*2 months later*

"Not pregnant…again."

Olivia sat on the bed next to jay holding back her tears and frustration. Yet again the couple sat with the disappointing news that they had failed to conceive.

"Well, we'll just keep trying. It'll happen." Jay said, trying to be positive.

Olivia stood from the bed and rolled her eyes.

"I have to get to work." She said in a monotone.

"Ah, ah, ah, don't do that."

"Don't do what?" She scoffed.

"Don't do that thing where you shut me out and you let your mind get the best of you."

"That's not what I'm doing."

"It is, I know the signs clear as day now."

Jay had convinced her to be his plus one to some army event he was obligated to go to. He was dressed in his army greens laughing it up with some people at the table. Olivia felt way undressed in her simple black dress and heels. Jay failed to mention it was black tie for accompanied guests. Every other woman and partner at the event was dressed incredibly prestigious. She sat picking her nails or at her dress, slowly sipping champagne, smiling and nodding.

She politely excused herself and headed to the restroom. Staring at herself in the mirror, taking calming breaths and composing herself. She touched up her face, and primped her hair, smoothing out her dress before leaving the safety of the restroom and running smack into Jay.

"Oh geez, I wasn't expecting you to be standing there." She apologized.

"Are you alright? You're really quiet."

"Oh yeah, it was just a long day. I think I'm gonna head home."

"Yeah, we can go-"

"No, no, you stay. Enjoy the night."

"I drove you here, I'm gonna take you home."

"There are plenty of cabs out front."

Olivia was slowly making her way to the front of the building.

"Liv-"

"Have fun, thanks for asking me to come with you."

She was out the door and in a cab before he could even blink. He returned to the party for a little while, and once his texts and calls had gone unanswered, he began to worry. Jay left and headed to Olivia's house. All the lights were off and she wasn't answering the door. It was possible she was sleeping but she never ignored her phone when it came to him, and the spare key she hid for him wasn't in its spot, meaning she took it inside on purpose.

Jay waiting four days. Four days of no contact, no texts, no calls. When he'd shown up to her job, the girls had been confused to see him. Olivia wasn't there, and she hadnt been there in four days. Home sick they said. Jay asked if they'd heard from her and they all said barely, but for her to be home sick she must be really sick.

Yet again, jay went to her house, pounding on her door, begging for her to open up. Just when he was about to give up and head down the stairs of the porch he heard her. Her voice frail and broken.

"Please go away."

"Olivia,' he questioned, 'hey, it's me. Open the door."

"I don't want to. Please leave."

"I need to know you're alright."

"I'm good."

She was such a stubborn ass.

"Not good enough, open the door."

"Jay-"

"I'll break it down if I have to."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me. Kicking in doors is a specialty."

There was a pause of silence and then the clicking of locks turning before the door cracked open.

"Happy, now you can go."

Jay pushed the door open, forcing her to not be able to hid behind it. His heart breaking at the sight of her.

"Oh Livi.'' He sighed.

"Don't…don't look at me like that."

"I'm-"

"You're pitying me. Stop it. Go home Jay."

He frowned at her response.

"I am home."

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"You don't live here, contrary to popular belief."

Jay slowly walked into the house.

"Talk to me beautiful, what's going on?"

"I just want to be left alone! I'm sure you can find some Barbie from the other night to keep you occupied!"

Jay furrowed his brow and then tilted his head and smirked.

"Why are you smirking? Stop fucking smirking at me."

Jay smiled even harder.

"If you're gonna fucking laugh at me, you can leave you fucking dick."

Jay chuckled and then settled himself on the couch.

"That New York accent really is showing."

"Jay-"

"You're cute when you're jealous."

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks.

"Jealous…I'm not jealous."

"Uh-huh sure you're not."

"I'm not."

"Rrrriiiigggghhhttt."

"I'M NOT JEALOUS! I'M INSECURE! ITS COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENT! WHY WOULD YOU BRING ME WHEN I LOOK…LIKE-LIKE THIS." She screamed.

Jay sat a tad wide eyed.

"Well I was way off." He stated.

Olivia huffed and made her way to her closet.

"I don't have time for this I need to go."

Jay caged her in and she gave him an annoyed glare.

"You've been deflecting ever since you got home and ive been tip toeing around it but now it's enough. Use your words."

"Use my words? Who am I, James?"

"No, so stop acting like our child."

"You're a pain in my ass."

"Why wont you talk to me!" Jay shouted.

"I HAD A PREGNANCY SCARE!' She yelled then lowered her tone, 'there, is that what you wanted to hear. That while you were gone I had a pregnancy scare and while I was waiting for those stupid little pee sticks to determine my fate and begged god for me to not be pregnant. And because I did that this is my karma. Happy now?"

"Oh Livi-"

"Just stop, let me go to work, please."

She ducked under his arm, and jay gently caught her wrist.

"This isn't karma."

"Oh really, then what is it?"

"I think it's because we're trying too hard. Let's just let the chips fall where they may."

"Easy for you to say, you don't have a broken vagina." She muttered.

Jay let out a hearty laugh.

"No, no broken vagina, but who knows maybe my dick is broken."

"Too magical to be broken." She muttered.

"Magical, huh?"

"Kiss me goodbye already. I'm gonna be late and wont have time to stop for coffee."

"Fine, fine,' jay leaned down to capture her lips in a searing kiss, 'my lips and my magical dick wish you a good day."

"Jackass."

During most of her day at work, olivia thought about what Jay said. Maybe they were trying too hard. But could the universe really blame them. Sometimes she felt like they're luck was starting to run out, that much time wasn't left. Just when they felt like they finally had their footing, something would come along and flip them upside down.

But maybe these were signs from the universe. Maybe they weren't meant to have children of their own, maybe James was all they needed. Maybe they were destined to adopt more kids, which she wasn't opposed to. They would be changing a child's life and giving them all the love they had to offer.

They could try IVF or a surrogate. But both options, pricy, and emotional taxing. The wheels in her head spun furiously and she couldn't understand why life was this hard. After everything she'd been through why couldn't she just catch a break. Olivia knew she needed to talk to Jay when she got home, and explain how she felt, and most likely break his heart at the same time.

When olivia got home she noticed it was too quiet the second she opened the front door. She toed off her shoes and placed her bag down. Rounding the corner from the foyer, the lights in the living room where dim, the tv played something low, the electric fireplace was on and Jay was lighting candles.

"What's all this?" She asked.

Jay turned to her and smiled.

"I happen to know that there is an Islander game on tonight, and they happen to be playing the Blackhawks."

"Jay, I'm tired-"

"I know, I know. That's why it's just you, me, some pizza, some beers and the game. No hidden agendas, no baby conversations. Just us, like this, how we used to watch the games."

"And our son?" She questioned.

"In his room, hopefully falling asleep, and he promised to stay in his room so mommy and daddy could have some time alone."

Olivia smiled softly and jay extended a hand to her.

"What do you say Livi?"

Olivia placed her hand in his.

"That you better have gotten me pizza with black olives and pepperoni."

Jay chuckled.

"As gross as I think it is, yes I got your favorite."

The two sat closely on the couch watching the game.

"Thank you." She said softly.

"For what?"

Olivia glanced up at him.

"Everything. I know this hasn't been easy for you and ive never asked how you're holding up."

"Me, oh I'm fine."

Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"If you're making me be all emotional and in my feels, then you should be too."

"Okay, okay. Ill admit, every time that test says negative my heart breaks a little. Yeah I want it to be positive, more than anything, but it's the sadness that over comes your face that breaks my heart. You've got a terrible poker face babe. Between you being taken, barely surviving and now this, I just want the universe to look at us and say 'yeah they need a break' but that's not who we are. We're fighters, and we'll make it through this, we always do."