Louie was not doing well. His nerves had been shot since the accident, weeks ago at this point, and even though he put on a mask and said that everything was fine he was riddled with anxiety. And when Mo started high school that anxiety spiked to an all-time high.
"Louie?" Boyd asked one morning when Mo had gotten on the bus and left them for the day. Louie had swapped his schedule around a bit to spend more time with his family, but today he seemed resigned to not go to work at all, not moving from his spot at the breakfast nook.
Louie glanced up and then back down, and Boyd moved to sit next to him, wrapping an arm around Louie.
"Louie do you want to talk about whatever's been going on? Because… Well, I know not everything is okay, no matter what you say."
"No, I'm fine."
"Louie," Boyd sounded a little stern then, "Don't lie to me."
"Stop saying my name like that."
"Like what?"
"Like, at all. Sounds like we're fighting when you keep using my name like that. And we're not fighting. Everything is fine."
"We're not fighting," Boyd said, fighting to keep the irritation out of his voice, "But I need you to talk to me."
Louie rested his head on Boyd's shoulder.
"I worry about him when he's at school. I worry that something's going to happen, that something bad is going happen and he's going to get hurt again. I don't have any control when he's gone. I can't do anything, I can't help him. What if he gets into a fight with a bigger kid, or in trouble with a teacher, or what if he stumbles into something dangerous?"
"Dangerous? Like, what? Louie, what happened at the mall was a fluke, you said it yourself. He's safe at school, nothing is going to happen to him."
"I just… I don't know. He's curious, and he never seems to know when to stop. What if he gets into something he shouldn't?"
Boyd didn't say that Mo got that from Louie, the not knowing when to stop. Louie was still going, even now, trying to control things, just like...
"Like Jailbird?" Boyd asked.
Louie bristled.
"He doesn't need to know about that."
"But I had to tell him about Silverwing?" Boyd crossed his arms.
"That's different! That's the present day, that affects him. Who I used to be shouldn't affect him."
"But it does, Louie. It's the whole reason he's part of our life."
"Stop it! We're not fighting!"
"Lou, you're the one who's yelling…"
Louie pulled away, tears beginning to pool in his eyes.
"Why can't I just bury him? Why can't Jailbird just be dead?"
Boyd was quiet, feeling guilty.
"It's been ten years, Boyd, I've been good, better than good. I've made a difference. But no matter how much I do there's always something that reminds me of who I was. Like I can't escape. How much longer do I have to run away from the past?"
"Maybe that's the problem. That you're running away. You weren't able to grieve and move on from your mom until you accepted the consequences of her actions and the good and bad parts of her life. Maybe… Maybe you need to mourn who you were. Because he is gone now, he's not you anymore. But he was. And maybe you need to recognize that and accept it. Maybe you should tell Mo."
"That's exactly the kind of thing I don't want Mo figuring out," Louie whispered, afraid of how Mo would see him if he knew.
"But it would be so much worse if he found out on his own."
"I need to get ready for work, take a shower and clear my head. Thanks, Boyd. I'll think about it." Louie didn't want to fight. He had to shut this down, he had to make sure that everything was fine.
Louie wasn't the only one whose head was busy that day. Mo was kind of going through it at school, the first tests of the year kicking his ass (a word he was not allowed to say) and his friend groups fraught with drama.
When he'd been little, he thought it had been nice that his best friends got along. Now, Paige and Leo didn't click as much. They had their cliques and similar but opposite bi energy and it seemed like at any moment they were going to break out into a choreographed dance battle.
"He's so arrogant," Paige muttered, stabbing a bite of her lunch as Leo chatted loudly nearby with his basketball buddies.
"I don't actually get why you hate him, babe," Kimber said, stealing one of Paige's fries while Mo wilted on the other side of Paige.
"He makes his friendship seem exclusive, like you have to be special to join his little club. People should be able to be friends with whoever they want."
"You don't have to be friends with my cousin, Paige."
"Good, because I'm not. He can take one of those basketballs and shove it-"
Mo got up then "I need to use the bathroom. Be back." He grabbed his backpack, with no intention of coming back, and Kimber changed the subject to date night as he wandered off.
"High school is exhausting," Mo muttered to himself, stumbling into the bathroom as he'd said he would. He didn't know why it was always so undeservedly tiring. Juggling his friendships was hard, classes were hard, even his hobbies were hard. He didn't even want to go to his debate team practice today. Maybe he could skip it and just take the bus…
The bathroom stunk of pot, which made Mo's head hurt. Was there anywhere in this damn school where he could have a moment's peace? Maybe the library…? He left the bathroom as fast as he'd gone in and attempted to go to the library, only to be stopped by a teacher demanding a hall pass. High school really was the worst.
Mo came home in a foul mood, which his dads picked up on right away.
"Bug, what's wrong?" Louie asked, worst-case scenarios running through his mind.
"Don't call me that, I'm not three anymore," Mo snapped.
"Sorry, Mo."
"And watch your tone," Boyd added.
Mo just grumbled incoherently in response.
"Come on, Morio, tell us what's wrong so we can help you. Did something happen at school?"
"High school is stupid! Science class is stupid and Paige and Leo's little feud is stupid!"
"Science is stupid?" Boyd asked, professionally hurt.
"Wait, Leo and Paige are fighting?" Is what Louie decided to focus on.
"Yeah," Mo said, kicking the kitchen counter a little.
"What about?"
"The hell if I know," Mo muttered.
"Morio, language," Louie caught that one.
"Whatever. I just thought my best friends could get along because I'm worth it. But it doesn't matter."
"Well, friendship is complicated. Your friends don't have to be friends to care about you. They both love you, Mo," Louie said.
"Sure, whatever…"
"How's your arm?" Boyd asked, to change the subject.
"It feels fine, dad. When do I get my cast off?"
"Two more weeks, Bug," Boyd said the nickname instinctively.
"Ugh, it'll barely be off for fall break. And don't call me Bug."
"We're actually trying to avoid any more breaks, Mo," Louie joked weakly. Mo rolled his eyes and grabbed a bottle of juice from the fridge.
"I'll be in my room, doing homework."
"Oh! If you need any help with science I can-"
Mo cut Boyd off, "Your help is a little… Stressful."
"What does that mean?" Boyd mused when Mo had left, the cats chasing after him.
"It means he can't keep up with all of your scientific prowess, or enthusiasm, babe." Louie frowned then and took a seat, "I can't believe Leo and Paige are fighting. That's so hard, I wish there was a way to help…"
"Maybe you should talk to him," Boyd suggested.
"He clearly doesn't want that right now."
"Well, maybe you both need it."
"Is this about Jailbird again? Boyd, let it go. Please."
Boyd thought he heard the house creak, and a door close, but he chalked it up to mounting tensions.
"Sorry, love. Let's just focus on making the rest of the day a positive one for all of us, okay?"
Louie took a deep breath and nodded, "Everything will be fine."