone's cup of tea, but please be kind in your reviews.
Goodbye, Eddie
Danny was in New Jersey when he got the call from Junior. "Eddie's gone."
He closed his eyes and felt a rush of pain. "How is he?"
"Steve is Steve. He's putting up a good front, stuffing his emotions down. But…"
"But he's hurting," Danny finished. He was already opening up his laptop so he could see when the next flight to Hawaii was leaving. "I'm going to get a flight. I'll let you know when it's supposed to get in."
"Steve wouldn't want you leaving your family and rushing back," Junior tried.
"Well, Steve can't always get what he wants. I'll text you my flight details. Just keep an eye on Steve. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."
"I'll try, but I'm not a miracle worker."
Danny smirked. "I know. Do your best." He disconnected and focused on finding a flight.
He loved his parents, but they didn't quite understand why he was rushing back to Hawaii because of the death of a dog."
"I'm not going because Eddie died. I'm going because Steve lost another living being that he loves, and despite the fact we all knew this day was coming soon, it won't make it any easier for him. And I need to be there for him."
Danny tried not to evaluate why it was so important that he was there, when all of Five-0 could be there for Steve.
No matter how much Steve loved his Ohana, the only one that he might truly allow himself to be vulnerable around was Danny. And Danny had to be there for when Steve's emotions finally got the better of him.
xXx
When Danny saw Junior at the airport, he quickly walked over to the younger man. "How is he doing?"
"Well, as good as can be suspected."
"Has Eddie been buried already or…"
"No, he hasn't. Eddie is still in the spot he was when Steve found him this morning. It's part of what has me so worried."
Danny nodded. It had been over ten hours already. "Has Steve made any plans? Does he want Eddie to be buried in the backyard? Cremated?"
"I don't know. Steve hasn't said, and frankly, I'm a little worried that Eddie might start getting a bit ripe if something isn't done soon."
Danny sighed. "Take me to him."
Junior led the way out of the airport and to where he was parked in short-term parking.
Danny nervously tapped his leg as Junior sped down the street. He clenched the fabric of his pants as Junior took a right turn sharply. "I see you've been taking lessons from McGarrett's School of Driving. Just get us to the house in one piece. Please," he begged.
Junior didn't acknowledge that. But they did pull up safe and sound to the McGarrett house. So that was something.
Danny got out and didn't bother going inside. He knew where Steve went when he was upset. He went around to the back of the house and sure enough, Steve was on the beach, sitting on a towel on the sand as he looked out at the ocean. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and his arms rested on the top of them.
Danny was actually surprised he wasn't swimming, punishing his body with bruising physical activity.
Danny walked out onto the beach and stopped right behind him. He didn't say anything.
Steve knew he was there, though. "Junior shouldn't have called you. There was no reason for you to cut your trip short."
"No reason? No reason he says," Danny muttered without his usual hand gesturing. "My best friend is hurting. That's reason enough to be here."
"It's just a dog," Steve muttered. The hurt was clear in his voice, though.
"Don't say Eddie was just a dog. He deserves more recognition than that. Eddie was one of the bravest dogs I've known. He was loyal and always there for us when we needed his help on a case. He was a dog we could depend on, right up until the end."
Steve put his head down on his lap.
Danny knew he was trying to hide his tears. "Don't hide from me," he whispered, knowing to watch his step so he didn't spook the other man.
"It's just a dog. It's not like losing a person." He was battling with himself, feeling guilty for being so hurt by the death of Eddie.
"Steve," Danny knelt down and placed a soft hand on his back. "It's not just a dog. Eddie was ohana. Just like people can be. And sometimes, dogs are better than people. Dogs love unconditionally and provide unwavering loyalty. The same can't always be said for people."
Steve finally looked at Danny. "Except you. I've never doubted your loyalty or support."
"And I'm here now. So let me be here for you."
Steve went into Danny's arms and allowed himself to be hugged. "I knew Eddie would die soon. It was bone cancer. And it was too far along for treatment to do any real good. So I knew our time together was coming to an end, but…" He swallowed a sob.
Danny held him tightly. "Knowing doesn't make it easier to deal with when it happens."
"Last night," Steve whispered, "he wouldn't get up for dinner. He just laid in his bed and stared at me with such sad eyes. I think he knew it was his last night with me."
Danny nodded, but stayed silent, letting Steve get whatever he needed to off his chest.
"I think I knew too. I sat down with him. I had Junior make a steak on the grill. I wanted to give him a good meal. When Junior brought it in, I hand-fed Eddie, and he only ate about half of it. So I put it aside, and just stayed with him. I rubbed his belly until he fell asleep. But even when he was asleep, I didn't leave his side. I just wanted to be with him, so he wasn't alone when it happened. I'm not even sure what time it was this morning when I felt him stop breathing. It was so sudden. One second he was breathing, and the next second, nothing. He was just gone."
Danny continued holding him. "Eddie was a wonderful companion. And he knew he hit the jackpot when he met you because there was no one, after his last handler's death, that would give him the love and loyalty that you would, and that you did. And Eddie never once doubted how much you cared for him. And he had his favorite person with him when he passed on in the comfort of his home."
Steve nodded against Danny's chest. "It still hurts that I couldn't save him from the cancer. Just like I couldn't save Aunt Deb from her cancer."
"There was no enemy for you to shoot, Steve. There was nothing you could have done. Even the veterinarian since treatment might prolong his life about six months, but there would be no quality of life. The extra six months would be pain-filled. You did the right thing by letting him go. And he went peacefully in his sleep. That was the best we could have hoped for."
Steve pulled back. "I never used to like dogs. I was always a cat person. You knew that. But Eddie was special. There was something about him that just tugged me in."
"Both of you lost people you loved because of the job. Maybe you two found kindred spirits in each other."
Steve nodded. "Maybe." He paused. "I don't even believe in an afterlife. Unless I can see something and prove it, I don't believe in its existence. But if there is an afterlife, I hope Eddie is running free without any pain. And maybe he has been reunited with his old handler, Lazio."
Danny wasn't sure if he believed in an afterlife either, but he would like to think there was something after this. "And one day, if there is an afterlife, you'll be reunited with him as well."
"At least he's no longer hurting," Steve whispered as tears pooled in his eyes once again.
"Just remember that," Danny muttered, pressing his lips against Steve's forehead, not drawing attention to the tears that were streaming down Steve's cheeks.
They stayed like that for a while. Steve lost in his thoughts and memories of Eddie, while Danny watched Steve.
When ten minutes turned into twenty minutes, and twenty minutes turned into thirty, Danny broke the silence. "I really hate the fact that I have to bring this up. But what do you want to do with Eddie? Something needs to be done before…" he trailed off.
"Before he starts smelling like a rotten corpse," Steve finished.
Danny winced. "I didn't want to say that, but he will start to smell soon, if he hasn't already."
"I know. I just hated the thought of burying him in the backyard. That doesn't feel right. What if I decide to sell the house or leave Hawaii one day? That means I'd be leaving him."
"Then what about cremation? That way, no matter where you go, you can take him with you."
Steve choked on a watery laugh. "It sounds so morbid when you put it like that."
"It's not morbid. You love Eddie, and it makes sense that you don't want to put him in a place you might have to say goodbye to him."
"Okay, I want to do the cremation."
"Do you want me to call the veterinarian?"
Steve clutched Danny's arm. "Don't leave." He sounded so broken.
Danny took out his cell phone and sent a text to Junior. When he got the okay, he put his phone away. "Junior will call the veterinarian and arrange everything. All we have to do is get Eddie ready."
Steve nodded and forced himself into a standing position. Danny followed suit and together, they walked back to the house. When they got to Steve's bedroom, Steve paused, his hand to the door.
"I can go in there alone if you want," Danny offered.
Steve shook his head. "No, I need to do this for Eddie." He pushed the door open.
Danny's breath caught at the sight of Eddie. If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought Eddie was simply sleeping. Steve grabbed a blanket from the closet. ("Eddie's favorite blanket," Steve had murmured lovingly.) And together, they bundled it around Eddie.
"How do you want to do this?" Danny asked.
"The two of us together should be able to carry him to the truck."
Junior knocked lightly on the doorframe. "Dr. Shaw said that if we call the pet cremation service, they'll come and pick up Eddie. They'll take care of everything for us."
Danny nodded. "Steve, what do you want to do?"
"They may not treat Eddie with the respect he deserves. I want to bring him there. Text me their address."
Junior nodded. "Got it."
Steve stared at Eddie.
Danny knelt down next to Eddie. "Okay, on three. One, two, three."
And together, Steve and Danny lifted Eddie. Junior rushed over, ready to help if it was needed, but the partners managed to get Eddie outside and to Steve's truck on their own. Junior helped them get Eddie into the bed of the truck, keeping Eddie covered with the blanket, in order to protect him from the elements on the drive over to the pet cremation provider.
"I'll call them so they know to expect you," Junior promised after he sent the text to Steve's phone.
Danny clapped Junior on the shoulder. "Hold down the fort while we're gone." And when Steve was in the driver's seat, Danny whispered, "And try to stop everyone from worrying. When we're back, the last thing Steve is going to want is to be ambushed by the team."
Junior nodded. "Will do, Sir."
Danny rolled his eyes. "Again with the 'sir."
Danny got in the truck on the passenger side. Steve handed him the phone. "Just tell me when to turn."
Danny looked down at the GPS map with the address. Besides his directions, the car ride was quiet. Steve, for once, drove the speed limit, and Danny knew it was to keep from jostling Eddie too much in the back.
When they arrived at the pet crematory provider and parked, someone rushed out of the door with a gurney just as Steve got out of the truck.
Danny got out and watched as Steve opened the truck bed, jumped up, and carefully transferred Eddie to the gurney. As Eddie was taken in, a woman came out to meet them.
"Hello, I'm Nikki. And I just want to say that I'm sorry for your loss."
Steve got down from the truck. "Thank you. I've never had a pet before Eddie, so I'm not exactly sure what happens now."
Nikki nodded. "That's understandable. So, we offer the chance for the owner to watch the cremation."
Danny shook his head. "Steve, this is only my opinion, and you can tell me it's none of my business, but I don't think that's a good idea for you to see it. You won't ever be able to unsee it."
Steve closed his eyes. "I agree. I want to remember Eddie as he was. I don't want to watch it."
"Okay, that's no problem. You'll be able to pick out an urn for Eddie to be put in, and he'll be ready to pick up within three days. We'll also provide you with a preserved paw print."
Steve nodded. "Okay."
"The price will be based on Eddie's weight and—"
"I don't care about the price. Danny will give you whatever information you need. Is it okay if I go say one last goodbye to Eddie?"
Nikki nodded. "And you can pick out the urn while you're in there. Just tell any one of the techs which one you want for Eddie."
Danny watched as Steve trudged inside. He sighed.
"He's lucky that he has such a supportive partner to help him through this loss."
Danny thought about denying the fact they were partners because he knew Nikki meant it as romantic partners, but there was no point. Frankly, trying to explain their unique relationship caused more headaches than it was worth. "I just wish I knew how to help him. Steve has lost people. He has lost a lot of people. Too many people in fact. But he never had a pet before Eddie and they met each other so late in Eddie's life, so they didn't have a lot of time together. And I feel like this is hitting him harder in some ways because of their reduced time together. And the fact that it was an illness and nothing for Steve to fight…" He sighed, running a hand through his hair and messing it up from its normally perfect style.
"I've lost a few pets. It never gets easier. People who never had pets don't understand the deep-seated bond between a pet and their human. Everyone grieves in their own way. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. As long as Steve isn't hurting himself or others. The only thing you can do is be there for him, and make sure he knows that you're there for him. Having someone there goes a long way with helping."
"Thank you. Let me give you Steve's number and anything else you need." Once that was done, Danny offered his credit card, so Steve didn't have to worry about it. "We usually take care of that when the pet is picked up."
Danny thought about it. "Can you put my card on file then? I just don't want Steve to worry about it."
Nikki took the card and quickly jotted down the information that was needed.
He slid his card back into his wallet as Steve walked out. His eyes were puffy, and Danny's heart ached and the absolute hurt that was pictured on Steve's face.
"Hey."
"Let's go home," Steve muttered.
Danny was about to risk his life and say that maybe Steve shouldn't drive, when he was surprised by Steve passing him the car keys. His shock must have shown on his face.
"Even I know when I shouldn't drive."
Danny got into the truck.
Nikki shook Steve's hand. "I'll call when Eddie is ready for pick up."
"Thank you," Steve muttered before he got into the passenger side of the truck.
They were quiet the whole drive. When they got back to the house, Danny asked, "What do you want to do?"
"I feel like I need some sleep."
"That sounds like a good idea," Danny agreed.
When Steve got out and Danny followed suit, Steve hesitated just before he entered the house. "Danny, I'd hate to ask this, but could you come stay with me for a little bit in my room? At least until I fall asleep."
Danny didn't hesitate. "Of course. Whatever you need."
"Thank you."
Danny nodded to Junior when they entered the house, and he followed Steve to the bedroom.
They got comfortable on the bed. As comfortable as they could at least while wearing jeans.
And Danny watched as Steve's eyes drifted closed. Even after he was sleeping, Danny didn't leave. He wanted to be near in case Steve needed him.
xXx
It was two days later when Steve went to pick up Eddie.
Danny offered to go with him, but Steve shook his head. So, he spent the next couple of hours pacing, hoping Steve was okay, and only when he heard the familiar rumble of the truck was Danny able to relax.
When Steve came in, he walked over to the place he had already cleared for Eddie. It was the shelf right about the television. Steve placed the urn, one that was handcrafted and dark cherry wood, on the shelf.
He stepped back to stare at it. He nodded to himself before he looked at Danny. "You didn't have to pay."
Danny shrugged. "It wasn't that big of a deal. You gave him so much of your time and love. This was something I could do for Eddie." 'And you,' he added in his head even if he didn't say it out loud.
"On Eddie's last night, I made him a promise."
"What was it?"
"That I wouldn't waste any more time being scared."
"What is Steve McGarrett, Navy Seal Extraordinaire, scared of?"
"Risking my heart." He took a deep breath. "Danny, you've been there for me. Even at the very beginning when I forced you to be my partner. You have never let me down. You are the one person that has remained loyal to me. You've never lied to me, and I never doubted your motives. I can't imagine my life without you."
"You'll never have to," Danny promised.
"I hope so. And I hope it still holds true after this." He licked his bottom lip. "I've always been more of an action person instead of a words person as you know." He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Danny's.
It was a hard kiss, full of love and sheer want.
Danny returned it, letting his body take over. When Steve's tongue probed at the seam of Danny's lips, he easily opened them to Steve's exploration.
Danny groaned in desire.
He should have known Steve would be good at kissing. He was good at just about everything he did.
Although Steve the Navy Seal was able to hold his breath for long periods of time, Danny didn't have the same skill and was forced to pull back to take in much-needed gulps of air.
He panted as he held Steve close, not wanting to let him go any time soon. "So, you told Eddie you'd kiss me?" he asked, their noses lightly touching as they breathed in each other's air.
"I told Eddie I'd tell you how I feel. That I wouldn't let my fear of your reaction stop me."
"Technically, you still haven't told me anything. That kiss could have meant something completely different."
Steve rolled his eyes. "Danial Williams, you're an exasperating man. Who sometimes talks too much. And who complains too much all of the time. But I still love you. I'm in love with you. And I can't imagine being in love with anyone else."
"Steven McGarrett, if I'm exasperating, then you're maddening. You are a control freak. And if it isn't your way, you pout like a two-year-old. But I'm still in love with you. So much. And I can't imagine loving anyone else either."
They pressed their lips together in another kiss. And when it broke, they held each other. Steve's eyes were on the urn.
"Thank you for being here for me," Steve whispered,
"There's nowhere else that I'd want to be." He paused. "Eddie was a wonderful dog. And he will be missed by all of us."
Steve nodded. "Yes. And even with his dying breath, he found a way to help me. He got me to finally come clean about my feelings for you. There will never be another Eddie."
Danny pressed a kiss to Steve's forehead. "No, there won't be."
He thought that maybe Steve would be interested in getting another dog in the future, but he knew now wasn't the time to ask. In a few weeks, when the pain wasn't quite as sharp, he'd bring up the idea to Steve. He'd remind Steve that even if he found another dog to love, Eddie would not be forgotten. But he'd wait until he thought Steve would be receptive to the idea.
For now, Danny would just be there for Steve as he mourned the loss of a wonderful companion.
Note: Eddie's death is coming from my experience. One of my dogs, Lacey, passed away from bone cancer when she was two years old. It happened when I was away at university, so I never got to say goodbye to her. I was only able to watch her as she got sicker through the webcam video. It was why it was important for me that Steve got to be with Eddie in the end, to say the goodbye that I never got to say.